Early October. 2016

On Tuesday morning, Sadie dropped me off in town on her way to the science museum so I could run some errands. I still wasn't cleared for driving but my sleek black Mercedes' was now parked in front of Sadie's complex after having moved out of the apartment in Granville.

It was a nice car, but sort of stiff and corporate. I didn't imagine holding onto it for long.

After googling what the market price was on that model, I almost died. Who did I think I was spending that sort of cash on a car?

I was already googling how to list a car for sale online as I walked down the bustling streets of downtown. Click after click, each link led me to a new page with instructions and confusing prompts that I couldn't get my head around.

At least not out here where I was struggling to multi task. How people walked through crowds with their heads down, I couldn't understand.

Slipping the phone into my back pocket, I decided I didn't have to conquer that particular skill right now and headed for the Anytime Fitness gym on 42nd.

It was close to home, a ten minute drive give or take. It was a beautiful building with lots of windows, the overhead pass was just outside and a neat strip of lawn with shrubs and trees lined the footpath. The key card I'd found in my room let me swipe straight in.

"Kinsley," someone said the moment I walked into the reception space. There were arm chairs and a table for tabloids, a round desk and a list of all the classes and prices.

The owner of the voice belonged to a man wearing active wear, his tight tank top hugged a mass of muscle and his sable black skin looked like gloss, shimmering with either sweat or oil.

There were a few other people hanging out behind the desk, a couple of girls who smiled and waved, recognition in their friendliness. The walls started to get closer, especially when the burly six foot mass of a man barrelled toward me and took my hand, forcing me into an inspecting twirl.

"Well, that ass still looks fantastic," he said with a British accent. "I guess you haven't been slacking off too much. You cheating on us? Which gym?"

My heart pounded, mouth dry. I had no idea where to start. It didn't occur to me that I'd have become close with the staff here. I assumed I came to exercise and left again. But this man, his bright smile and his kind gaze, sent me into a panic.

Slowly, the smile slipped from his face. "What's the matter?"

"I don't—" my words weren't audible. Clearing my throat, I tried to get a grip. "I don't know who you are."

He frowned, his brows bunching in confusion.

"I mean, I don't remember who you are. I had an accident about a month ago. I have retrograde amnesia and I can't remember the last six years of my life."

His gaze went wide, mirroring the expression I'd seen countless times before. Explaining such an occurrence was never going to be taken without a good dose of shock. I would've reacted the same way. The girls behind the desk looked at us with parted lips, whispering among themselves.

"You don't know me at all?"

"I'm so sorry," I said. "You're. . .  a complete stranger to me."

He blew out a breath and hooked his hands on his hips. "Wow. That's— wow. No hard feelings darling. I'm just a little sad. I'm Khenan. I ran a spin class here. You're my favourite client in the world."

My heart sang at that. "It's nice to meet you."

"So what brings you here?" He asked. "If not to see your favourite spin class instructor."

"I actually came to cancel my membership."

He pouted. "No."

"I'm sorry, I don't exercise as often as I used to. And if I do want to hit the treadmill, my— boyfriend has a gym in his complex. We use that he tells me."

"Wait," he held up a hand. "You have a boyfriend?"

"Yeah. Another victim to the amnesia. I don't remember him or us at all. But we're starting over."

Khenan clutched his solid chest. "How romantic. But also rather rude of him to steal my client. He couldn't have come here too?"

"We were dating in private."

He narrowed his scandalous stare at me. "Who is he?"

I hesitated, not sure if I could trust him. He seemed lovely, a sweetheart in fact but there must've been a reason he didn't know about Phoenix and I.

"Oh come on," he nudged me, moving closer, the scent of his woodsy deodorant over powering. "I won't tell a soul."

At this point, it didn't matter too much. Phoenix and I were dating on the low but we weren't some forbidden romance that were ordered apart. If it came out, it came out.

"Phoenix Maverick."

"Oh bitch," Khenan said, waiting for a group of girls to walk past, their faces beet red and their active wear damp with sweat. "You're dating an NHL player? The worst, Kinsley. The worst. Those men can't keep their dicks in their pants."

"He's—"

"Don't tell me he's different."

My jaw ticked with frustration. "He is."

"Mhmm," he rolled his eyes and his attitude bristled me.

"If you didn't know that I was dating him in the first place, perhaps this is why," I said, glaring at his fucking attitude. "You don't know him. Or us. If he wasn't interested in me, he had the chance to leave when I forgot who he was. Instead, he's been dedicated to letting me fall in love with him all over again, however long that takes. Mind your fucking business and keep that attitude to yourself."

His brows flew up, plump lips parted. "Damn. I forgot about what a bitch you can be."

Once again, further evidence that whoever I was before the injury, was not a nice person. I have no idea how I had friends or the love of a super sweet man. I'd always been confident enough to speak my mind but people made it sound like I was the nastiest woman on earth.

"I missed you," he threw his arm around me and started a slow walk over to the desk where the two women were pretending not to listen. "Come on. Let's cancel this membership then. If a man can handle that fire, I'm sure he's a keeper."

My head spun at the entire interaction. This was why it was easier to hide at home.

After I'd left the gym, I went to an appointment at the doctor for a standard check in. He took some observations, asked a few mundane questions and then he asked if I wanted to renew my birth control.

From how things were going between Phoenix and I, the answer was yes and he scrawled out a script for three months worth of the pill.

I visited a cafe and had coffee and a muffin, finally taking the time to google second hand car sales while I was sitting in an arm chair with a low wooden table in front of me.

I loved the smell and atmosphere of cafes. The aroma of bread and coffee, the sound of steam wands heating milk and spoons clanging against mugs.

A notification popped up on the screen for gmail, from Lin Architects.

My heart quickened, hope and nerves made me pinch my lip while I opened the email, the cafe noise fading into the background.

"Dear Miss Lowe," I said under my breath, barely a whisper which would've been inaudible over the sound of the cafe. "Thank you for your application for the position of interior design consult at Lin Architects. We would like to invite you to interview. . ."

I fell back in the arm chair, stunned at the outcome. I hadn't expected an interview, as much as I'd hoped for one, I wasn't convinced it would happen for someone without the qualifications. My portfolio must've assisted in the success of the interview, there was no other reason I'd have been extended the opportunity.

The interview was scheduled for Thursday at 3.30pm. That was in two days. Dread washed over me. I'd never interviewed for such an esteemed position.

The jobs I'd had were for cafes and restaurants, basic waitress positions or sales assistant in Target and Walmart. It wasn't like I could fall back on my time with Lachlan and Lore marketing, I didn't even remember working there, which was why I hadn't included them on my résumé.

I zoned out, riding the waves of nerves and concern while I watched the activity in the cafe. Waitresses taking cups of coffee or plates of savouries to various tables. Patrons stirring cream into their cups, teenagers sharing a bowl of fries and suits drinking black coffee over a casual meeting.

It would've been so much easier to work in a place like this, where I knew the work and I was good at it.

If this interview bombed, and it could, I'd stick to the basics.

I sent a text to Sadie.

Got an interview at Lin Architects.

A waitress with a long blonde pony tail and a full face of beautiful make up came and took my cup and plate, asking if I wanted something else.

"I'm fine thank you," I said, my phone pinging on the table. My appetite was gone and the waitress smiled before she walked off to the next table.

YAY. Knew you would.

Another text popped up before I could respond.

We'll celebrate tonight. Whatever you want for dinner.

A laugh breezed past my lips.

Bit ahead of yourself. It's just an interview.

You'll get the job. Not a doubt in my mind.

Her confidence was sweet but somewhat misplaced. She'd always wanted this for me, to chase a career in something I was good at, and loved. Remembering the countless arguments over it was bittersweet. For a little while, I'd considered changing my major in college, but my grades were soaring in business and communications. My professors promised me glowing recommendations and job offers if I continued down the road I was on.

Eventually it just seemed like it was too late. A waste of student loan to suddenly switch degrees. If I considered it again later on, I couldn't remember.

I fired off a text back to Sadie.

Sorry just remembered I have plans with Phoenix tonight. Don't wait up for me.

Ooh. Okay we'll celebrate another night. Be safe. If you know what I mean.

I laughed out loud and peeled the label off the paper bag the pharmacist had put my birth control in. She'd thrown in a box of one hundred condoms too, since I hadn't been taking my birth control for the last month, it would take a week for it to kick in again.

It took me a second to find the camera button in the text messages, but once I did, I took a photo of the contents in the bag and sent it back without a caption. Her response was quick.

Holy crap. How much sex are you planning on having tonight?

I fell back into the seat and quietly giggled. Phoenix hadn't told me what we're doing tonight, it was a surprise. Sex felt like the natural progression in our relationship, the next step. Thing's were heating up between us. He never pushed me or pressured me to move faster. What I felt for him was natural and had developed organically.

His sweet gestures and words and the attentiveness to smaller details, it drew me in. But even with all of the positive feelings and the passionate kissing and the possessive hands that cradled me in a way I'd never known before, I felt like an imposter.

I was constantly teetering on the tight rope, doing my best to perform this graceful dance, to be and behave a certain way. And this thing with Phoenix was beautiful and rewarding but I knew that I could fall at any moment and I could take Phoenix down with me. I cared about him, I liked him a lot, but knowing he and I were at different vantage points in our relationship, constantly weighed me down.

I couldn't stop thinking about how hard it must be for him to feel differently than I do. Seven months isn't a lot but he loved me in a way I haven't reached and that fact constantly eats at me. I know I should give it time, but I still have this whisper of anxiety shadowing me.

I relate it to an unrequited relationship. It's hard when one person is in love and the other doesn't feel it. In this case, I know I can get there, but forcing it doesn't help and as much as I've tried to take it as it comes and ride the waves, I can't stop over thinking.

                         On the walk home, I passed a small store with big windows, purple twinkling lights framed the glass panes, the display cases were full of candles, incense, burners, fairies, crystals, books, soaps. Through the shelving, I could see Ash inside.

She had her scrubs on, a big black coat over top and headphones in while she inspected a little dagger with an amethyst handle.

It'd be weird to keep walking after I'd seen her and not at least say hello, so I slipped into the store, which smelled like sandalwood and earth tones, however that worked.

Ash glanced up, seeing my approach and her smile was surprised as she took an ear pod out. "Hi?"

"I was walking past," I said. "Thought I'd come in and say hello."

She set the dagger down, beside a shelf full of similar little weapons. "Hello."

"You're not going to get the dagger?"

She drummed her nails on the side of the case and hummed. "Hmmm. I might. It's a toss up between that and some diamond encrusted knuckle dusters. Public transportation is turning into a war zone."

"Interesting place to look for items of self defence," I moved my paper bag from one hand to the other and reached over, flicking the blade with my thumb. "Oh, that's not blunt."

"I like this store, the weapons come bedazzled. Not everyone wants to fight for their life with a boring old brown or black shank. Plus, it smells like a witches den in here and I love it."

"I do like the smell."

Up in the air, clouds of incense floated toward the door, the shelves were tall, far above both of our heads and there were so many things to look at, it was almost overwhelming.

Soft whimsical music came from somewhere over head and I smiled at one of the staff walking past with a box of stock.

Ash peered down at the paper bag. "You're shopping too?"

"These are condoms and birth control," I said, not ashamed at all because for one, there was no reason to be, and two, Ash made me feel comfortable.

"How sweet," Ash said in that monotone expression of hers. "Ohhhh hang on."

Her gaze became distant, like she was listening to something that I couldn't hear. Her eyes grew wider, she gasped. The seconds seemed to tick on that I watched her face morph into absolute horror and then it wiped clean and she looked at me again.

"Sorry, listening to this case about this sick fuck that kidnapped a girl from outside of her home and kept on calling the girls family and saying shit like 'your daughter and I are now one in body and soul'. Absolute fucking banana boat. Turns out, the girl was dead the entire five days he was calling her mom and dad."

I stared at her. "What are you listening to?"

"True crime podcasts. What else?"

"That's a thing?"

She looped her arm through mine and started dragging me out of the store while she dropped an ear pod into my hand. "Pop that in right now. I'm about to introduce you to your next obsession."