im excessively bitter bc my mother and me got into another conversation abt my skin picking and i just adjgsdhk

its awful bc: 1. she does not get it at all and 2. i cannot explain it to her either

she thinks i only pick when im like depressed or w/e and that is very wrong ive been binging voltron and mp100 and im excited and happy so appropriately i clawed at every sore on my arms and legs

she keeps telling me to "just stop" but like??? it's easier said than done like ive legit picked open like 5 sores without even being aware of it and then looked over and was like "wow i was picking huh interesting"

and other times i get so much pleasure out of it i feel so disgusting

and i can tell its just killing my mom that she may have to take me to a psychiatrist. she acts like its the most horrible thing in the world for me try to see a real doctor abt this bc she thinks i can just magically make this go away myself. and i just. i dont think i can. i dont know what's going on. i dont know if im mentally ill or its something else. i just dont know, man.

she has this big stigma against any medication for mental illness like. okay, antibiotics and all that stuff? cool. the possibility the doctor might prescribe me something for anxiety (or w/e i have no idea)? THATS TERRIBLE!

i understand thats shes worried i just wish i really communicate with her how i  feel but like,, i have a lot of trouble saying stuff like this to someone's face

this chapter is weird so heres a picture of jesus!shiro