Hey guys, um, well I wanted to tell you, I won't be on here for awhile. Today at 7:30 I had an important appointment that changed me. Not forever, maybe forever,I don't know. The appointment was set for the evening seeing as I wanted time to prepare for it.

No, the appointment wasn't for me, or any of my blood related family. It was for people in my family though, I know that's confusing, but I had to put my 13 year old dog,Aby (That's how I spell her nickname, my mom spells it Abbey), and my 9 year old cat, Lily, down. Those two were my favorite, I named Lily, and I grew up with them both, Lily and Aby. I cried, but I had to stop first so I could calm my twin sis, and my mother. They cried so hard, I had to hold it in as best as I could to be strong. I cried before we entered the room, I calmed myself quickly, went into the room, sat quietly, and said my good byes before they went to sleep. Every one in the room started crying except for me, the only people in the room were my mom, Makenna, and I. The doc. stepped out along with the nurse to let us have sometime alone in the room with them afterwards. I was the last one out the door, I said "See you later Abbey." quietly, and the nurse standing next to the door looked at me silently. We burried Lily at my nana and pap's house, where my mother's dog, Rebel, and my mother's cat, Morpheus. One of our other cats that was close with Lily. I burried Lily, I was the one to do it, seeing as I wanted to. Abbey was left at the vet's so she could get cremated.  We didn't have enough money to cremate Lily too. My pap got into an accident before we drove there. My bro didn't want to come with us to the vet's. My pap is fine. I don't want to go to school tomorrow. I think I'll break down infront of everybody, have a panic attack like I've had at school before. I don't want to update much anymore, atleast for a week. I now feel really depressed. Merlin, Lily' s brother, has been acting weird since we got home. He knows, and it's really sad.

I'm afraid I'll cry in front of someone that likes me, believe me, I don't like them. In fact, I just see them as a peer.  I don't want anyone to confront me if they see me crying. I don't want them to get a counselor to talk to me, nor a teach. If it does happen, or I'm close to crying, I'll ask a teacher if I can go to the nurse. I don't want anybody to see me cry. I hate when my peers try to comfort me. They'll be worried about me, I don't want to worry anyone.

I'm sorry we both haven't been updating, I knew the date of the appointment before hand. So I was very sad. He's moving to Texas, farther away from me, I miss him, I can't talk to him while he's moving. I also don't have much desire to write anymore. I can't promise to write anymore. I can't promise to write anymore. I just want to wallow in sadness for now, I guess. In 2015, my grandpa died, I miss him, and my dog, Apollo, Abbey's none DNA related brother, died before grandpa. It crushed me. 2013, Morpheus died. I hated 2014, it was the worst year, even if there were no deaths ,that I know of, in my family. 2016, was an okay year, nothing really happened, that I can remember. Again in 2015, my great grandma died, before Apollo. I was hit hard that year, really. 3 people, that I knew, died. I wasn't there for all 3, I didn't get to say goodbye at all. I don't want a repeat of 2015, I've already lost two, I don't want to lose another.

I'm sorry, that this is so long, and I'm sorry that I went all, depressive. I don't want pity. I bet I seem mean, I'm sorry. He always wanted me to stop saying sorry all the time, Jim. Everytime I said I'm sorry, he'd tell me to stop saying sorry for things that I didn't need to say sorry for, then I'd say I'm sorry again. Then I'd realize and after I'd degrade myself. I don't degrade myself anymore, not alot anyways.

Well, I guess that's more info on me. An update of what's been going on too! So I guess, this is that last update for a little while. Thanks for listening, even if I was super boring, and probably made lots of mistakes.

Goodbye 🖐 ❤

~ Her