Early November. 2016

Phoenix took me on the most incredible date. It was on par with the one in the treehouse, except this one didn't end up with his head between my legs.

I couldn't tell how I felt about that. Whether I was relieved and flattered that he was taking things slowly, as I'd requested. Or disappointed because he really knew what he was doing down there.

He'd swayed my opinion on oral sex somewhat. I went from detesting it and feeling nervous at the thought of someone ever going down there, to missing his articulate tongue strokes and masterful mouth.

Phoenix took me home after we danced on the ice. He brought me an ice cream, stopped at the door and then kissed me goodnight and I was aching as I sat inside the apartment all alone, wishing I'd invited him in. Wondering if I should call him and ask him to come back.

He wanted to prove to me that he could respect my wishes and boundaries, he'd been doing that for the last month and a bit. It wasn't like I could be disappointed, I was the one that asked if we could pump the breaks after I found out that we were engaged.

Once again, I went into our bedroom, sat down on the bed and opened the side table. I'd been staring at this beautiful ring a lot ever since I found it hiding. It'd been on the tip of my tongue to ask Phoenix about it tonight.

Find out why it hadn't been on my finger when he proposed. There was one person who would know. Ash was there, from what she'd said when I went to her room the morning after I found out. I didn't ask for more details at the time because it'd been too much to hear. But I think a few more pieces of the puzzle were in order at this point.

Slipping the ring back into it's velvet box, I decided I'd go and see her tomorrow. It was time for us to have coffee anyway and she didn't have work on a Saturday morning.

A while later, as I was settling into bed with a candle burning, I got a text from Sadie.

Dad wants to do Thanksgiving in Toronto. You up for it?

Phone above me, I sucked on my cheek, thinking. I hadn't seen dad in what felt like forever. He called me once in a while, had a brief chat with me about how I was getting on and then he left me to it. It'd be nice to spend some real time with him.

Yeah. I'd like that.

Sadie sent back another quick text, followed by two more.

Oh. You responded.

Aren't you supposed to be on a date with Phoenix?

Shouldn't he be deep init right now?

He was a gentleman, dropped me at the door with an ice cream and a goodnight kiss. He also asked me to go to the game tomorrow night but, I said I might be busy.

Sadie's response wasn't as fast and I dropped the phone beside me, staring at the ceiling, letting my mind wander back to the date, the way Phoenix looked at me, his tender words and this awe struck expression he wore whenever he kissed me.

I also thought of the strange moment in the car, when his words had sounded so familiar, as if I were being transported into a moment I'd lived before.

You'll see baby.

Rolling over, I stared at the wall, recalling how I could've sworn he'd said those words to me in a different setting. In a different outfit, in a different time. It was the strangest sense of deja vu I'd ever experienced.

My phone blipped and I read the message from Sadie.

He just left you at home after a date? Weeeeird. What was he going to do?

Why would you be too busy to go to his game?

Frustration bubbled over her projection. Phoenix was going back to his hotel room to sleep before he spent the day tomorrow, training, doing interviews and media.

Perhaps the old me would've had irrational suspicions but there wasn't one piece of me that was worried he was doing anything other than what he said he would. 

Sure, he'd lied to me a few times, but considering those lies were encouraged by Sadie herself, I wasn't going to relate them to his loyalty.

Because I want to work on this project I have for work. I was going to work on it tonight but we went out.

It's Saturday tomorrow?? You don't have to work.

I know, but I'm having a lot of fun with it. I want to work on it.

Omfg Kins. Please don't turn into a workaholic again. We all had to deal with this obsessive need to be on the clock all the freaking time before. Live your life outside of work. Please.

Huffing out a frustrated breath, I dropped the phone on to the side table and resisted the urge to ask her where she drew the line at exposing pieces of my past.

It seemed like she was picking and choosing what I was allowed to know, again. Or perhaps she was just respecting that I'd asked her not to withhold things and was having far too much fun rubbing the negative bits in my face.

Whatever it was, I wasn't going to get into another argument with her. Not tonight.

                                    In the morning, I dressed up warm and drove to Starbucks to get Ash her coffee. It was a rule of thumb that you didn't show up at her place without a caffeinated beverage. There was a good chance she'd be asleep too, so I didn't want risk waking her up without a peace offering.

When I arrived at her apartment, I paused mid step at the sight of her front door ajar. Just a few inches but enough to send my heart racing. Ash was a true crime sponge. She lived and breathed horrific documentaries, podcasts, movies.

Whatever it was, she was a hive of information for true crime and as a result, I knew all too well that she wouldn't just leave her door open.

She was constantly pointing out the most unsuspecting situations to me and explaining all the ways in which I could end up dead. An open door, while she's home alone? No. That was not her.

It felt like forever that I stood there and contemplated my next move. Did I jump the gun and call the police.

But what if there was a simple explanation? That would be humiliating.

Should I call Phoenix? No, he was probably in the middle of a panel or something glamorous like that. I couldn't just leave, but if I went in and ended up dead. . . well, I'd be dead. There wasn't much I could do after that.

Exhaling a deep breath, I decided I'd rather die a good friend than turn around and live a coward.

I had a hot coffee too, that could serve as some sort of weapon. Nudging the door further open with my foot, I clutched the coffee, ready to hurl it as I crept inside.

There was a dull thud coming from the living room, and as I rounded the corner, I saw Ash propped up on her book shelf, her naked legs wrapped around Leighton as his bare ass clenched on aggressive thuds.

"Oh my fucking G—"

Both of them startled apart and I slapped a hand across my face, spinning in circles.

"There's a door for a reason," Ash sounded an octave more disgruntled than I was used to. "You're supposed to knock on it."

"It was open!"

"Oh that was me," Lei piped in. "Got a bit caught up in the moment.

I was still in the dark but it sounded like clothes were being put back on. God, I'd seen Ashley's nipples. Her nipples. That felt so intimate. I started laughing. It got worse when I recalled Lei's tight butt clenching on thrusts.

Ash started giggling a moment later too. "We're decent now."

I uncovered my eyes and while Lei was still shirtless and Ash was just pulling her t-shirt on, they were clothed enough that I could work on fighting back the furious warmth covering my neck and cheeks.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I stared at the two and spluttered with another bout of laughter.

"What?" Lei picked his t-shirt up from the couch. "Don't tell Phoenix."

"He already suspects, he told me last night he thinks you two are sleeping together."

Ash folded her arms and looked her usual self, not at all bothered over the fact I'd just walked in on her in the throes of passion. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen that much expression on her face before.

Silence descended upon the three of us and we stood in a triangle, exchanging amused smiles, quick glances and eventually I offered up the coffee to Ash.

"I didn't realize she'd have someone here," I said to Lei, wincing as I handed the coffee over. "I'd have brought one more if I knew . . . someone was here."

Lei gave me a flat stare and slipped his hands into his pockets. "You're having fun with this, huh?"

Wiping the smile, I shook my head. "Oh, no, not at all. Fun? No. Of course not."

His suspicious stare narrowed.

I couldn't help it when I said, "I can't wait to tell Phoenix I saw those little glutes getting the work out of their life."

Lei rounded the couch in quick strides, heading for the front door. "Ash, I'll call."

She watched him leave, smiling at the dramatic exit. Whatever this relationship was, she had the upper hand, that much was obvious. The front door clicked shut and we looked at each other, neither of us letting the situation raise an awkward barrier between us.

"So," I started.

"Yeah, we're sleeping together. He's stupid, don't get me wrong, he is ridiculous and kind of amusing. I think, well, he makes me laugh. But he is stupid."

"You can just tell me you like him," I said, watching her from the other side of the couch. "I won't judge you for having a soft spot. Swear."

She waved a flippant hand and sipped on her coffee. As I came around to sit on the couch, I wondered if it was clean enough. I couldn't see anything that would indicate dick juice, so I plonked into the black leather and tucked my feet up underneath me.

Ash sat beside me.

"I don't know if I should mention this, but he was kind of going after Sadie a little while ago."

Ash chuckled. "Yeah, no. I mean, he does think Sadie is beautiful because, she is and even I would bark up that tree. But it was more of a tactic to throw off Phoenix because Phoenix doesn't think he's good enough for me."

"I'm sure that's not true."

"It is," Ash slipped her cup between her thighs and started pulling her hair into a bun. "Phoenix just doesn't know that Lei is capable of commitment. He's been after me for a while and I used to shoot him down. I didn't think he was capable of serious either. Not after we slept together a few years ago. We started talking more just before the season started and then when we went to Edmonton, we started sleeping together again. He was in the room that morning you came in all upset about Phoenix."

I winced, not feeling all that great about the fact that he'd heard me getting emotional over Phoenix. It was pointless to worry about it now though.

"Well, Phoenix is convinced something is going on."

Ash shrugged a shoulder, picking her cup up again. "He couldn't stop me from doing what I want. I just couldn't be bothered listening to his shit."

I laughed, sometimes I felt the same about Sadie. As much as I loved her, there were just some conversations I didn't want to have with her.

Ash looked over at me, her often detached expression became softer. "What's brought you over here this morning?"

"It seems like it's something I could have asked over text message now," I said, lightly laughing. "Would've saved interrupting."

She gave me a slap on the knee, about the only sort of physical affection I could imagine getting from her, save for that hug she gave me when we first met. I wouldn't hold it against her. "I always have time for a girlfriend. Lei can wait."

Ash was the woman I'd always wanted to be in college. "I just. . .I found an engagement ring at home and I wanted to know why I wasn't wearing it that night? I know it doesn't seem that important but it's hard having holes in the little information I have."

"You don't have to feel like that kind of thing isn't important," she said. "I can't even imagine having those kinds of questions and struggling to fill the gaps. Though, I'm sure Phoenix could've told you?"

I lowered my head, flicking the lid on my cup. "I didn't want to tell him that I found the ring. If he ever decides to propose to me again, he might want it to be a surprise."

"I don't think he'd mind," she said. "It was always more about the love for him. The marriage and the forever, bla bla bla. He'd bought that ring on impulse after your first night together and he was debating whether or not to give it to you or let you pick out your own ring. So, he hadn't gotten around to that on the night of the injury. It sat in his drawer."

"Have you seen it?"

She nodded, long lashes sweeping the tops of her cheeks on a blink.

"It's perfect."

"It is beautiful."

Blowing out a long breath, I hitched a shoulder. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do next. I think I have strong feelings for him. I've recovered from the shock of finding out we're engaged, like I knew I would. I just. . . don't know where to go from here."

Ash watched me for a moment, her stare thoughtful. "You do whatever your heart tells you to do. Go slow. Fall in love. Get married. Don't get married. Do what feels right because all Phoenix wants is for you to be happy. He'd even let you go if that was what you wanted. It would kill him. But he'd do it."

"I don't want that," I said, fast. "Not now."

                                          On Saturday morning, I sat in my bedroom and used my iPad to design the space and function for an out door tub and shower at the Upper Lonsdale house.

The client said it had to feel natural but otherwise, I should design it however I felt best. The creative freedom was liberating. I drew my knees up and a wave of deja vu crashed into me.

I sat on the bed and drew my knees up, watching Phoenix walk back in from the bathroom, his hair damp and his torso bare. He grinned, his feral stare all over me, recalling what we'd just done on the couch fifteen minutes earlier.

"How's it going Mrs Maverick."

I put my laptop beside me and let him crawl between my legs, his arms caging me in on either side of my waist. "Not Mrs Maverick yet."

He kissed my stomach, bare from wearing nothing but a bra and shorts. "Soon."

"Mhmm, how soon?"

His finger tips grazed along my waist, drawing light circles. "How soon is too soon?"

I pushed my hands into his hair. "What about the end of this season?"

He quirked a brow. "We're going to plan a wedding while we travel?"

"I'm an expert planner."

He kissed my skin again. "You are."

I sat up, breathing so hard I felt like I was going to be sick, or pass out. That wasn't just deja vu. That was a memory. That was a fucking memory.

My entire body was tingling from head to toe while I grasped for more, desperately clutching at the chance to hold on and just remember a little bit more. But there was no more. That was it. One fleeting moment.

One fleeting moment was all I needed to remember how hopelessly I had been in love with Phoenix Maverick.