My brain is a jumbled mess of sounds and images, and I'm so disoriented I get lost on my way to the bathroom. Thankfully I find it before the tears begin their decent, and then everything I've been holding onto bursts free, reducing me to a sobbing mess on the bathroom floor.

I feel so stupid and pathetic. I'm so naive to ever think he'd wait for me. Garrett is a lustful pig with no regard for anyone but himself. He doesn't care how much he hurts me, because he can just make up for it with the offer of dinner and driving me home. But then his beast has to rear its ugly head and ruin the nice night, that leaves me cold and wet on the side of the road.

He's so incredibly selfish, and I need to show some selfishness of my own and get myself away from him. There will be repercussions and people will be mean and hurtful like always, but it'll be worth it to finally free myself of Garrett.

I should have done it before, but he was so nice to me and over the last few days things have begun to change, and now he's down right hurtful. I should stay away from guys like him; the ones who flash me perfectly beautiful smiles after literally picking me up from the dirt. Thoses are the guys that'll break my heart.

But without them, that leaves me with no one to find myself watching movies with and eating way too much chocolate. I've had downs before, but this feels so much worse because I knew the ending. I could see the truth staring back at me, but I was too afraid to want to really admit it. I sniffle and wipe my eyes as I glance down at my arms that I have crossed over my knees, I pick at my sleeve and lift it just enough to see the faint, white scars that mark my alabaster skin.

I need to be strong, I can't find myself slipping back into that shell of self-doubt. I squeeze my eyes closed and pull my sleeves down until they reach past my fingers. I wipe my cheeks and slowly stand up. I won't cry over him anymore, because clearly it's all been a waste. I will reclaim my backpack, and then I'll tell him to go fuck himself. I'll be strong, because I deserve something happy.

+  +  +

To my relief, in gym class all we do is watch an educational video because the teacher is out sick, so I'm not forced to suffer the pain of returning to the locker room. The video makes the class fly by in a blink of an eye, and before I know it, I'm on my way to the cafeteria to eat the semi-edible food. I meet Peter and Megan at the doors leading into the cafeteria, and together we grab trays and slowly shuffle through the line.

On the menu today is a piece of mystery meat slapped between two buns, with a side of burned and overly crunchy fries, and pale green beans from a can. I purse my lips as we make our way to our table in the back of the cafeteria, my appetite nowhere to be found. As we sit down, conversation is already in full swing and Jordan is laughing like a mad man at something JoAnna said. I roll my eyes and smile at them as I take my seat between Christian and JoAnna.

Christian gives me a thin smile, and I return it with one of my own. He leans towards me and softly mutters, "Your not actually going to eat that mess, are you?"

I laugh, the very idea is ridiculous. The only way I'd ever eat the cafeteria food is if I was starving and hadn't had food in over a month, but even then, I'd still be hesitant. I mean, I'm not picky, I just don't want to get sick which I find reasonable. I would bring my own lunch from home, but my mom works hard enough as a daytime nurse, without me taking food out of the house that she only has to replenish.

I scrunch my nose up at Christian's question and lean close when I reply, "Definitely not, I'm sane!"

I laugh, and Christian grins; he pulls something out of the brown lunch bag he brought from home, and hands it me as he says, "Here, some real food."

I blink in surprise at the offer, as he places a delicious looking sandwich half on my tray. "I-I can't take this," I stammer.

Christian waves me off and smiles, and softly murmurs, "Please, Beau, just eat it."

I feel my cheeks heat up as I tentatively pick up the sandwich, and mumble a 'Thank you' before taking a small bite. Its good, with mayonnaise and turkey, and a cheese I'm unfamiliar with; there's also lettuce to add a bit of crunch. I feel undeserving as I eat it, but at the same time I don't want to hurt Christian's feelings by not accepting it.

As I eat the delicious sandwich, I glance around our table at my friends. Jordan and JoAnna don't care what the food tastes like, and eat it anyways. Kat and Abby are more like Christian, and have the foresight to bring their own lunches. But then again, they're both vegetarian, and our school lunches aren't exactly accommodating. Megan doesn't eat, she just picks at her food and rearranges it to make it seem as if she does —- but we know her tricks. Peter picks at the bun, and eats the bread and drinks his milk while doing his math homework on the side.

When I finish with my sandwich half, I also pull out my homework to get as much of it done as I can before I go home. I don't like having to do my homework at home, mainly because my mom is gone during the day leaving me to do the things around the house she either can't get to or needs help completing. For instance, when I get home, I know there will be dishes in the sink from dinner the night before and half folded laundry will be in the basement needing my attention. So I can't leave it for my mom, who already works twice as hard to keep our roof over our heads and food in the fridge —- I just can't ever disappoint her again.

So as I sit there doing my homework as quickly and carefully as I can, Christian sits beside me every so often sliding little cheese favored animal crackers my way —- something so adorable and funny, I nearly find myself laughing a few times. I'm about to thank him but decline anymore of the crackers when I suddenly feel a familiar presence standing behind me. My breath catches, and my body stiffens as I squeeze my eyes close and pray for him to go away.

But he doesn't, and he roughly grabs my shoulder when I hesitate to acknowledge him, an action that infuriates more than one of my friends.

Word count: 1,202

~ 🌸 ~

A/N: I wonder who it could be? 🙄

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Love from,
BunnyBaekkiee ❤️