Chapter Ten

Dedicated to itsasupernova, because I'm hoping this dedication might persuade her to give me her ridiculously cute bunnies. It's official: I'm obsessed. Oh, and she's kind of hilarious too.

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            “You’re telling me that was twenty minutes? It can’t have been.”

            “It was,” I assured Erin. Sat in front of the sink, she had her head tipped backwards so her hair dangled into the basin. “I checked.”

            Clearly, she wasn’t convinced. “Well, maybe we should leave it on a little bit longer. You know, just to be safe. I want it to be bright.”

            “Erin, you leave this stuff on your hair for another minute, and it’s going to fry. We’re taking it off right now.”

            We were both sat in her bathroom, as we had been for the last half hour, trying to work magic with the packet of dye she’d picked up from the pharmacy. In my opinion, her hair looked fine, but she was having none of it; she’d insisted her roots were returning with a vengeance, and decided a second packet of chemical colour was her sole defence against them. Hence why, on a Saturday evening, somewhere amongst agreeing to stay the night at her place, I’d been appointed chief coordinator of the hair-dying mission.

            I’d never done it before, but my lack of experience didn’t seem to be a concern of Erin’s. All she cared about, it seemed, was ensuring her hair stayed as bright as the sun from root to tip.

            It didn’t help my concentration that the bathroom was as humid and sticky as any other room in the house; though it’d been three days since my encounter with Collette, the freak heat wave the country had been experiencing was showing no sign of letting up any time soon. I was growing tired of the clammy heat, of nights spent tossing and turning under fans that seemed to do little more than push hot air around the room. And then there was the constant bustle of the town: you couldn’t go anywhere without running into a herd of day-trippers clogging up the pavements and shops.

            It was even worse than rain. But then again, this was English weather we were talking about, and I knew the sun could turn to a thunderstorm in a heartbeat.

            “Okay, fine.” Finally, she’d resigned herself to following my instruction. “Go ahead and rinse, then.”

            I did as she said, unhooking the showerhead from its spot above the bath and stretching it over to the sink. Upon turning the dial, water began running through her hair immediately, the excess dye turning it a vivid colour as it pooled in the bottom. Any normal person probably would’ve been alarmed by the sight of such a bright hue, seeing as it had just been plastered permanently onto their head, but not Erin. In fact, she seemed more concerned by the risk of it not being bright enough – as if she needed any more help standing out from the crowd.

            What had surprised me, though, was the fact that Erin had returned with a packet the exact shade of the one already on her head. I’d expected something different, although equally as daring – sea green or bubblegum pink, maybe – instead of the colour that had lately become her signature look.

            “I like it,” she said, shrugging, when I’d asked her. “It just feels right, you know? I don’t feel like I’m ready for a change just yet. Maybe next time.”

            Now, she looked up at me. “It’s coming off alright, I take it?”

            “Yeah, I think so.” I continued running my gloved hands through her hair, a little worried by how the previously white sink seemed to have taken on a distinctly lilac tinge. Though Erin had assured me she’d done this hundreds of times – and on this, I didn’t doubt her – I still wasn’t convinced it wouldn’t leave a permanent stain. “Just this last little bit, and then I think you’re good to go.”

            “Thank god for that,” she said. “My neck is killing me.”

            The way she was sat did look uncomfortable, but it was the easiest way for me to help. And so Erin was sat there, her T-shirt abandoned and slung over the towel rack – “You don’t want to get this stuff on your clothes,” she’d told me. “It stains like a bitch.” – in just her bra and jeans, her head tipped back into the bowl of the sink. I stood beside her, taking charge of the actual hair colouring, and hoping to god I didn’t screw anything up because Erin might actually have killed me.

            But for a first attempt, I thought it had actually gone pretty well.

            The water trickling from the ends of her hair had turned almost clear again, which I took as a sure sign we were nearly done. I was seconds away from shutting off the water when the door across the room swung open without warning, revealing a tall figure which proceeded to barge right in.

            “Oh crap, sorry,” Daniel exclaimed, stopping in his tracks when he caught sight of the two of us. “I didn’t realise you were in here.”

            He looked adorable, as always, the face of surprise painted across his features. I was sure I looked like a complete freak, staring dumbly back at him, but I couldn’t help myself. When I finally did come to my senses, I quickly ducked my head, diverting my attention to the showerhead that was dripping water down the side of the sink.

            “Oi, you perv, get out,” Erin said, when she caught sight of her brother in the doorway. Had she not been bent backward over the sink, her hair dripping fresh dye, I would’ve counted on her to shove him out herself. “It’s just me in here without a top on, you know. Sorry to disappoint, but Flo’s fully clothed.”

            I willed myself not to blush beetroot, but nevertheless I could feel my cheeks flaming.

            “Sorry, but some people need to pee around here,” he said, although I could’ve sworn I saw him steal a sideways glance in my direction. Caught in the middle of their sibling rivalry, I stood awkwardly, unsure of what else to do. “Believe me, I don’t want to see my sister in her underwear.”

            “Right back at you, pervert.”

            Shrugging off his sister’s insult, he seemed to catch sight of the opened dye packet balancing on the edge of the tub. “Oh god. Purple again?”

            “What’s wrong with purple?”

            “Nothing. I just thought you might’ve finally ditched the crazy colours and gone for something normal this time,” he commented, eyeing my handiwork. Though his words were sharp, they were softened by his tone; I could tell he was only joking. “Guess not.”

            “Get out of here. Go pee downstairs.”

            “I’m on it,” he said, hooking his thumb behind him and shooting us a smile. “Have fun.”

            “Out!”

            Marking the end of our conversation, the door swung shut behind him. The two of us were left standing in a bathroom that seemed oddly empty without him, despite the fact it had only been us in the first place.

            Weird.

            “I can’t believe you like him,” Erin said, shaking her head as she cast me a disbelieving look. “You know that’s kind of disgusting, right? That’s my brother.”

            “I don’t—” I could feel my face heating up as I struggled to get the right words out. “I mean, who said that I—”

            “Oh, sure,” Erin drawled, smirking. “Of course you don’t fancy him. Where on earth did I get that idea from? Hmm, maybe the fact that you practically go weak at the knees whenever he’s around?”

            “What? I don’t—”

            “You know, me and the other guys have practically been taking bets on how long it’s going to take you two to get it on.”

            My face, I knew, was the picture of incredulity. “You have?”

            “Well,” she said, with a dismissive wave of her hand, “not exactly, but we might as well have been.” Seeming to notice the look I was giving her, she shook her head. “Look, it’s fine. You don’t have to deny it. Sure, I think it’s gross, but each to their own, right? I mean, he’s not your brother.”

            Instead of responding, I just stood there, wishing my cheeks would at least make some attempt to cool down.

            “It’s a good thing anyway, you two,” she continued. “I mean, you’re heaps better for him than Collette. Not that I have anything against her, it’s just… she was always a bit clingy.”

            “Oh.” My voice seemed to have shrunk.

            I was torn. One half of me longed to change the subject as fast as possible, but the other was itching to find out more about what exactly had gone on between Walden’s most infamous couple. They’d gone out for half a year, but that was the full extent of my knowledge. I'd realised my feelings weren’t exactly secret from Erin, and eventually I swallowed over any niggling doubt. “Um, what exactly happened between those two, anyway?”

            Erin, who up until that moment had been looking up at me, averted her gaze conveniently elsewhere. A small delay followed, as if she found herself searching for the right explanation.

            “Well, for as long as they’ve known each other, everyone sort of expected them to get together,” she said eventually.

            All I could manage was a small “Oh.”

            “They did, eventually. But… I don’t know. Daniel never seemed quite as into it as she was. She was always a bit possessive over him, even before they started going out.

            “They broke up when… well, you know. When things started to get bad with our dad. Daniel said he just couldn’t handle a relationship while he was going through something like that. Let alone one with Collette. Of course, she wasn’t happy, but what could she do? It was just sort of an unspoken agreement that they’d get back together once Daniel was in a better place.”

            I didn’t know what to say, let alone make of it. An uncomfortable pang of jealously coursed through me at the thought of them together, but I had to take comfort in the fact he no longer seemed interested. Right?

            Heat was prickling at the back of my neck, underneath where I’d scraped my hair up into a half-hearted ponytail. All of a sudden the bathroom felt excessively warm, its air sticky and stagnant.

            “Of course, we didn’t plan on you showing up here.” Now, she looked back at me, smirking. “No wonder Collette’s not happy.”

            I sunk down onto the closed loo seat, sighing. “Well, she does seem to hate me.”

            “Nah, she doesn’t hate you,” Erin said reassuringly. She pushed herself into a standing position, draping a bath towel around her shoulders to catch the dampness of her hair. “She’s just a bit jealous that you’ve been getting on so well with Daniel.”

            “So she hates me.”

            “Look, Flo.” Erin turned around, exhaling deeply. “I know Collette’s not the friendliest person in the world, but she’s not all bad. The thing is, she and Daniel ended over a year ago now. It’s not like you’ve just waltzed in and stole her boyfriend. A bit of time, she’ll get used to it. And it’ll all turn out fine. I swear. I’ve grown up with these guys, remember?”

            “Okay.” I did feel better; Erin seemed to have a knack for talking things up until they didn’t seem quite so hopeless. “Thanks.”

            “What’re you thanking me for, stupid?” she asked, grinning. “I didn’t do anything. In fact, all I ask is that when you do finally hook up with my brother, you both keep quiet. My bedroom happens to be right next to his.”

            Needless to say, I took great pleasure in chucking the hair-dyed glove at her face.

***

            I hadn’t realised Erin was such a restless sleeper.

            While I wasn’t the soundest even at the best of times, this girl was in a whole different league. Had I known, I would never have allowed myself to fall asleep on her double bed, twisted awkwardly in the blankets next to her. At least that way, I would never have had to experience the pain of being rudely awoken by none other than a brutal kick to the face.

            Somehow, we’d ended up in a top-to-toe position: hence why her foot happened to be so close to my head in the first place. Still, that didn’t make it any easier to sleep with her sporadic jerky movements, the last of which involved a painful collision between my skull and her heel. Evidently, she was deep in a dream that required a lot of violent kicking.

            I was used to night-time disruptions, especially living with Gram, but even I couldn’t sleep through that.

            “Erin!”

            My hissed exclamation didn’t cause her to so much as stir. Arms hugging the pillow, hair fanned out across the mattress, she continued snoozing without a care in the world.

            Unravelling myself from the twisted blankets, I sat up. Erin’s bedroom was dark; the only source of light was the faint blue glow of her alarm clock, its blinking digits reading 2:04. An electric fan hummed in the corner, blasting cool air onto our feet, but the rest of the room remained horribly muggy. The most I could make out of my surroundings was rough silhouettes; Erin’s newly-coloured hair was really the only thing I could see clearly, even after my eyes had adjusted to the lack of light.

            The lack of fresh air was already getting to me, so I pulled back the covers and hopped off the edge of the bed. I knew where the bathroom was, having spent so much time in there earlier this afternoon, and I only hoped it had a window I could throw wide open to let some cool air in. At the very least, I could splash cold water on my face and pray for a change of weather.

            The door handle rattled as I tugged on it, moving from one silent room to the next. It was almost eerie, how quiet it was; no matter how still I stood, or how much I strained to hear sounds that were basically nonexistent, the silence was there, weighing everything down like a heavy blanket. Trying my best to shake off the feeling, I emerged on the dark landing and started towards the bathroom door.

            However, it was not empty. Cracks of light were escaping from the gap between the door and the frame, indicating that it was already occupied.

            I stepped tentatively forward, hoping that whoever was in there would finish up quickly so I could cool myself down and get back to Erin’s room as quickly as possible.  The quiet didn’t seem so daunting there, at least. But just as this thought crossed my mind, and I stopped about three steps away from the door, the lock clicked and the door suddenly swung open.

            It was Daniel who stood there.

            I inhaled sharply as my eyes locked onto his, but this time it was not merely the shock of bumping into the guy I sort of fancied, in the dead of night no less, that caused this. The lack of light didn’t stop me noticing the way his hair was sticking up in all directions, like he’d been running his hand through it, and how his eyes were rimmed with red.

            “Flo?” His voice was raw, as if the word was physically scratching at his throat.

            “Daniel…”

            I didn’t have the faintest idea what I was going to say, but his name escaped me anyway. For a moment the both of us stood rooted to the spot, unable to do anything but stare dumbstruck at each other. Then, swallowing, I worked up the nerve to say, “Are you… are you okay?”

            It was pretty obvious he wasn’t, but I felt like I needed to ask anyway. He’d emerged from the bathroom in the middle of the night, with sore eyes and a husky throat; it was a situation I knew like the back of my hand. I couldn’t count the times I’d gone through it: the helplessness, the inability to do anything but sob, knowing it’ll never get better.

            Suddenly I was back there again: tears streaming down my face, screaming into pillows in an overwhelming mix of frustration, anger and pulsating grief. Knowing nothing on this earth could ever bring them back, questioning how I was meant to survive the rest of my life without them. Terrified, because what if I forgot the taste of my mum’s pancakes on a Saturday morning? Or what it felt like to have Dad hug me and call me his angel? It’s those things you cling to, a thread with the spindly strength of a cobweb, that keep you just feebly connected to what you’ve lost.

            But memories start to fade eventually, and when they do, they’re gone forever. For real this time.

            Nights were always the worst, dominated by the darkness that did nothing but smother me, and silence that left my thoughts free to perform their torture. I felt it. I’d been through it. Yet I seemed unable to do anything but ask the most pointless question there was.

            “I…” He was just staring back at me, almost as if he didn’t quite believe I was standing there. Like I was some kind of mirage formed from a half-conscious dream. There was a definitive vacancy glazing his eyes; even though he was a couple of feet in front of me, he was miles away. “I just… I’m fine. I swear.”

            “You’re not fine,” I whispered. “What’s wrong?”

            “It’s just…” He sounded tired, but a long way off being able to fall asleep. The familiar feeling was imprinted in my mind: being so utterly exhausted and wanting nothing more than to drift off to a place where your thoughts can’t reach you. But your head won’t allow it, instead going over and over the thing you’re trying desperately to forget. “It’s just been a really rough night. I don’t… can we not talk about it?”

            “I never said we had to,” I said softly.

            “Okay.”

            I know it’s about your dad, I wanted to say. I know how it feels.

            But I didn’t. He just looked so hopeless and upset, standing there in his pyjamas in the quiet hallway, the end of his nose rubbed raw, I knew I had to do something – anything – to make him feel better. So instead I moved closer and pulled him into me, wrapping my arms around his back. I squeezed him as tightly and reassuringly as I could manage, trying to remove every last centimetre of distance between us. He smelled of washing powder, combined with the faintest hint of toothpaste, but I tried not to think too hard about that, instead praying to god that I was doing something here. I had to be.

            “Flo,” I heard him mumble quietly into my shoulder. His arms had moved around me now, keeping me pressed to his chest like he was scared to let go. I knew I was the strong one here, but there was something undeniably comforting about being enveloped in his grip – something that made me want to melt into his arms and stay there forever. I was shielded from the outside world, even if it was just for a moment.

            “We don’t have to talk about it,” I reminded him. “It’s fine.”

            I’m not even sure what happened from that point. When I try to recall it, I can’t even remember how we went from being locked in each other’s arms in the empty hallway, to his room, and then his bed. Nothing happened; we just lay there, arms wrapped around each other in the place of words we didn’t have the courage to speak out loud.

            In the light of day, there would’ve been questions, awkwardness, faked strength. But the sky was dark, and things were different.

            We both drifted off eventually, his arms around my waist and my back pressed to his chest. I could hear his steady breathing, even his faint heartbeat if I listened hard enough; it was these unchanging rhythms that lulled me to sleep.

            In a few hours, the darkness would dissipate, to be replaced by the first signs of sunlight nudging their way through the gaps in the blinds. Somewhere between that things would start to change; there’d come a point when night would crossover into the normality of daylight, though you might not be able to feel it yourself.

            Maybe that was why I woke before the clock showed six, untangled myself from Daniel’s arms without causing him to stir, and padded back to Erin’s room before she could even wake up and realise I’d been gone.

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So uh, you have no idea how excited I am to have posted this chapter. And now I have. So please leave me comments below with elaborate details of how much you're fangirling/shipping Flaniel. Oh, and Mariam, don't turn this clean and extremely innocent chapter into something dirty. Except... I know you will.

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