I used to smile in the mirror, not because I am crazy. I used to laugh within my own company, not because of trying too hard to be alright. I used to be sad and worried about a lot of things, not because of making things complicated. I used to ignore everyone, not because I am bad but because I loved human beings.

We care for every individual, not because we're trying but because we feel extreme emotions for them. We hope that everything will be alright because in the past we suffered and we healed after. We give too much because that makes us happy not because we want the same return.

Too much to feel everything in front of us. Too many emotions that eat us alive. Too much suffering that almost we can’t handle. It's too much to feel things yet that’s life. We were born to fight and be a survivor of all kinds of battles within a long journey. It’s hard to think about a lot of things yet as long as we live in this chaotic life, we need to keep things alive in our own principles in life.

We were tired of everything. We almost lost hope that everything will be alright today yet how’s tomorrow? We keep on trying to be fine yet sometimes we are almost done…fighting. No one can understand how hard it is to be in this place of loneliness. No one can define how hard to be clueless in every aspect of this life journey.

No one can judge how pain eats us alive while trying to hope for tomorrow. No one can understand how painful it is to be in place of loneliness. No one can appreciate how challenges change us into someone we don't know anymore. No one can really say that it's not hard enough because no one can suffer like shoes of familiarity.

It’s hard to feel something that no one can understand how deep the cut of sorrow. It’s hard to feel loneliness that no one can really be there to help you out in your own suffering. It’s hard to be with someone who always wants you to suffer and blames you for everything without even knowing how hard it is to be in a place of darkness.

Being alone hoping that someone may help you that day. Being sad without anyone can understand how you feel. Being in a place of wondering why everything is so plain. Being in a place of broken mirrors where no one can see how pain and trauma eat you alive and freely. I’m tired of trying everything and I am tired of hoping that changes may be the right thing today.

I am always asking why everything is so difficult today. I am always asking if I am right to be in this place. I am always asking if I can still be alive today for tomorrow. I am always asking if it is the end of my life or there’s another me who can change things in front of me. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of fighting. I'm tired of trying while others judge every action you do.

It's so complicated and really exhausting. I'm tired of fixing things. I'm tired of wondering about my life tomorrow. I'm tired of hoping for changes in my life today and I am tired of chaining myself into a locket of imprisonment. I am tired today and I am hoping that today, tomorrow, someday I'm enough and always be enough to anyone.

I don't want to think and feel this way anymore. I don't want these emotions. I don't want to feel these deep cut throats in my chest. I don't have these feelings anymore. I hate myself for being weak at this time. I hate myself for being fucking crazy thinking that everything will be alright again. I hate it and it's really exhausting to think like this.

I'm tired of everything. I am hoping this feeling will end now. I hate myself for being weak in love, physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. I hate myself to feel this way. I hate being like this. I hate it and I want to change it. I hope one day, I can find and see the right person or people who can balance the weaknesses of me. I hate it and I love the lesson here.