Ryder painfully clawed her consciousness out of the dark empty hole it had fallen into. She was exhausted, as if her sleep had done nothing to rejuvenate her body or mind. She remembered everything from last night. There had been no nightmares, but then there had also been no reprieve from the revelation either. So many questions had formed in her mind through the night, simply washing in and out like the turning tide. Nothing lingered, but nothing really changed.

She rolled to her side. Hoping to see a mess of blankets draped over a sleeping mass, but Tairin wasn't there. The blankets weren't even mussed, and the decorative pillows still sat perfectly arranged against one another. Even her violent breakdown hadn't been able to affect things on the other side of the bed.

Ryder gently reached out and stroked the perfect sheets where Tairin had slept the day before.

He didn't come, she thought painfully.

She felt her swollen eyes start to burn with the effort of attempting to cry again, but no tears came, her body was empty. She painfully sat up, her body aching from the root of her hair follicles, to the depths of her marrow.

Her heart skipped a beat, when her eyes rose to great the rest of the room. There was a pile of blankets on the velvet couch. Tairin may not have shared her bed, but he had not abandoned her to face the night alone.

With that, she flung the blankets off herself. She had to find him. Whatever she had done, or been a part of before, had nothing to do with who she was now. She had free will and would exercise it. Athos' speech about how the past does not dictate who you are, suddenly made too much sense. He had been hinting at her past life the whole time, but how was she expected to fill in the blank. He was also giving her permission to be who she was, make her own decisions, and that's exactly what she was going to do.

She would not allow these strangers to tell her who she is, or what she wanted. Tairin was her best friend, and so much more. Whereas Graynin was basically a stranger that she wanted to punch in the face at times. And had, oh shit, she thought, that's probably going to bite me in the ass. In her mind the choice was obvious, as for what her gut was trying to say, she simply smashed it down and ignored it. It too would not control her.

She jumped from her bed as best she could, her muscles were extremely tight. There was little evidence of last night's life altering events, except for two large, wet spots, where someone had worked feverishly to remove wine stains from the wood floor where the glasses had danced off the table. She ignored the memory of the earth quivering with her despair, and rage, as it awakened to her will, and pushed on into the kitchen.

Three staff members hushed words immediately stopped. She didn't have to be a psychic to know they had been talking about her. She really couldn't blame them.

"Have you seen Tairin?" Ryder asked the startled group.

A heavy-set woman with mousey brown hair stepped forward. "Good morning Lady Bevinbere. The last we saw Sr. Cosik, he was heading out to the back garden."

The woman's use of Tairin and Ryder's alias showed that the staff was not privy to the details of last night's events, just that some drama had clearly occurred.

Ryder nodded to the woman gratefully, and moved for the half open Dutch doors.

"Milady." The woman called out. "Would you like some fresh biscuits? I was going to bring some out to Sr. Cosik, they had not been done when he came through earlier." The woman held out a basket to Ryder.

Ryder accept the woman's offer. "Thank you." She said, giving her best attempt at a sincere smile. She looked down at its contents, four golden biscuits with two small white dishes containing a generous slab of butter, and the other full to the brim with what looked like blackberry jam.

The woman dipped her head, smiling pleasantly at Ryder. "Of course milady. Would you like a cup of coffee or tea?"

Ryder shook her head. "No thank you. This will be perfect for now." She said, as she backed towards the Dutch doors, anxious to move on.

The back garden took her breath away with its stunning complexity. It was completely different than Athos' estate, his was groomed open grass parcels, whereas Lane and Siena's garden was like a thick winding forest, where the wanderer has no choice but to follow the narrow rock paths that wove through their deep, city lot.

It was a maze, one that quickly engulfed her senses. As she wound her way deeper into the beautiful green fortress, she picked up the sound of a fountain. Letting the water be her guide she turned a final corner to an open space that was designed to be an outdoor sitting area.

Her heart jumped into her throat when she took in the person sitting on a curved cement bench, in front of the damn sound culprit, the GD fountain had betrayed her.

Graynin's arms were crossed in front of his lean chest, watching the gem colored fish dart about. His wavy hair almost looking golden in the early morning sunlight, a stark contrast to his supple, black leather jacket. His shoulders tensed as he too became aware of her presence. He must have been too lost in his own thoughts to notice her approach. Very unlike him.

Ryder seriously considered turning and running. This was not the conversation she was looking to have this morning. She wasn't ready for it. But her anger got the best of her. The thought of all the lies he had told her piled on one another. She marched up to his side and slammed the basket with the biscuits down on the bench next to him.

Graynin glanced at the basket, "thanks, but no thanks. I'm not hungry." He said, in a condescending way, as if she were a silly girl that had brought him the wrong type of jam for his toast.

Ryder's blood boiled. "They're not for you." She wondered if she could light him on fire with her death stare.

He pretended not to notice, his attention back on the darting fish. It was clear he was trying to get her to leave, apparently, he didn't want to have a conversation with her either. Which only made her more irritated and rooted to the spot. She wasn't going to leave now, she would not let him win anything.

Graynin successfully blocked her out for a few moments, his expression neutral, his attention on the pond. But as she relentlessly stared at him his jaw tightened, and his eyes narrowed.

As his exterior darkened, she felt flicks of joy, she was getting to him.

With a growl he dipped his head in his hands and gruffly ran his fingers through his hair. "Do you really want to do this now?" His growl deepening with every forced word he spoke.

"Why not?" She said almost dismissively, attempting to irritate him more. She was enjoying her ability to rouse such a strong reaction from him. She felt like she had the power for once.

He growled again, and begrudgingly slid to the other side of the cement bench so that there was space for her to take a seat. Instead, she grabbed a wooden chair from a table, and carried it so that she was sitting directly in front of him.

He watched her from under his brow, his grey blue eyes cold and lethal, but she paid him no mind. She sat and crossed her arms and legs, closing herself off from him. "So is it true?" She asked lightly.

His stare was calculating for a moment, then he gave up. Surrendering his weight forward, resting his elbows on his knees, hands clasped, his grey blue eyes never leaving hers. "Yes, it's true."

Ryder felt the fire in her chest ignite, her sass burning to a crisp, as true anger set in. "So you just never thought it important enough to tell me?"

Graynin let out a sigh as he irritably rubbed his face. When he looked back to her the coldness in his eyes was gone, and the vulnerability she had seen in him last night was there.

Oh god, was that only last night?

"That's not it." He said in a way that suggested he was ready to surrender. "We were worried for you. You've repressed everything! We weren't sure what would happen if we told you the truth. I became very concerned last night when Izalon started opening her big mouth, and the floor started shaking. I thought it was going to be what we all had expected, that your power would take over." He shot her a calculated look, "As it has done before when you started remembering."

She knew he was right, every time her power had truly manifested she had been in a disconnected state, upset by things that seemed to touch raw nerves inside her brain. Like her dream, or with Jade giving her, her first elemental lesson. Things that should not have upset her so much, but had, and that was because they were dangerously close to a terrifying door within her. Her fear of the door and what lay behind it had summoned something much more primitive, something that was willing to do anything to hold it shut, holding onto her blessed ignorance.

"So you were just going to keep it from me? You're mad that Izalon was brave enough to tell me the truth? You're all too afraid of the monster in me, is that it?"

"No." He said with conviction. In a way she couldn't help but believe.

But her feelings were still too raw to stop the flood of questions that were desperate to pour out of her. "Then when were you going to tell me about who I am? About who I was?"

"I was going to tell you today." He gestured with exasperation, as if it was all a big joke. The fates finding it funny to allow him to get so close to telling her, then snatching it away right on the brink. "I meant what I said last night, I was going to tell you everything. But I was going to let you rest first. I wasn't going to throw you into it the way Izalon so unceremoniously did last night. The witch woman has no consideration for tact." He said with frustration.

"So tell me now. Convince me that I should trust Izzy and go with her. Go with you. And leave Tairin here with Eva and Pierce. Convince me to leave my life behind. Because honestly I'm not sure what I'm going to do at this point."

He stared hard back at her, his eyes searching hers, as if looking for the crack that would be her undoing, or if she was already rubble on the inside. She wasn't sure which he found.

"I am your other half, your male counterpart. That is why you didn't kill me last night. I felt you recognize me, recognize our bond. Your power feeds from mine, we complement each other, our talents support each other. We were a balanced pair for three hundred years before you died in what is now called the Last Battle, in that field we were in last night. Athos and another Healer named Chauncer, saved your soul and sent you to the Shadow Realm. And as for convincing you to go with Izalon, I think she said it plainly last night, if you want to live you'll go with her."

Ryder felt broken. She knew everything he was saying was true, yet she didn't remember any of it. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. She watched it fall into the pond, its ripples expanding across the surface.

Graynin reached forward and took her hand. His calluses rough against her smooth fresh skin, her counterpart. She held back a shudder at the magnitude of that truth.

He spoke softly, "I am sorry Ryder, I guess I need to work on my tact as well. This is hard for me too. I'm sort of just making it up as I go."

It was her turn to want to offer him comfort, the depth of his own sadness resonating in his voice. She looked up at him, he was now watching the pond. There was so much pain between them. They were both so broken.

She remembered Athos' words, 'If you two work together, you are both capable of finding life.'. She wasn't ready to give up. She wanted to find herself, find a way to feel complete, and fill the void she had walked with since she was a child. She wasn't ready to give up. She whispered, "I choose life."

He looked back to her, the openness in his eyes was gone again, replaced by an expression that showed nothing. But then he reached up and gently brushed a loose strand of her hair back behind her ear, his fingers softly grazing her cheek. Without a word, he stood from the bench and began walking towards the outer wall of the grassy space.

She was confused when he walked up to the ivy-covered walls, reached in, and a hidden door sprang away. She watched him go in silence, so many confusing thoughts, so much anger, and worst of all so much curiosity.