Gemma:

⚠️ Contains Violence ⚠️

Our punishments are brutal. Dad said he was being lenient.

He lied.

He didn't go easy on us.

For a month we are our older brothers' bitches.

Literally.

I have to work in Renzo's office with him. Alonzo has to be with Matteo in his office. Nikolai has to have Maximus up his ass all day. Every day. Poor Valentino has to be with Gianni. Poor Valley. I give it not even three hours and he will murder Gianni. Our punishment continue with no electronics, no tv, no parties, no gatherings, we can't drive our cars. Well they can't drive them. I don't have a license or a car.

We work beside our brothers and come home.

For a whole month.

However, tonight we have to go to Lucian and Julian's fight tonight.

Dad apparently has given our brothers permission to take us to watch Lucian and Julian fight.

Only because dad will be there.

They don't know we're going to it.

Well I'm going to it.

I have ten hours before we have to head out.

So, I'm up in our main library to kill time; digging through the book. When I catch a glimpse of something that shouldn't be in here. I reach for this unknown black leather book. Pulling it out of it's hiding spot I realize it's.....

Fuck.

Lucian's journal.

Not again!

I swear we already went through this.

This one however, is a different one. A newer one.

He started a new journal?

Against my better judgment, I decide to read it anyways.

Why not?

First entry:

"How can you tell someone you love that you blame yourself? That's the question that haunts me to this day."

What?

I know I shouldn't read this. But after the first page I am hooked.

Like a fish.

Second entry:

"Gems thinks she's being quiet when she sneaks into our gym. I know she's watching from the dark shadows. I can't help that a smile is always placed on my lips; when I spot her crouching down in the dark."

He knew I was always there?

How? I was always quiet. I thought at least.

Third entry:

"Every time I see Gems I always look like I'm angry at her. In all seriousness.

I'm not.

I'm angry at myself.

Her being shot; even if it was in her vest.

That's my fault.

That will always haunt me.

I can't bring myself to tell her the truth. So, I'm a coward by letting her think I hate her. That I'm angry at her."

Small tears escape my eyes.

Traitors.

Fourth entry:

"When Gems went on her rant, pointing out what we've done. It was a slap to my soul. I never noticed everyone else was acting that way. I just never paid attention. But when she said she wished it was her and not Uncle Lu. That was a stab straight through the heart. If we would have lost Gems that night I swear I would have surrendered and let them kill me. Without her, life isn't worth living. Without her, there is no sunlight. No moonlight. It would be just the dark abyss. I wish I could put into words how much I adore... No

I love my sister.

I wish I could tell her exactly how I feel.

How much she truly means to me.

Yet I don't because I'm a pansy ass bitch as she calls me."

So you can write your feelings down but can't tell me them?

Yeah, you're a pansy ass bitch.

Fifth entry:

"Guilt. It haunts my dreams, my nightmares, my soul. How do you get over guilt? Or do you? That's the second time I should have been able to protect her. I was supposed to protect her.

Her laughs doesn't ring through out the house. Her voice doesn't dance down the halls.

Every day I am hurting her without meaning too.

I hope one day she'll understand.

I hope one day she can forgive me.

I hope one day I get the courage to tell her my thoughts, my feelings.

How can I do that when I'm a tainted soul?

A tortured soul."

A tortured soul?!

I knew he went off the wagon again but I didn't think it was this bad.

Sixth entry:

"Everyone I love gets hurt.

Ruined.

Anything I touch goes up into ashes.

Incinerated.

I took my blade today. I was tempted to end it all.

The suffering, the voices, the guilt.

But, as soon as my thoughts drifted to my big doe eyed sister.

I couldn't.

I couldn't leave her in this evil world.

Alone.

Even if she hates me. I'll protect her from afar.

From the shadows.

I'll protect her even if it ever costed me my life.

For her, I'd do anything.

She's the light I need in life.

She makes the voices shut up. She makes you see the good in this evil world.

I can't let the evilness from it taint her pure soul.

Not Gemma.

My brothers?

Yeah they're already tainted since birth.

They can take care of themselves. They were trained this way.

She wasn't trained for it nor is her soul tainted by the evil."

I flipped the page but it was blank. The last entry is only two days old. I grab the pen from the small desk and begin to write on this blank page.

Sorry Cian for invading your privacy but you need to know how I feel. What I think. I need you to know I never have hated you. I need you to know exactly what I want to say.

"I forgave you months ago. I forgive you now, tomorrow, and for all eternity. When you want to talk I'll be here.

Waiting.

Until then I'll just be in the shadows watching.

Protecting you as you have always done me.

You aren't alone Cian. I'm always by your side. You aren't a tortured soul. You're just a soul who hasn't found his footing yet.

In my eyes you aren't tainted.

You're a blessing.

You're the night sky in my moonless nights.

You're the stars in the starry night sky.

You might burn down after some time. But, a star is always born where another star's fire dies.

I love you. You pansy ass bitch.

Until another time.

Love always,

Gems"

As I'm closing his journal I hear noises from out side the door, I run underneath the small desk. Completely forgetting to place the journal back up.

Fuck!

When the library door squeaks, I hold my breath and glance under the desk. From the looks of the boots I can already tell who they belong too.

Lucian....

Fuck me sideways with a rubber duck.

No thank you ma'am.

I can hear him muttering to himself.

"Shit."

He goes quiet again like he's thinking to himself. Seconds later I can hear him turning the pages in his small journal.

That's when I hear him gasp for the last time.

"Not a-fucking-gain! Damn it Gems!"

"You aren't alone Cian. I'm always by your side. You aren't a tortured soul. You're just a soul who hasn't found his footing. In my eyes you aren't tainted. You are a blessing. You're the night sky in my moonless nights. You're the stars in the starry night sky. You might burn out after some time. But, a star is born always born where another star's fire dies. I love you. You pansy ass bitch. Until another time.

Love Always,

Gems"

He keeps rereading 'In my eyes you aren't tainted..... you are a blessing...... I love you' over and over again.

When I hear what sounds like sniffling, I again glance from under the desk.

He's crying.

"I don't deserve her." He mutters.

He snatches up his book and runs for the door.

"Gems! Get your ass out here so I can strangle you." He screams.

Yeah, okay? Like I'll come out of hiding for that sentence.

No thank you sir.

You can go fuck yourself.

🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷 🌷

Gemma:

Once I knew Lucian is not in the vicinity as me. I high tailed it to my Garden. When I hear rustling from the grass; I instantly run behind my gazebo.

Like a little bitch.

I can't face Lucian.

Not right now.

I guess that's something we both have in common.

More shit in common than I thought.

"Gem! I know you're out here. We need to head out." Renzo calls.

"Lucian is gone. Julian, Val, Gianni, and him left before us." Matteo replies.

"They left like a while ago. His match is going to start in 2 hours! We need to get there soon." Nikolai calls out.

I pop my head slowly up from behind the gazebo's railing. I glance around to see if Lucian is there.

He wasn't.

"Come! You need to change child." Renzo says with a smile.

"Change? She needs a shower!" Matteo cracks up.

"She's got leaves in her bloody hair!" Nikolai bursts into laughter.

I quickly shoot them the middle finger and keep walking.

"Language!" Matteo screams.

"I didn't talk!" I yelled back.

"You flipped me off young lady!" Matteo screams.

"You'll live a hole!" I laugh out and run like the devils were on me.

I mean they kind of are. Renzo, Matteo, and Nikolai are on my ass. That is until something hits me at full speed.

Right on my ass.

I stumble and end up sprawling out like a starfish. Next to my face is a shoe.

When I glance over at my brothers. Nikolai is hobbling on one foot.

That bastard.

Matteo throws me over his shoulder and starts to whip my ass with his palm.

"Ow you cocksucker."

Slap.

"What the fudge put me down."

Slap.

"Matteo! I'm going to kill you!"

Slap.

"When you put me down; I'm going to strangle you!"

Slap.

"What the hell!"

"Keep talking shit. I'll keep whipping your ass."

Slap.

"Hey! I didn't say anything asshole."

Slap.

Matteo whips my ass all the way into the house. He slaps me on the back of my head; as soon as he places my feet on the ground. The entire time he was whipping me; Nikolai and Renzo were laughing.

Fucking assholes.

When I go to walk off I hear Nikolai yelling from the other room.

"Take a shower TwigGirl."

"Eat a dick fat ass!"

"Language!"

Of course he'd hear me.

Once I showered I threw on my ripped black skinny jeans, a grey tank top, and my boots. I left my face natural and done a Dutch fishtail braid in my hair. I walk down the stairs and come face to face with my family.

"Come on guys!" Dad says.

"Let's hit the road." Matteo calls out.

"I can't be late for my fight!" Nikolai says in a rush.

"Wait! You're fighting tonight?" I ask.

"Yes! Valentino, Nikolai, Julian, and Lucian are all fighting tonight." Renzo answers.

"All four of them are fighting?!" I yell.

"Yes! Now let's go before I am late!" Nikolai snaps.

As we get to the cars to head to the fight. Nikolai looks over at me.

"You'll be at ring side with Renzo and Matteo when I fight."

"What?" I asked confused.

"I want you in my corner, cheering me on." Nikolai chuckles.

"Why is Renzo and Matteo going to be there?" I ask. Curiously.

"Renzo is my coach. My trainer. Matteo fixes my cuts or whatever I get. You are my cheerleader." Nikolai says.

I wince at his cheerleader comment.

Me a cheerleader?

Yeah right.

I can't even do a herkie without falling flat on my face....

Yes my face.

Don't ask. It was painful and how I ended on my face is still no clear.

"Oh and Julian and Valentino want you in their corner as well." Dad says.

"Excuse the fuck out of me but what?!?" I say stunned.

"Language." Matteo warns.

"Valentino said you'll be his good luck charm." Renzo replies.

"Like he fucking needs it. He's a beast!" Nikolai counters.

"Language!"

Niko throw up his middle finger in the air.

Well, Matty that's what Niko thinks of your comment.

Matty slaps Niko upside his big crane. Let me rephrase that. Niko got Gibbs Slapped upside his crane. His head goes forwards with so much force.

Ouch!

"Julian said he just wanted his sister by his side. That all his reasoning is." Matteo finally says.

"You all want me to be front and center to watch you all fight. Sure, but Valley is like unstoppable. He'd kill a mother trucker in five seconds. I can't witness him commit murder.... Again... Juls will be fine. He's an amazing fighter. I know he'll do great. I just don't want blood splashing on me when his fist connects to someone's nose." I reply back.

"Hey! What about me.?!?" Nikolai says in a screeching voice.

"You'll live." I laugh out.

"Live really just live?!?" He whines.

"Fine big baby! You'll be so damn supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" I finally say.

"Excuse the fuck out of me. What?!" Nikolai says with confusion.

All I can do is shrug my shoulders.

"Language." Matteo mumbles.

I think he's getting exhausted from screaming language every second of everyday. I think we all do it to rile him up to be completely honest.

Once we pull up Renzo and Matteo take off to the back.

"Wait! Does Lucian know I'll be here?!" I scream.

"Uh. No. Not really. Why?" Renzo calls back to me from thirty feet away.

"I have a bad feeling about this." I yell back.

"He'll do great! Quit worrying half pint." Matteo who's next to Renzo yells back.

"No, really Matty let me see him. I have a bad feeling. Please." I screech.

"No! Follow dad and the others. When it's Juls, Val, and Niko's turn; one of us will come get you so, you can walk out with them. Until than go with them and shut up!" Renzo calls out.

I watch as they take off and their silhouettes get smaller and smaller. Until they vanished through the doors.

Really. I have a bad feeling about this.

My gut never lies.

If only someone would have listened to me instead.

An hour later Renzo came out and grabs me from my seat. I follow him through the doors and into a small room. In all his glory in his boxing shorts stood my big brother. My protector. My second favorite person in this world.

Valley.

"Gem, you'll be walking side by side with Val. Because he wants you next to him. We'll be right behind you." Matteo explains.

I nod my head in understanding.

"Five minutes!" Someone yells from the door.

"Miguel "Tank" Gani"

I could hear rap music blaring from the door that is still closing.

"That's Val's opponent's entrance music." Matteo says.

"Val's will play for a bit than he'll walk out. Well you both will walk out." Renzo says while correcting himself.

"Valentino The Psycho With Fists Of Iron Rossi!"

I hear the music change. Instantly, I knew it is almost time to go out.

Lucid Dreams is blaring.

He listens to rap?!

Since when?!

Valley grabs my hand and gives it a light squeeze.

"I swear to Lucifer if you don't knock this mug out Bubs, I will strangle you." I whisper.

He chuckles.

"If I don't win sis; you can hit me with my own truck and put me out my misery." He mumbles.

"You left me falling and landing inside my grave

I know that you want me dead

I take prescriptions to make me feel a-okay

I know it's all in my head."

"Time to go." This unknown guy says.

Valley never lets my hand go. We walk out the small locker room door hand in hand; while Renzo and Matteo are directly behind us, in our shadows. The crowd is going nuts for my brother. The screams get louder as we make it to the small entranceway.

They love my brother!?!

Obviously! I mean they are cheering for him dumbass.

I made eye contact with his opponent. I see why they call him Tank. However, he won't be a problem for Valley. I seen what his fists can do. More or less his hand!

Valley climbs into the ring as I stand outside the ring. My other two brothers are now beside me.

"This will be a five second match." Renzo says.

"Huh?" I question.

"Val will knock him out in five seconds." Matteo says.

I look at them confused.

What?

"This is a underground fighting arena. The moment your opponent is knocked out or submits; the fight is over." Renzo states.

Ohhhhh!!!

"So, Renzo thinks he'll knock him out in five seconds." Matteo says.

"I say three seconds or less." I reply back.

"Oh really?" Renzo states.

"Do I smell a bet coming on?" Matteo asks.

"Of course." Renzo says with a smug look.

"You win I'll do whatever you need for the day. I win you'll have to do whatever it is for the day. But just one thing!" I retort with a smile.

Our bickering ends when we hear the words fight leave the guy's mouth.

The Tank looking guy comes charging at Valley. Valley's tree ass spins in the air and his foot connects right upside the guy's jaw. Well, more like head. Valley wears a size sixteen and half boot. The guys eyes close before he hits the mat. I swear his soul left his body. His brain is in another dimension.

Valley doesn't go on the attack and the guy doesn't even move.

What the!?

"Winner Valentino Rossi. Knockout win with a hellacious kick to the jaw. 2.438 seconds."

I looked over at Renzo with a mischievous grin.

You're my bitch now mister!

"There's that twinkle in her eyes." Matteo laughs out.

"Shut up Teo. I'm fucking doomed!" Renzo grumbles.

I watch as Valley climbs down the ring as soon as he makes it off the bottom step; I take a chance. I charge at my brother and leap like flying charmander into his chest. Valley catches me and squeezes the life out of me.

"I guess you can't put me out my misery yet." Valley mumbles out into my hair.

"You're safe this time mister!" I scream into his chest.

He gently places me down on the ground and grabs my hand. I walk with my brother hand in hand back towards the back. With our eldest two brothers behind us. Valley takes a quick shower and when he comes out; we walk out of this small as hell locker room. We back towards where the rest of our siblings are. Except Niko, Juls, and Cian; who are in different locker rooms. We watch a few more fights until Matty quickly comes out and gets me. I quickly tell everyone bye.

Yet again.

I followed my second eldest brother back to the back and into a completely different room. Renzo has whoever is about to fight next blocked. Well sort of. I couldn't see their face but I could tell by the tattoo on their unwrapped hand which brother this is.

Julian.

Renzo starts to wrap his tattooed hand. Once he is done wrapping that said hand; I run full speed at head and plow into my tattooed brother. The force is so hard that I take the small chair, Julian, and I to the floor.

"Buttercup!" Juls grunts.

"Juls!" I screech.

"Okay, let him up. Can't injure him before his fight." Matty says while chuckling.

Renzo helps me back up to my feet and once Juls is on his own two feet. I wrap my small arms around my brother.

"Be careful Bubbie. Please." I mumble into his torso.

"Always am princess." Juls responds.

I let go and look my big brother in my face.

"You come out injured I'll eff your face up." I threaten while shaking my small fist.

This causes Juls to laugh. He laughs so hard he had tears in his eyes.

"Okay put that dangerous weapon away. You got me shaking in my knickers." Juls jokes.

"You have five minutes!" A voice yells from the door.

Juls walks over to the door and I'm quickly tossed onto his shoulders. Like a child on their father watching in a crowd of people.

"Ricardo "Hatcher" Belair.

I hear some god awful music blaring.

What the hell is this shit?!

The music changes up and I knew Juls would be called.

Legends by Juice WRLD is blaring.

"Ladies and Gents! We haven't seen him fight in months! Give it up for Julian "The Viper" Rossi!

"What's the 27 Club? We ain't making it past 21.

I been going through paranoia. So I always gotta keep a gun. Damn, that's the world we live in now. Yeah, hold on, just hear me out. They tell me I'ma be a legend. I don't want that title now.'Cause all the legends seem to die out. What the fuck is this 'bout?"

What the fuck Julian!

Why that song?!

Those lyrics.

I shift my head over my brothers; where I am staring upside down in his eyes. He gives me a soft smile then proceeds to kiss my forehead.

Like he knew what I am thinking.

"Time to go!"

I lift myself back up and as Juls walks out the door; I am ducking from hitting my head. Our brothers are slightly behind us. Almost beside us actually. We come out from the dark shadows and down the halfway lit walkway. People are on their feet screaming and cheering for my big brother. I'm in an awe state as how they are reacting towards him.

They love him.

They flipping love him.

Who wouldn't love him? That's the question.

Matteo and Renzo pick me up from Jul's shoulders and place me in his corner.

"You got this Bubbie!" I scream at the top of my lungs.

Juls sends me his bright smile with a thumbs up and climbs into the ring.

"How good is this guy?" I ask.

"He's good but Juls is a hell of a lot better." Renzo comments.

"Easy win for sure." Matteo agrees.

The ring guy yells fight.

I watch as Juls bounces on his toes. His opponent lunges for him, which Juls swiftly moves out of his way. As the guy is next to Juls, stumbling. Juls brings his foot up and connects it to his face. This stuns the guy and in return Juls backs off. The Ricky or whatever guy is pissed. Juls just stands there and smirks. I can see the mischievous glint in his eyes.

He's toying with him.

The Richard guy goes to swing but Juls ducks. Julian pops back up and uppercuts the Romeo guy in the chin. You could hear the hit through the crowd that's going wild. The hit is so loud.

Does he have teeth left in his mouth?

Probably not.?!

Juls doesn't stop there. He does a jab then another jab. He backs away from Riley man. Dude looks dizzy as shit.

I mean I would be too.

I felt his half strength punch.

It made you see stars. Haha.

"He's about to end the fight." Renzo mumbles.

Juls charges at Rory and jumps in the air. He brings his knee up and it crashes into Roman's face.

Rowan doesn't move. Not even a muscle.

Is he dead?!

"Winner is Julian Rossi. Knockout win with a damaging knee to the face. Eighty-three seconds."

Holy shit!

He won.

He freaking won!

I don't care if I am not allow to be on the steps or not. I climb those mother fuckers like Superman on a mission. As soon as Juls is at the top step, I collide into his chest.

"Not even a single injury." Juls chuckles out.

"Good! I don't have to kill you." I yell in his chest.

I let go of Juls and walk down the stairs. As soon as Juls feet were on the floor and not the stairs. I am immediately brought back onto his shoulders again. Again we go to his locker room and he quickly showers. When he is done; we walk out the door and back to the rest of our family. We watched at least six fights before I am again summoned to the back. When I walk with Matty again through the locker room. I spot Renzo talking to Nikolai. I rush to my brother and squeeze him with all my strength.

"Sorella you're squeezing the soul out my body." Nikolai grunts.

"Scopata your soul. I am not hurting you. You Bambino grande." I whisper.

"Language!" Matteo grumbles.

Oops.

We walk to the door and wait.

"You have...."

"We know!" Niko and I yell.

"Casey "The Killer" Jones!

Some more rap started to place.

A few minutes later the music changes.

Waking the Demon starts to scream through the speakers.

Should have known Bullet For My Valentine would be the artist he picked.

"We haven't seen his ass in a hot ass minute! Nikolai "Assassin" Rossi!"

"There's not much longer so don't try and fight

Your body's weakening, walk to the light

All those painful times, so alone, so ashamed

Well I'm not coming back, there's nothing to gain."

"It's...."

"We know!" All of us grumble out.

Niko tucks me into his side and we walk out together.

My third brother I've walked out side by side with; well one was on top of. But still. It counts.

Right?

The crowd is just as wild as when Juls walked out.

Are they like Kings or something around here?!

"I swear Niko you come out with a scratch. One tiny scratch. I will gut you like a fish." I threaten Niko.

He looks down at me and smiles.

"Never got beat. I don't plan on it now." He counters.

"That doesn't mean you haven't had a scratch before." I mumble.

"Yeah it does. I've never been hit before." Niko retorts.

Cocky fucker.

Before Niko climbed the stairs; he ruffles my hair.

Asshole.

I stand in my spot and watch closely as they're about to fight. The guy in the ring is talking to both fighters. Niko has a smirk on his face while the other has a snarl.

What could have them acting like that?

What did he say!?

"Fight!"

I watch on the tips of my toes as Casper or who ever his name is runs towards Niko. Niko doesn't even move.

"Move dang it!" I scream!

This has both Matteo and Renzo laughing.

What the hell you laughing for?

He's about to get run over!

I hold my breath as the guy gets closer toward Niko. Niko balls his fist and punches this Carl guy in the nose. The force of his punch has Cake stumbling back. His nose looks to be broken.

Well, from my view it think it is.

Niko does a leg sweep and as this Caper guy is falling towards the floor; Niko is already grappling him.

As soon as they hit the mat, Niko has Cameron in a guillotine. His hold is firm and Cat can't get out of it. When his body goes limp; Niko lets his hold go.

Is he died?

Most likely. He just got handled by a ninja.

"Winner Nikolai Rossi. Win by Choking his opponent out. Five seconds."

I can see how Nikolai is Valentino's twin. Their times are close. Their style isn't the same yet similar in a way. Both use their legs. Valentino goes for the kill instantly; while Niko is more of a submissive specialist. Like he wants to feel the life from his victims leave their bodies.

He's more sadistic than Valley! And Valley is the family psycho!

How?!

I don't move from my spot. Niko comes towards me and I run the opposite direction from him.

"What? I don't get a hug but everyone else does!"

"Not until that red shit is washed off your chest!"

I run into the locker room with my brothers right behind me. Niko happens to walk to the showers. Thank god! When he comes out dressed; we both head towards our brothers by the ring. Except Matteo and Renzo. They head towards a different locker room.

Lucian.

When I think of Lucian; I still have that same gut feeling.

Something bad is going to happen.

I know it.

A/N:

Word Count: 4774

Brutal Chapter, I know.

What do you think will happen in the next chapter?

What do you think of her relationships with each of her brothers so far?

Who is your favorite?

Thoughts?

XoXo :)