There is panic attack reference in this chapter which starts with *** as the sign. 

  Rachel

Although Rachel only cuddled and slept with Ethan from the future, she felt both right and wrong about it. Although he stated to be her husband from the future and even though she liked him more and more with every passing day, there was still something that stopped her from being completely open to him.

Maybe it was because he acted jealous when the news of Marc walking her home was broken. She never had a proper relationship where a boy was jealous for her, possessive about her or even, cared enough to show affection towards her.

But Ethan was one rare entity who even traveled back in time everyday, for her. She couldn't wait to get to know the real Ethan better.

For her it felt right to talk to the present Ethan than the future one. The future Ethan already knew everything about her. For her, knowing things about the present Ethan from the future one felt like not giving the right opportunity to the present one.

The present Ethan, her boss, hardly had two or three formal interactions.

'Tomorrow is the meeting with the investors. Maybe after that he might loosen up a bit', she thought to herself.

**

She walked into the office, pretty early as usual. She knew that there would be company awaiting her.

"So you have decided to be up this early from now on.." she smiled at a deep engrossed Marc.

"Yes... can't let you win the employee of the year"

"Ya right.. like they will give that to a new comer"

Sitting back, she waited for her laptop to start while sharing a silent coffee break with Marc.

She remembered a line from a movie or book maybe, saying it's always worth cherishing people who gives you company in silence. She had Marc for it.

"This is great.." he sighed

"What is?"

"Sitting in silence.."

"Until you ruined it Marc"

She laughed at her own joke but Marc seemed to have taken offence. He turned back to his desk and before she could even register the goofup caused by her funny retort, he started typing away.

She walked towards him and wait for him to look up, standing near his line of sight.

"What happened" he spoke without drawing his attention away from the screen.

"I am sorry.. I don't mean half the things I say. I just blurt them out and then realize it must be rude to the other person"

"It's okay. I don't mind you saying the things which you mean. Don't have to be a people pleaser, Rachel" he scoffed.

Marc, unknowingly pointed out the one thing Rachel hated about herself. She was a sucker for everyone's liking. She couldn't hurt anyone and worst, bent her own rules to fit in with others. She couldn't say no because according to her, it might hurt someone. Her inability to say no to people had always hurt her.

It was not the first time someone had pointed it out to her. Her therapist has told this time and again.

Saddened, she walked back to her seat.

"Hey listen.." Marc turned back to her with a fallen face, the realization that he must have judged her too harsh.

She cut him midway. "It's okay Marc. You said it right.. I shouldn't be.. But I meant it, what I said to you.. I was kidding with you.."

She turned back to the laptop. Tears filled her eyes and brimmed to overspill. But she couldn't cry in office. She wasn't a little girl anymore so she does what most of the people have done at one point or another.

She walked into the washroom to wiped them away.

Thanks to the early work routine, there was nobody around to see her cleaning up her mess.

Rachel was a weeper. She cried during emotional movie or when animals died in it. It also happened when she doesn't get food quickly or when she felt that someone's comments were insinuated towards her.

Summing up, it wasn't a surprise that she cried in office.

With a knock the door opened, taking her by surprise. Marc got inside and locks the door.

"What are you doing.. it's ladies washroom You can be caught on god knows what charges if the security sees it on tape" she cried out.

"I don't care"

Saying that, he crashed his lips onto hers. The kiss was intense and passionate and took her by utter surprise. Unlike the one she had yesterday with Ethan; this one was full of longing and need.

The way his lips play against hers and his tongue took control over while holding the back of her neck made her feel all kinds of crazy and wet inside and outside. His kiss was sensual and hypnotizing that she feel being in a state of trance.

Marc pushed her against a wall as he kissed the crook of her neck while she held onto the back of his and moan out. A smile appeared on her lips. A happy smile.

'God what am I doing... It's office.. it's fucking office.. and I am his colleague.. And I know who I get married to... WHAT AM I DOING!!' her mind rammed into the skull while reminding her of these words.

She slowly pushed Marc away while they both reeled out of the happening. She opened her eyes while his remained closed. He was still reliving the feeling of the kiss. His breath paced faster and poor Rachel has a hard time seeing him like that and restraining herself from taking him there. Again.

Instead, she does the opposite, "Marc we can't"

She whispered as he closed the distance between their faces again. Her skin felt his warm breath and her lips stayed slightly parted as she wanted more of him.

He whispered back, "I know.. but I want to.."

He kisses her again but this time, just a peck on the lips before unlocking the door and walking out.

She, on the other hand, slowly slid down the wall all the way to her feet, sitting like a duck, reeling back from the kiss.

She made out with Marc. Comparing the kiss she received yesterday from the one she just had, her mind kept running back and forth. Ethan was possessive while Marc was full of need.

'What is wrong with me.. Why am I comparing them?'

Splashing cold water on her face she tried to calm the heat raising inside, running till her core and down between her legs.

Walking back to the cubicle she saw Anna and Finn and was relived. Marc looked at her once, smiled and turned back to his desk, working. He set fire inside of her and now acted as if he could get away with work.

Ethan presented himself in front of all of them. "Rachel... are we ready with the presentation?"

Snapping out of her thoughts, she quickly pulled her laptop and walked inside the presentation room. Nobody had arrived yet, so she set up everything and waited.

Ethan walked in a while later.

"Nervous ?" he inquired

"Kindo.. but I can manage"

"Hey.. Soo Anna tells me there is a surprise birthday party for me?"

"God she can't keep any secrets for long.. Can she?" Rachel chuckled.

Ethan laughed before answering. The same laughter like the future Ethan. The one which echoed from his chest and made its way to the throat and a dimpled smile accompanied it while his shoulders moved up and down resonating with the happy feeling.

"No she can't. Thankfully it's tomorrow so at least she spared me the details about my gift"

"Yes.. thank god for that" rolling her eyes, Rachel spoke.

"Listen.. she told me you will be the one bringing Miley"

'Ohh god.. what now.' Thinking, she braced herself for what Ethan was about to say.

"So just an FYI, she can be a bit intense.. but you will like her eventually.. everyone does" he smilingly conveyed.

'Ya right dummy. That's why Anna asked me to get her. Because she liked her soooooo much' Rachel smiled at her devious thoughts.

But because she couldn't reveal the truth to Ethan about her friend's dislike for Miley, she played along. "I know.. Anna was telling me the same.. Infact had she not had to handle all the party things, she would have gone fetched Miley herself.."

Ethan nodded for a second with a serious face before giving his best smile.

"Good.. I like that you are a team player.. and you stick with your friends..."

"Sorry what?"

"I know they all dislike Miley.. she is a bit.... intense" his hands swung around describing Miley.

Rachel stuttered and stumbled on her words.

"It's okay Rach.. calm down.. I know it.. so does everyone... you don't have to defend them anymore.."

"Ohhh okay.. I.. no.. we like her..."  she gave away an unconvincing smile.

He nodded again.

"Well.. if you know... then.."

"The heart wants what the heart wants" he sighed and fell back on the chair, a lovesick man.

'Your heart wants me dummy'. Rachel's mind screamed.

Her words disagreed. "Absolutely"

The investors arrived and after greetings and initial talks about the ride from the airport and all sorts of nonsense icebreakers; the presentation began.

With the basic introduction and what's and what not's done with, Rachel took a backseat while Ethan spearheaded the presentation.

His command and body language was something she could watch for hours. The way everyone's eyes were glued onto him, it was both intriguing and enticing. One couldn't simply take their eyes off of him. The way he spoke; his intonations, hand gestures; the way his shirt tucked onto his chest and his biceps, his body movements.

'God what's wrong with me.. It's all because of Marc. He turned me on and sent me to the Calvin Kline model watch. I am gonna kill him'

After the presentation, Rachel let herself out while Ethan continued the talks.

Once out, she felt fine again.

"How was it?" Anna hopped over to Rachel.

'It was wonderful.. went well. Ethan is talking to them now.."

"Cross fingers guys" Finn wished.

Rachel continued, "Ohh by the way, did you guys know that Ethan knows about the party that we are throwing for him?"

Both Finn and Marc looked at each other in confusion and confirmation, if the other one let out the secret. After their side nods, they concluded it wasn't one among them.

Anna, on the other hand, had a guilty look on her face which she beautifully hid with a smile and the usual, 'I am sorry' puppy eyes.

Defending, she fell back on her chair. "It's not my fault. I told you guys.. never tell me secrets"

Marc and Finn chuckled.

"You were the one who planned this party.." Marc sighed knowing the damage.

"Did I... ohh yes.. Guys.. I told you.. never let me plan anything"

Everyone laughed at her comeback but all fall silent when Ethan came out of the meeting room.

"Guys if you all can step inside" he instructed.

Like trail of children, they all quietly walked inside his office.

"The investors were happy with the presentation but.." he ran his hand over the neatly gelled hair.

Finn was the first one to break, "Oh god don't tell me they don't want this idea.."

"We worked hard on it.. Actually Finn Rach and Marc did.. I was planning your birthday" Anna said with a sunken face.

Ethan smiled again at Anna's chain of thoughts. She was one fearless lady, carried her heart on her sleeve.

"But what Ethan?" Rachel asked politely.

"Well the sad news is.. That we got the deal.."

The instance Ethan stated it, all of them jumped in excitement.

Anna and Finn hugged one another and Rachel and Marc were to do the same before the realization hit them about the morning, following which they both immediately move back and shook hands.

Ethan merrily announced, "Drinks on me guys.."

All of them packed up  for the day. As Rachel picked her work files along, Finn yelled at her, "Loose them"

She punched him in a friendly way. "Can't.. my life depends on it..."

"Yes... one round of drink on me for Rach.. for the way she handled the presentation" Anna proceeded to pick a tab while they all walked towards Sam's.

"I am already buying Anna.. Don't rain on my parade" Ethan mocked.

Rachel thought of the Ethan she met every evening. He was still the same funny guy in the present too.

Once inside the bar and almost 4 shots and 2 whiskers later, they all swung and sang with no head or tail of the song.

Anna, as usual, got herself on top of a table. "I love you guys.. Rach my new best friend" she pointed towards Rachel, who let out a shrill happy cry; her four drink down voice.

"Hey what about me?" Ethan protested

"You are my old best friend" she yelled getting off the table. "And Marc and Finn and everyone. Guyyyyyssss All off you... Now group hug"

"Wait.... whose.. everyone" Rachel questioned in her drunk tone while everyone huddled together, squishing her in a hug. With Marc besides her, who seemed to be unaffected by the number of drinks downed, he moved closer and whispered before they broke the hug.

"Leave with me now"

Like a command triggered robot, Rachel picked up her stuff and announced, "Guys it's getting late"

"Nooo stay..." Anna babbled.

"I have to feed Butter..."

Giggling, Ethan projected his hand out, inquiring. "Wait.. why will you feed Butter? You eat butter right guys..."

Anna hugged his back, responding. "Butter is her cat"

"Ahem, Dog"

"Yes dog!" she giggled yet again.

"God you all are drunk" she chuckled at her friends, who changed the specie of her pet in their drunk state.

As she was about to leave with Marc who walked besides her, Anna called out.

"Where are you doing Marc?"

"Walking her till the house" he shrugged his shoulders, saying.

"Fine.. Come back after that" Finn ordered without looking which was received with a nod by Marc.

They walked out.

The chivalry was quite evident when Marc opened the door for her and took the files from her hands. They walked in complete silence, with Rachel having no knowledge of what she was doing. Marc's hold over her was magical and she followed his command. She didn't know how to resist him and didn't want to either.

Ethan had the same effect on her. She was stuck between two men; both of whom didn't know about the other. Once they reached the apartment door, Rachel struggled to insert the key inside the keyhole.

Thankfully Mark took and opened it.

'Had it not been for him, I might have been sleeping outside the apartment. Or till Ethan comes..' Rachel thought.

SHIT..

Quickly moving inside she scanned the room for whereabouts of Ethan.

She imagined Marc's condition if he saw the man from the bar inside her apartment, within minutes of them leaving him there. Without finding Ethan inside, she turned around to see Marc playing with Butter, who was a sucker for belly rubs.

"Good boy" Marc obliged Butter's request, looking up at Rachel. "He is a rescue, isn't he?"

She nodded.

The feeling of alcohol inside of her hitting her body without any food to absorb was too much. She slowly sat on the couch while Marc moved to fetch a glass of water.

"Drink this"

She immediately took the glass from his hands and smiled before gulping down the entire content. Putting the glass back, she felt Marc's presence near her.

She turned to look at him, but before anything, he held her face in his palms again. Moving closer, he slid it behind her neck as kissed the crook.

Another soft moan escaped from her lips as he fell back on the couch, closing her eyes and enjoying the sensation.

"Do you even know what that sound does to me?"

She opened her eyes while nodding her head sideways.

He took her hands and ran it over his pant, making her feel his erection. She stared at him, wide eyed, surprised at the feeling which felt like a jolt of electricity ran through her body.

"God, you.." saying that he pulled her closer and kissed her lips while this time, it was her, who played with his tongue, tasting him. He pulled her on top of him and she grinded over him while they both moaned in each other's mouth.

He ran his hands over her hips and straddled her properly in position while she grinded him harder, making her feel aroused.

He took his hands inside her shirt and ran his fingers over her naked skin. She tilted her head back with the electric feeling that ran over her whole body.

"Goddddd" she cried out.

Pulling her up, he wrapped her legs around his hips, picking her and walking into the bedroom.

'This is going too fast. Too fast.. what do I do. I don't know. I am gonna screw it up.. shit.. I am gonna screw it bad.. fuck'

And that's when it happened again.

***

Panic set in.

'Not the time.. not the time..' She reminded herself while being on bed, but all she remembered was the anxiety turning into panic. Her breath paced faster with each passing minute, her throat was parched and she struggled to breath.

"Marc......"  she gasped for air, somehow managing to pull him up.

He looked at her and immediately knew that something was wrong. He quickly left the room while Rachel held onto her knees and managed to remember her therapist's words but to no avail.

She spiraled.

'Fuck.. he left... I have to remember the therapy training.. This is a bad one.. Meds... meds are on the table...'

She pulled herself off the bed but her legs gave up. Shivering, tears rolled down her eyes as she saw the worst of her fears come true.

"Rach..." a voice called out

That's all she remembered.

//// ////

Author's notes

Hello all you beautiful people

Did you enjoy this chapter? Do you think Marc left?

Happy reading

Love

S