[If you are related to me in anyway, leave.]

Mid October. 2016

Kinsley was more shy than she used to be in the bedroom. More reserved with her words and her sounds. That didn't bother me because I knew she would come back. I knew once she got more comfortable and felt how much I adored her body, she would begin to open up again. 

Every little gasp and whimper from between her lips made me tremble above her as I pressed my hips down, grinding my cock against her clit. Her hands were all over me, in my hair, down my neck, scratching at my shoulder blades which were slick with oil from her massage. 

I sealed my lips over hers and kissed her hard, sucking on her tongue, biting down on her lip, desperate to be impossibly close to her while the knowledge that soon I would have to tell her we're engaged lingered in the back of my mind. 

Kinsley's legs tightened around my waist, those strong thighs of hers putting me in a vice and I fucking loved it. With my good shoulder holding my weight, I used my other hand to glide along her thigh, travelling the expanse of it, feeling the smooth skin. My hand slid under her knee and I pushed her leg toward her chest as I moved down, kissing the space I covered.

Her chest, her stomach, her hips. She was writhing beneath me, more so as I slung her leg over my shoulder and nestled my face at her core, dipping my fingers into her waist band. Kins was panting, her face tipped up toward the ceiling, her chest rising and falling. I could see her pert nipples peaking under her tank top. 

"Do me a favor, baby," I said, guiding her shorts and under wear down past her hips. "Lift that ass for me."

She did, digging her foot into the mattress to give her leverage and once I'd helped her discard of her shorts, I settled back in, giving her slit one nice big lick. Her entire frame trembled. 

"You taste so fucking good," I groaned, licking again, sucking her clit between my teeth and grazing it. Her leg slid off my shoulder as she shook and I slapped the inside of her thighs, spreading them as wide as possible, pinching, bruising little finger marks in a place only she would see them. 

"Phoenix," she panted, her hands going into my hair, just where I'd told her I liked them last time I was feasting on her pussy. 

Arching my head back, I looked at her pretty glistening pink pussy. "Touch yourself for me," I said, taking the lead because while she was new to having sex with me, I wasn't new to having sex  with her. I knew what she liked and back in the rink, after the injury, she told me to use what I know. So I'm using what I know. 

She looked down at me and I held eye contact as I spat on her clit. "Make yourself come while I watch."

Her sun kissed cheeks flushed a crimson red, but she wasn't embarrassed, she was aroused. She loved this game. This submission. She loved it when I watched as her manicured fingers slid down to her clit, two covering the pink bud. She started with feather light strokes and started moaning right off the bat. She knew where it felt good, better than I did. 

"Yeah," I encouraged, feeling rock hard as her other hand dipped into her tank top and pinched her nipple. "Fuck, yeah, does that feel good?"

She moaned her confirmation, her back arching off the bed while her fingers flicked and rubbed her clit and her breathing became ragged and her moans became louder. 

"Phoenix," her voice was so fucking tight as I kept my hands on her thighs so she couldn't close them and fight off her own building climax. I could tell she was peaking, her entire body was quivering. "It feels so fucking good."

I spat on her again and she sucked in a loud gasp of arousal. 

"Come on, let go," I encouraged, desperate to bury myself inside of her. "Come on, come all over me, beautiful." 

Her entire body seized up and she went still, her throaty moan was drawn out, long and undone and her pussy pulsed right before she started coming, spurts of liquid that I lapped up with my tongue. Her legs went limp, her arms fell to her side and she sounded like she'd just run a marathon, but I didn't let her rest. I went up onto my knees, gripped her hips and flipped her over. 

"I love watching this ass bounce while I fuck you," I slapped her cheek and she moaned. Yeah, her memories might be gone but my girl's body still responded as it always had. I slapped her ass again. 

I fisted my cock, lining it up at her entrance, her ass rounded out in front of me, the most lavish one I'd ever had the pleasure of seeing. Hand prints were starting to form on her skin and I added to them, a few harsh slaps that had her rearing onto me. 

"Come on," she moaned as I dragged my cock down her slit, not sliding in, but teasing her with the tip. "Fuck me."

That was what I was waiting to hear. She didn't have an ounce of patience and I loved it. I loved listening to her voice beg me. 

Her hands spread out in front of her, clutching the sheets as I pushed in, her wet folds gripping me and causing me to shudder. Fucking sensational. She arched her back like a damn porn star and I had to hold onto her hips and keep her still while I adjusted because fuck, I was about to nut from how good it felt. 

Her impatient little ass started bouncing back on me and I blew out a harsh breath, almost a hiss as I smacked her ass. "Hang on, I'll come too fucking fast."

Her little whimper sounded frustrated and she didn't listen, rearing onto me again. Fuck it, I'd have to hold on for as long as I could. Not giving her a chance to brace herself, I slammed into her hard and then I fucked fast, pounding into her, smacking her ass, pulling her hair while she buried her face in the mattress and a scream tore through her. 

I felt like a fucking animal but she made me insane and I loved the sound of our flesh slapping together, the insides of her thighs getting sticky, her ass bright red from all the hits it took. I was so fucking in love with this woman and the things she made me feel, the things I knew I could make her feel. It was euphoric. 

I came, shattering inside of her. She was on birth control again and neither of us had been with someone else since we met nine months ago. I collapsed over her back, kissing her spine, trading the sting of a slap for a gentle caress on her ass. I couldn't wait to start taking care of her. A bath, a massage. Wrapping her up in love after I'd fucked her senseless was one of the best parts of our sex. 

                                           Kins and I sat in the bath tub together, facing each other. Her legs draped over mine, leaving her spread and bare beneath the surface. Her hair was damp, the soft waves wet and strands stuck to her neck. She was a vision, beautiful in a way that I'd never known a woman can be. Her lashes framed the most sensually shaped eyes and her lips, full and inviting parted for a rasp voice that drove me wild. 

The swell of her breasts peeped out from the bubbles and I swore, she could be on the cover of a a magazine, she could be on a billboard, the face of whatever the fuck she wanted because I couldn't imagine she wouldn't draw attention from whoever looked at her. 

Her feet slid across my thighs, her knees breaking the surface when she drew her legs up. My arms were draped on either side of the tub, remaining there, wrapped around the ceramic because if I let them drift, I had no doubt about where they would end up. Right now, I wanted to soak her in, watch her and appreciate her before I told her news that had the potential to upend this night. 

I was hoping like hell it wouldn't ruin our time together, but I had no idea how she'd react. For a moment, I wondered if Sadie was right. If perhaps this was something better left unsaid. Maybe I could pretend I'd never asked her to be my wife and instead, I could propose to her again in another few months, or whenever it felt like we were there. 

As tempting as that was, I knew I couldn't do that to her. Like she said, she deserved to know the details of her own life. 

"Kins," I said, heart picking up speed when her brows rose in anticipation. "You remember when you said, no more secrets? You don't want details being withheld from now on?"

There was a micro flinch in her forehead and she swallowed, giving me a quick nod. 

"I have to tell you one more thing."

Her lids fell shut, a quiet, defeated sigh passing her lips. "What is it, Phoenix?"

Fuck, she was pissed off already, it could only get worse. The water rippled as I put my hands beneath the surface and wrapped them around each of her shins, holding on as if I could make it easier for her to accept the news by holding her. 

"We're- we're engaged," I said and watched her entire expression morph into shock. She went statue still, staring at me as if she were processing what I'd just said. "The morning of the injury, I asked you to marry me and you said yes."

"We're engaged?"

I nodded, jaw clenched tight because I could see she wasn't going to take this well. I couldn't blame her for that either. 

For a while, she said nothing, she didn't move, speak, I wasn't even sure if she was breathing until she sucked in a sharp breath and palmed her face. Without a word, she gripped the edges of the tub and lifted herself out. Bubbles clung to her naked frame and I watched her, desperation crawling all over me to salvage our night but knowing I'd fucked up. 

"Kinsley," I stood as well. She was out of the tub, wrapping a towel around herself with her back to me. In the mirror, I could see her reflection, the complete and total disbelief on her face. 

Water flew across the floor as I got out of the tub and reached for a towel as she stormed out of the bathroom. "Fuck," I muttered, my stomach in knots. I'd accepted that this was how it could go, but it was so much worse now that it was happening 

"Kins," I followed her into the room, wet footsteps imprinted on the carpet. She stood beside her bed, digging through her bag. "Babe, I know I should've told you sooner, I just-"

"Sadie?" She guessed, pausing going through her bag to look at me. That look was full of questions and uncertainty. "She's the one making all the calls right? I get it. But fuck, Phoenix. You could've over rode her on this one. I'm engaged and I didn't know. That's twice. Two engagements I don't remember. But this one sounds like it might've been a little more important since it was current."

I ran a hand through my hair. "You're right, it was something I should've told you, regardless of Sadie but I was treading careful. I didn't want to step on her toes. She's your sister. I figured she knew best."

Kins went back to pushing through her bag, flinging clothes across the bed. "She'd like to think she knows best, Phoenix but if we were engaged that means it should've fallen to you. You can't just hide behind the fact that my sister didn't think I should know. You're an adult. If you felt differently, you should've taken the reins and told me the truth."

I swallowed, feeling like a coward because she was right. I was going to be her husband and instead of stepping up to navigate her recovery the way I truly thought it should've been navigated, I'd sat back and let Sadie call the shots. Even when I didn't agree. I'd fucked up. 

"I mean, shit," she threw her hands up and started pacing, the towel still wrapped around and tucked at her cleavage. "I loved you enough to want to marry you and I don't even remember it. Hadn't we only been together for like six months at that point?"

I nodded, sitting on the corner of the bed because if I knew Kins, I knew that when she was pissed off, she wanted to breathe fire and that meant sitting back and taking what she had to dish. Especially because she wasn't wrong. She needed to ride the waves on this and I wasn't going to stop her. 

"That was how in love we were," I mumbled, elbows resting on my spread thighs. It didn't seem right to use past tense. My feelings hadn't changed at all. But I knew how much she struggled with the fact that I was ahead of her in terms of our relationship. 

"It was bad enough that I didn't know we were dating for that first few weeks after the head injury," she said, coming around to stand in front of me. "When I was told about that, the rest should have come out as well. What the fuck was the point in giving me that information in bite size portions, Phoenix?"

I looked up at her and considered getting on my knees at her feet and begging her to forgive me. 

Her eyes were hard but behind that anger was hurt and it killed me to know how different things could have been if we'd decided not to go to the restaurant that night. If I'd shut those assholes up who pissed her off before she had the chance to get fired up, things would be different and it burned a hole in the pit of my stomach. 

"Here's a scenario," she said and as fucking rotten as I felt, I took a moment to feel a swell of joy at how familiar her anger sounded, how the sarcastic lash of her tongue was so comforting because it was so her. "I wake up in the hospital from a head injury and I don't remember a fucking thing. There's Sadie and beside her is the man that I'm in love with. I don't remember him but Sadie says, 'this is Phoenix. You're in love and engaged.' It's shocking for a moment and it takes some time to come to terms with it, but at least I fucking know the truth."

Fuck, how much I wished we could go back to that night and do it different.  "That's how it should've been."

She huffed out a sarcastic laugh and started pacing again, holding her towel around her bust. 

"Look," I stood up and gripped her shoulders, still damp with beads of water. Fuck it, I was going to throw Sadie under the bus and at this point, I didn't care. "I wanted to be honest. I stood in that hospital corridor and begged Sadie to let me into that room. You are the love of my fucking life and you'd just been knocked unconscious in a bar. Of course I wanted to be with you and I don't know why I didn't fight harder. Perhaps I let Sadie convince me that her idea was best and all I wanted was the best for you. I fucked up."

Her lip started to wobble as I gripped her shoulders a little too rough, dragging her into me, closer. 

"I fucked up," I repeated, feeling as if I was coming undone. "If I could, I would do it differently. I would barge into that room and I wouldn't leave again. I fucked up and I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry."

A tear slipped down her cheek and she lowered her head. It started to scare me, that perhaps she wouldn't forgive me, that perhaps I'd gone too far this time. 

Now I did drop to my knees, my hands slid down her frame as I lowered, my palms met the back of her thighs and she stood between my spread knees looking down at me. I didn't care if this made me desperate, I'd sit here and beg for her to give me another chance. I would kiss the ground she walked on and I would do it for the rest of our lives. 

"Kins," I dropped my forehead on her stomach. "Please forgive me, baby."

"It's the fact that you knew better and you still let her make that decision for us," she croaked and I wished she'd push her hands through my hair. "You can't even claim ignorance, Phoenix. You knew what the right thing to do was." 

"I know."

We stood like that for a while, neither of us speaking. I remained wrapped around her, at her feet, her thighs soft beneath my hands and while I wished she was holding me too, I was glad she wasn't gone. 

I kept wondering when it would happen. When she'd decide she'd had enough of being in the dark and decided to cut me loose. Sometimes I could sense it, like she was on the fringe of disappearing from me. 

Eventually, she stepped back from me, going back to her bag. I stood up, my entire body humming to be close to her again. 

She didn't spare me a glance as she said, "we should go to bed."

So we did. We got dressed, we got into bed and I was relieved when she let me drag her across the mattress and tuck her into me. My sleep was restless and broken but I drifted off and in the morning, my heart shattered into a million pieces, because she was gone.