Would it stop hurting if he doesn't think about it? No. Because somehow his mind always ends up thinking about Adora, no matter how much he busies himself. Is it because they never called their friendship off? Or is it because of the time when Adora called him at 2 in the morning, voice frail and hiccups in between, crying and sniffling when she says sorry multiple times and then following it with the sudden news that she is moving to the other side of the world in about 3 hours.

Hoseok remembers how it knocked the air out of his lungs, the sleep out of the window, and how he didn't know what to say or act when on the other side of the phone he could still hear his best friend crying and muttering sorry endlessly.

Sometimes he wishes that maybe he should have pestered her more in the earlier weeks, maybe then the news wouldn't have been such a horrifying one. Maybe even more horrifying than the jump-scares she used to give him after their horror movie nights.

He lies on his bed, left alone with his thoughts spiralling from one end to the other until he is sure that he has no chance of forgetting memories of him and Adora because for that, he needs to have a break away from her which he doesn't, considering the number of polaroids he always surrounds himself with.

Hoseok sighs, turning to his side and eyes getting glared at by his bedside digital watch.

It's 2 AM.

And he suddenly feels his throat dry.

"I need some water." Mumbling so, he pulls up from his bed and walks into the kitchen, opening the fridge and pulling out a water bottle. The one, Adora's family had gifted him with a set of cutlery. He remembers it correctly because it had been years after Adora shifted to the other side of the world, and also because the bottle had a blue letter rolled inside it with a new printed polaroid.

It was the one when she had visited us back after moving, and that was our last polaroid.

Hoseok ignores the chill that runs down him as he gulps down the water from the bottle. Chest feeling tight as memories of a 17 year-old Adora smiling and wearing the same red knitted scarf around her neck as she swings her and his intertwined hands comes to his mind. Tears prick his eyes but he blinks them away, hands wiping off his lips and he quickly strides back to the bedroom.

He grabs at his hair as he sinks down on his bed, a bit of frustration radiating off of him but the other emotion he feels is too sad, he is suddenly missing his best friend. The best friend with whom he made so many promises of being together with. The best friend who promised him that he would always have a christmas polaroid no matter where they were.

But now he doesn't. The last christmas polaroid he has was the one that came in the bottle.

Of them holding hands with snow underneath.

And he sleeps. Eyes still wet and prickling with tears but he doesnt let them fall and sinks into deep sleep.

He then dreams of a familiar red knitted scarf and the bells like laughter under the snow falling. He can never try to forget those memories even if he tries to.

The next morning is the same old as ever. Waking up early and getting ready by 7:30, stuffing a freshly made ham and cheese sandwich into the mouth and leaving the house with his office bag and wallet by 8:00.

It's a boring routine, but if Hoseok's mind knows anything to entertain him throughout this routine, it is to somehow connect it to his childhood days.

Like how, he would egarly wake up at 7:00 and go rushing to Adora's house to wake up her sleepy head. How then, Adora's mother would've prepared some ham and cheese sandwich with honey milk for the two of them before Hoseok goes back to get ready for their school. And how the two would leave for the school side-by-side, talking about the previous day's homework and what not.

Hoseok sighs as he sways on the metro that he usually takes to his office, once again not amused that his brain supplies to him every new hour.

Sometimes he wonders, Just how many memories did we have that my brain never shuts up about it?

He will never know.