Ships:
(Platonic) BulAme (Bulgaria x America)

really recent

like came up with them being in a platonic relationship maybe two weeks ago at time of writing (September 12th, 2022) (yeah that's how long this has been collecting dust without being published, especially since it existed for like a year before that)

America: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?

Bulgaria: What the hell!?

America: Oh, sorry, my bad.

America, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?

Bulgaria, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

~~~

America: So, I've been thinking Bulgaria-

Bulgaria: That's dangerous.

~~~

Bulgaria: You look mentally ill.

America: I am. Let's go.

~~~

Bulgaria: So what do you have planned for the future?

America: Lunch.

Bulgaria: No, like long term.

America: Oh...um, dinner?

~~~

Bulgaria: America, we tried things your way.

America: No, we didn't.

Bulgaria: I did it in my head and it didn't work.

~~~

Bulgaria: Ask me anything. Go ahead, I'll give you a straight answer.

America: Why are we so fucking awesome?

Bulgaria: That's the best fucking question anybody's ever asked.

~~~

America: Punch me in the face.

Bulgaria: ...Punch you?

America: Yes, punch me, didn't you hear me?

Bulgaria: I always hear 'punch me in the face' while you're speaking but it's usually just subtext.

~~~

Bulgaria, trying to comfort America: What's the problem? Anxiety? Low self-esteem? Obsessive thoughts of random arson? I've been there.

~~~

Bulgaria: My goal is not to be the best, but to inspire someone enough to one day surpass me.

America: YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT EVERY TIME YOU BEAT ME AT CONNECT FOUR!

~~~

Bulgaria: Pick a card, any card.

America: Fine.

Bulgaria: Wait, that's my credit card!

America: You said any card.

~~~

America: Good morning. As you begin your day, remember that violence is always an option and often the answer.

Bulgaria:

America:

Bulgaria: ...Please, go back to bed.

~~~

America, having recently lost their glasses: KILL THE BUG!!!

Bulgaria: ....That's a gecko—

~~~

Bulgaria: Do you have a self-care routine?

America: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents and languages.

~~~

America: Bulgaria taught me to think before I act.

America: ...So if I smack the shit out of you, rest assured that I thought about it and am confident in my decision.

~~~

America: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds.

Bulgaria: Forty five seconds?!?

America: No! I said four TO five seconds.

Bulgaria, hugging America: Too late.

~~~

America: *plays shreksophone*

America: Woo.

America: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity.

Bulgaria: ...Genius coping mechanism my friend

~~~

Bulgaria: I typed "bitch" into my GPS and guess what? I'm in your driveway.

America:

Bulgaria: Vroom vroom, come out already.

~~~

Bulgaria: Are you a cuddler?

America: I'm a machine of death and destruction.

Bulgaria:

America: ...Yeah, I'm a cuddler.

~~~

America: I failed my safety training course today.

Bulgaria: Why, what happened?

America: Well one of the questions was "In case of a fire, what steps would you take?"

Bulgaria: And?

America: Well apparently "FUCKING LARGE ONES" isn't an acceptable answer.

~~~

America: I wish I was a dinosaur.

Bulgaria: Why? Cause they're big and scary?

America: Because they're dead.

~~~

Bulgaria: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!

America: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

~~~

Bulgaria: I am going to need you to swear-

America: Fuck.

Bulgaria:

Bulgaria: ...swear as in promise.

~~~

America: We either die free, or die trying!

Bulgaria: Are those the only choices?

~~~

America: Would anyone know any good vendors for professional-quality brass knuckles?

Bulgaria: I know you're serious, but you say the scariest shit sometimes.

~~~

Bulgaria: You need to stop swearing so much.

America: Shut the fuck up.

Bulgaria: Yeah, that's not how you do it.

America: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.

Bulgaria: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.

America: Shit the beep up.

Bulgaria:

America: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

~~~

Bulgaria: America...

America: I can tell by the tone of your voice that you are disappointed. Alas, I must further disappoint you by affirming how little I give a fuck.

~~~

Bulgaria: You gave me up, you let me down, you turned around, and deserted me.

America: But did I make you cry?

Bulgaria: *cries on the spot*

America: ...Shit.

~~~

Bulgaria: *eating a cinnamon roll*

America: Cannibalism.

Bulgaria: *confused chewing noises*

~~~

Bulgaria: Yo! I heard you like reptiles, got any fun facts?

America: If a crocodile eats your dad, they become your new dad.

~~~

Bulgaria, texting America: America there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?

Bulgaria: Pls hurry because I'm going to cry

Bulgaria: America

Bulgaria: America

America: America is dead. You're next. Love, Moth.

~~~

America: Here's the cold medicine you asked for.

America: *dumps 3 shopping bags of wine on the table*

Bulgaria: ...Thanks.

~~~

America: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!

Bulgaria: That doesn't exist.

America: Not with that attitude.

~~~

America: Every zoo is a petting zoo unless you're a coward.

Bulgaria: I'm worried about you.

~~~

America: Shut up, you're messing with my train of thought!

Bulgaria: I thought you didn't have a brain and now you say you have thoughts?

~~~

Bulgaria: Are you really planning to shoot the demon?

America: Don't worry, it's a holy gun.

Bulgaria: How so?

America: It makes holes.

~~~

America: You're giving me a sticker?

Bulgaria: Not just a sticker. That is a sticker of a kitty saying "me-wow!"

America: I'm not a preschooler.

Bulgaria: Fine, I'll take it back-

America: I earned this, back off!

~~~

America: Just so everyone knows, don't ever try to climb a tree at night carrying a strobe light, owls DON'T like it.

Bulgaria: ...what happened?

America: I made a VERY bad mistake.

~~~

Bulgaria: America...

America: Oh no, 'America' in B flat.

America: You're disappointed.

~~~

*Bulgaria and America looking at a locked gate into a park*

Bulgaria: Aw. :(

America: You know what they say.

Bulgaria: Please don't-

America: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate*

Bulgaria: Frick-

~~~

Bulgaria: I can't believe you've done this.....

America: I'm sorry I didn't know-!

Bulgaria, on the verge of tears: YOU CAN'T JUST BUY ME A GIFT OUT OF NOWHERE NOW I FEEL LIKE A HUGE ASSHOLE!

~~~

America: Bulgaria, I screwed up, big time.

Bulgaria: America, given your daily life experiences, you're gonna have to be more specific.

~~~

Bulgaria: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers.

America: That sounds like a challenge.

Bulgaria: I have to stress, that is not a challenge.

America: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted!

Bulgaria: There is no challenge!