Abraxia, as it turned out, also lived on the top floor of a rather tall building. Min-ji was beginning to wonder if any of the other floors on these skyscrapers were inhabited.

The office, as with all rooms in Abraxia's home, was a garish assault of pastels, flowers and ribbons. An unpleasantly thick sweet floral scent hung in the air like a bad fart.

"You asked for the best, I hereby present to you the best," said Abraxia from her control chair "You can compare these darling works of art with the most sophisticated weaponry of any of the FTL Players and they still come out on top. Microscopic genius missiles with anti-lithium warheads and fully self-aware AI systems whose only goal in life is to die gloriously for the cause of successfully striking their target. 6d hyperspatial movement. A lifejammer field prevents mind-state retrieval for a kilometer radius around the impact point. A single carrier missile breaks apart into 10,000 of these sweetie kittens which proceed to enhypercube their target and then fulfill their life's ambition. Now imagine filling up the night sky with them."

Min-ji blinked twice, as though not certain of what she heard.

"That's the single most disgusting concept I've ever heard in my entire life," she said, with an almost flat affect.

"I don't know what to tell you," said Abraxia "You said you wanted the best."

"I think I should buy the weapons," said Sparkle, "You're probably not going to like any of them."

"I probaby won't," admitted Min-ji, "But let's just get this over with."

"Okay," said Sparkle, "But you're going to have to get in the spirit of it because right now you're being uncharacteristically unhelpful. This is what we came for."

"I know," said Min-ji, "I know. I apologize to everyone."

"Oh you can't hurt my feelings," said Abraxia, "Okay, you don't like weapons that contain within them suicidal intelligences. I can respect that."

Min-ji was quite proud of herself that she said nothing in response to any of this.

"I have other avenues we can explore. Before we begin I assume you're looking to kill something with human-equivalent technology and are hoping to do so in such a way that they don't come back?"

"No!" Min-ji half-shouted, before adding more calmly "That is to say, we will engage in violence only when it is purely defensive. We only want to stop our own people from getting hurt. If we can do that without any permanent mind-state loss on either side that would be the best possible outcome."

"We want to neutralize enemy spacecraft," offered Sparkle.

"Technologically sophisticated spacecraft?" asked Abraxia.

"Extremely," said Sparkle "Possibly more-so than us."

"Well," said Abraxia, "when in doubt I always recommend hurling matter at something at relativistic speeds. Hard to beat for efficiency. You could try some magnetic lances."

"I've never heard of those," said Sparkle.

"Well there are those without poetry in their souls who also call them mass drivers. Railgun is technically obsolete but you get it sometimes as well. Multi-staged magnetic cannons that fire material slugs at just shy of 90% of light speed. At that speed a warhead is completely redundant."

"How's that going to hold up against a defense field?" asked Sparkle.

"Poorly," Abraxia admitted "But I have yet to see any kind of defense that could withstand a sustained bombardment from a sufficient number of magnetic lances. Especially the extra silky smooth ones I make available to premium clients such as yourselves."

"We have no idea what we're dealing with," said Sparkle, "Only that it was unaffected by one of the heaviest duty EMFMs ever built. Ideally we'll need something that can deal with the largest possible number of defenses."

"And we've completely ruled out the genius missiles?" asked Abraxia.

Min-ji shot her a withering look.

"Fair enough," Abraxia said "I would just like to reiterate that they like dying in battle. It's fun for them. In any case you might also consider-"

"Excuse me," Min-ji interrupted "It's fun for them?"

Sparkle jumped between her friend and Abraxia.

"Min-ji you shouldn't be here if it makes you upset. I'll talk to Abraxia alone and then later you can tell me how awful she is okay?"

It made her seethe and boil to do so, but Min-ji recognized the wisdom in her friend's words. She nodded to Sparkle, gave Abraxia one last dirty look, and walked out the door.

"She should talk to her Consensus Avatar and have that stick displaced from her ass," mused Abraxia.

"Hey, you," snarled Sparkle "Be nice."

"Sorry, sorry," said Abraxia, putting up his hands in surrender.

* * *

Caesar was in the foyer leaning against a wall with his eyes closed, talking to someone in his head, when Min-ji found him.

"Sparkle kick you out?" he asked, without opening his eyes.

"How did you know?" asked Min-ji.

Caesar opened his eyes and smiled his jackass smile.

"Must have been a lucky guess," he said "You're a strange one, Cerulean-san," said Caesar.

"Is that so?" asked Min-ji.

"It is in fact. You have all the empathy in the universe for alien cultures, you can understand the minds of beings that evolved in conditions fantastically different from those of our shared ancestral homeworld, but for some reason you draw the line at humans choosing to live differently than you."

Min-ji opened her mouth to reply but no words came out. She closed it again and considered what her, ugh, friend had just said.

"All I'm asking is you give me the same benefit of the doubt you'd give a sapient space rock bent on galactic domination," Caesar continued.

"I think I could make that concession," said Min-ji.

"I'd appreciate it," replied Caesar.

Sparkle rounded a corner and spotted the two.

"Min-ji! Caesar!" she exclaimed with pure delight.

"That was fast," remarked Min-ji.

"Yep!" grinned Sparkle.

"So what did you end up getting?" asked Min-ji.

"Oh, you don't want to hear about the weapons. It'll just make you angry again," said Sparkle, losing a little of her usual joviality.

"You went with the genius missiles didn't you?" demanded Min-ji.

"Of course I did!" Sparkle practically yelled "They're the best and we're trying to protect our people. So we need the best. They already exist and they already want to die. If they can do so to protect our home they might as well do that."

"I can't believe I'm hearing this," said Min-ji.

"I told you you wouldn't want to hear it. I said you'd get angry," said Sparkle.

"How could you?" asked Min-ji.

"It was easy," replied Sparkle "I asked myself 'what would be the most effective way to protect the people I care about?'"

"Proxima will never allow it," said Min-ji, trying to convince herself as much as anyone.

"If she doesn't she doesn't," said Sparkle "Until then I'm going to do what we were sent here to do."

"Well it's done," said Min-ji, darkly "So let's go."

"On that note," interjected Caesar "While I recognize this might not be the most opportune moment to bring up the subject I see my window of action closing rapidly.

"What's the catch?" asked Min-ji.

"Remember our discussion about the space rocks?" replied Caesar "I may be a lowly Hercules barbarian but even I can tell that if Proxima Ring sends ambassadors here for the first time in centuries with the purpose of buying weapons you must be facing a genuine threat. Perhaps even an existential crisis. This is the perfect intersection of my human solidarity and my self-aggrandizement. The rep tidal wave I rode with you ladies means I'm effectively retired, so I have nothing but time for my hobbies."

"That's great!" shouted Sparkle, who gave Caesar a violent hug.

Min-ji was not as heartened by the news.