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What is this?

I feel cold, I can't move my body, I feel like floating somewhere but...it's calming. Ahh, I want it to be forever...

"Hoy lalaki! Tumabi ka!"

Suddenly, those feelings faded away, disappeared in just a snap.

I opened my eyes, turned my head where the voice came from. Hmm, what was that?

There, I saw a girl on the other side of the road. She was wearing a university school uniform, having that style like a messed up teenager who didn't take being at school seriously. Her polo was open, wearing a black t-shirt underneath and a short skirt. Is that allowed?

I didn't mind her, instead I scratched the back of my neck. "Ah, it's already night, off from school... right." I felt embarrassed when I realized that she'd be off from school for sure.

"Tangina mo! Tumabi ka!" I heard her shout again from the other side, but this time it was loud and clear.

"Ah, so noisy." I hate people. I hate their voices.

"Tanga! Wala ka ba naririnig?!" shouting again. Damn, hate that.

I saw her pointing somewhere, like she wanted me to check it out. "What's with her?" I didn't have a choice but to look for it. There I saw many cars honking from their vehicles. "Hmm? What's wrong with them." I want to know but I'm too tired to move on.

Ibabalik ko na sana ang tingin ko sa babae, but when I turned around, I saw her dashed towards me. And in a blink of an eye, I'm in a different location.

"Bobo!" The girl was panting in front of me, making her knees as support to her body. But suddenly, she grabbed my shirt collar with angry eyes. "Kanina ka pa sa daan, tanga ka ba? Balak mo ba magpabangga?! Hindi mo ba naririnig ang mga busina ng mga hayop na iyon? Huh?! Tangina mo!" She was shouting in anger panting as well.

But still, I keep my mouth shut. She was just cursing at me, talking about things I didn't even know.

"Ano? Hindi ka magsasalita?" She asked, looking at me with those worried eyes. Actually she looked like a leader of a gang from her clothes, gang in middle school.

"Potangina, bingi 'ata 'to e." She shook her head then tapped my shoulder. "Sige, sige na. Alis na." She tried her best, but her sign language sucks. Even if I know how to sign or not, I will never understand what she had signed.

Nauna na siyang maglakad papalayo sa akin. She probably thinks I'm deaf. Well, It doesn't matter what she thinks of me. At least I did what I wanted to do earlier. She just happened to ruin the mood.

I made it at home. And the ambiance of the dark and crowded welcomed me. I've been living in this called Home. I'm still lucky that even though I was working for them, they let me get a college course I wanted. I'm currently a second year Mechanical Engineering student,I admit it was hard to balance my time, but I'm still surviving.

"Rej,"

I looked expressionless to whoever called me. And didn't respond verbally. I'm tired and not in the mood to be jolly.

"Pagkatapos mo magbihis, p'westo ka na doon. Maraming naghihintay sa performance mo." Wika ni Ate Chona - ang may ari ng bar club na ito. She even winked at me. "Alam mo naman na ikaw ang lang naman ang laging hinihintay na bartender dito." Ate Chona playfully raised her both shoulders. "Malay mo, malaki-laki makuha mo ngayon." She gesture her fingers about 'money'

Hindi nalang ako umimik at ngumiti na lamang. I really don't have the energy to entertain them. I also have the freedom to ghost the guest. But all that I thought was the money.

I need it that much even though I was studying for free at college. I don't have any scholarships because of my lack of birth papers.

So I have to earn money as long as I can to support my studies. I may not need to pay tuition fees, but I have to pay my everyday expenses.

I decided to entertain the customers and there I got the tips but it was just the average for daily work. The salary is different, it's smaller than the tips.

I may earn faster than usual if I just agreed to those out of order the customers were asking. But I'm not into that. I'm at the legal age, but my mind wasn't ready for that. I don't even like to do that.

Ate Chona and the rest was letting me to decide but there is a condition. That I have to keep doing what I am doing for the sake of the bar's popularity. And also, for money.

After doing my job, I went upstairs. Hindi na rin naman ako kailangan roon dahil dumating na ang isang bartender. Kailangan ko muna mag review ng mga notes ko bago ako matulog dahil kung hindi, wala ako masasagot bukas kung sakali man na mag pa surprise quiz ang mga instructor namin.

I heaved a sigh. Thinking those time when my mind was saying, what the fuck is happening, how that happened, where that fucking number came from. Damn, I can literally recall those days. I was totally busted. As in hindi ko alam ang nangyayari habang nag sosolve ang instructor namin sa whiteboard. Then natulog na lang ako sa klase, hindi naman ako sinuway pero, ang masakit doon, nag pa-quiz wala man lang ako na isagot dahil natulog lang ako.

Humiga ako sa kama at napatingin sa kisame. "Dang, I wanted to graduate as soon as possible to be free from this struggle." I said as I got the notebook in the bag beside my bed.

Nagsimula na akong mag review pero yung mata ko, unti unti nang pumipikit. Tinapos ko nalang iyon ng 30 minutes para kahit nakatitig ako, matatandaan ko pa naman iyon kahit walang pumapasok sa utak ko. Mabigat sa ulo syempre, anong oras na rin ngayon, but I have to. I don't want to failed. I saw how my irregular classmates suffered from their schedules and units.

Ako na nga lang ang naawa sa kanila dahil first week palang ng pasukan hindi pa sila enroll, samantalang kami na regular, wala nang problema. I saw how it made them stress over enrollments to their schedules.

As soon as I finished the review, I fell asleep on my table.

It was my alarm that woke me up like a robot. Wala ako sa sarili na nagising sa lamesa ko sabay punta ng c.r. Naligo ng nakatulala at pumunta ng campus ng lutang.

"Fuck, I don't know what would I answer in quiz." I slap my forehead. Damn, I'm doomed. Kahit nagka tulog na ako sa libro ko, wala pa rin pumasok sa utak ko. "What to do?" Wika ko habang naglalakad sa pathway patungo sa coeng building. I could even heard some of my classmates are calling me, but I didn't respond, for fuck sake, my head were floating in the air.

Not until I bumped into someone. "Ay putragis!" Ani nito sabay mabilis na kinuha ang kaniyang mga gamit. Isa itong babae na haggard na ang hitsura. Halatang stress. May dala rin siyang canister sa likod at mga libro ng engineering ang nahulog.

Hindi ko iyon tinulungan at tinignan lang ito. Tinatamad ako. Aalis na sana ako ngunit tapos na siya sa kaniyang pagpulot. "Hoy!" Sigaw nito.

Tumigil naman ako sabay tingin sa kaniya ng tamad. Tinatamad na nga ako dalhin ang bag kong isang notebook at ballpen lang ang laman, tapos papatulungin niya pa ako? No way.

"It's your fault, not mine." Wika ko sabay hakbang ulit.

"Ah, gago pala ito." Rinig ko ang mga bulong bulong niya ngunit maya maya ay may naramdaman akong may sumipa sa sapatos ko. Hindi iyon malakas, tama lang para maramdaman ang ginawa niya sa akin.

Inis akong lumingon. Kasabay naman noon ang pag-flash ng isang cellphone sa mismong mukha ko. Hindi ko nakita ang mukha ng babae ng maayos dahil umalis ito kaagad matapos sabihan akong. "Oh, tangina mo!" Tumakbo iyon paalis. Gusto ko pa sana habulin para sabihin na i-delete ang litrato pero, tinatamad ako.

I shook my head then head towards my room. There, I saw my classmates were in chaos. Aligaga ang mga ito sa mga nirereview nila. 'Yung iba naman ay nasa gilid, nakatingin sa kisame habang may binibilang sa kanilang daliri.

May mga nasa upuan pero nag sosolve ang mga ito sa hangin at nakatingin sa taas. May mga magkakaibigan na nagkakabisaduhan ng definition of terms at mga formula. Hindi maka usap ito ng maayos dahil may nakita akong isang kaklase namin na nagtanong sa kanila pero hindi man lang ito pinansin. Syempre, hindi naman mawawala ang mga ibang estudyante na chill lang na may motto 'uy pakopya ako mamaya' pero pagdating ng exam, sila pa 'yung hindi makausap dahil nakakasagot sa test kahit hindi nangongopya. Sila 'yung tipo na hindi daw nag review, pero sila pa ang mataas ang score sa exam.

Umupo ako sa hulihan sabay pinatong ang bag para gawing unan. Itutulog ko nalang ito, kahit naman mag review ako ngayon, wala rin naman papasok sa utak ko. Bahala na si Batman maging Spiderman.

Buti nalang, bago pa dumating instructor namin, naalimpungatan ako. Edi sana pinagalitan ako.

"Pst!" I heard someone. Thus, I looked around and saw my classmate was on peek at the back door. He was smiling like we are close. I furrowed and asked him with an eye.

He's pointing at the chair on my side. Wala ako katabi, kasi nilagay ko doon ang bag ko. Sabi ko may naka upo doon kaya walang tumatabi sa akin. Pero ngayon? Tatabi siya? Hell no!

"Thanks." I just found out he was sitting right next to me. Bumagsak ang balikat ko at tamad na kinuha ang bag sa upuan. Hindi pa naman nagsisimula ang klase, nag aayos pa ang instructor namin sa kaniyang laptop. Ewan, baka quiz or presentation na naman ng napakahabang lesson tapos wala naman sa connect sa exam.

We have this 'instructor' instead of 'professor'. They are only there for us to guide and not to tackle everything like spoon feeding. So, we can't say 'hindi naman iyan itinuro ni ma'am, hindi na 'yan kasama exam'. We are more on self study, it was our only way to survive.

But fuck, it's hard to have self-study especially for me. Pero, kakayanin 'yan. I'm on second year, matatapos din ang lahat ng ito.

Nagsimula na ang lesson gayun din ang kwento ng katabi ko. He kept saying things that didn't even make sense. He smiled at me then acted disgusted from what he was saying. I can't even focus on the discussion until the end of the class. Luckily, we didn't have any surprise quizzes since our instructor had a meeting. I'm saved.

I took a picture of what's on the board then left. Wala naman akong mga kaibigan sa room. Isa pa, having friends is just a toxicity. I don't need that. I rather suffer on my own having them who are just there when they need you.

Nang nasa labas na ako ng building, may sumulpot sa tabi. Of course it's him again. Ughr, ayoko na makinig sa mga sinasabi niya. It's irritating, nakakarindi.

"Uy, Reggie." Tawag nito sa akin na para bang close kami. Simula palang ng 1st semester pero ganito kaagad ang mangyayari sa akin? Please, leave me alone. Fuck.

Hindi ko iyon pinansin hanggang sa makalabas ako ng campus. But then before I could look for a vehicle, there's a cool motorcycle stopped in front of me. Binaba ng lalaki ang helmet niya at doon nakita ko ang lalaking nangungulit sa akin kanina. Pero ang mas nakakagulat pa rito, ang naka-angas na babae sa likod niya, ay ang babae na nakabunggo ko kanina.

Anak naman ng teteng oh, nagsama pa ang dalawa.