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1 3 | Until There Was You

"You want her number?" Lincoln questioned, snickering behind the game controller tightened in his hands. Jude tried to keep his composure, refusing to turn crimson all over when the words sputtered out of his mouth moments before. Really, the entire process was idealistic. That was what Jude told himself with his own unfazed posture. He tried desperately to keep his cool, but inside he was combusting. An absolute degradation of his normal self.

"I guess so," he agreed. Lincoln paused the game. He placed his controller down and looked at Jude with connecting brows.

"You want Weird Waverly's phone number because you guys are working on a 'project' for Calculus?" He rephrased.

"How come you didn't ask her during class or at the party?" He wondered and Jude was naked all of a sudden. The white lie turned even paler. Jude continued to stare at the paused screen of the television, watching as the pixels exploded.

"It slipped my mind," he lied.

"Just text her on Instagram then," he suggested and Jude felt his stomach juggle and knot up at the easy solution. He was making it worse for himself. Waverly didn't seem like a person to answer messages on Instagram if that made any literal sense. Jude knew for sure he wasn't the type.

"Fucking liar," Lincoln pointed out and Jude's head swerved in Lincoln's direction to see a boyish grin toying at the corners of his lips. His eyes lit up like stars and he pointed an accusing finger at Jude. "You have a thing for her, don't you? You like black girls."

His face turned an unusual shade of rose at Lincoln's words, but he knew it wasn't true. He didn't have a thing for Waverly. It was Lincoln's choice of words that made it awkward. He hardly let her skin color play a factor in if he talked to her, or even liked her for that matter. Of course he knew she was black. It was obvious, but it didn't make things any different. Maybe for other people, but not Jude. Yes, he enjoyed Waverly's company and her views on certain things, but he didn't see her as a girlfriend.

She was too beyond that shit. She was the kind of girl who broke hearts with ease. Jude, though, still saw her as the wild girl with the stormy heart. The girl who had no destination in mind—everything was temporary.

"I'm teasing," he grinned, slapping a hand on Jude's shoulder. "I heard you talked to Beverly at the party. What was that about?"

Jude almost forgot how fast news traveled around school. Despite Jude's new status of irrelevance, somehow he was able to make himself relevant again. By then, Lincoln started their game up, sinking in his seat by the second. He was hardly paying the conversation any mind, which meant Jude could've said just about anything.

"Nothing important," he brushed off. In actuality, his entire life was on the line and so was hers. He wouldn't let that be known to the world. He at least needed that small amount of privacy from the world. Then, he sighed and tipped his head back to gaze at the swirling ceiling. He wondered if he could be anymore lost. His surroundings seemed to blur, until he was pulled out of his reverie and staring blankly at the screen. He barely heard Lincoln's words in the background, signaling like a faulty alarm.

"You wanna text her?" Lincoln asked Jude who was finally in his right state of mind. Jude questioned if he had been referring to Waverly or Beverly. Yes, he wanted to text Beverly to see if she was okay. He also wanted to check on Waverly.

"I'm just glad you're not depressed over Beverly anymore. It's good to have you back," Lincoln reminded.

Then, Lincoln pulled out his phone and Jude watched as he clicked on the search bar and typed in Waverly's name very carefully. Several profiles popped on the screen. Lincoln tapped the first one, luckily enough it had been Waverly's with over two thousand followers. Her picture was only present in her profile picture, but everything else was pictures of places around their town and of quotes and places she wanted to go. Jude knew it had to be hers. Lincoln continued to scroll until he couldn't.

"She doesn't post much," Lincoln said, then he shut his phone off and tossed it aside. "Text her."

Jude did exactly that. He grabbed his phone and searched up her name, searching for a string of words that didn't make him sound lame and desperate. His fingertips hovered over the keyboard and Lincoln laughed alongside him. "You don't know what to text?"

"It's not that," he admitted. "Waverly's a complicated person. You never know what she means or what she thinks unless she tells you."

Before Jude could say anything Lincoln snatched his phone out his grip. "That's what friends are for."

Jude watched as he typed away, then handed him his phone back with ease. Jude swallowed and retrieved his phone, rereading the message. He cringed thinking about it.

Meet me at the pizzeria at 2.

There wasn't much in the message, yet Jude was still able to over analyze Waverly's response like it was the end of the world.

"It wasn't that hard. She's probably not even going to answer."

Exactly three minutes later her message came into view.

Maybe.

And then seconds after it read alright.

"What does it say?" Lincoln wondered, neck craning to catch a glimpse of the short lived conversation.

"She's going to be there," he told him casually and Lincoln smiled, almost congratulating him in a way that made Jude shudder to himself.

"We can finish this game before you go, so I can kick your ass," he threatened and Jude scoffed at his comment. There was no way he was letting Lincoln beat him in his own house. They played the game mode free-for-all with shifted settings and altering maps. Jude continuously won against Lincoln by four kills and Lincoln hardly took that lightly. He hated to lose—most people did.

"You cheated," Lincoln complained when they were finally done and Jude was getting ready to meet Waverly.

"How?" he wondered, basically blurring Lincoln out. He had other things on his mind.

"I don't know, but you cheated somehow."

"You're a sore loser," Jude informed Lincoln who only continued to bash Jude about how he had probably owned the game before it was even created to get a head start.

"It just takes skill," Jude had added when they both walked through the exit of his house. Jude locked the door and then they finally departed. He watched as Lincoln drove off and he sat in the car for a few moments alone, thinking of all the things that had happened last night. He swallowed and finally forced the key into the ignition, cranking it to life. He sighed one last time before he left his neighborhood, driving in that familiar direction to Antonio's pizzeria.

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He entered with the scent of pizza wafting his nose. Pepperoni. Cheese. Sausage. A variety of sorts. That wasn't what caught his attention though. What grasped his attention was Waverly actually being there in the same spot as the previous time he had seen her there. He walked over there steadily, retrieving a seat across from her.

"Hey," he greeted. Her back was leaned back in her seat and she looked at Jude with unfocused eyes. Her eyes dozed off in directions that weren't where Jude was, and it made him question if something had been wrong with her.

"I have the worst hangover in the history of hangovers," she informed with her fingertips running at her temples. "Wanna get out of here? I have somewhere I want to show you."

Jude blinked at her, wondering if she had been serious. She never ran out of places to show him, it seemed.

"This place is just so noisy. Everything sounds ten times louder," she added through an exhaustive sigh. Jude responded with a nod, standing up with his keys in hand. Waverly followed after, bumping into a few tables on the way out. Jude chuckled to himself and received several death glares while doing so. When they entered the car, Waverly closed her eyes and laid her head against the headrest.

"I'm never drinking again," she muttered under her breath.

"Everyone says that and never actually does it," Jude reminded, but Waverly ignored him and he took it as a sign to start the car. "Where am I going, exactly?"

She groaned alongside him, forcing her eyes open. "How the hell am I not dead yet?"

Jude assumed that she was referring to the actions prior to the night filled with beer, drama, and everything else Jude was so used to once upon a time. Once, that was his entire life—being in the 'in' crowd, making himself known for the popularity. It was stupid thinking of it now. His whole reasoning was stupid weeks before.

"My head is pounding," she said once again.

"We can sit here if you want," Jude insisted.

"No. Just give me a few minutes," she whispered softly, keeping her eyes ahead. Jude had the car parked right in front of the pizzeria and since the windows were translucent they could see every person present and every action being made. Just as Jude felt himself being bored his head snapped up at the sight of Beverly entering the public place with Seth behind her. His eyes nearly bulged out of his sockets at the sight that made him clench his fist.

"What the hell?" he muttered with knitted eyebrows. He leaned forward to get a better look. He wanted it all to be a trick, a joke that they'd laugh at someday. It wasn't. None of it was. Everything was so true for his own good. Alongside him Waverly looked at the scene, clearly not putting the pieces together. She was in too much pain to understand any of it right now.

"Stop yelling," she hissed back. "What are you so angry about anyway?"

This surely wasn't what Jude had in mind when he decided to meet her, but he wouldn't ever say that it was bad. Jude told himself that he wasn't angry, but inside he was raging more than Lincoln was when he lost to him more times than he could count. Why was Seth with her anyway? He just didn't understand why he was in her life anyway. None of it made sense. From the beginning to now. They had to be fucking with his head, somehow. Someone was lying and making Jude lose his mind along the way. He was tired of it.

"Can you tell me where this place is? I want to leave," Jude said.

"Alright, alright," she sighed. "Just please stop yelling."

Then, she told him the directions and Jude felt his fingers subconsciously tapping against the steering wheel, until he realized she was leading them into the woods. His surroundings began to change and they were no longer near the city, but on the outskirts where trees lingered and dabbed at the sky. When she finally told Jude to pull over he realized they were near a railroad track. Several miles away, Jude could see the pieces that showed a junkyard nearby. Metal scrapes and towering piles of crushed trash. He caught sight of a long fence stretching for miles on the opposite side. Waverly opened the car door and stepped out, sniffing the air and standing on her tiptoes.

"The air is fresher out here," she admitted and Jude walked behind her, gazing while she embraced the environment. Fallen leaves surrounded them, covering parts of the railroad, and the sun looked like it was going to explode in the sky like fireworks. It burned bright. Jude squinted his eyes in an attempt to adjust.

"Another one of your hiding spots?" Jude questioned and Waverly walked over to the railroad standing in the center.

"One of many," she replied, but the hangover was evident in her voice. She walked on the railroad, whistling and tilting her head at the sun. Gravel crunched below her shoes. Jude joined her on the track, balancing on the rails. They had walked for ten more minutes before Jude got tired and decided to sit on the rails instead. Waverly laid down, her curls sprawling over the cold, corrosive material. She reached her hands out in front of her as if trying to grab a cloud and float away from reality. There was not much of a hangover anymore, this spot had made it wither away.

"Why do you have so many?" Jude wondered, letting his hands meddle with the cracked rocks below him. It felt nice against his skin, so he continued to do it over and over again, waiting for an answer.

"I like to escape," she told him. "It's better to be somewhere else. Having a hideout makes you known to the unknown."

"Is that what you did when we were kids? You hid away," he assumed.

"I wouldn't call it that. When I was younger you and Seth made me hate coming to school at first. Then, I realized that if I disappeared you guys wouldn't have anyone to tease. I had my own places, but they weren't as complex," she explained and Jude stopped his action, feeling like shit for picking on Waverly back then. Truly, he was surprised she didn't hate him yet, despite her saying she didn't hate people. They sat like that for a bit until Waverly spoke again.

"Why did you and Seth do it?" she asked all of a sudden. The guilt rose in his stomach. How could he answer that? Her eyes mingled with the sunlight that bled over them, and they looked like fire when Jude looked at them. There was no winning with this question because any answer would sound wrong. "Don't feel sorry for me. It's in the past, Lockhart. I just want to know. Was I that bad to be around? Was I...Was I weird?"

"Of course not. I was a kid then. I didn't know what I was thinking. I wanted to fit in and I thought that made me cool," he admitted and wanted to punch himself for saying that.

With a weary smile she said, "at least you were honest."

"If I'm truly being honest, I admire you, Waverly. You've always been true to yourself and you know what you want."

She responded with a laugh. "I only know what I don't want for myself. I hate fake people. They're everywhere and it's like the plague. You can't get rid of them."

Finally, Jude laid his head down too, and they were both on the railroad track, listening to the sound of the Earth beneath them. Jude sighed, getting lost in thought.

"What are you going to do about Beverly and the whole baby situation?"

"I don't know," he breathed out, wishing she hadn't brought her name into the mix in the first place. "I tried to call her yesterday."

"And?"

"Bridget picked up the phone."

"What did she say?" Waverly asked, moving her head a little against the ground. A gritty sound came from underneath her that made Jude turn his own head looking at hers, then back above him again.

"She doesn't want me near her, but she doesn't know about Beverly," he responded and suddenly he felt bad for exposing Beverly because it had been her own personal information. Yet, here was Jude exposing said info because he couldn't handle it himself. How messed up that had been?

"Let fate work itself out," she said and it almost sounded like a tease but Jude wasn't sure so he asked.

"You believe in that kind of stuff?"

"Don't you?" She asked and Jude wondered if this was her way of reversing the situation or answering without saying. He sat up at that, looking at Waverly who was still laying down. He was surprised a train hadn't come yet, but maybe it had been because no one had used the route in years. It was abandoned.

He understood why Waverly came here. It reminded him of the universe—far from everyone with no problems. Maybe, he could've had his own personal hideout. A getaway only he knew about. In a way, Jude felt honored that she shared this place with him and others.

"No," he replied. "I hardly believe in anything."

"Not even God?" she questioned, but it didn't faze Jude that she was bringing up the topic of religion into the discussion.

"I believe there is something of greater power who sees everything we do, but if I didn't believe in one would that make me any less different?" he questioned. Waverly turned her head on the ground to look at Jude as he stared back in the direction where the train was almost meant to come, but never did.

"No," she said. "It wouldn't."

A silence ensued.

"That's the difference between you and me, Jude. I don't give a shit when it comes to what people do with their lives or how they think. It's weird, really because I want to help—"

"Me," he finished. His cheeks started to burn as he leaned back on the back of his hand, trying to be the cool guy he once was.

"Don't get ahead of yourself," she said, but Jude knew it was true because she didn't object. When he looked at her, though, sometimes he saw Beverly's face and that made their friendship a little less truthful. It was only because sometimes he had missed her, and he knew that he couldn't change his feelings so easily in the blink of an eye. That didn't stop his guilt, but Waverly probably understood. She always did.

"Why is that?" Jude wondered, hoping that she wouldn't say anything that would make him or her feel worse.

"Because in a way we've been through the same stuff. I can't help but help you," she said, almost speaking it to the sky instead. Jude liked being there because he had no worries then. He didn't have to worry about his life for a moment, and that was enough to make him believe that there was fate. And maybe meeting her was the fate she spoke of.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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