Gasoline - Halsey
_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

"Are you insane like me? Been in pain like me?
Bought a hundred dollar bottle of champagne like me?
Just to pour that motherfucker down the drain like me?
Would you use your water bill to dry the stain like me?"

There was a time when you weren't so.. emotionless. Robotic even. It started when Wall Maria was destroyed, joining the Survey Corps was the only path for you to take to get back at those monstrous titans. Those monsters that were the scum of the Earth but at the top of the food chain at the same time.

They had destroyed your home, stepped on or ate your family like the savages that they were. Your twin sister stupidly became collateral damage when your original plan was to divert the titans attention to you. They chased after you and with your excessive skills in parkour and hand-to-hand combat, you out ran them until a scream was heard. Step on like she was a bug. Your sister and best friend, all the while your parents attempted to pathetically save her, getting eaten as well.

You cried. Of course you would, you were human after all but these beasts didn't give you enough time to mourn because you had to avenge them. Kill or be killed.
Hence, five years later you had met Eren Yaeger, Mikasa Ackerman, Armin Arlert, Jean Kirstein, Annie Leonhart, Sasha Blouse and Connie Springer. All in the 104th Trainee Squad but you didn't get attached and avoided any type of contact though you seemed to be everywhere, wherever they went.

You were strong, agile and smart always thinking ahead of others, people found it admiring and sometimes they even thought of squad leader Levi Ackerman when they saw you. How alike the two of you were and how you could become a beacon of hope for the soldiers.

"Are you high enough without the Mary Jane like me?
Do you tear yourself apart to entertain like me?
Do the people whisper 'bout you on the train like me?
Saying that you shouldn't waste your pretty face like me?"

After Eren Yeager had gone to court, got beaten up by the Corporal and then taken into his squad, the short and stoic man also chose to have you accompany him on his squad with Petra Ral, Eld Jinn, Gunther Schultz and Oluo Bozado. You weren't surprised and did as you were told which also managed to intrigue the man in charge of the Special Operations Squad without having to even try.

The Elite soldiers that surrounded you made sure to include you in their discussions and whenever they had time to relax. They didn't ask questions about why you were so cold and often hostile when approaching titans but they admired it, this also gained Levi Ackerman's attention. He could see a fire in your eyes that hadn't been dimmed for a long time and it made him feel quite satisfied with his decision to have you on the team.

"And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

Sometimes you often wondered if what you felt was normal. You didn't feel entirely human but it was your drive to murder the titans that kept you going. You didn't need anyone, you didn't want anyone to get close to, to depend on because you knew it would happen again. Just like when your sister died right in front of you, you failed her.
Not becoming close to others and only being alone even when surrounded by other people made you feel better because now you wouldn't hurt. You had a scar on your heart and you didn't need to reopen the wound.

Sometimes late at night when you couldn't sleep because of the never-ending nightmares, people swore they heard cries emitting from your bedroom. They would look at you in the mess hall to find you appearing completely fine and impassive as always, they then thought that they had only been hearing things but little did they know, you craved a human touch. Platonic or not you wanted someone as time went on.

Killing titans and get painted in their blood was exhilarating, leaving the walls of Wall Rose to find those man-eating bastards gave you a hype as adrenaline coursed through your veins but what about when you came back inside the walls? And what about when those titans were finally eradicated? You feared what would happen then.

For as long as you could remember, you only really knew titans; killing titans, planning on how to efficiently eradicate them and get passed them, learning about their weaknesses and strengths. What was going to happen when they were gone and how would you cope when you would become all alone.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,"

"Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold,

Are you deranged like me? Are you strange like me?
Lighting matches just to swallow up the flame like me?
Do you call yourself a fucking hurricane like me?
Pointing fingers cause you'll never take the blame like me?"

Time passed and you found yourself admiring your corporal; his work, ideals and aims were somewhat related to yours. His plans made sense and people found that he was softer with you when it came down to chores and business. Without even knowing, this man had become increasingly infatuated with you but he only showed it when small compliments or constructive criticism was delivered.

Levi had lost his whole squad due to the female titan-shifter. The bastard killed them all within five minutes and now you had lost more people. Using your 3DMG, you swung away with your wires, obeying your superior who now only had two remaining people in his squad. It wasn't a real squad though, because the others were gone. You had retreated back to headquarters and gone away to your rooms.

Others like Eren and such had gone to help soldiers but you wanted no part in that. You could hear Hanji exploding about Titans and what was found out but no one spoke, it was unusual and you didn't like it. Death was everywhere and the same thing that was in your mind five years ago, had never left your robotic brain, 'Kill or be Killed.'

"And all the people say,

"You can't wake up, this is not a dream,
You're part of a machine, you are not a human being,
With your face all made up, living on a screen,
Low on self esteem, so you run on gasoline."

You felt alone, but you weren't. You didn't even feel human, something wasn't right and you hated how emotionless you were now. The Special Operations Squad depended on each other whilst you were trying to figure out why you weren't crying or anything of the sort in your room.

Levi was stuck in his office, head in his hands as he stared down at his paperwork. Images of the excessive amount of dead soldiers and civilians running through his mind, his squad's lifeless eyes staring into nothingness and just as his eyes were about to drift closed, sleep about to consume his consciousness, an image popped up in his mind. It was one of the best besides Levi, it was her smile when the odds came in her favour against the titans; 19 kills and 8 assists that day.

The corporal saw the smile, a glimpse of it when she thought no one was looking but she also didn't know that this man was actually trying to not look at her, he failed. It was a rare and beautiful sight, he needed it and felt relief. He felt like it was too special and should only be reserved for him, but also shown everywhere; everybody should be able to witness it- it was too beautiful to hide away.

He found himself digging his face into his arms with these surreal images so he could sleep in peace for once.

Stilling, his eyes bulged open as a ragged breath escaped his throat at the sudden sight of you, smile gone as your previously glowing eyes were now void and glazed over. Blood pooled around your lifeless body, mangled and broken because of your murderer; the titan.

He would kill the damned titan before it even deciphered the instinct to sink it's huge and ugly teeth into your body. Levi found himself standing, any thoughts of sleep or rest completely disappeared as he opened the door to leave his office. His feet moving on their own accord as if he had been on this path a million times before, he wouldn't admit that he had been here quite a few times actually. To frightened to knock on the door knowing you stood on the other side.

Knock Knock

You froze from where you were seated next to the window overlooking the trees. Turning your head to the door, you noticed an unmoving being from the light and you grew cautious, an automatic response that you developed quite quickly in your circumstances. Feeling chilled from getting out of your fetal position, you slowly approached the door, hand on the door knob.

"Cadet (L/N), open up. I know you're in there."

You breathed a sigh of relief and opened the door, an abnormal feeling of unease came over you at the sight of the stoic man who seemed to visibly relax at your form. You opened the door wider, unsure of his unexpected presence and the reason but you couldn't disrespect your superior.

You were still apathetic and stoic, feeling troubled on the inside but unable to show, you had grown to hate that about you but you didn't know how to relieve yourself of your flaw. The man made himself situated on the edge of your bed glancing up at you with sunken eyes that speechlessly yearned for your presence beside him.

Eyes wide, you hesitantly stepped forward and you felt an unexpected grip tighten around your wrist to which your Corporal pulled you down in front of him, the force making you tumble to your knees as you were now just above eye level with him with his knees by your sides to keep you in.

Your eyes were still wide and now your face was red due to the minuscule distance between your squad leader and yourself and all you could do was utter a few words in shock, "Co-corporal..?!"

He rolled his eyes, a pink hue also appearing on his cheeks though he made no action to conceal it. His hand had moved from your wrist to rest on your waist where the other was already situated and he felt slightly satisfied when he noticed you weren't making a move to back away, "Tch, it's Levi. None of that formal shit."

You swallowed hard and looked at every aspect on his face; his chiselled jaw that complimented his fine features. This man was so attractive and he didn't even know it, his sudden smirk made you think otherwise. He was dressed formally in his work attire and cravat and so you timidly reached up to cup his face, revelling in the warmth and the way he tilted his head to lean into your cold touch.

His eyes closed slowly, showing he felt comfortable and trusted you enough to show vulnerability, you swore you could've squealed except for the fact that that was totally unlike you. You breathed in a quick and shaky breath, it went unnoticed by Levi as he only leaned forward to which you did too. Foreheads touching, you stared at his closed eye lids and blushed madly at the feeling of his light, tea-scented breath fanning over your mouth.

"Levi," Without a second thought registered in your mind, you leaned forward and your noses made contact. Before Levi knew what was happening he had been shockingly silenced by a pair of lips on his own. He wasn't surprised when his body's immediate reaction was to melt into the kiss and he only saw your scrunched eyes closed before his own slowly closed too.

Levi became your haven, as you were already his. You felt troubled, craving his touch and presence when he wasn't around and then wanting the moment to never end when he was with you.

People were either completely surprised or not at all to find the two of you together. The two of you as a couple were completely smitten for each other though you very rarely show physical displays of affection, people only saw it in the way you two looked at each other.

You were scared of what would happen if Levi got hurt but you couldn't care less when you felt human again, and whole.

"Oh, oh, oh, oh,
I think there's a flaw in my code,
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
These voices won't leave me alone,"

"Well my heart is gold, and my hands are cold."

_._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._.

Pretty crappy but I liked writing AOT so I'll be writing moreeeeee:) (this was my first)
Vote&Comment feedback and I hope you guys liked it!?
Chapters will probably take longer to update because of exams and my job etc:( makes me sad but I'll try!
Thanks for reading!<3
-Oriana__3