A roller coaster of emotions.

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Annoying. God damn that Eren Jaeger was annoying as hell. He was an impulsive and reckless bastard who seemed to get off on being a somewhat important necessity for humanities survival.

Your friend Jean hated him too, maybe that was a small reason why you also hated Eren. Jean and Eren had gotten into a lot of arguments since you first became one of the 104th trainee squad, they were quite amusing and you like to think of it as a form of entertainment.

You met Jean a few days after joining the 104th trainee squad. Eren had been ranting on and on about being the saviour of humanity and killing hundreds of Titans. Honestly, at first it was a bit reassuring. It felt good to be with a large group of people who aspired to do the same things as you.
But then it kept going, butchering the titans and becoming a hero along with his best friend and also his adoptive sister; Armin Arlert and Mikasa Ackerman.

He got really annoying and you weren't sure why because it was sort of random but he was so determined to master his vertical manoeuvring equipment which was obviously busted by the looks of it. At first they looked just fine but everyone got their own and Eren's was broken, "Maybe you aren't cut out for the Survey Corps, poor Eren."

Jean, from beside you, turned to you and then to Eren to watch for his reaction as a grin grew on his own face. You were smiling too, having it grow when you noticed beads of sweat on Eren's face when his eyes searched for the perpetrator. His eyes hardened when they found the source of the voice and you noticed that it only made him even more determined.

He ignored you, which was expected since he most likely thought you weren't worth his time and breath. You had already completed the activity and you stuck around to watch Eren, laughing loudly and obnoxiously when he lost balanced and fell upside down.

Hate. You continued those pathetic remarks for a while, a couple of months at most until you just grew to hate him. He was so annoying, throwing out pathetic promises that were obviously lies whilst trying to reassure others who were scared about going along the three available paths; the Survey Corps, the Garrison or the Military Police.

You, along with everyone else were situated in the mess hall for dinner. The meals were gross and half warm but you had to eat what you were given, given the circumstances. You were quiet, no conversation was provoking your interest and so Jean was also unusually quiet. He was probably doing what you had unconsciously chosen to do, eavesdrop on Eren and Armin.

"Do you think you'll even be capable enough to join the Special Operations Unit?" Came the soft voice of Armin. You heard Eren gobbling his food down, until he swallowed loudly and answered, not caring for the volume of his voice around others, "Of course, I can join and then I'm gonna' murder all those disgusting titans."

You couldn't help but scoff, almost managing to choke on your porridge-like meal. This earned some peoples attention, like Connie and Sasha but they only giggled when they thought you choked, Jean laughed too when he realised you heard the same as him and Eren only growled while Mikasa's eyes squinted in annoyance.

You heard footsteps coming towards you, a shadow then looming over you. "Do you have a problem?" You heard that swine's voice.
You sighed, almost face-palming yourself before turning upwards to see Jean had also stood up, chest-to-chest with Eren who stared with hard eyes and a clenched jaw.

"No problem here, hero. Just laughing at your silly, little lies." You answered sarcastically with a smirk. His blue, no green... Whatever eyes widened for a fraction of a second before hardening again. He opened his mouth to retort something, probably in the category of heroic and you sighed again, loudly.

He stopped and Jean grinned at your attitude that screamed 'done.' Now this made Eren pissed. His nostrils flared and in your peripheral vision, his fists were clenched. You noticed Mikasa stand cautiously, to defend her brother. But you only walked away with extra sass.

Neutral. The boy was annoying. Eren was not your friend, he was a stranger who had first-hand experience with the titans from the attack in Shiganshina and he had enough determination to fuel just about every individual of the trainee squad.

Jean would continue your teasing and rude remarks for you towards the brunette. You didn't see the point anymore, graduation day was coming and you were growing afraid. You shouldn't and you wouldn't admit it either but your brain would not stop creating horrific scenarios about the deaths of others and yourself in the squad. More than half of the trainee squad would be dead probably a few years after graduation and you didn't want to hold any unnecessary grudges with people.

You craved the feeling of love and that sort of warmth since it has been absence for your whole life, you knew it was highly unlikely that you would get to experience it but it would've been nice. Jean was like a brother, at least he gave you that and now you didn't know if you truly wanted to join the survey corps. The military police were stupid and incompetent, rude and selfish but joining them would also guarantee a life even if you weren't really 'living.'

You had gotten to notice Eren more, he was like you. He was scared but he was fearless at the same time. He had a purpose, he had a reason for joining the trainee squad and a reason for wanting to slay the titans. He was admirable, he had great leadership qualities. He thought impulsively and acted without a though of the consequences, having to rely on Armin for that.

That was what you noticed after sitting outside, back against a tree as you stared. You only stared and your eyes, no matter how much you hated to admit, were consistently trained on the boy; Eren Jaeger.

Like. God dammit. How could this happen. This couldn't happen, you had to distant yourself at all costs. It had happened, it happened and you wanted to punch yourself in the face. Eren, that gross but delicio- nope, that idiot had done something. It was nice, it was something that seemed rare. It felt foreign, after all it had never happened to you before. He was nice to you, he cared- or at least you thought so.

He.. Was worried about you. It felt odd but it was nice while it lasted. You felt stupid, like a stupid little girl with a little girl crush. You remembered it all and now you hated not being near the boy, you wanted to be with him. You felt safer and graduation day was a mere few months away.

Half of the squad had to go to an isolated forest to train manoeuvring techniques and blade skills. The other half had to practise combat skills in headquarters. You were apart of the squad who left headquarters, along with Jean, Sasha, Connie, Eren, Armin, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertolt, Annie, Marco and Krista and a lot of other people you weren't particularly familiar with.

The trees were incredibly tall, taller than the highest titans according to Shadis. They had loads of branches which pointed out to every direction. And without another word, Shadis sent the squad running, manoeuvring and flying through the trees with huge, fake titans for you to practice on.

It went on for hours, you sliced the necks of at least 15 titans so others could also participate. You watched as soldiers flew past you as you stood on a wide tree branch, they kept going without a word as if freedom was on the other side of the trees. You weren't as enthusiastic with your realistic thoughts though, you only stood by to regain your breath.

You breathed in the clean air, feeling your shoulders slump when you lifted you head to look straight up to the leaves that lit up as the sun rays cut through them. You watched them sway in the light, observing the veins in the thin, green leaves.

You looked beyond them to see birds flying the same way the soldiers had gone. You watched them with envy building in you, wishing you had the same freedom as them and hating how oblivious they seemed to be about the titans and their destruction.

Your head slowly lowered to follow the birds flying away in front of you, they flew beyond some clouds as they were now unable to be seen and it was then that you noticed no one was near you.

Silence, it was completely quiet and absent of any sign of human life. You panicked, jumping onto another branch to look beyond the wood to try and find another person of the same uniform as you. You looked up into the branches, hoping to find Jean playing a prank on you. You looked down so maybe you could catch people walking through but there was no one.

You were alone, you had grown accustomed to company and others surrounding you. You couldn't deal with being alone, you weren't as dependent as you thought. You felt your hands shaking, your legs spasming and your lips quivering as tears clouded your vision. Then, all to your luck, the ground shook. In rhythm with footsteps, the sound got closer and closer almost causing you to lose balance until you hastily reached to your right to grab the tree.

A titan, one was here. Hell, maybe even a whole group of them were and you guessed that was why the others were evacuating. Without a thought you jumped, allowing your wires to pierce into a neighbouring tree and drag you along, lowering your head to adjust to a faster pace to evacuate. Eren. You couldn't show weakness to him, anyone but him. You moved your shoulder up to wipe the tears off of your face and continued on as the steps got closer and almost shat your pants from excitement and relief at the new voice, "(Y/N)!"

It was slightly distant but you were going in the right direction. Jean had come to your rescue. He had realised you were missing and came back,"(Y/N)!"
Wait, that wasn't Jean.. That.. That was Eren. Eren had come for you, out of all people, he came back? Especially when he surely knew a titan had made it's appearance. But he still came back.

Love. You wanted to believe you were being dramatic or maybe a damsel in distress who was obsessing over her saviour, but you had it bad.
You had developed a crush on Eren and being left alone in those cursed trees made you realise how much you wanted him with you. You wanted to be with him, maybe laugh with him- as weird as it sounded. You wanted to experience new things with him and even do little things that others would find insignificant like sharing a meal with him, even if the food was disgusting.

You had grown dependent on him and looked towards him for inspiration even if they were lies. You hated yourself for what you had said to him, those rude statements that used to bring you joy when you noticed how upset he got.
How much you regretted it now, how much you regretted knowing him enough to annoy him and then hate him. Regretting how much you didn't appreciate his wise words and promises of the eradication of titans and how much you regretted falling for him because now the inevitable had happened,

"Er-E.. Eren." You choked, the metallic liquid gushing from your now pale lips as the boy stared down at you with ushered tears in his bright, turquoise eyes. You wished you had more time to appreciate them and more time to tell him how much you really loved being looked at with those huge orbs. They were fit for a hero, just like the boy who had them.

"N-no, hey.. I-it's okay. I-" He halted at your cough, more red blood spilling from your throat as he continued to place his body weight on the wound in your stomach. Pain, that was all you could feel but your body was so numb that it wasn't even present anymore.

The titan made a surprise appearance, making sure to swat you like a fly as it grinned like the murderous bastard it was. You flew through the air with a busted 3DMG as you landed straight into a tree, a broken and dull branch ripping through your flesh to dig a hole into your abdomen.

Eren flew straight in, cutting the titan whilst distracted and you almost cheered in glee for his first kill when it seemed as if he was a natural born soldier. He found you, screaming immediately at you in agony and cursing at himself for being too late. It was too late now though, the oxygen was leaving your body. You could feel it, you felt lighter as it exited your lower body, your arms and your chest.

Eren noticed too, his eyes widened as his tears littered your cheeks, dripping to mix with the blood. You hated that this would be the last time he saw you, dirty and bloody whilst gasping to catch your last breath just so you could desperately utter your last four words,

"I always loved you."

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5K. FIVE K. FIVE THOUSAND. omg im so happy, i love this so much thank you so much for reading, voting and commenting it makes me so happy. This is actually my only legit hobby and my escape so it means so much to me. I love writing and i hope you guys like my writing too!!!! Im so excited, i actually got 5 thousand reads. Love you guys so much:)
I NEED MORE AOT
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