Sadness

                       ~~~~~~~~

Honestly, you couldn't remember the last time you'd been genuinely happy.

It must have been long ago if you couldn't remember.

You'd just felt like absolutely nobody cared, that you just... didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. If you thought too much on it, it brought you to tears.

You thought that running into the Paladins would change some things up for you; maybe they'd make things better.

In reality, it only made things worse. You just hadn't realized until now.

The boys were out risking their lives to save the galaxy and Allura was their guide.
Each day you saw them work their asses off to better themselves so they'd be prepared for the future.

You were just...

There...

To be perfectly honest the only reason you thought they took you in was because you held some information that was valuable to the Galra, and that was months ago.

What were you even there for anymore?

Where the hell would you go if and when they kicked you out?

You sure as hell didn't want to deal with your family; like hell they'd want anything to do with you. They never did.

Each one of these thoughts brought on the incredible urge to cry, and each time you took a breath, your chest throbbed in pain.

"Hey, (Y/N), are you okay?"

You'd been so buried in your thoughts that you had completely forgotten you were sitting at the table with the Voltron team.

"Yeah, you've been zoned out like, the entire time. Is everything alright?"
Pidge had asked, a look of slight concern covering their face. Instantly you hid your pain with a smile, it was the only thing you knew how to do.

"Oh, completely! Just lost in my train of thought, I guess."

The others seemed to dismiss the situation very quickly, and you let your smile fade, looking back down in your lap. Though it looked like the team had completely dismissed the encounter, a certain black Paladin hadn't completely lost focus.

He hasn't known you for long, but he noticed how you'd abruptly leave from time to time with no explanation, or just stare of into -literal- space with this... Sad look on your face. There was one instance where he even walked in on you crying in the middle of the night, sitting on the ground in front of a window.

~~~~~~~

It had been one of those nights again.

Your brain had wandered the most heart breaking of topics and you honestly couldn't take it. You felt like your bedroom walls were closing in on you, and you were getting hot and sweaty for what seemed like no reason.
Your body shook with each painfully muffled cry of sadness, and that was when you decided you had to leave the room.
You couldn't breathe, nor could you see straight with how much you were crying. Your chest absolutely pounded with pain, but it felt good at the same time. You'd been keeping it in for so long, it was nice to finally let loose of all the pain you were hiding.

Maybe Shiro was getting a drink, or something of the sort, but either way he ended up seeing you curled up in a ball on the floor in front of one of the windows. Instant worry kicked in and he hurriedly made his way over to you, kneeling down in front of you and speaking softly, as to not startle you and ease you into his words.

"Hey. Hey, (Y/N) look at me. What's wrong? Did something happen?"
You don't know what compelled you to lie to him. Maybe the fear of him thinking even less of you than he probably already did? You'd probably never know, but you couldn't stop the words that flew out of your mouth.

"I-I just... just miss h-home."
Now it wasn't exactly a lie; to an extent you did miss your home, but it definitely wasn't the reason for your tears.

Shiro seemed to buy it though.

He sat there with you for what seemed like hours, hugging you and assuring you that you'd all make it back to your home planets.

For a moment, it felt like someone actually cared.

Eventually, you had calmed down enough to go back to your room, but no matter what you suggested, Shiro insisted on walking you back to your temporary room and making sure you were 100% okay.

"Shiro I'm okay now, you don't need to walk me back." You'd mumbled, trying to wipe any evidence of your tears from your face with the back of your hand. Boy, Shiro was not having it.

"I'm worried about you (Y/N), it'll make me feel a bit better knowing you're okay."
Oh, how you wanted to laugh in his face. You weren't okay by any means, but you just couldn't bring yourself to tell him.
You were afraid.

"Okay, okay. But just this once.."

~~~~~~~

Only now was he starting to suspect that your tears could've been about something more, and he felt like an absolute idiot for not thinking on this side of things sooner.

And yet, he didn't bring it up.

Maybe he thought it would scare you, or make you cry again, but for whatever reason he had, he didn't bring it up when it was just the two of you on odd occasions.
You'd be helping him clean up after a meal and he'd stay silent, and so would you.
Or maybe you'd both be in the lounge area for whatever reason and he'd avoid your gaze.

To him it was justified, but to you.

God, to you he was acting like you were absolutely invisible.

He refused to make eye contact and speak to you, and he'd leave the room as soon as he could and you couldn't figure out why.
"It's probably because he hates me," you thought to yourself.
"Or better yet, he wants to send me off but doesn't know how to say it..
who the hell am I kidding it's probably both."
You stared at the floor, tears welling in your eyes as your thoughts dragged you down but by bit. The thought of another person hating you and sending you away- especially Shiro -it hurt you, badly.
Okay yes, maybe you felt attraction towards the leader, but that definitely wasn't the most prominent thing on your mind. How can he like you if he's avoiding you anyways?

And just as your luck would have it, as soon as you started crying, all the Paladins walked into the main lounge from the training deck.
They all froze when they saw you in tears, but finally snapped out of it and started calling for you as you ran off. You completely ignored them all and ran God knows where until you came across a familiar hallway, the one that held your room.
You were so close.

And then someone grabbed your arm.

You screamed as whoever it was pulled you across the hallway and away from your room, trying to pull yourself free and run, but to no avail.
"(Y/N), (Y- hey! (Y/N) stop it you're gonna hurt yourself!"

"Let go of me, Shiro!!" You shrieked, trying to pry his hand off of your arm, but his grip was dead and set.
He was not going anywhere.
You continued to struggle, cry and pull at his hand in vain attempt to let you go, but as I said, they were in vain.

"No I'm not, (Y/N) look- look at me."
He grabbed your shoulder and turned your body so you'd have to face him, but you kept your head down.
"(Y/N) look I'm sor- look at me I'm sorry."
He forced you to look up at him by lifting your head and pushed your hair from your forehead to get your hair out of your eyes.
"I'm sorry, okay I-I noticed something was wrong but I didn't say anything and I feel like such a damn idiot for not saying anything and I'm so-... so sorry. I never should've done that and left you on your own."

You couldn't take it anymore.
You completely fell into him, shaking and crying and barely standing. He tightly wrapped his arms around you and held you up and close to his chest, running a hand through your hair all in efforts to calm you down.
You clung onto Shiro for dear life, because you felt like you were going to drop dead if you let go.
"You're gonna be okay (Y/N), I promise you. I'm not gonna stop fighting until you're okay."

And years later, he still hasn't.