(Ryan's Point of View for this chapter only)

"Like wedding... vows?" I asked, trying to keep my voice steady. It hurt me to see that he started crying. I couldn't comfort him though. I was still in shock. I looked back down at the paper and reread the words.

Whether near or far
I am always yours
Any change in time
We are young againLay us down
We're in love
In these coming years
Many things will change
But the way I feel
Will remain the same

Lay us down
We're in love

I kept reading it over and over again, hoping that the meaning would change. But it didn't. It was clear what they meant, how Brendon felt, what he wanted to use them for.

Was he already thinking about marriage? Yeah we lived together, but we've only been dating for four months. Nervousness formed in my gut. My heart started racing.

I'm not the marrying type. Does he not know that? One of the things I loved most about him was how he lived in the moment and didn't focus too much on the future. Now?

First he was talking about having kids, now getting married. I kept my breathing slow to prevent a panic attack. I never did well in relationships and after seeing how badly marriage can get, I never wanted to put myself in that position.

I looked back to Brendon and saw how bad his body was shaking. He hadn't moved since I got off him. It was like he was waiting for my reaction. When I climbed off the bed, I heard a small, pained noise come from him. 

I watched him turn to his side and curl into a ball without opening his eyes. I kicked my shoes off and pulled down my pants before climbing back into bed behind him. I pulled the covers over us and wrapped my arms around his trembling body.

"I'm sorry," he let out in a whimper. I kissed the back of his head and just soaked up the feeling of him in my arms. Neither of us said a word the rest of the night. We just laid in bed, clinging to each other.

I loved how being with Brendon was enough to clear my mind and take the time to breathe. It was relaxing to have an escape from the stress of everything. Now, that changed.

His words kept circling in my head long after he stopped shaking and feel asleep. Brendon obviously had an idea what he wanted in the future and it pained me to think that I couldn't be the one to actually give it to him.