The next week, Nina, Dash, Delilah, and I have all settled on a good time and location for a double date.

A Wednesday evening at a restaurant nearby in the city met our standards. Finals will be approaching the 3 of us next month, and we decided that we have to have all our fun before we're in study mode. Delilah doesn't really care since she's not in school at the moment, and she tells us to just give her the time, day and place.

When Delilah and I step foot in the venue, Dash and Nina are already waiting for us at the table. Dash gives us a little wave as Nina tells us to hurry up. They're both dressed comfortably, with Dash in black pants and long-sleeve blue button down shirt while Nina is wearing dark blue jeans and a white peasant top with her brown shoulder bag.

She always manages to do her makeup perfectly, a skill that I've never mastered. I always have to opt for a light look since I fear I'll only mess up if I do anything more. I'm wearing a maroon overall dress with a white long-sleeve shirt underneath and my black combat boots and a black shoulder bag. As always, I have my locket around my neck with that same old picture.

I think I might update it.

Delilah, next to me, has chosen to wear black jeans with a long-sleeve navy top and her matching locket. She's carrying her own black shoulder bag, and almost throws it onto the floor when we both sit down.

The venue isn't very full, which is a relief. A couple sitting at a table near us does look over at us though, and I wonder if they're trying to assess the situation and what it is. Older people tend to be more conservative, which is a concern for me. But, as long as my parents never show up here, I don't really care that much.

It's not that my parents are homophobic. It's just that. . . It's different for many parents when their own child turns out to be part of the community. They support their nephews and nieces and the children of their friends, but I don't know how they would react to the news about me. And it doesn't help that the person I'm dating is Delilah, someone they were never particularly fond of.

They always called her the rich girl in Spanish, and never really thought she was sincere. They were nice to her because we were friends, but they didn't like her.

The two adults turn away and look at their menu, choosing to ignore our presence. Other guests around us are in their own world, like the 4 of us. The chairs we're sitting on are comfortable, and the brown wooden table is decorated with a red table cloth and small candles to create a genuine atmosphere. We feel comfortable here.

The lights above us are purposefully made to be on the dim side, and one grand chandelier is at the entrance as guests are welcomed in by an employee. A waiter takes our orders, and he tells us he hopes we have a good time.

Delilah seems slightly nervous based on the way her knee keeps shaking, and I lightly place my hand on it to try to calm her down. She looks at me, slowly biting her lip as her legs stop. Dash and Nina, both across from us, start up a conversation about school.

Dash asks what Delilah plans to do, and she clears her throat before responding, "I'm taking a gap year."

"Are you working right now?"

I notice her leg is shaking again.

I guess it's hard for her to admit she's the daughter of wealthy business owners and doesn't even have to move a finger to do what she wants.

I don't like that she feels so nervous though, so I tell Dash, "you're acting like an adult in the middle of some conversation about very adult things."

Dash furrows his eyebrows as he stares at me, probably confused about what I'm doing. I may have put in a suggestion to both of them that they try to get more details about Delilah's life. But I didn't expect Delilah to start cracking under pressure after 2 normal questions!

The conversation turns to Nina as she talks about wanting to get a pet with Dash, specifically a cat. Delilah resists a laugh as she says, "dogs are better!"

Dash tells her she's wrong, and they have a full argument for about 5 minutes regarding the strengths and weaknesses of the two animals. Neither comes out victorious.

I ask Delilah, "do you still have Lola?"

Delilah shifts around in her chair uncomfortably as she says, "no."

Lola was the family dog, a white furry pet with a love for jumping outside and eating treats. She always liked me, since I always gave her treats even when Delilah would tell me she already had plenty. Her and her sisters loved that dog so much. When her family moved away, the dog left too.

"What happened?"

She stays silent for a second before telling me that it doesn't matter. Dash and Nina glance at each other and at me, and I know we're all thinking the same thing. Why does every question we ask have to bring this reaction?

She realizes that I'm still looking at her, waiting for some kind of real answer, which prompts her to answer, "she died."

"That's dark," Dash comments.

"You all asked!" Delilah exclaims, holding tightly onto her white napkin on the table.

"Let's talk about something else!" Nina tells all of us.

And she immediately brings up the topic of hobbies, which feels strangely like an icebreaker that elementary school teachers love to bring up with the way she asks it. Dash brings up his love for baseball, Nina mentions knitting, and Delilah tells us about painting. I try to bring up writing, but Nina shuts it down as she tells me, "it's not a hobby if you want to do it as a job. Something else!"

So, I tell them about my secret hobby of learning random words in languages and pretending I'm fluent after one lesson on Duolingo. Dash, who has Polish roots, asks me if I can speak the language, and I tell him, "yes, I can. How are you?" In Polish.

He responds with multiple confusing words, and I just stare at him as I say, "yes" in the language. He laughs and tells me, "you're practically fluent!"

"I wish I knew another language," Nina announces to us.

"I'll teach you," Dash says.

And I add in, "I will too!"

"Y yo también!" Delilah tells her.

I look over at Delilah with some kind of wonder since I know it's only three words, but it's surprising to hear Delilah speaking in Spanish. She never liked the way her American accent came through with the words, but I always told her it didn't matter. She blamed her flaws on her parents, the ones who were barely around to teach her. It didn't help that they always spoke in English to her, even when no one else was around. 

My own parents always spoke in Spanish, and their understanding of English was more limited. They didn't have to hire a tutor for me like Delilah's parents did for her. I was always exposed to my language and my culture and stories about their lives in Colombia.

Delilah always liked being around my house, I think she felt like she got a piece of her culture back to her in that way. Sure, her family business often produced clothing lines that celebrated Latinx cultures and countries, one of which she had the chance to design a few pieces in, but that wasn't the same. It was all factory produced in the United States, meant to convey the same ideas and messages over and over again.

Nina expresses her gratitude for all of us, and tells us we better be prepared to teach her everything. At the same time, our food arrives, which makes us all happy like small children. We start eating right away, and new topics continue blooming.

There's never a dull moment or an empty space with the 4 of us. It almost feels like we've been hanging out with each other for years and that this isn't our first double date.

The meal is delicious, and now I know for sure that the 4 and 5-star reviews on Google were right. Everything is well. . . Until the moment we have to pay comes up.

"Do you want me to pay for you?" I whisper to her as she sorts through her bag with no end.

She turns red, out of frustration or embarrassment, who knows. She finally pulls out her black wallet, and announces, "I'm paying for all of us!"

Dash tells her thanks, but Nina looks at me with that face of 'what is she doing?'.

"Delilah, you don't have to do that."

She looks at me, and quietly says to me, "weren't you just complaining that I don't pay for anything? Well, here I am, paying for everyone."

And now she's turned that conversation against me.

Dash and Nina thankfully don't hear her, and she quickly handles the payment herself. She doesn't let me help with anything.

This is typical Delilah though. When things don't go her way, she snaps. She always tries to do something she knows she can't do just to prove everyone wrong. Sometimes it works, but sometimes it just makes her feel worse. But she'll never admit that.

She doesn't speak to me once as we all get up and make our way out of the restaurant. We all say our goodbyes, and I plan to leave with my two friends, but Delilah stops me.

"Walk with me," she tells me.

She sounds genuine now. I tell Nina that I'll see her tomorrow, and I tell Dash that I wish him luck on studying for that chemistry exam we have on Friday.

"I'm sorry if I said something wrong," I say to her once we're out of Dash's and Nina's views.

I try to hold her hand, but she resists it.

"I wanted to say sorry," Delilah tells me. "I've just been dealing with a lot."

"You can tell me what's going on. I'm your best friend and your girlfriend."

"I know that."

"So tell me."

"It's all just. . . You're a lot."

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"What?"

She looks at me, glances at my lips for a brief second, and then says, "you're pretty much my life right now and I don't want to mess everything up."

Oh.

"The only way you can mess things up is if you don't talk to me."

"See you soon?" She tells me.

I don't get to say anything more, because she walks away from me. My girlfriend of a few months and best friend of 10 years walks away.

I don't know if this should be a big deal for us or not. What's next?

This dream isn't feeling so sweet anymore.