I was laying on my stomach across the bed when I felt Ryan's weight slowly press on my back. I groaned dramatically.

"Whatcha doin'?" He asked playfully.

"Being crushed." He laughed and rolled to the spot beside me.

"Alright drama queen, what are you really doing?" He looked over scattered papers in front of me. Many were crumbled into balls and other were covered in scribbled ink.

"Homework."

"For what?"

"Music composition. I need to write a song." I buried my face into the pillow.

"That explains all the paper," he chuckled as he picked up a page.

"Why does this have an X through it?" I lifted my head and saw him holding a paper titled Folkin' Around. I rolled my eyes and let my face fall back down.

"Too short," I muffled against the pillow.

"I have friends in holy spaces," he read another title in amusement. I sat up and started gathering the pages before he could look at anymore of my songs.

"Okay, that's enough reading for you."

"No, no. I won't make fun of your songs. I promise," he laughed as tried grabbing more papers. He reached for a paper before I was able to get it. I tackled him to the bed and tried getting it back.

"Ryan, give it to me," I giggled as he worked to keep it out of my reach. He rolled us over and pinned me down under him.

"Are you embarrassed to share your songs or something?" He asked teasingly. I jerked my body up, trying to buck him off of me. He kept his body grounded. I wasn't going anywhere.

"No," I mumbled in defeat. He cautiously pulled the paper in front of him, making sure I couldn't get it.

"The end of all things," he read the title in a deep narrative voice. My eyes grew wide and I started thrashing to get him off.

"Ryan, give me that," I said hastily. 

"Why? It's just a song." He gave me a goofy smile, but I felt my heart start to pound against my chest.

"Please, just give it to me," I tried keeping the panic out of my voice, which I assumed worked because he assumed I was still joking.

I watched his eyes move over the lines and his head tilt to the side in confusion. I started squirming, more to escape than trying to get the paper away from him now.

"This one doesn't have music like the others." Please don't ask. Please don't ask. He looked down at me. "What is this, Bren?"

"Nothing," I shook my head furiously. He furrowed his brows unconvinced.

"You wouldn't be acting this way if it was nothing. You really didn't want me to see this. Why?" He suddenly felt heavier on me. It felt like my heart was going to burst from the anxiety building in me. I turned away from him as I tried getting free again.

"Brendon." His calming voice only made me panic more. "Brendon," he repeated and I could feel tears stinging my eyes. I couldn't tell him. He'll think I'm some weirdo. I'll lose him for sure.

"Please," I let out softly, not sure what I was begging for. For him to get off me? To give me back the paper? To pretend that none of this happened?

"Brendon, you can tell me." I shook my head and shut my eyes tight. Maybe if I wish hard enough, this will all go away. "Brendon." I could hear the concern in his voice, but I couldn't say it. "Please, baby. Nothing you can say will make me stop loving you."

I bit my lip. Could I trust that? He doesn't know what he's saying. What if he figured it out and just wanted me to say it to confirm it? What if he's okay with it? The idea made my heart flutter, but I needed to kill the butterflies because I know Ryan. This will freak him out.

"Brendon."

"Vow..," I whispered, not being able to stop it from coming out. My heart stopped when I felt him tense above me.

"Vows?" He questioned. "Like.. like wedding.. vows?" I stayed motionless, but being able to look at his reaction. I felt tears stream down my face when I felt him climb off of me.

No, no. Please, don't go. Don't hate me.

---

A/N:

Half way done with this story. This is the longest chapter. It'll be the same inconsistent lengths, but not any longer. Feel free to comment, tell me what you think so far!