Ok, I know Zero has done some shady things. But can anyone see his point of view? How for a regular normal human to adjust to vampire ways would be hard. Especially, if you loved the person so much. For me, I wouldn't be able to share. Or watch.  Yet, Zero may just have to get over his human side to have the woman he truly wants. Do you think he can?

Chapter 138 part 2 Why?

Zero stays in the guesthouse that night, not sure what to think. Seeing that most of what he planed fell through. Still not able to believe she merged the dark side like that. Being fully in control of everything, being able to play him like that. Knowing most of everything he was up to.

He sits there on the sofa, drinking his beer just wondering if they would ever recover from this. Seeing how far they have become from the couple so in love at the beginning. Things were messed up then too, but their love was strong. She always tried to get away from Kaname then. Making it be just the two of them. That was no longer. She has made it clear that she wasn't leaving him. He was part of this package. If he liked it or not. She picked up for Kaname, standing by him and yet again, willing to let Zero walk away and stay with Kaname. That hurt him more than anything else. He wasn't sure if it was out of duty? Because she was so hurt? Or because its how she truly felt. He just knew it was real and happening no matter what reason. It burned through his thoughts. Remembering at Cross how she just walked away from him. Leaving him all those years. It just makes him hate Kaname more and have resentment towards her. Not able to understand, if she loved him so much, why and how would she still want to be with Kaname? His thoughts and reasons were still the human way. Wasn's hers? Didn't she see it? Was there something more to this, that he wasn's seeing? That maybe he overlooked? 

He did see how hurt she was about all the women he was with. He knew how she acted the night before in his quarters was real. The trembling, the tears, that wasn't faking it. He knew that would take her the longest to get over. Always thinking that Zero was innocent. Not tainted, not having a deep dark side just as strong as hers. Which he did, in a way his was stronger and took over him. Its what made him sleep with all those women.

Needing to fulfill it, trying to get her out of his mind. All those years of keeping it hidden and in check, when it was finally let loose, it took all control. Bringing out a beast he couldn't tame or hold back any longer. It was so strong it even tamed her.

Which brought up another thought in his mind. She didn't sleep with Kaname because she didn't want to hurt him. Wasnt the pill helping? Didn't it have any effect? Was it just all Yuki in control? If so he thought she would run to Kaname's bed and she never did. Which only hurt him more, seeing all his worryment was for nothing. If she could keep the dark side at bay why would she want to be married to the both of them? When she was happy with just sleeping with Zero? 

But then how long would that last? Would it last? He sat there feeling it didn't matter anymore. There was no way she would hold back now. Kaname won, in every sense of the word. For Zero being so stupid, it pushed her closer to the man he despised. Making him get everything he wanted. The dark one loved to play them up against each other. IT was her favorite thing to do, so now that she was pissed at Zero he just felt she would be back in Kaname's bed. All this was for nothing.

He knew now that he would never just have her to himself. It would never be a regular relationship. For the first time, since they started this, he finally saw everything clearly. He always tried to believe that she wanted him and only him. That they would run away and be a family. He knew now what Kaname told him from the start was the truest thing he ever told him. She wants us both. We both offer her something the other doesn't. No truer words were ever spoken. Still as clear as it was, there were still some questions in his mind of why?

He tried to get away from all this, only to see how half a person he was without her. The last few months being the best. Even though Kaname was there, he had her, just sharing her. Could he do this for the rest of his life? He wasn't sure. Could he live without her? HE already tried, that didn't work either. He was so lost and confused, it was a losing battle. One none of them seem to win. Even if he walked away, let Kaname win. He would be lost and he knew deep down so would She. They held a part of each other no one else did. There were chains wrapped around each one of them. Squeezing tighter around them every time one tried to break loose. It would just pull them back into the point of suffocation. Would they ever be free of each other? Zero didn't think so.

He just takes another beer from the frig. going into his bedroom to lay down. Needing some time to let go of the night's events.