mostly great lakes gang, of especially Indiana and Illinois :)

(especially Indiana since I'm a Hoosier myself ^^^)

also idk why i put kentucky in that gang half the time (yes i do, that's a lie)

Illinois: When Indiana was born, the gods said, "They're too perfect for this world."

Kentucky: Please. When they were born, the devil said, "Oh, competition."

~~~

I SWEAR I HAD TO SHUFFLE THE NAMES LIKE A HUNDRED TIMES TO GET MICHIGAN AND OHIO TO BE THE ONES FIGHTING, still had to move around the others tho

Kentucky, watching Michigan and Ohio fight: Are you sure they should be fighting? What if they get hurt?

Indiana, not bothered by the chaos: It's fine. They're too evenly matched to hurt each other.

Kentucky: Then... who's the strongest out of you three?

Michigan: Indiana.

Ohio: Indiana.

Indiana: Me.

~~~

Wisconsin: My head hurts.

Indiana: That's your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

~~~

Michigan: LOWERCASE LETTERS ARE FOR THE LOWER CLASS!

Indiana: And here we have a capitalist.

Illinois: Did you just-

Kentucky: Let us all take a moment to appreciate that all of human history, human language, and the universe itself aligned to make this joke possible.

~~~

Wisconsin: Vegetable oil is made from vegetables, coconut oil is made from coconuts, so BABY OIL-

Ohio: CAN'T WE JUST HAVE A NICE FAMILY DINNER FOR ONCE?!

~~~

Ohio: If I die, my funeral will be the biggest party ever and you're all invited.

Kentucky: "If"

Illinois: Great, the only party I'm ever invited to and they might not even die.

~~~

Minnesota: The only thing I'm guilty of is being adorable... ...and also assault with a deadly weapon.

~~~

Illinois: Hey Kentucky, I've got an idea for how to solve this.

Kentucky, pulling out a shotgun: Yeah?

Illinois: Wh- No! That's not the idea, Kentucky!

~~~

Ohio: They say that the most valuable things cost nothing.

Kentucky: They also say that being cheap is an annoying trait, so don't overuse that excuse.

~~~

Minnesota: Did you buy eggs like I asked?

Wisconsin: Even better!

Minnesota: What the fuck did you-

Wisconsin: *holding up a chicken* Her name is Fluffy.

~~~

Minnesota: *Kicks the door open, looking panicked*

Illinois: What did you do?!

Minnesota: NOBODY DIED!

Illinois: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?!

~~~

*The gang when they drop food on the floor*

Minnesota: Aw man. *Throws it away*

Ohio: Five second rule!

Kentucky: Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? *Eats it off the floor*

Wisconsin: *Sobs on the floor*

~~~

Kentucky: I honestly feel like some of our conversations here are almost word-for-word accurate to the generator.

Indiana: Yup.

Illinois: Maybe the generator is watching us.

Kentucky: Wouldn't that imply this conversation will be added?

Kentucky: ...

Kentucky: Wait—

~~~

Ohio: Seriously, I have no idea what to do.

Ohio: Oh, wait! Yahoo! Answers.

~~~

Ohio: All in all, a 100% successful trip.

Indiana: But we lost Michigan.

Ohio: All in all, a 100% successful trip!

~~~

Illinois: Don't weep for the stupid. You'll be crying all day.

~~~

Ohio: What makes you think it's okay to watch Hannibal given its subject matter?

Minnesota: Sometimes, I watch television shows for entertainment purposes.

Indiana: Because I condone murder and cannibalism.

~~~

Indiana: You are, of course, wondering why it is I have brought you here tonight.

Minnesota: Actually, Indiana, after all these years, I just sort of go with it.

~~~

Minnesota: When I get murdered, can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Wisconsin: wHat?

Minnesota: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved.

Wisconsin: Can we go back to the part when you said "when I get murdered"?

~~~

Wisconsin: Michigan, what does IDK, ILY, and TTYL mean?

Michigan: I don't know, I love you, talk to you later.

Wisconsin: Alright, I love you too, I'll ask Ohio.

Michigan: Wait- Wisconsin, no-

~~~

Minnesota: I haven't slept in seventy-three hours.

Kentucky: Eighty. Democratically elected leader of insomnia.

Ohio: Bitch, it's been ninety for me. I'm going for an even one hundred.

Indiana: You guys are fucking terrifying.

~~~

Minnesota: You look like a corpse that was just pulled out of the river.

Illinois: Wrong. I look like a cool rock star who just OD'd in their own pool. Big difference.

~~~

Wisconsin: What's gone wrong, Illinois?

Illinois: Hey! That's one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I'm calling doesn't mean there's a crisis.

Wisconsin: That's technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling?

Illinois: Well... There's a crisis.

~~~

Illinois: Damn, the power went out.

Indiana: Don't worry, I got this.

Indiana: *shakes rapidly and starts to light up*

Illinois: What-?

Indiana: I swallowed a glow stick!

Illinois, on the verge of tears: WHY WOULD YOU-

~~~

Kentucky: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat?

Ohio: >:O language

Minnesota: Yeah watch your fucking language

Michigan: Okay, who taught Minnesota the fuck word?!

Illinois: 'The fuck word'.

Indiana: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time

Minnesota: Oh my god they censored it

Illinois: Say fuck, Indiana.

Minnesota: Do it, Indiana. Say fuck.

~~~

Kentucky: We need a plan to beat them.

Indiana: Okay, listen up. First, we fill their shoes with wet cat food.

Kentucky:

Indiana: Judge me all you want, I get results.

~~~

Ohio: If you took a shot for every time you made a bad decision, how drunk would you be?

Minnesota: Maybe a bit tipsy?

Illinois: Drunk.

Michigan: Wasted.

Wisconsin: Dead.

~~~

Montana: Indiana isn't answering my messages.

Illinois: Allow me.

Montana: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-

Indiana: *replying to message* Hello.

~~~

Illinois: I apologize for saying 'fuck' in front of Indiana.

Montana: You just said it again.

Indiana:

Illinois: I am not a role model.

~~~

Illinois: Don't worry, I've got a few knives up my sleeve.

Montana: I think you mean cards.

Indiana: He did not.

Illinois, pulling out knives: I did not.

~~~

Montana: Coca Cola can remove rust from metal, imagine what it's doing to your body.

Indiana: Pfff, getting rid of the rust, idiot.

Montana: THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS!

Illinois: Hmm... I've been drinking pop and my body's rust free... not sure where you're getting your facts from...

~~~

Illinois: Indiana is a perfect cinnamon scone who's never done anything wrong in their entire life!

Montana: Never done anything wrong?! They set a city block on FIRE!

~~~

Montana: Remember! Curiosity killed the cat!

Illinois: Yes, but you forget that satisfaction brought it back. So yes, Indiana, go find out if that thing can catch fire!

Montana: You're a bad influence.

Illinois: And you don't know your sayings.

~~~

Montana: Indiana, get that hidious thing out of the living room, would you?

Indiana: Illinois, Montana wants you to get out of the house.

~~~

Illinois, grinning: Before you were what?

Montana: Before I was-

Illinois: What?

Montana: Before I was inter-

Illinois: Before you were interrupted?

Montana: Cut me off one more time and I swear I'll-

Illinois: What?

Montana: *makes frustrated sound*

Indiana, nervously: Stop that. Before they hurt you.

~~~

Illinois: Guys, I have a question.

Indiana: kys <3

Illinois: I love you too.

Montana: Ah, yes. Siblings.

~~~

Montana: The universe is cold and unfeeling. The only constant is chaos.

Indiana: Was that place out of chocolate-chip pancakes again?

~~~

Indiana: So what's the plan?

Illinois: I don't know. You're smart, *points at Montana* they're mean, come up with something.

~~~

Colorado: Sometimes I get so caught up on being gay that I forget I'm actually bi.

~~~

Indiana: You've got to learn to love yourself.

Montana: But don't you hate yourself?

Indiana: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused.

~~~

Indiana: Onion rings are vegetable donuts.

Montana, used to Indiana being dumb: Sure...

Indiana: Your stomach thinks all potatoes are mashed.

Montana: Okay?

Indiana: Lasagna is spaghetti flavored cake.

Montana:

Indiana: Lobsters are mermaid scorpio-

Montana: Jesus, that one is a little-

Illinois, interested: No, no, Indiana, keep going.

~~~

Kansas: Don't joke about murder. I was murdered once and it offends me.

~~~

Kansas: Hey, are you okay?

California: Yeah.

Kansas: You don't look okay...

California: Then stop looking.

~~~

Kansas: Unfortunately, due to several experiences in my youth, I cannot just 'walk up and join a circle of people talking', but it does sound lovely, thank you.

~~~

Kansas: Go to sleep or you'll hate yourself in the morning!

California: I'll hate my self in the morning regardless.

~~~

Kansas: When do you usually go to sleep?

California: Whenever I collapse is entirely up to the gods.

~~~

Indiana: When's the last time you slept?

Ohio: Uh... a few days ago, I think.

Indiana: A few- how many?!

Ohio: Uh... *starts counting on fingers* I need more fingers...

Indiana: What you need is sleep!

~~~

California: Are you reading fan fiction?

Kansas, reading an article about extremely rare diseases: Wh- No.

California: Oh, is it on AO3?

Kansas: This is CNN.

~~~

Kansas: Underestimate me. That'll be fun.

~~~

Kansas: What are your three best qualities?

California: I'm hot, I have soft hair, and sometimes I cry because I love my friends (siblings).

~~~

Wisconsin: The waiter at Olive Garden has been grating my cheese for 6 hours now, waiting for me to say when. Customers are screaming. Three people have died.

Wisconsin: I will not yield.

~~~

California: I'm not a morning person. I'm barely even a person.

~~~

California: Don't worry, I know exactly what I'm doing. Everything is going to be fine!

Kansas: How can you still say that?

California: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

~~~

California: *slams books down in front of Kansas*

California: Boil up some Mountain Dew. It's gonna be a long night.

Kansas: You could of said literally anything else.

California: Cauldron boil and cauldron bubble, Baja Blast to fuel my trouble.

Kansas: I'm going to just stop challenging you when you say random shit. I won't win. I realize this now.

~~~

Kansas, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!

California, an avid coffee drinker, on their twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

~~~

California: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

~~~

Kansas: You know what's funny about California? They're my best friend, and anyone who'd hurt them is someone I'd murder, probably.

~~~

Kansas: ...This is one of those moments where it doesn't really matter what I have to say, isn't it?

~~~

Michigan: How many vampires do you think have been hit by a car backing up in a parking lot because the driver couldn't see their reflection?

Wyoming: I've never considered it but you're really shining light on what's probably a very serious issue.

~~~

Idaho: Hey, what's the name of the guy who lives down the hall?

Florida: His cats' names are Walter and Rose.

Idaho: That's not what I asked.

Florida: That is all the information I have.

~~~

Florida: I'm totally useless.

Oregon: You're not totally useless.

Oregon: You can be used as a bad example.

~~~

Oklahoma: If you put 'violently' in front of anything to describe your action, it becomes funnier.

Oklahoma: Violently practices.

Delaware: Violently studies.

Louisiana: Violently sleeps.

Pennsylvania: Violently shoots pictures.

Arkansas: Violently boxes.

Illinois: Violently murders people.

Louisiana: Violently worries about the previous statement.

~~~

New York : Does anyone know how to relax? Asking for a friend.

~~~

Pennsylvania: Do you think different paints have different tastes?

Colorado: They do.

Louisiana: ...Why did you say that with such certainty?

~~~

Oregon, writing in their diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

~~~

Texas: My expectations were low but holy fuck.

~~~

Arkansas: Life is like Rhode Island. It's short.

~~~

New York: Do you ever want to talk about your emotions, New Jersey?

New Jersey: No.

Hawaii: I do!

New York: I know, Hawaii.

Hawaii: I'm sad.

New York: I know, Hawaii.

~~~

Colorado: Fruits that do not live up to their names; passionfruit, grapefruit, honeydew and dragonfruit.

Colorado: Fruits that do live up to their names?

Colorado: Orange.

~~~

Utah: Do you care if I take the skin off this Furby?

Utah: I want to make him a god. Once he is free of his sinful flesh, he can begin a path towards enlightenment. He will take care of us.

Utah: I also want to softhack his circuits.

Delaware: I literally could not care less but never say anything as frightening as that ever again.

~~~

Alabama: Everybody shut up, I'm thinking.

Georgia, patting them on the back: Well, don't think too hard. I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself.

~~~

New Mexico: Where are you going?

Arkansas: To either get ice cream or commit a felony. I'll decide on the way.

~~~

Washington: Why is Minnesota crying?

New York: She saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-

Minnesota: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!

Washington: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say-

Minnesota: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!

Washington: NO, NOT THAT!

~~~

West Virginia: No more making fun of me when I misuse dated cultural references, alright? Are we cowabunga on this?

Nevada, sighing: Fine. We're cowabunga.

~~~

New Jersey: Hey Minnesota?

Minnesota: Yeah?

New Jersey: What's your favorite color of the alphabet? True or false?

Minnesota:

Minnesota: ...What.

~~~

Massachusetts: If I can't cause tiny bits of chaos every day, I think my body will shut down.

~~~

Maryland: WHOEVER CAUSED THIS MESS IS GOING TO-

Hawaii: It was me...

Maryland: ...Is going to be forgiven because everyone deserves a second chance.

~~~

Vermont: It's not ugly, just aesthetically challenged.

~~~

Hawaii, opening a Capri Sun: Guess I'll drink my sorrows away.

~~~

Louisiana: I've never been in a snowball fight before. I don't know the rules.

Colorado: What?

Louisiana: Is there a point system, or is it to the death?

~~~

Michigan: Where's Indiana?

Nevada: Doing stuff.

Michigan: I don't like the sound of that. Where's Kentucky?

Nevada: Trying to stop Indiana from doing the stuff.

Michigan: And Idaho?

Nevada: Trying to stop Kentucky from stopping Indiana from doing the stuff.

Michigan: I see. And what are you doing here, Nevada?

Nevada: I'm supposed to stop you from stopping Idaho from stopping Kentucky from stopping Indiana from doing the stuff.

~~~