Late October 2016.

"Good morning, April." I greeted the receptionist as I walked into the office Thursday morning, a coffee in one hand, a couple of documents for Jason in the other.

April sat with a straight back, her hair down in soft curls and a sweet smile on her mouth.

She held out a hand for the documents, setting them down on a growing pile of manila folders. "Good morning. I love that dress."

"Aw, thanks."

I glanced down at the charcoal dress, a soft cotton fabric that stretched tight around my hips and thighs and went down to my lower calves. I'd slipped a blazer over it to keep the fall chill off my shoulders. Smiling at April, I thanked her. She was genuinely such a sweet girl, always had a compliment to hand out, a grin to give, a hand of help to extend.

It made me think that if she knew Sadie and Jason were no longer married because of his actions, she would be devastated. I was so proud of Sadie for keeping her safe from that backlash.

Thinking of Sadie gave me a moment of pause, regret and sadness sweeping in. We still hadn't talked and it had been a couple of weeks since we'd blown up at each other. I missed her but I was being stubborn, making a point.

Whenever I thought about the fact that she hadn't reached out, I felt frustrated. Did she not think I deserved an apology?

She was probably waiting for the same thing from me.

"There are a couple of contracts in that folder," I said to April. "Also some budget consent forms I need him to sign off on."

Jason had a few branches of staff under his umbrella. Decorators, builders, electricians. He covered all that could be covered when it came to new buildings. Just earlier this week he'd sent me the blue prints for a brand new house being built in Upper Lonsdale. All it had was a frame so far but the 3D floor plans that Jason emailed me were incredible.

It was a house in the forest, secluded, private, among the trees. Jason wanted me to start putting together a digital mock up for the entire house. I was doing an entire house and it scared me, but I was excited because the mood boards that the client sent over, were phenomenal.

It was as if my own dreams were being brought to life and I had to admit, I was a little bit jealous of whoever was going to end up living in that house.

Apparently Jason had shown the client a folder of my previous work and now the client wanted me to take the lead because he appreciated and related to my vision so much. It sounded bizarre but I had total creative freedom and I wasn't going to argue with that.

"I watched Phoenix play against Pittsburgh the other night," April leaned on her desk, swinging her seat from side to side with a suggestive grin. "His game has improved from that mess he was in a couple of weeks ago."

Guilt crept up my throat. Phoenix had one game during that week I hadn't talked to him and even though I was in a total shut down and refusing to indulge the desire to run back into his arms, I still watched him up against Colorado and tried not to feel responsible for what a mess he was. But ever since we'd started talking on the phone almost every single night since then, he was back to being fire on ice.

"Are you going to Edmonton this weekend?" She asked.

I shook my head and swallowed a mouthful of lukewarm coffee. I'd end up re heating it in the staff room, as I did most mornings until I got around to getting a decent flask that could keep my coffee warm for more than half an hour.

"No," I said. "It's his sister's Halloween spook fest this weekend."

As Phoenix explained, I could fit in both, but the truth was, I was having fun with our phone calls, the talking, the intimacy of just listening to each other's voices without the pressure of being close enough to kiss and touch and fuck.

Right now, I wanted to keep the pace we were at because Phoenix was doing a lot of sharing, he was spending hours at a time filling me in on things of the past.

He knew a lot about a time in my life that he wasn't there for. It proved to me that I'd shared a lot about myself and he'd listened to all of the details. I knew Sadie could've helped with the finer details but there was something about Phoenix's gruff but velvet voice telling me stories against my ear.

It was bliss, transporting into a place of comfort and relaxation. It was what I looked forward to most in the evenings. Although, there was a lot of juggling the time zones. Sometimes we lined up just right. Other times the only time we could talk was at three in the morning or something outrageous like that. It was worth it.

In fact, being half asleep while he spoke to me was tranquil.

"Ooh a spook fest," April sat up straighter and set her fingers on the keyboard, reading something that had just dinged on her screen. "Does she go all out?"

"That's what I hear."

"I love Halloween. I have such a good costume this year. I'm dressing up as Marceline from Adventure Time. A friend of mine is going as Princess Bubblegum and her little brother is going to be Finn."

I had no fucking clue what she was talking about but I smiled and nodded, all the while wondering if I should invite her to Ash's. She did tell me if I wanted to invite a friend, I could. She probably just knew that I had no one to invite. But I knew Sadie was going to be there and while Sadie forgave April, I wasn't going to wave her ex husbands affair in her face.

April moved her gaze up to me, hands pausing on the key board. "You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you?"

"Nope. But I heard Princess Bubblegum and that sounds super cute."

April laughed. "I'll send you a link to the show. It's best viewed stoned if you're into that kind of thing. Total trip."

That was the other thing about the current times that drew me up short, how casually people talked about doing drugs. I'd smoked weed in high school and college, but it was the sort of thing you didn't throw about in casual conversation, not from what I remembered.

"I'll keep that in mind," I said, backing toward the elevator. "I have to go and work."

She lifted her head over the tall desk, watching me with her nose up in the air. "Lunch later?"

"Yeah, I'll pop down at twelve."

In the elevator, I ignored the unpleasant curdle in my stomach, not wanting to call it guilt because I didn't want to feel guilt for being friends with April. She was nice and we got along.

Sadie would no doubt have an opinion on the friendship and as much as I wanted to be loyal to her, there was no way to do that without telling April, 'sorry, I wish we could be friends but you slept with our boss and ruined his marriage to my sister.' It was a can of worms and I had no interest opening it right now.

Later that night, I lit a scented candle on the kitchen counter and put on the Eminem Recovery album. He'd done a lot of new music since the last album I remember being released and I was catching up.

He was one of my guilty pleasures and I'd found his music to be the sort of passion I admired in a person. Unapologetic, fierce, dedicated. Sure some of it was super offensive but there was a lot of emotion to be found in his words. I admired his talent and his diction.

With a small glass of wine, I went up the hall and into the bedroom I shared with Phoenix and set the stem on the white wooden set of drawers. I hadn't done a lot in this room.

I came in here to sleep and get dressed. Sometimes I also stood in the middle of the room and reached into that deep part of me that hoped I would get a jolt of the past and my six years would come back to me.

I'd moved on, accepted that time was gone, but when I was alone in the quiet, I focused, waiting, figuring that this bedroom held some significance and perhaps it would help.

I glanced over the plush cream carpet, the floor to ceiling window stretching right across the far wall, the king sized bed, the distressed wooden head board,. A book shelf had that same distressed finish to it and was covered in books, candles, NHL pop funkos, plants and framed photos of Phoenix and I.

The side table with a lamp and a little plant with leaves draping over the edge of the wood sat next to the bed. Sitting down, I pulled the drawer out. Sometimes I felt intrusive going into the drawers or closet. Which was ridiculous because half of the things in this room belonged to me.

Ignoring the snooping guilt, I felt my lips lift at the three dildos and several vibrators arranged in the drawer. There was a tube of lube, water based. There were a small stack of condoms and chargers and passports and I shuffled things around, messing with the organised items until I moved a sunglasses case at the back and the corner of a velvet box appeared.

I ripped my hand back, heart hiccuping because I had a feeling I knew what was in that little velvet box and I wasn't sure if I was prepared to see the evidence of what I was told was real. Phoenix and I had been engaged and while I was no longer reeling from that knowledge, it was still bewildering.

With a thick throat, I reached into the drawer and pulled the box out, swallowing hard. Stories and words were one thing but whenever I saw concrete proof of a life I no longer remembered, it was hard to wrap my fractured mind around. It was a threat to the progress of acceptance I'd made.

One hand clutching the bottom of the box, I used the other to lift the lid and I gasped. It was beautiful. Hell, it was the most beautiful ring I'd ever seen. The band was a thin white gold band, glimmering despite there being little light touching it. The stone was a tear drop, gorgeous with a pale blue hue in the bottom of the stone, it reminded me of a rink. Three white gold claws kept it in place.

He'd managed to get my dream ring before I even knew what that was. I'd never given it much thought, what I would want in a ring. Perhaps we'd talked about it, or I chose it. I wasn't sure but reluctance was gone as I slipped it from between the cushion in the box and slid it on to my finger, holding it out in front of me.

The perfect fit.

I had the sudden urge to call Sadie and tell her about it, show her this gorgeous ring. I wasn't sure if she'd seen it or not. Phoenix said he proposed on the night of the accident so the chances were, I hadn't even worn it before now.

"You can't laugh," I said to Phoenix on Saturday afternoon.

We were video calling before I went to Ashley's to help set up her spook fest. I wasn't sure about the costume I'd chosen but it was too late to change it now and I figured I would ask Phoenix for his opinion.

He was on his back in his hotel in Edmonton. Last night the Flames had demolished the Oilers. A clean sweep. Six to zero. The craving to see him was getting stronger and stronger.

But that made me sure we were doing the right thing, rebuilding, going slow. Phoenix slipped his arm under his head, his mess of brown hair licking at his neck and brow. It was getting longer but I liked it.

"I won't laugh," he promised, his voice lazy and tired. "Come on, show me."

Exhaling a deep breath, I clicked on the little spinning arrow on the bottom of the screen so I could turn the camera around and Phoenix could see me in the full length mirror in our bedroom.

The mirror exposed a tight faux brown leather corset, cinching my waist so hard that I had the most spectacular hour glass shape. My leather skirt was short, tassels hanging off the bottom and a lasso hung at my hip. The boots had spurs on the back and I picked up a red cowboy hat, the most color the outfit had and popped it on my loose curls.

Phoenix sat up, his lips parting and then he bit down on his bottom lip and devoured me with that appreciation that turned me inside out. He ran a hand through his hair. "Fuck."

"You like it?"

"Like it? Babe, please, the state of it. Fuck me, you were made for skin tight leather."

I laughed and turned the camera back around so he could see me blush. Phoenix was good with words, good with communicating what he felt and thought. There was no shame in his tone when he admired me.

"I'm a cowgirl in honor of the Calgary Stampede. Even though I've never been. The red hat is a little tribute to a someone special."

"It's me, right? Please let it be me."

"Mhmm," I hummed, turning the camera around again and doing a little spin from side to side in the mirror, giving him a decent view of the speed bump behind me. Phoenix groaned and that sound did unspeakable things to me.

"I'm having indecent and sinful thoughts right now," he said, his voice a guttural husk. "Do a little drop for me."

Facing the mirror, I dropped into a low squat, knees going to the side, exposing the thong I was wearing so I didn't have an underwear line because short of going commando, there was no way I could hide an underwear line in this skirt.

Phoenix rolled over into his pillow, his groan and cursing muffled. When he rolled back over, I was standing up, turning the camera back around to grin at him. I was teasing him a little, perhaps testing the waters. So far we hadn't been in a position where Phoenix might feel threatened and I wondered if he'd tell me he didn't want me going out like this. It was in the back of my mind but there was nothing from Phoenix but fierce adoration.

"God, you're beautiful," he said, his face flush. "And I'm rock hard right now, I can't lie about that."

"You should sort that out," I suggested, winking with a little tip of the hat.

"Trust me, I will."

After the phone call and just a few minutes before I was set to go out, I opened a video message from Phoenix. The view was the hard ridges of his lower abdomen as he sat on his knees and shot off all over a towel, panting, groaning and hissing as he said my name on a guttural moans.

I'd have been offended if I hadn't asked him to send it to me and I ended up leaving the house with an uncomfortable ache and wetness between my thighs.

Ash's spook fest was in full swing at eleven. She'd pulled out all the stops. LED bulbs were changing the lighting between red, green and orange, all dim, all mood appropriate. Cobwebs and bats hung from the ceiling, fake blood drizzled down her hard wood stair case and the lower half of a 'body' was at the top. The wall made it look like the rest of the body was behind it.

The food was on theme too. Black candy apples, green poison jello, red velvet cupcakes with little knives in the top of the frosting, cauldrons were full of ice and beer, the ice cubes had spiders in them. The cutest food was the strawberries dipped in white chocolate to look like ghosts, their faces were made of black dots and wide mouths.

The music was loud, thundering through the house while people danced and drank. Ash and Sadie were at the kitchen threshold talking. She'd arrived later because this weekend was her time with Lottie and Jason had agreed to come over once Lottie fell asleep. That way Sadie could be home before Lottie knew she was gone.

I wanted to ask how Sadie felt about Jason being at her house when she went back tonight but we hadn't talked at all. In fact, I hadn't said much at all because I didn't know most of the people here. Ash had introduced me to people as they arrived but the busier it got, the harder it was to keep track of the people arriving.

I was sitting on a stool beside the living room window with a beer, watching trick or treaters out on the street below when Sadie approached me. She was wearing. . . well. . . almost nothing. Her hair was in two braids, her plaid skirt almost exposed her ass and her blouse was up in a knot. She looked incredible, toned, hot.

"It's Britney bitch," she said, her tone flat as she popped a hip and struck a pose. "Get it?"

"I didn't forget that far back."

Her smile was quick, there and gone. "You look good."

"Thanks," I said, giving the skirt a once over, the tassels tickled my thighs. "It's in honor of the Calgary stampede."

She laughed and circled me to lean against the wall. "You wanted to go to that in July so bad but you were working on this big pitch at the time and your boss wouldn't give you the weekend off. The weekend."

"Bastard."

Her brows rose in agreement, specks of pink glitter from her lids catching the red light.

"Jason's at the house."

I nodded. "Ash told me."

"Should I get drunk and go home and sleep with him?"

I recoiled, not sure where the question came from. Sadie wouldn't look at me, twisting the knot in her blouse.

"Why would you do that?"

She shrugged. "I miss having sex and we had good sex. I'm bored. I'm lonely. I don't know, pick a reason and convince me it's a good idea. You're the wise big sister, remember?"

I sighed. Pro longing this argument with Sadie was not something I wanted to do. "I don't think you want to have sex with Jason. But, I'm not going to tell you what to do, Sadie. I've never told you what to do. I've just done my best to support the decisions you've made or given you perspective to see another angle."

She scoffed, rolling her eyes.

"It's true. That's the difference between you and I. I've never forced your decisions in a direction that I think is best or manipulated the situation to how I think it should be. I might've shared an opinion or offered advice but at the end of the day, I supported your growth as an individual because I knew how important it was."

She didn't speak for a while, the music became louder for it, thudding and creating a thump in my chest. Finally, she dropped her arms to her side and met me with a regretful stare.

"I'm still adamant that I thought I was helping," she mumbled, so quiet I almost couldn't hear her. "But I'm sorry for doing a shit job and fucking it all up."

To me, it sounded insincere but I was used to that from Sadie. She hadn't mastered apologies and I wasn't sure she ever would but I knew deep down, she meant it and wanted to move forward.

"I'm sorry for being a bitch and suggesting you have a crush on Phoenix," I said. "I mean, I wouldn't blame you, but I also know you wouldn't go there."

The corner of her mouth tipped into a smile just as Ash wandered over, a tall witch hat sitting on her straight black hair.

"Oh, good, smiles," she said, raising her glass, long coffin shaped nails wrapped around it. "Now the three of us can hang out so I'm not being ping ponged back and forth, listening to all of the bitching and moaning."

Sadie and I exchanged knowing looks, both of us well aware that the other would've been running their mouth. It didn't matter though and there was no point getting into a 'who said what' debate.

Ash smoothed a hand down her black corset which had a floor length silk skirt attached at the back and hips, leaving the front open and exposing her legs. Phoenix would be pleased he didn't have to see his sister in her underwear tonight.

"You look amazing," I said, touching the silk skirt and rubbing the fabric between my fingers.

She tipped her head in thanks and threw back the rest of her drink. "Now, lets get obliterated."