most of these have been here for a long time

ships:

South Africa x Madagascar
Israel x Jordan
Serbia x Greece x Armenia x Lebanon
Soviet x America
Liberia x Singapore

~~~

South Africa: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes?

Madagascar: Making four accounts.

South Africa, tearing up: Really...?

~~~

Madagascar: Do you take constructive criticism?

South Africa: Not without crying

~~~

South Africa: I am a responsible adult!

Madagascar: *raises brow*

South Africa: I am an adult.

~~~

Madagascar: Don't be sad!

South Africa: Why not?

Madagascar:

Madagascar: I don't have a good answer.

~~~

Madagascar: Hey guys, I found a spider. Cool little lad. Thanks for eating the mosquitos.

Madagascar: Oh no, where did it go?

South Africa: MADAGASCAR WHAT THE FUCK?!

~~~

Madagascar: It's called cauliflower, not ghost broccoli.

South Africa, eyes wide: I know what I saw.

~~~

Madagascar: Just say when.

South Africa: When.

Madagascar: I-

Madagascar: Now or later?

South Africa: Oh.

~~~

South Africa: Hey, random question, what are your favorite flowers?

Madagascar: Peonies, why?

South Africa:

Madagascar: Were you going to get me flowers?

South Africa:

Madagascar:

South Africa: ᶦᵗ'ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ

~~~

South Africa: That was so hot, Madagascar.

Madagascar: I literally called the person who just flirted with you a degenterate dog and told them I hope they get dragged through the streets.

South Africa: I'm so in love with you.

~~~

Madagascar walking into the kitchen and seeing all their limes peeled: South Africa, I love you but, what the h-e-double FUCK.

South Africa, sipping coffee happily: I love you too :)

~~~

Madagascar: I am so cool. I am an absolute Chad. I am the epitome of coolness and awesomeness—

South Africa: Hi.

Madagascar: *melts down in a flustered heap of softness*

~~~

South Africa: This date is boring!

Madagascar: This isn't a date. I said I was going to the store.

South Africa: Then why did you invite me?

Madagascar: I didnt, I specifically said "don't come with me," then you said, "fuck you Madagascar I'll do whatever I want!

~~~

Madagascar: My hands are cold.

South Africa: Here, let me hold them.

Madagascar: My lips are cold too.

South Africa: *covers Madagascar's mouth with their hand*

~~~

*playing twister*

Lebanon: Right hand red.

Israel: *ends up on top of Jordan*

Jordan: You're doing this on purpose, aren't you?

Lebanon: I stopped spinning like 15 minutes ago. Honestly, I'm surprised you didn't notice.

~~~

Jordan: Love is weakness and an evolutionary mistake.

Lebanon: You are literally making a Valentine's day card for Israel.

Jordan, pointing their hot glue gun towards Lebanon: You're on thin fucking ice.

~~~

Lebanon: Everyone thinks I'm this soft cute person but I'm not!

Jordan: Lebanon, you cried for an hour after stepping on a bug yesterday.

Lebanon: It had feelings! It was probably going home to dinner and I killed it!

Israel: ...It was a bug.

Lebanon: It was a BEETLE, and its wife is definitely worried sick, wondering where it is, and I really don't get why you all think I'm so sentimental because I'm not!

Jordan: ...

Israel: ...

Lebanon: Stop looking at me like that!

~~~

Lebanon, watching Israel and Jordan from afar: Two Bros, Chillin in a hot tub. Five feet apart because they think they're not gay, BUT THEY REALLY ARE-

~~~

Lebanon: The salary of a clown is 51,000 dollars.

Lebanon, gesturing to Jordan and Israel fighting: And yet these idiots do it daily, and for free!

~~~

Jordan: I hate you sometimes.

Israel: Well according to this picture Lebanon drew of us holding hands that's not true.

Jordan: Israel, you drew that.

Israel: It doesn't matter.

~~~

Lebanon: And now for a gay update with Israel and Jordan.

Israel: Getting gayer.

Lebanon: Thank you, Israel.

~~~

Lebanon: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Israel. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Israel!

Jordan: Nope.

Lebanon: In that case, as the archbishop of Jordan's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Israel right on the lips!!!

~~~

Jordan, about Israel: Can I tell them they look nice?

Lebanon: Sure.

Jordan: Can I tell them I respect them?

Lebanon: Maybe, if they ask.

Jordan: Should I show them an oil painting I made of us surrounded by our three cats and four dogs?

Lebanon: ...

Lebanon: I'd save that for later.

~~~

Lebanon: Hey, Jordan, are you free on Friday? Like around eight?

Jordan: Yeah.

Lebanon: And you, Israel?

Israel: Umm... yes?

Lebanon: Great! Because I'm not. You two go out without me. Enjoy your date!

Israel: Did they just-

~~~

pls help currently cracking up over the country of greece

thanks
the author

~~~

Greece: Hey Armenia, wanna third wheel on my date with Serbia tomorrow?

Armenia: Sure.

Greece: Lebanon! Wanna third wheel on my date with Serbia tomorrow?

Lebanon: Sure.

Greece: Great! I've always wanted to go on a double date!

Armenia & Lebanon: ...

Serbia: Greece...

~~~

Lebanon: I am darkness. I am an power. I am your worst nightmare. I could kill a man in more ways than you can imagine. I am the night. I am fury, I am a weapon, I am-

Armenia: A doll.

Serbia: A cinnamon roll.

Greece: A sweetheart.

Lebanon:

Lebanon: ...stop it.

~~~

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword*

Lebanon: Rude.

Armenia: That's fair.

Serbia: Not again.

Greece: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

~~~

Greece: Yesterday, I watched Lebanon try to eat a decorative rock from Armenia's potted plant. Serbia caught them, and told them they can't eat rocks. Lebanon started whining something about no food being in the house before walking away.

~~~

Police: You're under arrest for trying to carry three people on a single motorcycle.

Greece, with Serbia and Armenia behind them: Wait, what do you mean THREE?!

Police: Yes...three.

Greece: Oh, my God— What the fuck!?

Police: Wha-

Greece: Lebanon FUCKING FELL OFF!

~~~

Serbia: We need a way to lure in new customers?

Armenia: Maybe we could have some fun, interactive events!

Greece: Lebanon bath water.

Lebanon: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

~~~

Serbia, texting in the group chat: I wonder what Apple shots would look like?

Greece: *Sends a picture of of a syringe with an apple slice shoddily edited inside*

Armenia: *Sends a picture of a shot glass with an Apple poorly drawn inside*

Lebanon: *Sends picture of person dunking a Basketball into the hoop but replaced the basketball with a poorly resized apple*

Serbia: I hate all of you.

~~~

America: If you want my advice-

Canada: No offense but you're the last person I want relationship advice from. You tried to kill your significant other. Multiple times.

America: First off, that was before we started dating. Secondly, he's also tried to kill me.

Soviet: It's true. It was mutually attempted murder.

~~~

America: Name a more iconic duo than my crippling fear of abandonment and my anxiety. I'll wait.

Soviet: You and me!!!

America, tearing up: Okay.

~~~

Soviet: Schrödinger's cat is overrated. If you wanna see something that's both dead and alive you can talk to me any time of the day.

~~~

America: Goodnight moon.

America: Goodnight tree.

America: Goodnight ghosts that only I can see.

~~~

America: That awkward moment when you're scrolling through someone's old Instagram posts and you accidentally comment the entire Declaration of Independence.

~~~

Singapore: That's not funny.

Liberia: I thought it was funny.

Singapore: You don't count. You started laughing in the middle of a funeral because you started thinking of a meme you saw on Facebook.

~~~

Singapore: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out!

Liberia: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way?

Singapore: I don't know, surprise me!

~~~

Liberia: Singapore, you love me, right?

Singapore: Normally I'd say yes without hesitation, but I feel like this is going somewhere I won't like.

~~~

Singapore: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you...

Liberia: Yeah, well, you're stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.

~~~

Liberia, throwing their head into Singapore's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!

Singapore, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

~~~