I am the youngest in my family. The youngest girl in the bunch, and normally, according to stereotype, the youngest is always the most spoiled.

Not the case in my family.

My sister could bat her eyelashes and get whatever the fuck she wanted, and it's been that way since forever, whereas I never ask for a damn thing, and when I do, I'm terrified to in the first place.

She gets the spotlight, the attention, the praise, and anything else in the world. My brother is the only boy, he's the oldest, and he's a soldier, my mom of course treats him with her favor. And then there's my sister, her perfect little Barbie doll, whose done pageants every since she was little, her best friend.

Then there's me, the outcast, the writer, the reader, the nerd, the social pariah, the introvert, the anxious one... the one who questions her sexuality and gender everyday day of her life...

When she's in the spotlight and she's being praised, I sit, and I listen to it, and I cheer, and I support her. But, when I talk about my dreams, my ambitions, everything I want to achieve with my life... it never seems to amount to anything she's ever done.

She has a job working with the military, she wants to open a boutique. I'm a freshman in high school, a year ahead of what I should be, and I want to become an author... Somehow, those aren't even close to equal in my family's eyes. I get a pat on the head, she gets a hug and a kiss. It's just not... fair.

I feel like sometimes the only person who really does see that, who does see that I stand in the shadows for her... is my aunt. I love her to death, she's an amazing woman. And there are times where I feel like I can't escape my sisters shadow, and then Aunt Golly asks me about things, and engages in a real conversation with me, and doesn't underestimate me as a little girl anymore...

And then part of me feels like they see her with more value because she is a petite blonde girl with a bubbly personality. Whereas I am a threatening and quiet brunette with curves beyond belief. And that shadow that I stand in feels like water sometimes and it feels like the waters rising and rising and it's past my neck now and I'm panicking and it's up to my mouth now and I take a deep and steady breath, to calm myself and then I can only breathe through my nose and I take a deep breath and it's only so long until I drown... I... I don't know what to think anymore...