Azriel continued to walk, Shaera wasn't paying attention to the twists and turns the Illyrian was taking she was too busy trying to drown out voices... she was hearing thoughts again.

"Monster"

"Terrifying"

"Remorseless"

"They should've let her die in a cell"

She felt their gazes on them as Azriel marched past. Shaera didn't know why she was so upset, the words they spoke were the truth were they not? But it hurt, she'd spent 2 weeks occasionally speaking to those in the hall, getting to know them, trying to keep her mindset on the prospect of a time after the war. Her hands moved up and gripped her scalp. 

"She's insane"

"Get rid of her already"

Shaera looked up to the Illyrian's face... it wasn't Azriel, Raiden's amber eyes stared down at her, Shaera squeezed her eyes shut and tugged her hair. Maybe she had finally lost it. Lost it completely.

After the day she lost Raiden, Kyra and Jorah, she'd grown darker, her irises changed, she was quicker to anger, The screams of torment no longer bothered her. She missed Kyra, it was her fault the woman was dead, left her son behind. Shaera promised her she'd keep her safe for their last hurrah as soldiers. But then Jorah was killed, Kyra's husband slaughtered before her eyes, her closest friend lost it Shaera heard her wail from across the field, she ran and ran but she got there too late she had already passed. Then it was her and Raiden, their family was dead. Little Reiner was parentless, they were outnumbered, they'd got out so many times, so many battles. But this was to be their last. Shaera had 5 soldiers surrounding her, she'd torn through 3 already, they circled her waiting to strike for the kill. Then she saw it. The moment that haunted her for years. He had turned to her in that last moment,
"I love you"
She saw the sword make contact with Raiden's neck, his head fell from his shoulders. The soldiers that surrounded her dropped screaming as they clutched their heads. Then they stopped, their expressions blank, eyes misted over. It was that day she too learned what she could do. How she could tear people's minds. Shaera unclenched her eyes, Raiden had shown her a life beyond the earlier torments of her life, she let out a shaky breath, she missed him.  Shaera had loved him for 323 years. She still loved him. His face faded from her mind more and more every day. She looked up at Azriel. The fates were funny, how they tie people together so destined to be separate sides of the chessboard.

Azriel burst into the room, Madja frowned seeing the dark-haired woman in his arms, deep scratches littered her arms a blade mark across her throat. The healer already guessed what happened just from the wounds alone, her gaze moved past them to see the injured man being carried by none other than the high lord himself. Madja's mouth opened slightly... he didn't have eyes. He withered and screamed as he held his face 

"I can't see! I can't see" he kept repeating over and over even as Rhysand placed him onto the bed. Cassian now sat upright watching the scene before him unfold. He sent a questioning gaze to Azriel who simply ignored it and took Shaera to the bed farthest in the corner. He placed her on the bed. She stared up at him. The Illyrian sat down beside her and grabbed her wrist, he inspected her arms. Azriel tentatively touched the injured skin.  Madja marched over with water in a basin and cloth 

"I get rid of you for 2 weeks and you're already back in my care" The old woman smiled at her warmly, and sat on the other side of the bed. Shaera could feel the woman's caution, her fear. Great, she'd sent everything up in flames. Now Madja even feared her.  The cloth wiped across her skin. Azriel's touch sent electricity up her arm. Then she heard her Morrigan, her heels echoed around the room, the blonde fae stalked in Shaera's direction, Cassian's face melted onto worry. 

"I warned you! A toe out of line!" Morrigan continued to approach the ex-commander,  Shaera's eyes widened, Madja stood up and backed away, Azriel looked up from her arm. She touched the edge of his mind, his shoulders slacked 

"You make my life extremely difficult" the Illyrian's voice echoed in her skull. 

"I'm sorry" she whispered back. His eyes moved up to meet hers. Morrigan lunged at her. Azriel spun around his palm slammed into the woman's chest. The blonde fae flew back across the floor. Her expression seeped with shock. Rhysand's head snapped around. 

"Azriel!" The High Lord snapped, he moved to Mor's side. Cassian stared at his Illyrian brother in shock. Morrigan glowered at the man, blonde hair dishevelled. Rhysand pulled her to her feet. 

"Don't you dare touch her" Azriel growled glaring at the blonde, Cassian's eyes widened 

"She's your mate..." he breathed. Shaera let out a shaky breath, she knew it, knew it from the moment she saw him standing in the hall, an arrow through his chest but to hear it from another's lips only made it all the more real. 

"Azriel?-"Rhysand moved forward now standing in front of his cousin 

"Is it true?" Violet met Hazel, brother staring at brother.  Shaera was still sitting on the bed. Staring at the two Illyrians in front of her. 

"Yes." Morrigan Scoffed, Cassian stared into nothingness his eyes wide as saucers 

"I kissed my sister-in-law" Shaera almost scoffed. 

"Sister in law" what?  She'd just forcibly poked one of their guard's eyes out, and tried to choke him to death. Fantastic mate material she was. Rhysand moved his gaze to hers

"Do you accept it?" Shaera choked on her saliva, then she laughed, what in cauldrons name was this fucking madness 

"I barely know the man! I just blinded one of your men and now you're ready to accept me with open arms because I'm his mate"  Shaera pointed at Azriel, and Rhysand crossed his arms over his chest. 

"Ohhhhh I see, you take mates seriously... like all praise the fates, sunshine and flower petals?" They all stayed silent, Except Mor who shook her head. Finally, they agreed on something 

"... fucking hell, well let me clear this up, this mate thing, weakness" she sneered. Well, it wasn't a lie... exactly. Raiden wasn't her mate... he was her weakness, She even married the man! She didn't need fate telling her who she would love. Her finger was bare. Shaera couldn't let someone in again, especially under the circumstances. 

"No I don't accept it!" Azriel whirled backing away, a deep frown etched into his brow, Shaera pointed her finger at him. Maybe it was rude what she said next... she was panicking 

"You! You can shove your mating bond up your arse!" She'd seen people break before her eyes before, but this was different. She felt it. Shaera's turned it off, blocked it out, she'd done it for 187 years what was any more going to do. 

"You bitch!" Morrigan lunged at her this time Azriel didn't stop the blonde, Shaera stood from the bed, dried blood still decorating her right arm from the scratches, Madja had only got clean one arm. Madja. The healer stood back from the group, Shaera met her brown orbs, the woman only smiled sadly. Morrigan's hand was centimetres from her face, Shaera sighed. The blonde fae had gotten on her last nerve.

The ex-commanders hand snapped up and gripped  Morrigan's hand. Their gazes clashed. Violet danced at the edge of Shaera's irises, Mor saw it, her face melted into shock.

SNAP

Shaera had snapped the woman's wrist then dropped the hand from her hold, Mor stumbled back. The blonde fae wasn't usually bested so easily. But, the way the violet clawed at the dark-haired woman's eyes wasn't normal. Morrigan turned to look at Rhysand, he looked at her and raised an eyebrow, violet stared into brown. Violet.

"You took my state of weakness as a permanence, Lord" Rhysand descended. They clashed, both physically and mentally, he was a High Lord, and she a warrior. She could hold him off mentally, they were equal in every way. But physically, yes she was strong, but he had special High lord perks, and she, well all she had was battle experience and trauma.
He pinned her to the ground. His right elbow across her collar bones, his shin pinned her left leg. 

" I gave you a chance" 

"You gave me an ultimatum" 

"I let you free around my home" 

"A glorified prison cell" 

"You enjoyed being here" 

"Yeah, until your guard attacked me" 

"You killed his family" 

"I didn't kill his family"

"You gave the order" Shaera turned her head and rested her gaze on the man, he'd stopped thrashing around on the bed. 

"And I'd give it again if given the chance" She wouldn't... that young woman and that baby were engraved into her mind, if she could go back and change her choices she would, but she couldn't, she couldn't change who she was, Shaera was their villain, and a villain she would be. Rhysand scoffed he grabbed her hair with his left hand and pulled her from the ground. Shaera was facing away from him her head pulled back. He lowered his mouth to her ear.
"This time you will be in a cell" she laughed

"I can't wait to watch you all burn" Her gaze rested on Azriel's, his eyes were dull, almost brown. Cassian was now standing upholding the end of the bed frame, he must have stood when she snapped Morrigan's wrist. Morrigan. The blonde just stood there holding her wrist. She kept looking between the two like she'd seen a ghost.
"Sahriel" the name echoed from the woman's mind. She didn't hear the guards come in or feel the cuffs click around her wrists.

"FLY SAHRIEL!"

"RHYSAND WILL FIND YOU!"

"DON'T LET THEM CATCH YOU!" A woman's voice. The guards yanked her forward, and about 6 surrounded her, Shaera turned her head and looked at the frozen blonde one more time. Their eyes met, for a moment, a single moment Violet danced with brown...then black pooled across Shaera's irises once more. She was dragged down the hall.

**********************

The cell was dark. It was cold. And it was small. Shaera sat on a small pile of hay. She'd heard the guards say how they shouldn't give her meals because of what she did, starve her slowly until the high lord forgot about her and she died...She would give it to them, they were quite creative. They shoved her into the darkest cell upon the High Lord's orders.

When the men and women had scurried off, she crawled through the dark and found the back wall of her cell and leant against it. The shadows started to whisper already, voices she knew and voices she didn't. Screaming and begging. Shaera's eyes burned with tears. How had she gotten to this point? Her life of adventure, happiness and family now mirrored by a solitary remorseless murderer decaying in a cell. She wasn't sitting there feeling sorry for the things she'd lost, but for the things she'd taken from others. Loved ones, happiness, homes. She was a monster. Shaera clenched her eyes shut.

"Please don't"

"Spare my children"

"Help me"

"Have mercy"

"Why are you doing this?"

*******
They kept talking. Had it been minutes, hours or days. She shivered on the floor of the cell, a drop of water rhythmically hit her right palm, which lay extended above her head. Shaera stared into the nothingness 

"Sahriel"

"Sahriel"

"SAHRIEL"

"Fuck off" she was speaking into the air, or perhaps just speaking to herself. The voice stopped. She felt dirty and disgusting, her hair was frizzy and knotted, her eyes decorated by dark blue bags. Shaera sat up against the wall, she closed her eyes, a small tendril of moonlight shone in through the bars. 

"Come here little Illyrian" green eyes stared through the darkness at her

"How's my flightless bird faring?" Shaera just stared ahead 

"Answer me!" The voice growled 

"ANSWER ME!" The voice roared now 

" Can you shut the fuck up" Shaera blinked a woman stood there with wide eyes holding a plate of bread and a glass of water? 

"I wasn't talking to you" the ex-commander tried to reassure her, though it didn't do much reassuring from the way the guard quickly put the plate and cup down and fled the room. She crawled towards the bread and started to nibble at it, the water was like liquid gold cascading down her throat, Shaera groaned. When she was finished she crawled back over to her hay pile and laid back down, she closed her eyes for a moment, her body shivered from the cold, at this rate she was going to get sick.

(If you wanna join me in my feels listen to "Here with me" by Susie Suh, Robot Koch right now, I'm in pain)

"You've got yourself into quite a situation, my love" The breath left her lungs.

"Raiden..." she blinked 

"Beside you" Shaera turned, her mouth went dry. He was sat beside her, his amber eyes glowing in the moonlight, a small smile decorated his dark skin. His dreads were tied behind him, just how he used to do before he went to bed every night. She hastily sat up 

"Y-you're here" His deep laugh hit the walls 

"Why are you speaking as though I was anywhere but beside you this whole time" Her lip quivered, tears fell from her eyes and dampened her cheeks. 

"Oh don't cry!" Raiden moved around so he was in front of her his hand came up and cupped her cheek, his thumb gently wiped away the tear. She felt his touch,  it had been 187 years. 187 without him. Shaera sobbed and fell into him. His arms wrapped around her she looked up at him her eyes watery 

"I miss you so much" she sobbed again, Raiden stroked her hair 

"I miss you too" he whispered into her hair.

"I don't know what I'm doing Raiden" her voice cracked he pulled her into his chest and cradled her. 

"None of us do" His chest hummed as he spoke 

"I've done so many terrible things, horrible things" Shaera couldn't see through her tears. Sobs racked her body

" you left me- left me here alone, you gave up on the field, Kyra and Jorah, t-they..." His finger met her lips She looked up into his eyes, violet and amber. 

"We were never going to win Shaera...you always had that power in you, that rage, you had to live, you had to make it out, you had a purpose" 

"We had a purpose-!" She paused 

"-We could've made it out together!" More tears spilt down her cheeks

"No my dearest, not that time" Raiden looked down at her, She choked. That look, he'd looked at her like that the day they were married. 

"You have to let me go" It was like her heart had been torn from her chest,

"W-what, Raiden..."He pulled her closer 

"Shhhh, Shaera, listen to me. It's been 187 years, it's time to live without me, my love" his hand stroked her face again. The cell melted away.

It was a few days before their last battle, They were sat atop a ledge, a drop 100ft or more stretched down below, Shaera stood at the edge, her toes hung over slightly, a cold breeze danced through her black locks, her laugh chimed through the air. They had spent the day riding through the mountains, Kyra and Jorah had returned home to Reiner a few hours ago. Raiden stood a few meters away, a frown etched on his brow

"Shaera if you fall, I will not dive after you" The woman laughed again, her arms stretched out 

"Yes you would" she turned and looked at him her violet eyes mirroring the night sky above. He scoffed
and walked towards her, his lips brushed hers gently before he pulled away 

"I would not" She grinned at him Shaera stood on her tiptoes her lips by his ear,

"Raiden" she whispered, the fae hummed in acknowledgement 

"Catch me" then she fell back, the last thing she saw was his unimpressed look, she fell, her hair swirled across her vision. Then arms wrapped around her waist, they fell together, he pulled her close

"You are infuriating" Shaera stared into his amber eyes and smiled. He laughed and kissed her lips again. She looked at him, really looked at him.

The way one eyebrow was slightly shorter at one end, their first training exercise, she'd managed to cut him, the end of his brow never grew back.

Small bags sat under his eyes, he never did sleep well, even after all the years they were together.

Small smile lines had started to permanently mould onto his face. Much to Raiden's distress.

And his touch, it was as though fire danced and flowed, passion and warmth, love and lust.

Her smile turned sad, she memorised every angle, every feature. Shaera sighed 

"You can let go now Raiden-" Her lip quivered, 

"-I'll be okay" Her husband smiled at her one last time a single tear fell, the wind guided it into the night. His lips met her brow 

"I love you-" the ground was approaching. 

"Always and forever" his velvety voice broke as he leant his forehead against her own. 

"Always and forever" Shaera whispered,

Amber danced with violet one last time.

Only her feet touched the ground.

Shaera's eyes snapped open. She could see the sun begin to rise through the bars in the cell across from her own. She turned, the space beside her was empty.

———————————————————-
3000
14th January
I wouldn't usually suggest a song but it started to play as I was writing, and as I am already an emotional wreck I then started to cry. It happens. Also, good app to use if you wanna play music and be on other apps: Musi.

Edit update: I now had Spotify premium 😌 just a few mild word changes and spelling corrections. That is all ✌🏻

Edited: May 11th 2022 :)

Anywhooo don't forget to vote and comment
Thanks for reading!!! ❤️