"Do you ever regret it?" Noah asked me, holding up his book hiding his face, pretending to read. 

I stare at the cover of his book, wondering what sparked his interest in me suddenly. He was having a great time being silent for the past 20 minutes, studying. 

"Regret what?" I asked, dropping my gaze down. Eyeing my notes, forgetting what I had just learned. 

My mind was suddenly distracted by his posture. He sat on the floor like me. His one leg bent lazy and the other laying flat, his chest giving me some kind of invitation to stare even with a loose shirt. 

"Sleeping with him. Obeying him? You know, you can leave. I am sure if you told his father, he would help you leave. Knowing how Zenon is." 

I hummed looking out the window. Wondering what made me stay. 

I didn't obey his every command like some puppy, but I never quite disobeyed entirely. 

"I pity him," I whispered, to which Noah reacted very sourly. 

"Ya right" he scoffs, throwing the book on the table and running his hands through his hair before resting them behind his head and leaning back. 

Noah had questioned me about this multiple times. I think he forgot my answer. Every time he would ask me why I wouldn't leave, I would give him an ambiguous reply and he would remain silent. 

"I am under his radar, you know. " 

"Ooh, I am hanging out with someone I shouldn't wow. classic-" 

"I want you to try." Noah cut me off harshly. 

"And how is that gonna help you?" I asked, and he tilted his head down with a chuckle. 

"I just, don't think you are happy with him." 

"It's not a relationship," I say it, staring him dead in the eye. 

"Would you want to be in a relationship?". My heart drops. Thinking about potentially being in one. With Zenon. Not a second later I realized that wasn't the question about Zenon. That was a question in general. 

Had I strayed so far from reality that all my thoughts revolved around that man? Was I actually into him? Or was it just fear of leaving him? 

Noah raised an eyebrow, asking for my reply. 

"I am not thinking of a relationship with anyone right now," I mutter, grabbing a handful of chips and shoving them in my mouth. 

Had I known my true feelings, it would've been much easier. As Noah sat up straight, placing his hand on the table and leaning closer. The distance never bothered me. It told me how comfortable I was with him, which was bad. Truly, because my heart thought of interest as me being nervous. I felt like I wasn't interested in Noah because I was comfortable with him. 

I didn't understand how to get rid of that feeling. 

"Lemme be hypothetically." He paused, waiting for my reaction. I chew on the chips, pulling my knees up and wrapping my hands around them while nodding. 

"If I asked you out on a date, would you say yes?" 

I was under no obligation to say no. I didn't belong to anyone. But When he asked me that, I couldn't help but imagine Zenon's face if he saw me. With any man. 

Would he be angry because some guy took his toy out on a date or would he truly be angry because he wanted me? 

"Zenon-" I began stating a reason I would never dare. 

"Leave him out of it if he wasn't a problem. Would you consider it?" 

"Noah-", "Yes or no? It's simple Josephine." 

I closed my eyes putting my head over my knees and groaning. 

What was the delay? Why couldn't I just say yes? I was nothing but a toy for him. Then why would I think so much about it? 

"I-" 

"Yes or no?" Noah asked again, and I sighed, shaking my head.

*~*

"Could you drop me off at my aunt's place on the way home tonight?" Violet asked Noah, and my eyes turned to him. He lets out puffs turning his head away from her some the smoke wouldn't fall on her face. Shaking his head, his eyes avoiding mine, "Nah. Got work. Kaden will drop you."

I looked away, lighting up my cigarette.  

"He is coming to the party?" She asked 

"Ya, no shade Jo-" I snapped my eyes at him and creased my eyebrows as he continued. He puts his one open palm up, staring at me, "I feel like Kyle has his eyes on you to let Zenon know where you at. I wouldn't recommend saying anything near him." 

Violet's mouth hangs open, and she turns to me slowly. "You knew this?" I shrug. 

"Of course, one of his closest friends would keep a tab on me." 

"Horrible." She whispered. "Do you have to invite him?" She asked. 

He sighs, "My girlfriend and his are friends, if she comes, he comes. I can't say no. That man gets me my items. You know?" 

I rolled my eyes. "I get it," I said. 

"Let's go. I'll pick you up at 7." Noah puts out his cig talking to Violet. 

"You wanna come with us or -" 

I cut Violet's suggestion, "No, I'll come by myself. " 

"I could pick you up if you want," Sky offered and I nodded. 

"Cool, I'll call you. People please, no coming empty-handed." 

We laughed walking to their cars. 

Zenon hadn't texted or called me for two days. I sigh, fixing my head and spraying some hair spray. 

"Hey, mom." I put the phone on speaker. 

"Hey, have you started applying for jobs outta town?" I smiled, putting on some blush. 

"I have-" 

"Your father just showed your resume to his acquaintance at work. He works in the same line as your father. He was wondering if you could come here for the coming weekend. Maybe you could go for the interview? It's not necessary, of course. " 

My eyes frown in confusion. "What do you mean, he gave my resume to his friend?" 

"Well remember I told you your father's friend opening a new firm here? Well, he was wondering if you could try. Would be great for experience?" 

I sigh. " Yeah, I will come over next Friday. Tell Dad to call me when he's free, okay?" I look in the mirror once before turning off the bathroom lights and texting Sky. 

"Yes okay" 

"Alright, mama I have to go I am meeting my friends. " 

"Alright," she replied, hanging up. 

I was wearing jeans and a cute, cheery red top, but I also carried a hoodie, knowing the weather might drop soon. I smiled as I got into Sky's car. 

"Hey," He smiled while his other friends waved a quick hi. 

"Did you tell Zenon?" 

I glanced at him and shook my head, fixing my hair again. "No. No, I haven't" 

I smile, walking into Mike's house, and holding up the bottle of whiskey I bought. 

"Hey, when did you buy this!" Violet shouted, running to me and hugging me. 

"On the way, Sky got Jagermeister," I said making her squeal in delight. 

I chuckle, looking around to see Noah on the couch with a beer in his hand. His eyes glance at me before turning back to the TV. 

"You gotta help me make jello shots. " Kyle's girlfriend Natalie grabbed my hand, dragging me to the kitchen. 

"So, how are you doing?" She asked while opening the jello packet. 

I bite my lip walking around the island and getting a pot. "Good so far. I guess?" 

She didn't ask me any further questions, nodding and bobbing her head to the music while making jello shots. 

An hour in and we were drunk and messy. Dancing outside near the pool while some played games inside. The house was full of drunk adults. 

"Ladies. " Noah walks past me and grabs the bottle of vodka, pouring himself some. His eyes glance at me. I can feel myself get nervous as he takes a sip and walks away. 

"I'm gonna go lay down in bed." 

Violet nods patting my back as I leave.