Over the course of the next few days after Christmas has passed, I'm trying to just relax. I follow all those 5-minute meditation videos on YouTube and I practice all the self-care instructions from women online who claim they know everything. I don't know if it's helping much, but it's a good distraction.

I haven't bothered looking at Delilah's social media accounts anymore, it's pointless. There's nothing left to look for now that we're not dating. It's crazy to think that I spent so much time hung up on her when she didn't really give a shit. Timing is strange, I wonder if it had a role in our destruction. Maybe if we had dated sooner or even later, this wouldn't have happened. Or if we hadn't dated at all, we would still be pretty good friends.

Oh well.

I go through Nina's Instagram stories and she's having the time of her life. She went home for a few days and now she's on a trip in various European countries. She posts photos of all her food, new purchases, and the hotels she's staying at. She hasn't been responding to much of my texts, but I get it. She's busy.

I should be too.

I consider texting Rowan, but they might be busy too. We had exchanged numbers after class one day, and said they were "always willing to listen to my problems." They probably think I'm so fun! I don't want to fuel a one-sided friendship with all my issues though.

And then Augustine's updated profile comes up on my phone.

The wildest thing is that when my finger hovers over Augustine's profile picture, my mind is wondering if I should reach out. She's here in town, so am I. It's a rare coincidence. But I find my past reminding me that she's toxic and it would be a huge mistake to talk to her. I just settle on viewing her recent posts and liking one of them, which I'm sure she'll get a notification for that might surprise her. She doesn't expect me to engage with her stuff.

Well, today's the end of another day. I should just forget about all of this.

It's 8 pm and my parents are getting ready for bed, something that they think I should be doing right now too. It's still early for me, but it might be late for them. Tomorrow is New Year's Eve, which is the only time of the year they'll stay up past midnight. They probably need to get extra rest today to make up for the lack of it they'll get tomorrow.

I decide to give in, for them. I tell them "goodnight" and give them a hug before I make my way to my room. I lightly shut the door, and pull out my new silver computer from my desk before I sit back on my bed. I search up that old website I've been using for free access to TV shows and movies, and I press play on the newest episode to this show I haven't really had time to watch.

Netflix prices are expensive. Why should I spend my money on that when I can get it for free here? I just have to fight for my life to get through all the creepy ads, but it's free!

I barely get through the plain theme song before I hear a loud 'ping' from my phone. I basically run over to my desk to shut the noise down, since I know my parents expect me to be sleeping right now.

I take my phone with me over to my bed, and I realize it's a notification about a private message I received through Instagram. I didn't realize people actually used Instagram messages as a way to communicate.

When I slide to the message, I realize that surprises are always possible in this world. Dramatic, I know.

It's a text from someone I've been thinking about these last few days.

Augustine has oh so cleverly and thoughtfully typed, "u up?"

I could respond no just to fuck with her, but I could also tell her I am. I know where she lives, it's probably a 25 minute walk. It's more than I want to walk in this kind of weather at night. . . But it's for her.

Her and her emerald eyes.

The majority of our relationship was a complete mess, but we did have some nice times. We had fun adventures over the course of our 5 month relationship in this town. She was also the first person I ever slept with, which doesn't necessarily matter. But, it does mean that I know that I'll enjoy whatever it is that she has planned.

Her code is obvious, and I know that I won't struggle that hard to sneak out of this place. It only takes me a few minutes to respond with, "yeah. Now?"

I start to get ready but after a few minutes pass, I wonder if she's already moved on. She's always had that habit.

She hasn't though. At least not yet. As I get ready to walk out my bedroom room, she gives me a yes and that's all I need. I try my best to stay quiet as I make way out of our home, and when I shut the final door behind me, I know I've made it.

I carefully make my way down the staircase, and when I exit the building, I feel like I did something brave. I've had practice with sneaking out though, it's just a skill I've worked on throughout the years.

After a long walk that ends up being just 20 minutes because of my amazing walking talent, I find myself in front of her massive white painted brick house. It's in the same neighborhood as Delilah's former home and if I walked over to the next street, I would probably be confronted with the sight of it.

But I'd rather not think about her and our drama anymore.

Augustine texts me that I can come in through the front door, which is expected. I never had to sneak into her room, her parents are almost never home. Her parents are both business owners, similar to Delilah's parents except Augustine's have never been sued before.

Funny.

They're always on random trips far from Augustine, and she's always just done her own thing. She was basically raised by employees hired by the assistants of her parents. I'm an only child but I have my parents, and I've always wondered if it ever gets lonely for her to truly just be the only one in that huge house. Delilah at least had her two siblings.

As soon as I walk over to the black door, Augustine opens it for me. And she doesn't even speak to me before she shuts the door and immediately kisses me.

We both know what we're here for.

We hardly waste any time in getting to her room, and I know getting my shirt that Augustine carelessly threw on the front foyer's floor will be an awkward moment to come back to later. She brings up all the right feelings for me though, and that seems to be all that matters.

Her room is still the same as it was last year; same grey walls, white fluffy rug that covers almost the entire light hardwood floor, and expensive decorations that must come from her various travels. Everything somehow looks even more polished, and the already few band posters she used to have hanging up are gone. Her wardrobe choices are still similar to last year, though I don't take too much time to analyze her clothes as I watch her quickly take them off.

She's beautiful like always, and I just want to make her feel good right now. She seems determined to start off with me first though, and I don't object to it. She still knows what I liked back then, and I think she's even better at it now.

Our words are rare, but our actions are everything. I don't think I want this to end.

I enjoy the night with her, and some say sleeping with an ex is the craziest thing you can do but I don't think it is. Falling in love with a girl you knew when you were younger and then dating her after you see her again for the first time in four years is far worse.