plus one about the kids but not including them

~~~

America: *On the phone* Just snap his kneecaps and he'll talk, I'm at a parent teacher conference.

America: Anyways, you said Israel is enjoying finger painting! That's great.

~~~

UN: How many children do you have?

America: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

~~~

Kosovo: I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

~~~

Israel: The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.

~~~

Liberia: *Locks Japan in the car.* Act like a child, get treated like a child.

Japan: What? Isn't it illegal to leave a child locked in a car?

~~~

Philippines: We're playing Scrabble. It's a nightmare.

Cuba: Scrabble? Scrabble's great.

Philippines: Not when you're playing with North Korea, it's not. They put words like "ephemeral" and I put "dog."

~~~

Cuba: Fuck capitalism. It's a rigged system that keeps you poor and it isn't fair. You shouldn't need to work three jobs to afford basic necessities.

Cuba, playing Monopoly: Sorry, if you wanted to win you should have tried not being poor.

~~~

Kosovo: Where did you get that tomato soup?

Germany: It's actually a bowl of ketchup I just microwaved.

~~~

North Korea: When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give North Korea lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the person who's gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I'm gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!

~~~

Philippines: What's the dumbest thing you believed as a child?

NATO: That naptime was a punishment.

~~~

North Korea, gently nudging Palau aside with their foot: Palau, move out of the way so I don't trip on you.

Palau, their eyes enormous: You kick Palau? You kick their body like the football? Oh! Oh! Jail for North Korea! Jail for North Korea for one thousand years!

~~~

Cuba: "It's easy to forget what a sin is in the middle of a battlefield."

Israel: Opposite over hypotenuse.

Israel: Dipshit.

~~~

Kosovo: Good morning.

South Korea: Good morning.

Philippines: Good morning.

Cuba: You all sound like robots, try spicing it up a bit.

Marshall: MORNING MOTHERFUCKERS!

~~~

Micronesia: Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Philippines: How can you still say that?

Micronesia: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

~~~

Palau: WHY DID YOU KILL HIM?! HE COULD HAVE HAD HOPES AND DREAMS, HE COULD HAVE HAD A FAMILY!!!

Liberia: Palau-

Liberia: It- it was just an ant-

~~~

Liberia: BWWAAAAAAAAAA! Oh, you hear that? That's the wrong opinion alarm.

NATO: That is not something you actually have installed.

Liberia: Sorry, say again? I couldn't hear you over my alarm that YOU SET OFF with your WRONG-ASS OPINION.

~~~

Kosovo: I like wearing oversized sweaters. Not just because they're extremely comfy and cuddly, but because whenever the sleeves are really big, I get to flop them around and smack people.

~~~

Liberia: You have to apologize to Marshall!

North Korea: Fine!

North Korea: Unfuck you, or whatever!

~~~

Micronesia: So, did everyone learn their lesson?

NATO: No.

Marshall: I did not.

Philippines: I may have actually forgotten one.

Palau: Also no.

Micronesia: Oh good, neither did I.

Germany: *Exhausted sigh*

~~~

Kosovo: Do you want to play 20 Questions?

Israel: Sure!

Israel: Whats your favorite color?

Kosovo, laser fucking focused: Triangle. Do you like men?

~~~

Kosovo: I woke up and chose VIOLENCE. I WILL COMMIT ARSON AND BURN EVERYTHING TO THE GROUND!!! I AM ANGRY-

South Korea: Awwww, you're so adorable! Give me a hug~

Kosovo: Wh-What? nO, yOURE SUPPOSED TO BE SCARED OF ME! TREMBLE BEFORE MY WRATH-

Liberia, recording: This is so cute.

~~~

Israel: Why should I make my bed, when I'm just gunna unmake it to sleep in it anyways?

NATO: Why should I feed you if your just gunna die anyways?

Israel:

Israel: I'll go make my bed-

~~~

NATO: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

~~~

Japan: Kosovo, I am questioning your sanity...

NATO: I never questioned it, I knew their sanity was missing from the start.

~~~