Chapter 88 Part 2 Zero's thoughts.

Yuki heads back to the manor, Feeling her throat burn from being that close to him. Needing her tablets. She runs to her bedroom trying not to wake Kaname. Taking another handful to calm herself. She knows she can't live like this. It's getting harder and harder. She takes her shower, trying to cool herself down. The blood thirst pounding in his chest. Making her thoughts hazy. She never needed these many tablets before to curb her cravings. Now it seems, she needs more than ever to just get through an evening. Being close to him makes things ten times worse. She wondered if he felt the same? Was he bothered by it? Knowing that the old Zero needed her blood. Craved it. Desired no one else's. Did he still feel the same? He hasn't taken from her in over two years. She puts her hand on her neck. Remembering the feel of his bite. His tongue going up and down her neck. Feeling he wasn't the same Zero she knew. The old one would never be able to not drink from her. She puts on her nightie, drying her hair. Then she heads to bed. Curling up to Kaname's warm body. His arms wrapping around her. Making her feel safe like always.

Zero gets up from the grassy ground, Grabbing his bag and blanket. Heading in his house. Feeling it was a nice almost two hours spent with Yuki. How he never expected her to be out there waiting for him. He knew what she was doing. He knew her better than she knew herself. Why she was trying to hide it? He didn't know. But he saw it as a start. They sat there without having any fights. She still evaded some things. But it was better than some conversations in the past. It was nice to see her after a month of just watching her through the window. He now knows she has been doing the same. Its why she waited when she didn't see the light on. He kept notice of the air, that it didn't smell of sex, or blood. Kaname didn't get lucky. Was she over him? Not needing his touch anymore? OR just curbing herself? Zero just wondered. He was just going to let it go for now. He knew he couldn't live in this guest house forever. It was either work his way back into the main house? Or go home to the townhouse. He really didn't want to go home. He just wasn't sure what to do at this point. Work for this? oR let it go? He just knew he still loved her very much.

When morning comes, Zero eats his breakfast just taking it easy in the guest house. Staying there not wanting to overstep, or take away from last night. He wanted Yuki to make the first move. If one was to be made. He just wished she would. He missed her terribly. This month away made him miss her, yearn for her. Even though he had been thinking about everything she told him. If it was possible for him to live like this for the rest of his life. Sharing the woman he loved more than anything. Then he would think of a life without her. How cold and bare it would be. How lost he was without her. Things were just not the same. He knew she was offering him an out. One she never offered the first time. He believed it was the main reason for her always pushing herself away. Not only that she was hurt. The way she could forgive Kaname. She would him as well. IT was more. So much more. He just had to prove to her that he could handle this. In all honesty, he had to prove to himself he could handle this. Kaname has been in his life for a long time. They have learned to co-exist even though they didn't want to. If he stayed they would have to keep it up. So far he had to be honest, Kaname was doing a better job at it, then him. He did realize how much Kaname was dealing with. How he must hurt as well. Watching Yuki pine over him. He knew it before just didn't cared. Now he did seeing the other side of things. How it really did suck.

He remembered Kaname saying, isn't it better? We both get the attention and love? Instead of just one? He saw that as true. Being on the outside looking in was hard. He didn't know how this would work if he did stay. How would they work this together? She was sleeping in Kaname's bed every night. Surely he wasn't going to want to give that up? Zero craved for her to be sleeping next to him. He saw that already as a problem. Not to mention, when she was near Zero her dark side wanted him and only him at times. Wouldn't that bother Kaname? Kaname was right. Zero wasn't really cut out to be a vampire. Their ways always were a turn off for him. Seeing them as monsters. He knew what Yuki told him was true. It wasn't all a spell. The spell just made him bring out his true self when it came to vampires and purebloods. He really did hate them. Just having to get over it because he did love Yuki so much. He knew they both brought up good points. She didn't want to just jump into this again. Like the first time, things just happened so fast there was no time to think. She wasn't trying to be like the old Kaname. SHe was trying to think of Zero's feelings as well as her own.

If he left, it would go back to only seeing Ren on weekends. Where now he was able to see him daily. Even though he didn't see Yuki for the last month. Ren was there every day. Even Ai would visit. Spending a lot of time in the guest house. He would miss that. He thought of the child they lost. How he or she would be born. How he wished he was there for her, instead of her going through that alone. If she didn't forgive him for that, he understood. Since he felt he could never forgive himself. The pain she must have felt, not only losing him but the child he knew she wanted very much. It was a big reason why he let her get away with most of what she has been doing lately. He felt in a way he owed her to let out all her frustrations on him.

He thought he could just go back to being a hunter. His old life before he was called here. To bring her back to life. Just the thought, he felt he would now be the one needing to be brought back to life. If he left here. He would be all alone. Not even wanting to go back to the townhouse. There was no point. It was way too big for a man alone. Not to mention everywhere he looked now he remembered their family. Since all his memories were back.

It wasn't like before when he had no memory of her. Trying to move on. He could do it now also, just not with someone else. He didn't think he would ever get married again if he left here. Or have any more children. He would just lead the single hunter's life. The thought hurt him. He was used to being alone. Always hiding his true feelings. Giving sarcastic remarks not to show how hurt inside he really was. But if he was all honest with himself. He didn't want to live alone. He didn't want to lose her. The family they made, he held dear.

So for his decision on this, he would stay. He would see if she would open up any. If he saw that she wasn't changing. Then he would move on. He would give it one more try though. Just to satisfy himself. Just to say he didn't give up on what he really wanted that easy. Just because things got hard.