Walking in the street with too much pain is like a straight fall in line. Hating the self for being a loser. Hating the self for being weak and dry. We almost lost a self of loving someone who we don't deserve at all.

It's tiring and really intoxicating yet we can't ignore things easily. We can't hide the pain of hurting too much in this love battle. We can't stop by letting ourselves be in this traumatized pain. It's hard to hide the deepest cut of yesterday.

It's hard to fall in line. It's hard to fight and ignore the pain that cuts our veins. It's hard to let feelings stop when the strong negative emotion keeps working behind us. It's difficult and we don't know where to start if the topic is about love.

Someone hated us without knowing how we felt. They don't know how hard it is to ease the pain when memories of betrayal always pop in the background. It's hard to hide the emotions when pain kills us 10x more seeing that person backstabbed us multiple times.

They blamed us for everything. They ruined us more while we were smiling like an innocent human being. They backstabbed us back without thinking about what we felt at that moment. They hurt us in the deepest cut that it's hard to identify why they need too. And it's hard to see the person you loved that time loving someone else…happy.

They love that person more than they do to us. They make that person happy while hurting us and blaming us for all mistakes in the relationship. They ignored us and killed us 10x. They let us go while we want to keep hanging in. They broke our hearts while we wanted to keep our relationship working.

We care too much to the point we give everything. We love them and give them everything to the point we lost in ourselves yet in the end we lose in the battle. We regret everything yet no matter how hard it is to forget everything, not always that easy. Too much bruises and too much painless cut of sorrow.

Too much to not to feel. Too much to not ignore. Too much to not hide. Too much to not understand and too much not to forgive. The pain and sorrow was intoxicating and really tiring. I am tired of it. And I don't want to feel these things anymore.

I don't want to take this emotion with me while I start a new beginning. I hate myself for being too weak and don't understand the emotions I felt right now. I hate it when I feel this way. I hate it when my emotions eat me alive while I try to balance things in front of me. I hate it yet I love the process. It's killing me…to their betrayal.

They cut the heart of gold a million times to the point the heart got cold. They used us, our body, our soul, our own being and everything. We gave everything yet we lost in the playground. They won and left us behind without a gun to kill them too. They play professionally while we're playing physically and emotionally. What the heck is that? It's an undefined game to choose me or not?

It's toxic. It's fantastic. It's a useless and worthless hell of a game. It's cold and dark while we heat and burn to the deepest cut throat of loving you while they use you in the fire and make you cold after the night. The pleasure is gone and going back to the place of cold and plain.