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NOTE:
This is the last chapter of Until There Was You If you enjoyed this chapter don't forget to vote, comment, and share. Love you guys.

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2 7 |  Until There Was You

Jude had a soulfully perfect deliberation inked in benevolence. He held onto it, much like the withering flowers of winter that climbed the spines of cosmic euphoria. A new ledge of youth sprouted from this newfound evolution, a sinister bond between a spectrum of rationality and boyish deeds. It forced Jude to question his sanity, his thinking, even. Albeit his dazed reasoning, the facts were there and he understood them fully. He understood why he craved an essence so heavily his eyes just about dripped with storms that scattered them; he knew the fondling bliss that held him accountable. He was the villain of himself. He held himself back.

And in all honesty, Jude hated he was back in that mortified town with those agonizing people. All crooked and beyond repair. Of course, he had responsibilities to achieve, but it didn't mean Jude had to like it. He absolutely hated being able to remember every single thought that led him to that dust-filled notion—of wanting to stay in a place he barely knew. He conjured up the lies he had lived by, hurting himself and damaging the cracks of his rose-silver heart. Jude sucked in a breath, holding his stomach as it did somersaults when he knocked on his mother's door.

He wore his football equipment in hopes of saving time and catching her appropriately. He had had a tiring day at school, hoping if he tried to make things right it'd be okay. Solace would linger, and alas he would be okay amongst greater things. However, regret blundered hard around him, and saying that he regret coming this way was an understatement. He didn't think the entire thing through, reeking of sweat and disappointment. This time, she'd know the truth, and if she disowned him for it so be it.

The door opened with a slick crack, one so small he barely saw his mother's eyes peaking from it. Jude turned his head a bit to get a better view, but the demanding pinch in his gut made him pull back.

"Judah?" She asked as if she hadn't left the room in days. Her throat was pinged in foiling feat, shaky with rasps and unsteady lulls. Jude felt a little sorry for her. The woman who crafted his world first, then turned it into an abysmal of chasms and nostalgia. When she realized it was him the door opened more and the scent of cigarettes flooded. His mother wasn't a smoker, but sadness and guilt made you do unruly things. Jude knew that better than anyone else. Those things killed people, the smoking did, but that didn't stop Jude's mother from feeling relief moreover. She let him in and the corners of his eyes burned from the un-enticing smell.

"This place is a mess. I wasn't expecting any company, or you."

Her voice was quaking and unsteady. Jude wondered if she really changed for the better, aside from her bad habit. Everything in that tight room was covered: paperwork, clothes, and cigarette ashes in trays. How long had it been? Not long. It couldn't have been. Maybe she had always been a smoker and Jude was always too busy to care. An awkward silence dripped and faded. He wasn't sure how he'd start the conversation. How are you holding up? Terribly from perspective. I'm sorry? Really, just rub it in her face will you.

"I got you into this mess," Jude admitted. The words slipped. Jude was taking the blame again. It wasn't his fault. Jude didn't force her to make her decisions. Jude didn't force her to cheat or keep it a secret. Jude didn't force himself to catch them in the act that day. It all just...happened.

"Judah, they were my decisions, my mistakes and I have to own up to them. You did what I couldn't do. You gave me the space to reflect," she informed. There was a dark void of loneliness ravaging in her melancholy orbs. Jude was pulled into his childhood memories. The ones that weren't so bad.

"I just don't understand why," he admitted and his eyebrows creased as he looked off in thought. She didn't answer that question and instead stood up, searching through her things. When she finally found what she was looking for, Jude's heart broke. A pack of unopened cigarettes. He was watching his mother destroy herself just as his dad was. They weren't taking it well. It'd always come as a surprise to Jude too.

She lit the lethal killer that sat on her lips and drawled out a crowd of smoke, then blew into the air once more. It was disgusting, but Jude wasn't a saint either. He remembered his freshman year when he was attempting to fit in. He and Seth attempted smoking marijuana in the boy's bathroom because people said it was cool. They were both caught and blamed, getting in more trouble than Jude could ever imagine. They never attempted it again, and when they were still friends they'd laugh at how stupid they were when it was brought up by their friend group. Jude really did do some stupid stuff in his lifetime, not understanding that the most honest he could be was himself.

"Have you talked things out with him yet?" He questioned. If they had talked things out it could have been better. For them. For him. For everyone and their family.

"He won't listen. There's no excuse for what I did."

She blew out another puff. Jude was sick in the stomach as it formed foreign shapes. She lowered her head, placing her fingers against her forehead. She seemed to be deep in thought, contemplating something bigger than now. Her forehead had those crinkled lines dancing in her skin, her face somehow looking ten years older. Jude hated seeing her like this, despite all that had happened she was still his mother. The woman that pushed him into the fluorescent, bright lights of his own familiarity. She had nurtured and cared while she could before it all changed. Jude had other questions like how long had it been happening behind dad's back? Who was the guy she had been cheating with? Was there still a way to save their fa—

"Your father wants a divorce," she stated, cutting Jude off mid-shot. It came to no surprise but it definitely caught him off guard when he was wondering if they could still be saved. He stared at a stack of papers nearby. That was his mother, so involved with her work. Sometimes it came before anything else. Jude cracked his fingers as he stopped to make sure he had heard her right.

"I think it's best for both of us. We're both trapped in this dishonest act of infidelity that we can't move on. It's why I fell back on old habits," she admitted, tilting her cigarette some for display. Jude would have called bullshit if it hadn't been so accurate. The entire thing, he wished was complete and utter bullshit. But wishes were just wishes and some never came true. It wasn't Jude's decision and he couldn't change his parents because soon enough he'd be out of the house and in a dorm room far away from there. He'd be too involved and distant to feel its effect anymore as it did now. Inside Jude was hurt, igniting a fire that reigned like armies through deserted territories. In a place no one knew, Jude cracked. It was forged and imprinted prematurely; even before he had predicted the unstable departure. He had suspected the downfall in some ways. There'd always be a downfall somewhere, sometime.

He had to accept it one way or the other and it just about burned him when he realized that he slowly was accepting it. Jude stared at a mole on his arm, trying to busy himself from the weirdness that stayed afterward. Until his mother brought up the one thing he had been dodging for a while now. It was as if she knew beforehand, the only issue was that she waiting for Jude to say it himself. Obviously, his mother wasn't that observant of him. He had been delving too deep into what he wanted from his mother the entire time. If only she had been aware of the hell Jude had been through. If only she had known that for most of the weekend he had been in an entirely different state with two of the closest people he knew and grew to love having around.

"So, how's everything with you. How's Beverly? And the rest of your friends? I haven't seen them around lately."

Jude swallowed the bulging lump in his throat. It was now or never. There or forever, if that was a thing, of course. There was no other time for him to say it, and it had been the first time they exchanged any real conversation at all for a long time. It was the kind of relationship they had and if you looked at it from an outside perspective, it would even be called sad. It wasn't ideal, unhealthy to an extent that would involve Jude's own future with his mother. He met her eyes, the ones that looked like his own. It was like he had been looking into a mirror because although they looked alike, Jude had the personality closest to his dad. His mother wasn't in that part of the equation.

"Beverly and I broke up," he inputted, hoping that she wouldn't look at him differently. He thought about the last conversation he had with Beverly and how calm and tranquil it had been, despite the mishaps and bad decision-making. How hard was it to say that the first time instead of avoiding it like the plague? Maybe it had because he was still weeping for the lost. Now, he understood just how bad it looked. Those couple of weeks of torment and despicable mock. Those weeks when Jude was feeling alone and not having anyone to aid in his falling apart. Now, it seemed, that the roles were slowly being reversed and Seth and Beverly's lives were the most affected.

Still, that didn't change the look on his mother's face. It was like she had seen a ghost, paled and wrinkled with terror. The discomfort sat like an old friend. He left most parts of the story out because he didn't want to paint anyone out as the antagonist. He kept to himself the real reason he and Beverly broke up and the reason he had stopped hanging out with Seth. He also left out the pregnancy part, the Waverly being his girlfriend part, and other things. It was for the best. Especially pertaining to the part where he left Waverly out of this, to avoid the degradation that he'd probably receive from his mother, (if she hadn't truly changed) and the insult that he had been using her to get over Beverly. If Waverly had conjured up that thought when he presented her with his feelings, he was sure his mother would make the same mistake. She wouldn't think twice about it.

"That's a shame," she reminded in defeat because if he had told her this a month ago he was sure she'd tell him to forgive Beverly and brush it aside because they had a 'good, working relationship.' And now that she had done exactly what his ex-girlfriend had, plus a bit of reflecting, the actions weren't excusable. Beverly wasn't the cheating type, she'd say. Maybe there's a reason behind it, she'd defend. Anybody is the cheating type. Anybody was capable of doing it.

Finally, his mother had finished her cigarette, squashing the stubs in the tray next to her. Jude coughed a few times before he stood up. He wasn't sure he could stand the smell any longer.

"Well, I should really get going. I have this test I need to study for and lots of homework."

A test he'd be studying for with Waverly.

His mother stood up to hug him, whispering beautiful nothings that mimicked lullabies. It was the kind that made Jude feel youthful again, innocent with bold dreams and doe eyes. She told Jude how much she was sorry—sorry for the way she treated him and for destroying the family—and then she told him she loved him. It was all he needed to hear from her one last time.

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Jude's dad was holed in his office when Jude came home with Waverly trailing behind him. They practically had the place to themselves, but Jude kept that to himself. While in the kitchen, Waverly sat on the countertop watching as Jude searched for snacks in the meantime. He pulled out a large bag of Ruffles and a few bottles of water. He didn't want to overdo it.

"You talked to your mother?" Waverly asked as she watched from a distance. Jude had informed her why he had been late when it came to picking her up after dropping her off from school. Instead of her tagging along, she understood it was a thing he had to do alone. However, that didn't stop her from pressing him for details regarding the encounter.

"I did," he replied, hoping that there was more than just chips for them to munch on. He found a few energy bars lodged in the pantry from when he had more hardcore workouts for the beginning of football season. It was unlikely they'd have time to eat anyway. "I think it went well. Here, mind taking this downstairs to the basement."

"I kind of mind," she replied, referring to his second comment, but took the snacks nevertheless. Jude wasn't sure if she realized she had been doing it. "Has she talked to your dad?"

"No," he said and sighed after realizing the conversation he had just had. They were really talking about getting a divorce. Honestly. He clutched one of the energy bars that was still left in his hand, craving to hold on to something for a moment.

"Hey, chin up buttercup. We have no time for softies around here, got it?"

Jude smiled at her.

"How could I forget?" He replied with a little tease. It won't matter, her eyes read.

It was amazing how comfortable they were now. It was almost as simple as breathing and Jude had always felt at ease with her. Waverly hopped from the counter, taking the snacks and heading in the direction of the basement. Jude went upstairs and jumped in the shower, realizing he had completely missed showering after practice and before going to his mother's as well as picking Waverly up. The shower lasted for about twenty minutes, then Jude dried off and threw on a white tee and some sweats. When he was done, he made his way downstairs and caught Waverly playing a game on his console. She looked completely engaged.

"You took too long," she admitted and ended the game with a little helpless shrug. He didn't say anything about it and focused on the more important things. In front of them, the large school books sat. Jude didn't feel like studying anymore if he were being honest, but if he didn't at least look at the material he'd be swamped for the last game of the season and his grades. The first thing Jude did was finish up his homework and when he did so he was relieved. Now came studying for the test, which sparked an unquestionable worry to taint Jude's chest when he pulled his notes out of his binder. The silence was frantic and dull. If a pen dropped, it'd be the loudest sound in the room.

"Have you looked into colleges yet?" Waverly asked, pulling the furrowed brow boy out of his tight reverie. She closed her books and her laptop, watching as Jude shifted at the question.

"I haven't," he said. "I'm afraid if I do, it'll only remind me of what's to come. What will be gone."

He was staring now at the unblinking television, hoping that something would climb out and save him from this panting doom. He would still have to take over his parent's business—there was no escaping that fate. He hadn't thought about that in a while or anything much, really.

"It's stupid," he added. Then, he shook his head silently, calculating the stupidity formulating in his head. It wasn't as stupid as he had concluded, but Jude wanted to blur his ideas, to make them disappear with him eventually. That wouldn't happen on account of him or Waverly because although Jude was somewhat of a lost soul, Waverly was a wandering one. Grounded and ephemeral.

"What is?" She wondered.

"This, everything. It doesn't matter. None of it does."

"Lockhart, you sound crazy as hell right now."

"And maybe I am absolutely crazy to think that life wouldn't just past."

He really did sound crazy. There was no doubt about that. He sucked in a breath, leaning back and looking at Waverly from the side. He didn't want to lose her, and the tragedy of it all was that he knew he would. He knew that they'd both go their separate ways and it would be as if they had never met at all. He'd be reminded of everything that happened in high school. How he'd undergone madness and sadness at the same time. Jude stared at her for a moment, mapping out the outlines of her face, her eyes, her lips. Every small thing about her. The beauty marks. Her hair. Down to her personality, the way it bled like rivers. Slowly, Jude leaned over and kissed her.

He didn't want to forget. Everything burned at the thought of it. When he pulled away, Waverly continued to hold him close, wrapping her fingers in his dark, tousled hair and keeping him steadied against her. He didn't want to forget her, the way his heart beat so perfectly around her. It was the way her body blossomed with warmth against his own. He didn't want to forget her, not now or ever. He couldn't lose her.

And somehow Waverly had leaned back on the sofa with Jude hovering over her, his eyelashes kissing her dark, velvety skin. Her hands touched his chest, running races over all the dents and hard lines. She wasn't even aware of what she had been doing to him. He hadn't realized it himself until he just about shivered under her touch, longing for her to touch him more, to touch him everywhere. His kisses felt like watery moonlight against her perfectly craned neck. Jude watched as she gripped his shirt and steadied her eyes. Then her fingers toyed lower and lower, hitting the waistband of his sweats. Her fingers grazed his skin and Jude chomped down on his jaw. Like a light switch, the mood flipped.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" He muttered in between heavy breaths. Something in him wanted her to say yes, a thousand times over, but he also had to respect her decision if she said no. Unsurprisingly, her answer was, well, her.

"Just go get the fucking condom, Lockhart," she demanded and Jude chuckled. The kind that fluttered light music throughout the room. It had been such a Waverly thing to say. Swiftly, he peeled himself away from her and dashed as fast as his running back legs could take him. He was back in a matter of seconds, ripping the top part off the condom. The unclothing resulted in the pleasant undoing. Their worlds crashed like thunder, roaring in like beautiful sunsets. She was beautiful, the moment was, and just like that they were in that universe he imagined so vividly. All its stars, moons, and constellations.

Jude found the desirable words slipping from his mouth as if he were on a time restraint and the words would die out. So passionate like they were old souls fighting alignment and bittersweet moments.

"I love you," he whispered as they melted once more. Because Jude Lockhart didn't want to forget her. He didn't want to forget the way she made him feel or anything more than that. The tragedy in the truth was that he'd have to say goodbye, and goddamn it if it were up to him the word goodbye would never exist. It'd never be the reason they fell apart.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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