The pain of yesterday killed me. I miss someone who I loved the most. The one who taught me everything. The one who makes me sad when I think of him. I missed him so much and I missed the opportunity of being his wife and becoming married to him.

The promises that kill me when something triggers me. The painful memories in the past that hurt me deeply and cut my heart that until now never heal. I miss him. I miss my brother, buddy, teacher, my adviser, my future husband sana. The one who killed my patience to let my heart heal. The one who killed myself buried in the ground.

I miss him and I regret not fighting for our team. I missed everything about us. The playful question and answers that we do. The fiery tug of war of wisdom we played. The deepest emotion and fiery connection that until now I can't forget. I miss him. I miss the one way ticket that I long for until now. I miss him and I missed everything because of choosing what is best that day.

I lost the one I really loved because of choosing what is appropriate. I choose to be loyal because I'm taken yet I lost him that day. I regret and blame myself for being kind and being a good person. I'm sorry for myself and everything that I regret until it's killing me until today. I miss him and everything is now a memory.

I wish that one day, I already forget that pain and become myself again after losing him in my hug. After I walked alone without him in my life. After I achieve my goal without him. After I dream to be his partner in crime. After that, I dream of being his best friend, his buddy, his supporters and his adventurous goal-getter queen. I dreamt yet now everything turns into ashes without any fire of it.

I miss him and I miss everything. I lost myself waiting for him to come back. I lost myself in loving the one I dream of. I lost myself loving someone who's perfect in my memory. I lost in sanity loving someone who's not perfect yet we let our imperfection become someone we both accept who we really are. I miss him. I really do yet now it's only a memory of him.

I don't know if I can handle everything now. I don't even know how to forget the scars that kill me everyday. Everything about him triggered me every minute. I miss my man, my brother, my team, my friends, my lover, my protector and my buddy in crime. I miss him and I do really regret everything that happened in my future marriage. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of being in pain and suffering without him.

I hope one day, I'll be fine and I'll be alright and ready to trust and love again. I missed my future team, my future husband, my future daughters and my son's daddy. I missed my big daddy. I don't know. He asked me what I want in a man and I told him I want a hunk, a broad shoulder man and while in glimpse seeing him. I see the man I want to hug for the rest of my life. The man I long for and perfect in my eyes although we're not perfect men in this world.

I miss him. And still now, I really love him. Never changes every bit of love I feel for him. Where are you, Mr. Hunk. Don't make an excuse for not letting me see you because until now. I really love you and I want to start over with you. Within you and always with you. So, never tell me you're not worth it because you just look older than me.

Because the insecurities you feel weak upon you is the same thing I love about you. The weaknesses you feel right now is the same personality that I want to support about you. The mistake and blame games that happened is something I wanted to heal with you. Accompanied by you. With you and I.

I know we can handle everything and we will be alright again with a new perspective and chapter with you by my side and by your side. Life creates up and down. Strengths and weaknesses. Mistakes and blame and everything might and might be okay or not yet it's our own principles what reason may have occurred based on our decision in the past. Take it or leave it. Regret or still trying for one last chapter before epilogue. I still love you and I really miss you.