These were written in early 2021.

No ships, that'd be fucking weird. Unless they were just like Canada mentioning that she's dating Mexico or same scenario but America with Soviet.

also they all share one collective brain cell that everyone but america takes turns with.

America: *Trying to fill out legal paperwork stuff* Were you guys born AMAB or AFAB?

Canada: Bold of you to assume I was born at all.

Australia: I personally was created in a lab.

New Zealand: I just straight up spawned lol.

~~~

America: Self care is actually getting into fights with randoms in dark alleys.

Canada: No, self care is stuff like taking a bubble bath, or putting on a lot of makeup if you like it, or taking a nice warm nap!

Australia: Self care is the burning heat when rage washes over you!! Self care is when you feel the bones crack under your powerful fists!! Self care is the fear in your enemies' eyes!!!

New Zealand: Lmao self care is taking your birthday cake just so I can eat the frosting.

America: If you touch my birthday cake I'll make you eat your hands.

~~~

America: I think New Zealand was right.

Canada: I'm surprised they haven't marched in here to say 'I told you so.'

Australia: They wouldn't do that.

New Zealand: You're right, Australia. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that.

New Zealand: *turns around, the shirt they're wearing says 'New Zealand Told You So' on the back*

~~~

America: You are now one day closer to eating your next plate of nachos.

Canada: That's the most hopeful thing I've ever heard.

Australia: But what if I die tomorrow and never eat any nachos?

New Zealand: Then tomorrow is nacho lucky day.

~~~

America: Isn't it weird that we pay money to see other people?

Canada: Plane tickets?

Australia: Concert tickets?

New Zealand: Prostitution?

America, holding their broken frames: Glasses.

~~~

America: *Gently taps table*

Canada: *Taps back*

Australia: What are they doing?

New Zealand: Morse code.

America: *Aggressively taps table*

Canada: *Slams hands down* YOU TAKE THAT BACK-

~~~

America: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Canada: Oh yeah? You're the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

America: I'm leaving, and I'M TAKING AUSTRALIA WITH ME

New Zealand, picking up the monopoly board: I think we're gonna stop playing now.

~~~

America: *Screams*

Canada: *Screams louder to establish dominance*

Australia: Should we do something?

New Zealand: No, I want to see who wins.

~~~

America: There is no future. there is no past. do you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every facet.

Canada:

Australia:

New Zealand:

Everyone Else At America's Surprise Birthday Party:

Canada: All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

~~~

Canada: You know those things will kill you, right?

America, pouring another glass of whiskey: That's the point.

Australia, smoking a cigarette: We're trying to speed up the process.

New Zealand: *Nods while eating raw cookie dough*

~~~

*Canada's helping America out after they get injured, while the others are watching*

Australia: How does America look?

New Zealand: A little better than you, actually.

~~~

America, setting down a card: Ace of spades

Canada, pulling out an Uno card: +4

Australia, pulling out a Pokémon card: Jolteon, I choose you

New Zealand, trembling: What are we playing...?

~~~

Cop: You're receiving a ticket for having three people on one motorcycle.

America: Shit.

Canada: Wait, three?

Cop: Yeah?

Australia: OH MY GOD NEW ZEALAND FELL OFF!!!

~~~

America: Can I be frank with you guys?

Canada: Sure, but I don't see how changing your name is gonna help.

Australia: Can I still be Australia?

New Zealand: Shh, let Frank speak.

~~~

ft. UN :)

UN: Anyone d-

America: Depressed?

Canada: Drained?

Australia: Dumb?

New Zealand: Disliked?

UN: -done with their work... what is wrong with you people? ... Are you guys okay?

~~~

America: I think we're missing something.

Canada: Teamwork?

Australia: Cohesion?

New Zealand: A general sense of what we're doing?

~~~

America: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Canada: What?

Australia: That you're a child.

New Zealand: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

~~~

America: Is stabbing someone immoral?

Canada: Not if they consent to it.

Australia: Depends who (or what) you're stabbing.

New Zealand: YES?!?

~~~

Canada: Dammit, America!

America: What?! It wasn't me!

Canada: Sorry, force of habit. Dammit, Australia!

Australia: Not me either.

Canada: Oh...Then who set the house on fire?

New Zealand: *whistles*

~~~

*America, Canada, and Australia are sitting on a bench.*

New Zealand: Why do you guys look so sad?

America: Sit down with us so we can tell you.

*New Zealand sits down*

Canada: The bench is freshly painted.

~~~

America: No thanks.

America: I'm god.

~~~

America: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I'm somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

~~~