T W E N T Y - O N E
I'd lost my voice from all the screaming I had to do at Hunter for drugging me with GHB. I mean who the hell does that?! Ryder came back to the dorm later that day.He explained that he lied to the headmaster and said they were studying with Mr. Anderson.The only reason the same lie passes with Clark every time is because he calls Anderson and Anderson agrees with their lie.Ryder and Hunter said they've been blackmailing Anderson for the longest to get away with schemes, they don't tell me what they use against him, though.
It's been about a month since that day and now its mid-February.Classes have been easier and my grades still remain high.Just because I slack off sometimes doesn't mean I was going to fail my classes.
I have forgiven Mr. Wasserstein for sending me to Headmaster and has actually become one of my favorite most aspiring teachers here.He and I always happen to talk at the end of class and I've told him more than the therapist on the top floor.
Scarlett always invites me to sit with her clique at her table for lunch but I'm more comfortable sitting with Mason, Ryder, Hunter and the Rest.No matter how much of a pain in an ass they can be.I've stopped eating too.The only things I really consume is beer and water and an apple once in a while.I'm not trying to starve myself it's just I rather starve than eat.At first, I would get hungry but by now I'm used to it.
Ryder and I have gotten closer as we both shut Hunter out.I think Ryder has finally learned is not easy.And he understands that because he's taking things slow with me and it's noticeable.I wouldn't mind staying with him more often.He's so great to talk to, he's sexy and when I think I'm the ugliest devastating creature to walk this planet he tells me the exact opposite.He adores every feature I hate about myself.And if this is his way to manipulate me into falling for him...then it's working.
I've stopped getting in trouble ever since the Firework Incident and I think Headmaster is starting to see a change within me.I don't think it's a good change, though.I rashed out on anger and punched walls whenever someone messed with me in order to hide the sadness I was actually suffering from.
Insomnia is the only thing that really stood when I created this nasty intolerable attitude and consistently acted out on delinquent behavior.The stubbornness and anger were my masks.Some people do the same except instead of acting on impulse they flash a fake smile.There was a reason I didn't want to change.Yeah, one reason was because I was stubborn as hell, but the other reason was so I didn't have to deal with all the pain again.The pain of being adopted by a family who doesn't want you and beats you morning and night.The pain of being the kid nobody wanted to be friends with until she started dating the most popular guy in school and grew a pair of tits.
I was nothing.But here at Ivy, I can be something.I want to change now, I want to be happy and not have my body filled to the top with rage.But it wasn't going to happen, because I couldn't change and I will not change.
Lux and Maddox were up to something and I wasn't going to do anything about it because I probably deserved it.I was just going to stay with Ryder and let him hold me.He's taking me somewhere tonight and I'm clueless to where it is but I trust him.
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