i've stopped sharing personal information and problems on wattpad a long time ago and it will stay that way, however there's something that concerns everyone reading my stuff on here so please hear me out?

mentally and emotionally, i've left the bts fandom many, many months ago and i consider myself checked out to a point where i will click 'not interested' on any bts-related content. since the stories i write are centered around them and other kpop idols, you can probably tell how this affected my motivation regarding wattpad.

i've also stopped shipping couples like taekook a long time ago, back when i did, young little me just wanted a way to cope with her own sexual orientation and the confusion that came with it and wattpad was just the perfect place to escape to. however, people change and i changed more than you can imagine. i now see the impropriety of shipping real people together and am appalled with myself for ever doing so. you're free to imagine or support whatever you like so i hope me saying this doesn't affect your feelings.

bts are lovely people whose message about mental health i fully support and i hope their presence helps many young teens grow up with more awareness, dignity and love for themselves as well as for others. i'm thankful for all the kind people i've met through them and the good times they brought me. however, being their fan is a part of me that i can't consider alive anymore and being on wattpad despite that is a heavy burden that literally keeps me awake at night.

i hope you know that this isn't a rash decision and that i've thought this over many, many times and for many months, i have forced myself to write despite lack of motivation because of all the lovely people who read my books. yes, everything i want is to delete my account and my books now but obviously, i can't just do that.

i'm well aware that this book is just about to have its major climax, so i'm hereby asking you:
do you want me to finish the book and keep forcing myself for few more weeks or do you think stepping down might be a more logical option? either way is completely fine for me but i simply can't keep deceiving people that i'm still part of this community when it's so blatantly obvious i'm not.

i'm sorry for the timing just when a cliffhanger happened, i planned on seokjin doing this vampire-killing ritual with ahjin, tzuyu (who is actually alive) and seolhyun's orphan friend being three witches to fulfill the ritual and jimin, seolhyun and the werewolves as sacrifices. jungkook's entire family would have participated and jungkook would be so furious he committed murder and swiped out his entire family. the realization would hit him so hard he would turn off his humanity and the rest of the book, it'd be up to taehyung and mina to restore it. the book would've ended showing the couple running their hospital or showing them dead centuries later with mina or someone else visiting their graves. that's how i planned to write it and just like i said, if you want, i can write the chapters elaborately.

i'm sorry about how abrupt and untimely this message is, i really wanted to pull through and end my books on a good note. but i've had corona recently and... maybe being sick made me see things clearer than being somewhat healthy?

i'm also sorry for everyone who read this entire thing. please now that the reason i even did this instead of stopping when i wanted to was because of the few people who might actually feel a bit of joy reading stories like these, as i used to enjoy them too.

i meant it when i said i love you a lot and this doesn't have to be goodbye. my instagram id is the same as my wattpad one, if you ever want to contact me, want to know me personally or are currently emotionally struggling and need a friend who'll listen, feel free to do so! everyone on here has always been extremely kind which made me happy so many times in retrospect, which is something i'm very thankful for.

thank you for all the support you've given me and i'm honestly starting to wonder if anyone would bother reading this loooong note but regardless, i wanted to say this. bye <3