Again a quiet night filled by my tears. Today was even more hurtfull than the others days, but I've still been able to put a fake smile on my face. The practice was hard,and the break we had wasn't even break for me because my heart wasn't able to take it. Not the dance but Hoseok cuddling with Jimin. Why ? Why does he have to do that ? I know that there is nothing between them because Jimin love someone else but still. Why does he initiate skinship with Jimin when he don't even put his arms over my shoulder like he used to. What changed ?

I love him, I told him tonight after practice ended.

He tough I was saying it as a friend and just aswered with a smile. That smile was beautiful, like the one he was giving me when we started going out. Only him have this smile, it's just one ofthe things that made me fall deeper for him. His smile full of happyness, his smile that make my heart race. But this time it hurted to see that he's ok. It's egoist of me I know, but it just confirm me that he don't feel anything for me anymore. Why can't he trust me ?I can't live without him. I crave for his hug, I can't bear to not feel his embrace, I can't bear to not see his eyes staring at mine,with this thing that he had only when he was watching me. With frustrated feeling and sadness I write down this emotion.

« You stillshine
You're still like a scented flower
Now trust me, holdme once again
So I can feel you, hold me

Holdme tight, hug me
Can you trust me, can you trust me
can youtrust me
Pull me in tight
Hold me tight, hug me
Can youtrust me, can you trust me
Please, please, please pull me in andhug me »

I think that I have enought lyrics for record apart of the song, so I do it. I don't really do it perfectly, it's just a rough copy of it until I finish it. This night end once again on this sofa, crying, not eating. Reassuring Jimin with lies, and feeling guilty. At one point my heart stop to hurt and I fall in adeep sleep. I don't dream this night, I just let go.

The morging eventually come and I don't feel a thing this time. I look at the time and quickly go take a shower and change clothes before the guys arrive for practice. They all say hi and Jimin make me eat a muffin, almost killing me because he said I losed weight. I smile at him, thanking him but I don't feel a thing. It's weird. The practice go all day long, and my body almost break but I keep going.

Today too I see Hoseok hyung hug Jimin. It's so weird because tears are forming in my eyesbut my heart don't hurt. And it go like that all day, I don't want to laugh, smile, cry, talk. Nothing.I have the feeling that I'm dead inside, like my heart wasn't beating anymore but when I'm dancing I can feel it in my chest. The practice end after the night fall and the manager give us food. Jin think it's better for us to eat in the recording room because there will be heating there.

Hoseok, Jimin and Namjoon sit on the sofa while I sit on the ground with Jungkook and Jin. Yoongi sit on the computer chair and search for some music as background. He just begin to play a random file of composition as we begin to eat. Namjoon hyung suprise me when he begin to yell at me as he joke. « Yah, you could tidy up this room, you sleep all nights here after practice. Seriously it's a fucking mess ! » Everyone begin to laugh and their jokes keep going as the food keep lessen.
I'm one of the first to finish to eat, but Jin is still at half of his meal. He command so much that it's almost a meal for 5 persons. But Jungkook eat almost as much than him, it's just that he eat less now that he is on a diet.

I keep watching them talk and laugh but it's like their words wasn't reaching me. Yoongie hyung turn to the computer as the other keep talking. « What's this ? » I turn to Yoongi hyung who was searching something on the computer. « This song. » Every one become quiet, and listen to the beat filling the room. It's my song,just the beat but still. What ?Why did it play ? I listened to it so many time that I didn't even react when it played. It take some time for the word to came out. « It's mine. » Every one look at me. I look down, shy that they listen to the song I've done. Yoongie hyung ask me, a point of exitement inhis voice. « It's you who did that ? When ? » « Hmm.. Theses days, I spend my time in this room working on this song. » The music stop and Yoongi hyung play it again,surely putting it on replay while Namjoon ask me why I didn't told them. « I didn't wanted you to have exeptation, I just wanted to try, I didn't even know if I would be able to write lyrics for it,but when I did, I just told myself that I'll make you listen to it when I'll finish it." Jimin eyes widened. « YOU WROTE LYRICS TOO ? » « Well.. yeah but I didn't write the rap part.. Just.. some things who came to my mind. » I wasn't able to push away the blush that was spreading on my face. Yoongi hyung just wiggle in exitement on his chair, proud of his member. « Can you show us ? Like now ? Did you done a record ? »It was rare to see Yoongi hyung like that. I turn my gaze to Hoseok hyung. I wrote this song thinking of him, how will he react. Hoseok hyung stare at me, and I can see anticipation in his eyes. I stand up and go to the computer, I search for the record I did the night before, my hands shaking with fear.

When the song begin,  Ijust go back to where I was siting. Everyone is quiet as they listen,the debut of the song, they all watch either the ceiling, the ground or their hands.

« I can only see you
I can only see you alone
Look, I'm fair with everyone else but you
Now I can't live a day without you, please

Hold me tight, hug me
Can you trust me, can you trust me
can youtrust me
Pull me in tight
Hold me tight, hug me
Can you trust me, can you trust me
Please, please, please pull me in andhug me »

My eyes go on Hoseok hyung who watch the ground, he shake a little at the sound of some words. I can't avert my gaze. I just keep watching him the whole time, he bit at his lips,harder than I want. It look like it will bleed.

« You still shine
You're still like a scented flower
Now trust me,hold me once again
So I can feel you, hold me

Without you, I can't breathe
I'm nothing without you
Open my closed heart, drench my heart
So I can feel you, hold me »

His bangs hide his eyes but I can see tears falling down on his tighs, I watch the others but none of them seem to see it all too absorbed in listening the song. My eyes stop at Hoseok hyung again who start to clench his fist, maybe trying to supress his tears.

« I can only see you
I can only see you alone
Look, I'm fair with everyone else but you
Now I can't live a day without you, please

Hold me tight, hug me
Can you trust me, can you trust me
can you trust me
Pull me in tight
Hold me tight, hug me
Can you trust me, can you trust me
Please, please, please pull me in and hug me »

He look at me and our eyes meet during 2 seconds. His eyes are red and full of tears and it hurt me to see him like that.

« Hold me tight, hug me
Trust me, trust me, trust me
Hold me tight,hug me
Can you trust me, can you trust me
Please, please,please pull me in and hug me

You still shine
You're still like a scented flower
Now trust me,hold me once again
So I can feel you, hold me »

The song come to an end and Hoseok wipe away his tears and put a smile on his face. All of them clap for me. « DAEBAK » Yoongi hyung turn to face me. « It's really good Tae, wouah.. I think we can even put it in our album. » Every one agree and I'm shocked and happy. I smile and thanks them, but my mind replay the tears falling of Hoseok eyes.