Days had passed since she last cut herself. Autumn had begun to have no energy to take a blade to her body. Perhaps it was her subconscious telling her it was wrong, or maybe  Autumn was so far gone that she would rot in her bed till she died. She was perfectly fine with that. Staying in bed, doing nothing, seeing no one. If I don't see anybody, they can't hurt me anymore.

Alas, her wishes would not be granted. That very same day, a knock was heard at her door. At first, Autumn was so oblivious to the world that she didn't hear it. But then the knock grew louder, more persistent. This startled her right out of her trance. Narrowing her eyes, she glanced down the hall, her heart rate picking up. Who is here? Who could possibly want to visit me? I don't have anybody anymore. Unless... Hannah.

She shot straight out of bed and walked over to her vanity, clutching the sides. Autumn hadn't eaten anything in days. She felt weak and unstable. Sinking into her chair, she squeezed her eyes shut to rid herself of the nauseating feeling. Once fully recovered, Autumn brushed her oily, tangly hair and quickly pulled it into a slick back bun. If it was Hannah, she wanted herself to seem put together. After all, it had been months since she last saw her back-stabbing ex-best friend.

Dabbing some foundation on to hide the scar on her face made her eyes tear up. Why was she doing this? Why should she cover it up? Hannah deserved to see what she had done. How she had tormented Autumn. And yet, she suddenly felt self conscious of how the scar on her face looked. I must appear healthy, she thought as she finished applying the makeup. Taking a deep breath to sustain herself, she  quickly grabbed a long sleeved shirt that hung in her closet for weeks, waiting to be worn. Slipping on a pair of jeans, she rushed to her door and paused for a second. Autumn hadn't talked to anybody since the whole fiasco happened. She hadn't even made herself look decent since that last encounter. What am I doing? what if it's somebody else waiting to slither into my heart and crush me?

      The person at the door knocked once again as Autumn slowly placed her hand on the doorknob. Taking two deep breaths, she opened the door and cast her eyes on the person in front of her. Her heart felt like it was going to pump right out of her chest. But not because it was Hannah, or Aiden. But a complete stranger, standing in her doorway, smiling down at her.

"Hi," he spoke, his voice a gentle song, "It's nice to see you alive."

She tried to speak, but no words came out as if she had forgotten how to. Her body felt weak and she was afraid she would collapse to the ground.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh," she cleared her throat, casting her eyes down to the floor, "Yeah, I'm fine. Uhm. Do I... Do I know you?"

"Well I would have hoped you knew me by now, but no."

"Who are you?" Mustering up enough courage, she looked up into his shiny blue eyes.

"I'm Rowan, your next door neighbor. I've been living across from you since you moved. I had been hoping to come over and introduce myself but you seemed to always be gone, or have company over already."

"Oh."

"I noticed you hadn't left the house in awhile. I was beginning to worry you had moved or something."

Worried? Why would he be worried? He doesn't know me.

"Well, it was nice of you to come check up on me," she gave a curt nod, refusing to make eye contact.

"You are okay right?" He kept his distance from her to make sure she was comfortable. His  hands stayed resting at his sides, a gentle look to his face. He knew something was going on with her. He had heard her screaming and smashing things one day while he was on a walk. He thought about checking up on her to make sure she was safe. He walked up to the front porch and was about to knock when he  saw through a crack in her front door that she had been alright. It appeared to be a moment of rage, so he carried on his way.

Autumn stared at Rowan, her brows furrowed. He had come over to her house, simply to check up on her. Why would somebody do that for her? Nobody cared. She was a nobody. Why would one simple guy be worried about her?

"I'm fine."

"Well in that case," he smiled," Would you like to go out to lunch with me sometime? I would like to get to know you better."

"I'm sorry what?" The words ran straight through her mouth before she could realize what she had just said. Oh shit.

"Oh, don't worry," he chuckled lightly, "It's just lunch. As casual neighbors. Nothing more."

"Oh. Well, uhm. I don't really uhm..." She began to fumble on her words, her eyes looking down at his shoes, "I don't have much money, really."

"That's not a problem. I can pay, no big deal. We can go wherever you want to go. Something tells me you need to get out of the house more."

"Making assumptions about me, huh? No thanks. I'm good." She started closing her door when he placed a gentle hand on the door frame, "Wait."

"Sorry but I'm good. I'm busy that day."

"I never gave you a day," he smiled softly.

"Oh. Right. Well. I'm pretty busy for the next couple of weeks or something, so."

Rowan stared at her for a moment, his eyes sparkling. His fluffy, light brown hair swayed with the wind and Autumn couldn't help but stare at it for a moment. He followed her eyes, gently removing his hand from the door frame. Anything he did seemed to be deliberately soft, as if he knew her checkered past with people. As if he knew she were damaged goods.

He finally broke the silence and stepped back from the house, "Tomorrow at 10:00. I'll pick you up for coffee, how's that? You seem like a coffee kind of girl."

She was indeed a coffee girl. "Yeah, we will see," she closed the door quickly, wanting the conversation to be over with. Autumn had finally talked to somebody after months of silence. She stared at the door, leaned her forehead against it, and allowed the tears to flow down her cheeks.

It wasn't the fact that she had an awful experience talking to him. It was the exact opposite. She felt light and airy in his presence. As if all her issues had just floated away and dissolved into thin air. When he had left, the weight formed and slammed itself right back into her body. Autumn didn't feel at peace anymore. She didn't feel relief. She felt dread and anxiety. She had talked to a stranger. And he made her feel good. Autumn hated that. She despised everything about that encounter. She didn't want anybody to make her feel any different. She could not allow her heart to open back up. She could not allow herself to trust anybody ever again. Not to mention she was going out in public, where she might see  Hannah and Aiden.

An overwhelming sensation filled her body as she collapsed to the floor and whispered, "What am I doing?"

                                 ...

That night, Autumn took a shower. She washed her body five times, and her hair six times. It was the first time she had showered in months. If she were to go out with Rowan, she needed to be clean. The least she could do was look decent. And in all honesty, the shower felt refreshing to her. She desperately needed it in ways she never thought possible. Her body was stained with blood from all the self harm she inflicted on herself. Blood was caked inside her fingernails as well as a bunch of grim and dirt. All she could smell was the blood. She never cared to clean up after herself once she cut. Autumn would leave the knife on her bedroom desk full of the sticky red substance. She would leave her cuts out in the open, not even bothering to clean them. Her sheets were covered in filth at this point.

Stepping out of the shower, finally, she started doing some hair care treatments to recover from the months of being unwashed and tangled. It felt refreshing to do so. Autumn wasn't sure what exactly gave her the motivation to help herself either. It couldn't have been Rowan. She was absolutely terrified to see him for coffee. She was dreading the whole thing. So much so that her anxiety that she didn't even know she had began to spark in her stomach and chest. Her breathing was heavy, her stomach in a million different knots. And not the wonderful kind of knots. No... These were the " she's meeting somebody and she's going to get stabbed in the back," kind of knots.

"What the hell am I doing," she asked herself again, staring at her reflection in the mirror. She examined her scars across her naked body, tears brimming to her eyes. If Aiden and Hannah could destroy her, Rowan could kill her. And she was not prepared for that.

                                      ...

Rummaging through her closet, Autumn grabbed a pair of black jeans, a laced tank top, and a gray-purple long sleeved shirt to wear over her tank top. She wanted to cover her scars up as much as possible. Until now, she hadn't been insecure about them. She left them out in the open, hoping that those who hurt her would feel guilty for what they did to her.But now? She wanted to hide them. To conceal them. Nobody needed to know what happened to her.

She sat at her vanity, looking at her eye bags. She looked dead. Like a zombie. To cover this up, she put some concealer on her face, adding a bit of blush and mascara. She left her hair down, allowing it to cover the scars along the back of her neck and the sides. Staring at the cuts, she thought back to the moment she got them.

She had finally gotten a new phone after months of not having one. She shattered her original phone due to seeing Aiden and Hannah all over social media. As soon as she got her new device, she downloaded Instagram and stalked her old friend group. Picture after picture she saw Hannah and Aiden happily together, goofy grins spread across their faces. He had never looked at Autumn like that. With pure joy and light in his eyes.

Seeing those pictures instantly triggered her to take a pocket knife and slice the back of her neck. She was running out of areas to cut herself. She needed a new place, so she used her bathroom mirror and her phone's camera to help guide her. Some might think this was excessive. But to her, it gave her relief, and no matter what people thought of her actions, she was glad for the pain to disappear, if only just for a moment.

Autumn was  snapped out of her thoughts when she received  a knock at her door. Shit. That has to be him. Anxiety creeped back up into her body. Her hands started shaking violently. Dizziness washed over her like a wave crashing into a surfer. Clutching her desk, she closed her eyes and attempted to take deep, slow breaths. They only came out shallow and shaky.

Another knock pounded against her ears, snapping her away from her anxious  trance. Autumn stood up, slowly walked out her door, and hesitated. She did this the last time Rowan showed up. Opening the door was a simple task, but one she had to talk herself into. And she wasn't doing a very good job at it.

Just open the door, Autumn. Just open the door. Get this over with.

The door knob turned. The wood crept open. She was  standing in front of Rowan, a gentle grin on his face.

"Ready to go get some coffee?"

She stared at him for a moment, not quite sure what to say to him. Yes? No? What does she tell him? That she's absolutely terrified to get hurt again?

"Yes," she managed to croak out, "I'm ready."

"Wonderful. I thought we could just walk there. It's not too far away," he smiled at her, gesturing for her to start walking.

Locking the door from the inside, she reluctantly stepped outside of her safe space and closed the door behind her. Taking a breath of fresh air, she shakily walked off her steps, Rowan following beside her.

He lead the way to the coffee shop, making small talk, "Doesn't it feel amazing to get out of the house?"

"Yeah, I guess," she crossed her arms, biting her lip.

"The sun feels amazing on my skin. The breeze is like a breath of fresh air. When was the last time you got out?"

"Uhm. I'm not really sure, to be honest. Last time I went to the grocery store. Which was a while ago," She mumbled the last part, hoping he wouldn't hear. She didn't see the need for him to know that she had lost her appetite. It was none of his business, anyway.

He walked her into the sweet little coffee shop, the scent of coffee beans filling her nostrils. It was a cute and calming place. The walls were painted a sage green, beautiful vines and hanging plants spaced out along the room. The seats were separated from each other for personal space, some of them bean bags, others booths.

"Wow," she took in the setting and chuckled to herself, " I can't believe I've never been here before."

"You haven't?" Rowan's eyes grow wide, "Oh my god you're missing out. They've got the best coffee! What would you like?"

"Something hot," she wanted to have a hot drink so she could pretend to drink it without him noticing she wasn't actually consuming it, "Surprise me. Anything but white chocolate though."

"Not a white chocolate fan, huh? Alright, pick a seat and I'll surprise you."

"Cool," she wrapped her hand around the back of her neck, looking around for a spot to sit. Awkwardly, she approached the bean bags and plopped down in one, looking around nervously. What if Aiden and Hannah were to come into the coffee shop? What if Rowan pried too much into her life? What if she got hurt again? Anxiety bled through to her heart. She could feel it obnoxiously pounding out of her chest. Her eyes darted back and forth, hoping no one would notice her heart beating so rapidly.

She briskly jumped from the motion of  Rowan sitting down in the bean bag across from her, handing her the coffee, "Here you are."

"Thanks," she took the coffee, keeping it in her hands to warm them up. She held on tight to the mug, trying to conceal her shaky hands.

"So, miss Autumn, tell me a little something about yourself," he sipped his coffee and smiled gently at her.

"There's... Really not much to me," she shrugged a bit and looked at her coffee.

"Okay, then let's start small. How old are you?"

She bit her lip, trying to remember how old she was exactly.

"It's really not that hard of a question, you know."

"No I know... I'm 25. And you?"

"26."

She nodded a bit, pretending to sip her coffee for a distraction. She was looking at everything but him.

Rowan was watching her for a moment, biting his lip. He could tell that something had happened to her, but he wasn't quite sure what. Maybe a hard breakup, or a death in the family that was really tragic. Whatever it was, he wanted to help her, and he was here to do just that.

"Look, Autumn," he placed his coffee on the table beside him, leaning forward with his voice soft, "Something happened to you. I don't know what it was, but it must have been something absolutely terrible. I'm not asking you to tell me what exactly,  you can tell me that on your own time. But I do want to let you know that even if I hardly know you, I am still here for you. I will be here for you whenever you need me. Seeing people hurt pains me. Nobody deserves to be hurt or in pain. Nobody. Whenever you're ready, you can talk to me. I'm here for you in any way you need."

"Why would you say that? You hardly know me," she glared at him, casting her gaze away.

"I don't have to know you, Autumn," he shook his head, "That's the thing about love and kindness. You don't have to know the person to spread it."

She stared into his eyes, her brows furrowed, "That's... Really hard to believe."

"That's okay. You don't have to believe me. My offer will always stand," he smiled gently at her, standing up. He grabbed a napkin, using a pen in his pocket to write down something. Handing her the napkin, he grabbed his cup, "Call me, text me, if you need anything."

She looked down at the napkin, his number written down in the most perfect handwriting. When she looked back up, he was gone, leaving her to her thoughts.

Why would he do that? Why would he give me his number? What does he want from me? He's only going to hurt me further. As if on cue, the scars along her body started throbbing, reminding her of all she had gone through. She couldn't endure that again. Crinkling up the napkin, she tossed both her coffee and the paper in the trash.