Autumn had decided to go out for a run. Since Aiden had been back, she found herself growing more motivation to do things. She was showering, cleaning the house up, taking care of her body. She was going on jogs every morning to clear her head, and when she had thoughts of harming herself she would tell Aiden immediately. He spent the night almost every night, making sure she wouldn't do anything to herself. She had wonderful support from her boyfriend. And she was finally happy. She had everything she needed right with her. Autumn had even begun to apply for jobs so she could make a bit of money and pay her bills. Aiden was paying them for her at the moment, due to the fact that she had lost electricity the other night.

    Wiping sweat from her brow, she stopped at the end of the street, taking a deep breath to regain her strength. She swayed back and forth looking at the surroundings around her. Beautiful birds flying across the trees. Branches and leaves blowing in the wind, a nice breeze flowing past her. Flowers blooming along bushes and in flower gardens. And of course, Rowan, who was jogging over to her. Why was he everywhere now? Anywhere she went, he seemed to appear since she first met him. Was he purposefully doing that? Whatever it was, she didn't want to see him. She was perfectly happy with Aiden and all he seemed to do was intersect with her relationship.

    She started jogging again, this time going a bit faster and taking a turn down the street. Maybe if she ran fast enough and took a different route, she could avoid him. Turning her music up, she pushed her pace a bit further. Instead of focusing on the pain that running gave her, she focused on the wind and how refreshing it felt on her hot skin. It was a cool breeze that smelt like fall, which was just around the corner, thankfully. Now she could wear long sleeves without anybody questioning her.

    Ever since Aiden had gotten a bit mad, she refused to wear short sleeved clothing. In fact, she took to shoving all her shorts, dresses, and t-shirts in the back of her closet so she would forget about them. Of course, she didn't. But it was a great effort on her part.

    Turning another corner, she abruptly stopped when Rowan almost collided into her.

    "Shit," Rowan stumbled back, pulling his headphones down, "Are you okay?"

    How in the world did he manage to catch up to her? Now that wasn't fair. "Yeah yeah, I'm good," she spoke a bit breathlessly.

    "How are you doing? It's been a bit since we've been able to have a chat."

    "Yeah, sorry about that. I've just been busy. Hanging out with Aiden and all of that."

    "Making up for lost time?"   

    "I'm not quite sure what you mean by that," she bit her lip, nervously swaying back and forth.

    Rowan paused for a moment, clearing his throat, "We need to talk, Autumn."

    "Aren't we talking right now?"

    "Yes but— About something serious."

    "Okay? So talk."

    "Not— Here. Could we take a walk, maybe?" He raised his brows, hoping she would comply.

    Autumn had no desire to talk and walk with Rowan. She simply wanted to finish up her jog and take a nice cold shower. But what was she to do? She couldn't tell him no. She had no reason to. And if she were to make up an excuse, Rowan always seemed to catch it.

    "Yeah, sure," she started walking back toward her house, hoping he wouldn't suggest otherwise.

    "So, about the other day when I saw you."

    "What about it?"

    "I uhm..." He cleared his throat, "I saw some things. On you. That made me a bit worried," his heart was beating rapidly now as he spoke. It was never easy to confront somebody about things like this. Especially when he could be wrong. It was a slim possibility, but a possibility nonetheless.

    Autumn's hands were shaking from nerves now. She knew where this conversation was going and that she needed to stop it immediately, "Aiden isn't abusive."

    Alright, so he could rule that part out. He wasn't the one forcing her to cut herself. Which meant she was the one doing it. "But... He's the reason for uhm... Well, for how you've treated your body, isn't he?" Rowan looked over at Autumn, a frown etched onto his lips.

    Autumn didn't say a single word. She wasn't sure of what to say. Rowan was very intuitive so he could tell if she were to lie. She felt trapped. If she said something to confirm or deny it, Aiden would be in trouble and it would put her relationship on the line. But if she weren't to say anything, that would be a clear indicator that he's right.

    After a few seconds of silence, Autumn stopped walking and looked up at him, "Whatever you think you know, you don't, Rowan. Just stay out of my business. None of this has to do with you."   

    "No, it has to do with you. And I'm concerned, Autumn. He's— He's going to cheat on you again. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Don't trust him."   

    Autumn glared at Rowan. She could feel the anger rising in her chest, her face growing hot, "I said stay out of my business, Rowan. Piss off." Without another word, she jogged off to her house, anger pumping through her veins. She couldn't believe what had just happened. The fact that he had the audacity to do that was ridiculous! Why was he sticking his nose into her life? It was hers after all. She decided what happened to her. She chose her own actions. Not him. God he infuriated her so much!

    She slammed the door shut, rolling her eyes and mumbling to herself. Thankfully, Aiden wasn't home. He told her he had a few errands to run and that he would be back soon. This allowed her some time to cool down before he got home.

Rowan knew. He knew about her scars.
About Aiden cheating and coming back. How the hell did he find out? Did he put the pieces together? Had he gone to the police about it all? Shit, she thought, if he goes to the police then Aiden is going to freak out! Bundling her hands into her hair, she slumped against the door and began to breathe heavily. What was she supposed to do? How was she supposed to fix this? What if she was simply overreacting, and Rowan hadn't gone to the authorities yet? But even then, he still knew. And that was bad news in itself.

    Her breath grew a bit shaky as she slowly stood back up, using the door handle for support. Her face was all sweaty from running, and the nerves that seemed to incase her whole body. She needed to do something to distract herself. Cutting herself came to mind, but it wasn't an option. Aiden would be so upset with her and she didn't want to anger him. So, she decided to take a shower like she had planned to when she got home. She was learning self control. To tell herself no when the urges came. Sometimes it was harder than other times. But not today. The last thing she wanted was to cause a tiff in her relationship.

...

When Aiden came home that night, everything changed. Autumn had been excited for him to come home. Her mood changed from worried to happy and joyful in seconds. In fact, she prepared a whole meal for him. Lasagna and garlic bread with cookies and brownies as a dessert. There was no special occasion for this. She simply wanted to be nice and cook a homemade meal for her boyfriend. She was so gleeful for his return that she couldn't stop beaming with joy. Her cheeks hurt from smiling so much, her crows feet prominent. She jumped up and down after setting up the table perfectly, squealing and clapping her hands. It was just as she wanted it to be, and she knew that as soon as he came home he would be so ecstatic. He would take her in his arms, kiss her, have before dinner sex and after dinner sex. It would be the most magical night ever.

However, when he got home, everything changed. He walked through the front door and Autumn ran over to him, engulfing him in a huge hug, "Yay! You're back! I have a big surprise for you and I think you are—" She paused, sniffing the collar of his shirt. Dread filled her stomach and her body grew weak. Bile filled in her throat, threatening to spill out all over the floor. Her smile disappeared immediately, her eyes sinking in. Her chest felt heavy, and when she spoke, it didn't sound like her anymore. It sounded like the depressed version. The hurt version. The girl who once tried to kill herself.

    "Aiden—"

    "Autumn..." Aiden sighed and rubbed his face with his hands.

    "You— You smell like her. Like Hannah. Did- Did you go see her? Is that what you were doing all day? Were you with her all day?" Her voice dropped with each word she spoke, tears filling her eyes. She swallowed, chocking down the bile while anxiously waiting for his answer. Her ears and heart were pounding. Taunting her. Deep down, she already knew the answer to her questions. Once a cheater, always a cheater, right...?

"I'm sorry, Autumn..."

"How long? How long has this been going on between you two?" She stiffened and backed away from him.

"Since I showed up on your doorstep and begged to have you back..." He cast his gaze toward the ground, mumbling as he spoke.

"Why? Why did you come back to me if all along you just wanted her?" The whole time she talked to him, she kept her cool, not wanting to show him how weak she really was.

"Hannah and I felt bad. We felt horrible, actually, for what we had done to you. But... Hannah and I love each other. We love each other so much, Autumn... So we came up with a compromise. I come back to you for a little while. Help you pick yourself back up. Give you some excuse like I have to move because of a job. Then Hannah and I could be together without a guilty conscious. And our plan was working. It was. I just slipped up tonight and I am so sorry..."

"I made you dinner tonight. Lasagna, and garlic bread. And cookies and brownies. All from scratch. Just for you," she stared off at the wall behind him, her voice emotionless now, "I dedicated everything to you. I did so much for you. I tried to please you in every way possible. I tried to cover myself up so you wouldn't get mad. I did everything your way and made you happy. I dedicated my life to you. I abandoned everything else. For you. And you are here to tell me that all of it was fake? All the love and passion and time you gave me was all for nothing?"

"I'm so sorry Autumn... I truly am... I just— God I love Hannah so much. Shes amazing. Shes wonderful and funny and beautiful. She's my dream girl."

"She's everything I'm not," She mumbled, keeping her gaze locked on the wall.

"Autumn—"

"Go eat your food."

"What?"

"Your food. That I made you. Go eat it. Please."

Aiden hesitated for a moment. Why did she want him to eat it? Had she poisoned it? Done something terrible to it? "No, I think I should get going... Pack my things and leave."

"Please. Stay and eat your dinner first. It's the least you can do," She finally broke contact with the wall, looking up at Aiden. He gazed into her eyes for a moment, finding absolutely nothing. Her gaze was void. He seemed to have officially broken her.

"Okay... I'll got eat.." Aiden walked off to the kitchen, sliding in his chair and eating his food without a word. He didn't say anything about how good it was, or how impressed he was with how much she did for him. He simply sat there and munched away.

As he was eating, Autumn stood in the exact same place the whole time, staring at the wall. She was digging her nails into her hands without realizing it. Her mind went completely blank, her body void of any emotions. She was numb, to the point where she couldn't function. She couldn't move. Couldn't speak or do anything but stand there, her body completely still. She stayed that way when Aiden finished his dinner and put his dishes up. He even did her a favor and cleaned the kitchen, but she didn't notice. She stayed in the same position while he went down the hall and packed all of his things from her room and the bathroom. Even when he left and closed the door without looking back, she stood there.
Autumn stayed in that same position for two hours before her feet gave out on her and she collapsed. She hit her head on the wooden floor with a thud, her eyes shutting closed immediately. She didn't know how long she stayed passed out for, and when she woke up she didn't care. She simply stood up and walked to the kitchen looking around. The lasagna had been picked up, the brownies and cookies in a plastic container for her, as well as the garlic bread. The dishes were put up, the kitchen nice and clean.

She glanced outside to see the sun was up, so it must have been morning. Or maybe in the afternoon. She didn't know and she didn't care. Autumn took a step toward the table, grazing her bloodied fingers across the wood. When she noticed the blood, she pulled the sleeve of her shirt up and revealed nail marks across her wrist, blood staining her skin. She had dug her nails so deep into her wrist that it caused her to bleed.
At the sight of blood, her mind went to one thing. She rushed over to the drawer where she kept her knives. She pulled out a small knife with smooth edges, a sharp tip at the end. Taking the knife, she tested how sharp it would be on her thumb. She sliced the tip of the knife gently across her skin, immediately causing the flesh to tear and bleed. It was the sharpest knife she had. And that's what she wanted.

She pulled her pants off of her body, slumping down on the kitchen floor. She held the knife firmly in her palm, shaking rapidly. It had been so long since she had done this. Last time she did it because she didn't want to feel the pain in her heart. She wanted to feel physical pain. This time? She was doing it simply to feel something.
Autumn took a deep breath, her hand steadying as she placed it across her thigh and began to slice away. She sliced over and over again, each slice clean and harsh. She felt her flesh tear apart, blood seeping from her thighs. She sliced over the cuts that were already opened, going deeper and deeper. Blood covered the knife as she went, parts of her flesh sticking to the blade. Blood dripped down her thigh as she slashed and slashed, over and over again. When she did so, she still felt nothing. No remorse, no guilt, not even hurt from the cuts. It didn't hurt her at all, even though she was cutting deep. She felt absolutely nothing, which only made her actions more repetitive. She kept going until she got bored of the action, throwing the knife to the ground. She allowed her leg to bleed, watching it drip down her leg. Feeling the sticky substance coat her skin.

When she moved, her shirt smeared the blood around, causing the stick to become more apparent. She grabbed her pants from the floor and walked to the bathroom. She grabbed some toilet paper, wiped the blood off from her leg, and grabbed a bandage from the cabinet. She placed the bandage on her leg, put her pants back on, and that was that. She left the knife on the ground and walked straight to her bed, not bothering to change out of the blood stained shirt. And so, it began once more. The depression settled in, the life altering numbness washed over her body. She was right back to where she was before Aiden had come to rescue her.