Everything must end. Serenity and sanctuary fall back into chaos. Shaera and Azriel had stayed in each other's company until the sun fell below the horizon and the stars spread across the sky in twinkling masses.
Death still hung stagnant in the air, Summer Court had been successfully immobilised by Hybern. What use were they now? They were just another place in need of aid. It was all part of the king's plan. Shaera found herself sitting on the table in Azriel's tent her leg cocked on the chair and a letter from the High Lord of Day court loosely clutched in her hand. The Shadowsinger had received and sent letters back and forth since the earliest hours of the morning, the soft glow of the candlelight was the only thing keeping them both sane. The tensions and danger she had been warned of earlier had near ceased when they saw the 'Commander of Hybern' walk back to camp hand in hand with their Spymaster. It was her idea... she wanted to see the looks on their faces, see the raged, violent determination diminish with a single glimpse. It was Bittersweet. The meeting had been pushed forward. Thank the Gods, however, the need for a neutral ground was near impossible to find, Shaera understood the need for caution, but the location rejections were bordering on sheer pettiness rather than precaution. She found her amusement in imagining what the Highlords looked like. She had imaged Thesan, the high lord of Dawn Court to be short, his complexion tanned and his eyes amber, almost the embodiment of the rising sun. Kallias, the high lord of Winter Court would have white hair and a pale complexion, his eyes the colour of ice. Shaera even imagined his cheekbones dusted with freshly fallen snow... but that was more of a theatrical embezzlement rather than imagined fact. She simply imagined Beron as an older version of Eris, and definitely more of a prick... grouchier, a smug look that was so punchable...  then there was Tamlin, Shaera knew that man's face too well. She more so wished she could rid it from her mind than conjure the memory. The High Lord of Spring had yet to send a reply... and for the love of the Gods, she hope he never did.

Azriel seemed to have a constant frown on his brow since the letters had started arriving. An amused look danced across Shaera's face, she was pretty sure if Azriel ever got five minutes alone with any of the Highlord he'd ring their necks. The Spymaster scoffed and tossed another letter across the room. Shaera snorted.

"Perhaps you should demand they attend at the location we pick otherwise you'll let Amren loose on their court" he rose an eyebrow, an amused smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth

"Don't tempt me Shaera" the dark-haired woman hummed and glanced down at the letter in her grasp. 

"The Highlord of Day court said he'd come with the promise of pretty men and woman and a foursome with Cas-" her eyes bulged as her mouth opened in disbelief 

"- wait a second..." Shaera stuttered as she read ahead. Azriel walked forward and snatched the letter from her grasp

"Helion is... interesting" the hazel-eyed man sighed pinching the bridge of his nose

"You, Cassian and Mor..." Shaera trailed off her eyes wide with disbelief

"It's one of his century-old fantasies, it's never happened and never will" the Illyrian sighed 

"Why not? I think this man's onto something, would he be up for a fivesome?" she grinned 

"Shaera!"

"Azriel!" The Spymaster went to say something else but was cut off by the tent flap opening, an Illyrian male marched in, clad in dark armour, his wings were tucked close to his body, black stubble decorated his jaw. He approached Azriel, yet the words lingered on his tongue. Blue eyes flickered over to Shaera, distaste, disapproval and doubt swirled in his gaze. She blinked and rose an eyebrow, gaze flickering over to the Spymaster who gestured with his head to the exit. 

"Really?" the ex-commander slammed the question into his mind, Azriel shrugged slightly 

"Are you really enjoying reading letters all day?

"I enjoy reading the letters about foursomes" Azriel shook his head, the black-haired man refused to let the news meet Shaera's ears. 

"Rhysand is coming to winnow you back to Velaris at sunrise"

"When's sunrise?"

"Sunrise was twenty minutes ago" a groan left her lips 

"Well seeing as my company has dulled I'll rid myself from your presence" Shaera hopped off the table marched over to Azriel and snatched the letter back, she made her way to the tent flap 

"You're so dramatic"

"Piss off" she flipped him off and descended outside. You couldn't tell the sun had risen, the day was dull and grey, storm clouds were looming in the distance. Many Illyrian warriors were returning to their homes to recover, to see their families before they had to continue to prepare for the greater war to come. If the meeting went to shit, they may as well say goodbye to Prythian forever. The High Lords would be killed or captured. Soldiers would be massacred for amusement. And Shaera... the king would take her back. She knew he would. But that arrangement would come with a permanent chain around her ankle and centuries of servitude for the reestablishment of trust. Shaera would be fine. Broken, tortured, imprisoned. But Fine... in the end she always was fine. Azriel wouldn't be fine the king would kill him... and if he found out Azriel was her mate. Gods he'd make her watch him tear the Illyrian apart. A shudder ran up her spine. She could never let him get Azriel. Never. A Raven sat on the branch of the tree across from the tent its feathers Sheened with an inky blackness. It watched her. Its head tilted ever so slightly almost in inquisition. Shaera met its gaze. The bird's eyes held intelligence... wisdom. The dark-haired woman frowned, it cawed softly.

"Shaera" Her eyes snapped away from the tree .... she had just stood there staring at a raven. Her eyes flickered back to the branch, the bird was gone. Rhysand was a couple of metres away, he was clad in black trousers, a shirt and a dark jacket. She scanned his outfit turned her nose up and cleared her throat. 

"Well that outfit isn't very High Lord-ish" Rhys surged forward and pulled his sister into a hug, careful not to put too much pressure on her back. Shaera wrapped her arms around him, her gaze flickering around them briefly. Illyrian men watched with a frown

"This is going to be very damaging to your reputation" 

"How so?" He hummed pulling away 

"Big scary High Lord, embracing a measly injured peasant girl" 

"Oh please, they must know you're the 'commander' of Hybern by now" Shaera squinted at him, 

"Perhaps..."

"Thought so" The violet-eyed man mused, she cocked her brow 

"Are you going to take me back to Velaris, or not? it's too hot and I need a bath" 

"Your wish is my command" Rhysand grabbed her arm and they were gone. It took a few intervals, but they arrived back in the city of Starlight in no time. Shaera couldn't ignore the dread that pooled in her stomach. The meeting was soon. Six High lords in one location. Six destructive fae all intent on being the most powerful in the room. She prayed to all the Gods Tamlin wouldn't be there. She didn't know if she could look that man in the eye. Shaera didn't know if she was a stronger version of herself... or the act would just slip away as soon as violet danced with green again.

*********************
The siblings parted on arrival, on a simple 'Don't do anything stupid and I'll see you at dinner' left Rhysand's mouth before he disappeared out the door of the townhouse. Shaera didn't know what to do, what the build-up to the meeting would entail, the uncertainty was grinding away at the back of her mind. So she took a bath... a long oil infused soak, the grime fell from her skin, the water engulfing her body, every ache, every pain was soothed in a warm welcoming embrace. She hadn't seen Mor, Feyre or Cassian since her rendezvous with death. The ex-commander suspected the meeting was plaguing on everyone's mind, the event very well decide the fate of the Courts of Prythian and the people within them. Shaera sunk deeper into the tub, the water settling above her shoulders. Perhaps the world would fall into the clutches of Hybern... the inner court, the Archerons'... Azriel. They'd die, she'd be made to watch them die. Shaera lowered more, a single breath harbouring in her lungs as the water engulfed her head. whatever the Cauldron had done, whatever evil now marked her veins she'd wield it, she'd fight... fight for him. Until that blackness claimed her into a watery grave.

Shaera knew she wasn't destined to live forever, destined for a misted future of contentment and hope. She knew deep down she wouldn't survive the war if she fought for the ones she cared for... Perhaps that's what made the prospect so much sweeter. Happiness always was a forbidden temptation. And now it was a sin she couldn't resist.
Her head broke the surface of the water, the held breath exhaling from her lungs.
For the first time in five hundred years, Shaera was afraid-..... Violet eyes gazed out the window, grey chiffon curtains danced elegantly against the storming sky.
She used to ponder death in the dampened cell, in the battles she fought with Kyra, Jorah and Raiden, Shaera even ponder it within the dull-set walls of Hybern. Death had always been a mercy. A way beyond the pain, beyond the torment. Yet as she withered in that bed, Azriel's hand grasping her own, willing her to live. Death stared her down through the darkness. It didn't stare back in mercy. Its gaze was more so a thief, waiting to snatch her into its abyss, lonesome and cold. Shaera was afraid because for the first time in five hundred years she didn't want to die.

*****************************
Normalcy hummed within the walls of the townhouse, two days had melted away. Shaera had failed to see anyone, resulting to staying locked within her room when the others were out and fleeing the building when they were home. Fear gnawed in her gut, the nails of her pinky fingers had been nervously bitten to stumps. Yet the ex-commander refused to let the others know her anxieties, her worries, her weakness. She'd made sure the mating bond failed to send Azriel her meek emotional turmoil. When the ex-commander decided she wanted to leave that room she would do so fearlessly, as a warrior should. Not like a whimpering girl cowering amid a childish fear. Death was inevitable. She had to accept that inevitably and move forward. Shaera had to make her appearance at some point, emerge from her darkness woven in anxieties and fear. So she did, the night before the meeting, her hair was pulled into a bun, soft curled tendrils framed her face, seal brown trousers clung to her legs, and a loose-fitting tan shirt practically engulfed her torso... the act of wearing tight clothing still proved difficult when it came to her back. It was healing well. The wounds had scabbed nicely. Yet the pain lingered all the same. It was strange, as though her body refused to let her heal that ailment. Shaera blamed it on the king, he probably made sure the arrows were laced with pain lingering poison... if that was even a thing.

Morrigan, Rhysand and Azriel were crowded around the dining room table the soft glow of candlelight illuminated their faces, each one etched with deep frowns and annoyance. Feyre was sat at the end of the table, a distant look adorning her features as she gazed upon the group. The Archeron looked tired, stressed and seemingly lost in a mental plain beyond the room, a reminiscence woven in her irises, not one of glee or joy but seemingly that of past indiscretions bound by terror. Shaera let the girl think, there are times people should be stolen back from their thoughts and other moments where it's best to leave them to dwell.

The ex-commander decided not to intrude on their nighttime schemes, after all, they knew the High Lords better than she did, they had a basis in their assumptions, she'd just be making un-calculated guesses. Shaera moved to the door of the townhouse,  the solace of the night a welcomed temptation. She grasped and turned the handle before tentatively slipping through a small crack and into the darkness. The streets weren't full of life as they usually were, a few souls moved along the sidewalks, alone or in the company of another, street lamps were dimly lit, illuminating what would've been the darkest corners of the night. Stars hummed in the sky as a gently but harshly cold breeze brushed Shaera's cheeks. The violet-eyed woman didn't know what she was doing, galavanting the streets of Velaris when the rest of the world was falling into its slumber. Sometimes she wished she could go back, back to the time she was living, before the time she ran off into wars that didn't need to be fought. Shaera sat upon a metal bench cocooned within the darkness,  her gaze gliding over the starry sky picking out the constellations she knew well and others that had faded into the back of her mind through time. It was nights like these she wished she still had her wings... they would always be an absence kindled in the very depths of her heart. Shaera didn't like to think about it, that time had passed, she'd lived without them a lot longer than she lived with them. Thick ugly scars remained, partnered with other wounds in a multilayered artwork. Now three new scars would be added to it. The dark-haired woman sighed, wisps of heated breath swirled through the air.

"It's my job to hide in the darkness and shadows, not yours" a voice mused from behind the ex-commander as a hand lightly rested on her uninjured shoulder, Shaera chuckled softly 

"Yes, I quite remember your lurking" 

"I don't lurk "

"You lurk" Azriel moved around from the back of the bench and sat beside the violet-eyed woman. The Shadowsingers gaze settled upon his mate. Shaera kept her eyes to the stars

"Shaera-" Azriel paused for a moment the words dying on his tongue.

"Why have I been distant these past couple of days?" She finished, violet flickering over to meet Hazel. 

"I believed I had reached you, somehow started to grow to understand you" the spymaster ran a hand through his hair. 

"You understand me more than most" A soft half-smile dusted the corner of her lips. 

"I want to know everything" a frown etched its way across Shaera's brow as she blinked steadily at him. Azriel held her gaze with want and intent 

"You can't expect everything in return for nothing, Azriel" 

"I will tell you everything, all you need is ask" it was the Illyrian's turn to shift his gaze away, the violet-eyed woman could see the unease swirling within his irises. Azriel didn't let the world in, he kept within his shadows, within the comforts of darkness. Shaera flickered her eyes down to the Shadowsingers hands a sigh left her lips her violet eyes flickered back up to his face. 

"When did you know you understood the shadows?" The hazel-eyed man flexed his scarred hands the shadows dancing through his fingers, Azriel didn't meet her gaze. The ex-commander sighed, she knew the Illyrian had pain woven into his past, her curiosities droned endlessly, yet she knew some things are best left buried, she wouldn't push against him, force him to feed her selfish want. Azriel didn't push her to tell him things, yet Shaera felt he understood her in ways she was yet to understand him. 

"Go into my mind" his voice was distanced, laced with fatigue, mental or physical... maybe both. A pained look painted his expression. Shaera frowned 

"If it pains you so much Azriel, you do not have to show me" the Spymaster turned to her a small smile quirked at the corner of his lips 

"Just go inside Daemati, I know you've always wanted to" Shaera shook her head 

"You make it sound like all I desire in life is to assault you mentally" 

"You do that anyways sweetheart" the dark-haired woman flushed and slapped the man's arm. 

"Just close your eyes" Azriel's smirk grew as he closed his eyes. Then Shaera weaved her way through his wall. Then she saw everything.

************************
A young Illyrian boy was curled into the cobblestoned walls of a damp, dark cell, his wings folded close to his body. Skin in clung to his bones. Shaera frowned upon the scene. No light seeped into the space, the hazel-eyed boys shuddered breaths left wisped clouds sifting through the air. Hazel eyes were reddened his cheeks stained with tears. The boy peered into the inky blackness. Inaudible whispers swept into the expanse. His hands shook. Shaera slithered across the expanse, melting through the bars. She was simply moving further into Azriel's mind, beyond what he perceived from the situation, and to the parts, broken souls lock away, parts they don't want to remember. His hands were red, scarred, scorched beyond the repair  Illyrian healing could secure, shadows danced around the scars, wistfully, Violet eyes blinked
***
The Illyrian was sat by a fire now, two boys seemingly a few years older than the boy... they were bigger, stronger. Shaera snapped her head around to the door. Dark eyes peered through the crack. A woman...
An agony filled scream erupted through the room, the violet-eyed woman turned back to the young boy, scorching oil coated the young Illyrian's hands, one held him firm as the other continued to pour the oil. Hazel connected with Violet
"Help me" a croaked plea left his throat, shadows surged across the room slamming into the older boys. The Illyrian was left unpinned, his small fragile form curled into the floor; wings frail and unused weakly cocooned him from further harm.
Armed men surged through the door, Azriel was scooped into someone's arms and carried from the room.
It faded.
***
"Azriel I'm sorry that happened to you" 

"It's not all bad, just watch"
***
The sun shone brightly as it seeped into the sky, a dull twang of swords clashing filled her ears, men fought in the distance, and tents lined the east side.
Windhaven. This was Windhaven... the camp her mother and her were meant to meet Rhysand at that night. Shaera's eyes settled on a group of three men. Cassian. Rhysand And Azriel
There was no playful tension between Rhys and Cassian's swords... they seemingly hated each other. The Shadowsinger clung to the darkness at the edge of the camp.

"So when can I meet this adored sister of yours!" Cas taunted from behind his Illyrian steel, Rhysand scoffed

"You are not meeting my sister"

"Why not! Scared I'll sweep her off her feet, Perhaps she'll love me more than you" Cassian lunged towards the violet-eyed man's ribs, Rhysand parried his blow, and a disbelieving laugh left his lips

"I think she's more interested in stabbing people and flying" Rhysand spun lowering to sweep his opponent's feet, Cassian jumped

"Not me, she'll love me"
Azriel moved from the comfort of his shadows, he clapped Cassian on the back a faintly amused smile twitched at the corner of his lips

"She's eight" Cassian choked, Rhysand burst into laughter and Azriel shook his head. The sun's rays ricocheted through the leaves, and pockets of light danced effortlessly across the dirt.
***
Shaera blinked, Azriel's face remained slacked staring out into the night, she sighed, more so a breath of relief. Wading through painful memories was draining, both mentally and power-wise. 

"That's why you dance with the shadows" 

"Yes-" A look of confusion crossed Shaera's face

"-I would always have been a Shadowsinger," Azriel spoke into the night, the dark-haired woman hummed 

"But you wouldn't understand them as you do now" The Illyrian was quiet for a moment his gaze distanced before he shook his head

"Yes" he whispered, Shaera blinked, 

"Why did you show me the last memory?"  The question resonated in the air for a moment, she knew Azriel was trying to reach her in any sort of way, give her insight into his past so she will allow him some sort of way in... he wanted to show her a place beyond the darkness 

"When were you truly happy Shaera" 

"I could ask you the same" Azriel chuckled softly, Hazel meeting violet

"I think when I realised my mate wasn't actually insane is right up there" Shaera joined in his amusement a laugh burst past her lips. Azriel's eyes glazed over, She shoved his arm gently and leant back against the bench. 

"Okay fine, I'll tell you" The dark-haired woman paused for a minute chewing her lip, then she stopped, a dull ache erupted through her chest. The breeze brushed past her cheeks, the smell of honeysuckle and blossom-filled her senses. Shaera clenched her eyes shut 

"Shaera?"
***
"Shaera"  Raiden laughed, his hands gripped her waist as he spun her through the air,  blossom petals spiralled in the wind as the morning sun moved across the azure sky.

"Raiden I swear if you don't put me down I will-"

"You'll what?, punch me"  the dark-haired woman flicked his nose, and Jorah bounded up behind the fae man. Shaera grinned

"What?"  Raiden asked, panic seeped across his features, but it was too late,  the extremely tall, high fae man had tackled her husband down the hill. His grip on her waist fell away as a high pitched rather feminine screech left his lips. Shaera steadied herself, practically cackling at the exchange between the best friends

"I always knew you were a woman Rai" Kyra's melodic voice echoed from behind her. Shaera spun around, her own best friend's auburn hair blew in the breeze, a lazy smile adorned her freckled face a toddler was positioned on her hip, the little boy's hair was dark like his father's, his skin bronze, and his eyes, a piercing sea blue just like his mother. Shaera jogged forward and scooped him from Kyra's grasp, the little boy squealed as the dark-haired woman sprinted through the grass

"Shaera bring my son back in one piece!"  The young woman spun around, the little boy gazed up at her smiling features, he clapped his hands in delight.

"Of course, I will!" She exclaimed pulling Reiner closer to her torso, she jogged to the forest, the edges were lined with sweet honeysuckle, many deer feasted upon the plant in delight. Shaera moved through the shrubbed forestry terrain until they reached an opening in the trees she plopped the young boy down with a sigh
Raiden jogged out from the trees  behind her and looped his arms around her waist, kissing her neck softly

"Why did we agree to babysit again?" His words came out muffled and breathy against her throat

"Because...-"a shuddered sigh left her lips

"-Kyra and Jorah need a break, and Reiner is cute"  she could practically feel his gaze fall on the young boy who was chewing on a stick whilst unsteadily following a butterfly

"... very cute"  the man trailed off.

"I should probably stop him from doing that" Shaera chuckled and pulled herself from her husband's grasp, she made her way over to the young boy and replaced the stick with a new curiosity... that being her empty knife sheath. Reiner's eyes wide with wonder, he dropped down onto the grass and started attempting to stick his arm through to the other side. Raiden plonked down into the grass beside the young boy, a lazy smile decorating his lips

"What are you smiling about?" Shaera questioned lowering down beside him.

"So when are we having our own?" The dark-haired woman snorted

"Absolutely not"

"You're 255, I'm 400, come on"

"Are you calling me old?"

"Hardly my dear, you're like a radiant, youthful flower"

"Piss off"  Shaera shook her head as Raiden threw his arm over her shoulder, he wriggled his eyebrows in her direction.

"I'll consider it when I am over 300"  the young woman flopped back onto the grass

"Deal"  the dark-haired man agreed flopping down beside her. Bird song filled the air, warm sun rays shone down on the occupants in the small opening of the forest. A soft content sigh left Shaera's lips. A small hand patted her cheek

"Yes, Reiner?" She hummed, squinting her eyes open slightly to rest on the young boy.

"Shae, Play now"

"Yes Shae will play now" the young boy nodded, happy with her answer, Shaera pulled herself up onto her feet, Reiner then waddled over to Raiden, and launched himself onto the fae man's stomach, he lurched up as a wheezed breath left his lips upon impact. Shaera burst out laughing,

"Rai, no sleep" Raiden supported his upper body with his elbows. His amber eyes flickered to meet Shaera's

"Let's agree 350" Raiden wheezed, she snorted

"Whatever you say my love" she bent down and kissed his forehead, the man's face lit up with a lazy lovesick grin. Flower petals flew in the breeze. A young doe grazed at the far end of the green.

***
"Shaera?" Azriel cupped her cheek, she blinked 

"Shaera!" Violet eyes refocused and connected with Hazel again

"Mmmm, oh yes, On the basis of happiest memory, it was possibly when I tried sweet rolls for the first time" Azriel hummed his hand slipping from her cheek, he stood from the bench 

"The meeting is tomorrow" Shaera sighed her hands clasped together 

"I know" the ex-commander flexed her fingers. The Shadowsinger nodded before he went to descend into his shadows once more. 

"I lied-" the words fell from her lips like a bitter whiskey or the sourest tonic. The Illyrian paused. 

"-I find sweet rolls too doughy, the first time I tried one, it was a complete disappointment" Azriel turned to face her, a frown adorned his brow. Shaera stood from the metal bench, slowly approaching the man. Her hand rose and rested upon his slightly stubbled jaw 

"Close your eyes" the Shadowsinger did, no words of protest found a means to leave his tongue. The violet-eyed woman rose up and slowly pressed her lips against his.
Then he saw it. I Saw Raiden, Saw Kyra, Jorah and Reiner, saw their home. Saw when she was truly happy. Azriel stumbled back, Shaera's grip falling from his jaw. The Illyrian's eyes held what seemed to be shock, his mouth opened and closed a few times. 

"You... you had a home, a family...a husband" his words were broken in shock, Shaera never thought she'd see the day Azriel would stumble over his words in disbelief. 

"Yes I did" the ex-commander affirmed his statement 

"They were taken from you" he whispered in disbelief 

"Monsters are not born, Azriel, they're made" she whispered, the man moved forward and pulled the woman to his chest. He understood now, where her unwillingness to let him in sprouted from, she'd let people in before, loved before. Azriel pressed his lips to her forehead 

"Come" he pulled away, Shaera frowned 

"Come where" Azriel smiled 

"To the stars" then he looped his arms around her waist and shot into the sky. The Illyrian flew through the night his mate in his arms until the sun broke the horizon and the day of the meeting was upon them.

——————————
4630
Hello... I'm not dead 😌
I have been neck-deep in the Grishaverse, would let the darkling absolutely rail me. Along with Nikolai. Maybe both... together... ANYWHO
The High Lord meeting is next... it's the event that contributed largely to the birth of this fanfiction...  along with another... err spicier scene. I digress 
ALSO
Thank you all so much for reading!!! 7k! That's absolutely insane.
On another note:
I am thinking about writing a Shadow and Bone fanfic... just thinking... nothing certain yet. Can't even keep to this writing schedule. But the new series 😭 it's so exciting.
Nah I might actually have to do it ya know... the temptation.

Edited 15th May 2022: Oh wow would you look at that I did start writing one ;0