I can feel my heart thump against my ribcage.

Am I nervous?

More than you can imagine.

I'm standing at Jungkook's apartment door, fist raised, ready to knock but it hovers there.

I'm at Jungkook's apartment.

Just outside his door.

Then why am I so afraid to knock?

Because I'm afraid to hear the truth.

I'm afraid that I'll find that Jungkook is mad at me and that he doesn't wish for me to be around him anymore. I'm afraid he's lost all the patience of waiting for me and wishes to move on rather than be held down by a friendship that isn't worth waiting for.

I'm a second away from walking away and pretending like I'd never been here but there's an annoying voice within that tells me if I don't do this now, I don't think I'll ever do it. And then the possibility of losing Jungkook will only be higher.

I decided to stop running away but rather face what came my way head on. Then right now it was time to put it to practice.

Well, that and the fact that the security cameras outside would have probably already alerted Jungkook anyway, so uh. Yeah, running now was um too late a decision to make.

Woah, hey. In my defense, older Jimin would have run off anyway so don't you give me that judgemental look.

I took a breath and went to knock when the door swung open and I was greeted by Jungkook, who looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"How long were you planning to stand outside without knocking, huh? You know, telepathy doesn't really work. At least not with me. I would require you to knock to know you're here, or maybe text."

I feel my cheeks burn.

"Oh shut up," I huff in response and push him aside to enter.

Jungkook huffed out a laugh.

"So, how come you're here? Thought you were busy," comes the reply and I feel myself freeze.

He didn't say it rudely but the message was highlighted within them.

"I know. I've been way too busy lately. Haven't had time to even breathe," I complain as I plop myself onto his couch and make eye contact with him, "but today's a Saturday. It's the one day I can actually take some time off my hectic schedule."

I feel uncomfortable because Jungkook's face shows no emotion. He just hums in response.

I swallow hard.

"Wine?" He asks as he walks into his kitchen, out of my line of sight.

"Sounds fancy," I joke, "Me being here is that much of a special occasion huh?"

"You show up once in a blue moon after all," comes his reply and my face falls. It could have easily been a joke but his tone says anything other than that.

He appears from the kitchen with a bottle of wine and sets it down at the table. He places two glasses and begins to pour the liquid into mine.

"Jungkook," I start, on a serious note.

The more I prolong this conversation, the more anxiety it'll cause.

"Hmm."

His humming makes me nervous. I need him to speak. I need to know what he's thinking and I can't if he just responds with a plain "hmm."

"Are you mad at me?"

"Should I be?" He questions back, without looking up.

I feel my breath hitch.

"Bud, I'm sorry. If you felt like I wasn't here for you. I'm so sorry. I know you missed me and I missed you too. I...just couldn't find the time to actually be present. I was so caught up with work, so stressed out with everything, I'm sorry I never showed up. I'm sorry I didn't text you."

"S'fine," Jungkook says and my heart thumps louder, "I know. You were busy."

It's too flat.

Like he doesn't believe me.

Like...he thinks I'm lying.

It pricks my heart.

I swallow hard.

"Kookie. You...you wanna tell me what's going on, bud? Are you okay?"

"Does it matter?" Jungkook scoffs and I feel my heart drop.

He composes himself quickly and rushes to give a small smile.

"It's okay. You were busy. Exams, right? You told me that. I knew. So it's all good. Let's just sit like old times and sip wine, yeah?"

I want to say yeah. But this feels nothing like old times. The tension is thick in the air, it's almost suffocating.

"I-I want to, Jungkookie. I need you to believe me. I was so caught up with work and I know it's hard to believe sometimes. I know it sounds like an excuse—"

"Isn't it though?" he asks, and his smile drops. He sounds hurt.

"What?"

"Isn't it though? Isn't it an excuse? 24 hours in a day and somehow you have absolutely no time when it comes to me."

His tone is bitter and it slices right through.

"That's not true—" I protest.

"Forget it, hyung. Let's just enjoy the wine."

"No. What? Jungkook, this isn't an excuse."

"Sure, it isn't."

Sarcasm drips like venom off of his words.

"Why would you think that?"

"You're saying that it's not the truth? That you don't just say you have no time at all, take the name of exams just when it comes to me?"

"No. It's not true!"

"Please, hyung. You have time for everyone else. Exams are only a limitation when it's you and me."

I frown. What the hell is he talking about?

"Why would you think that? Jungkook, I literally struggle to make time for myself in a day. You think I just do this to avoid you and spend my time with other people, you're dead wrong."

"I don't think so, hyung. I know so. I saw you!"

He stops. I stare at him.

"Saw me?"

"Yes!"

His face is red. He's breathing hard. I'm pretty sure mine mirrors his.

"What do you mean?"

"I saw you at the cafe. You were with people. A bunch of them. Laughing. Enjoying. You never responded to a text I sent. You never responded for a whole damn week. You never bothered to respond. You never bothered! I thought... gave you the benefit of doubt. Thought you might actually have been busy. And what do I find? You. Outside. With friends. Enjoying heartily."

Every word feels like a stab to the heart.

I feel my throat close up.

"Years," I choke up, "We've known each other for years and I thought you knew me better than to think I'd stoop that low."

"What else do I believe?"

Tears line along the corner of his eyes but unlike mine, his do not fall.

"You really wanna know what happened? Then listen carefully!"

~~