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NOTE:
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1 5 | Until There Was You

Jude continued to stare, awaiting his pitiful defeat. He was ready to discover what Lincoln found out, watching the rumor spread around the school before his eyes. His heartbeat was a cacophonous thumping in his chest, ready to burst. He tried not to allow his assumptions to get the best of him. After all, it could have been anything in the world.

Nevertheless, his Adam's apple bobbed in his throat. He ran a hand through his dark strands, the wild ones falling above his forehead. Subconsciously, he was turning paler by the second, hands becoming unusually moist.

"What exactly happened?" Jude asked.

"The rumors going on about Beverly," Lincoln informed him. He blinked at Lincoln and realized that Waverly was no longer next to him. Why had he expected her to stay?

"What rumors?" he repeated slowly.

"The reason why she cheated on you with Seth," he added. Throughout the entire day Jude hadn't been informed of any insightful rumors. Suddenly, all color crept away from his usually sun kissed skin. "Personally, I heard that she wanted to get a reaction out of you. You guys were dating for two years and she wanted excitement."

Jude didn't believe those words could ever leave Beverly's mouth. No, not in a million years. Not the Beverly he knew. Not his Beverly—not Beverly. But things seemed to be shifting all around in his life and maybe he had been believing the wrong things all along. Maybe, it was true, despite it being a rumor. It was the only logical reason why she would stay with him now—to cause a reaction—and it was the only way she went back to Seth when she didn't have to. After everything that happened, nothing changed the fact that it was sick as fuck.

"I don't believe that," Jude said in a small voice, but he didn't mean for it to come out that way. He didn't mean for his emotions to slip and be exposed so easily in the empty gym. Jude cleared his throat and crossed his arms to make himself seem bigger. He straightened his posture and looked Lincoln right in the eyes, hiding how he was really feeling. "Beverly wouldn't do that."

"People change, man. You should know that better than anyone," Lincoln quipped out, and it was true. He should have known it. He should have closed everyone around him off when Beverly broke his heart, but instead he let someone in. He let the very person who he judged into his life to judge him. But he never once regretted it. Lincoln put an arm around Jude's shoulder, leading them into the hallway where students were swimming with coveted eyes.

"Take a look around, Lockhart," Lincoln suggested, gazing around himself. "No one stays the same when it comes to high school."

Jude wanted to object and go against what Lincoln believed because it wasn't true. Waverly didn't change. It was one of the reasons he had admired her so much, despite the hellhole, known as high school, she remained constant. Yet she was visible in her own crooked way. In honesty, Jude wished she was still there and didn't leave him in order for her to tend to her own personal tasks. So what if that made him selfish? This situation would have gone down a lot differently if she were present. How? Jude wasn't sure yet, but he had that odd inkling that it would.

He continued to let Lincoln speak and lecture him about his cold hard truth, in Jude's case, the falseness of reality. That was until Jude realized where Lincoln had been guiding him, in which Jude stopped in his tracks to reassure himself. Lincoln stopped as well, and as the crowds of people slowly started to depart, Lincoln's voice went into a low whisper.

"I'm not a dumbass, Jude. I hear things," he started and Jude's eyebrows furrowed at the sudden change in tone.

"Beverly's pregnant, isn't she?" Lincoln asked. "I didn't want to say anything while Weird Waverly was there."

"Don't call her that," Jude replied, instead of recalling Lincoln's assumption. A silence passed and Jude swallowed out of anticipation and fear. "No. She's not pregnant. Your source is inaccurate."

"You calling me a liar?" Lincoln assumed, tilting his head a bit.

"I guess I am," Jude retorted, not once stepping back, despite the growing tension in the empty corridor. Jude could hardly imagine how difficult practice would be, now knowing that Lincoln was so close to the truth. Jude started walking off in the other direction towards his class, avoiding the fact that he'd already be late as it was. Over his shoulder Lincoln continued to speak.

"If you didn't know, Lockhart, well now you do," he informed him and Jude almost stopped midway, but instead clenched his fist with unreasonable strength because the thought of hearing someone else say made him tick. They didn't deserve to know. It was Lincoln, and Jude was absolutely sure he wasn't trying to piss him off. Jude believed, in that moment, that he was hearing what he wanted because the pain was so unbearable. Things were foiling and slipping out of his hands, becoming unpredictable. Now, Jude had to make rational decisions because he was getting older and life was getting tougher.

"I know who the father is, Lockhart," Lincoln said and it was almost like a lulling shout to press his easily affected buttons. Jude swallowed hard and closed his eyes for a minute. He forced himself to stay silent, otherwise things would be worse.

"Drop the subject, Linc," Jude said unevenly, and hadn't realized that he had started to breathe a bit harder than before.

"People are going to find out, and when Seth does, tables are going to flip," Lincoln informed, but he had the entire story wrong. That wasn't even part of the actual truth, unless Beverly did lie to him that night when they were in the room. Suddenly, that familiar lodge of betrayal crept up his throat, burning his entire body with self loathe. Who could he really trust? And before Jude could blink an eye Lincoln was gone like a cautious red light turning green.

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Jude could think of a million reasons why he shouldn't have gone to practice—Lincoln's discovery being one of them—then again he had several reasons why he didn't want to go home either. Both involved two problematic events that he wanted to avoid to the best of his abilities. If it were truly up to Jude he would have dug himself a hole and stayed there until graduation. That could have been an option if it were more practical.

Detention went as usual, but Beverly wasn't there because she had served her time. It had been Seth and Jude, ignoring each other like two siblings who hated each other more than anything in the world. Jude's jaw had ticked and he couldn't even remember how many times he gritted his teeth. Still, he wasn't going to say anything to Seth because there was nothing left to say then.

Now, Jude was tugging on his football cleats as people chatted around him about the assembly and the party, and everything else that didn't matter. Finally, when they were done they all smushed themselves into the doorway leading to the field. Jude followed after, eyes looking up at the stands. He saw Beverly sitting among her friends as if this was slowly becoming a normal routine for her again. Jude tried not to let it bother him, but suddenly he was seeing her in a different light.

Her hair had been loose against her shoulders now, beautiful and soft. Jude remembered how much he loved touching her hair and touching her. Now, it sounded poisonous in his mind. Would she be a good mother? Beverly always had a way with kids, and maybe things would go the same. Jude's eyes scanned the stands more, and something in him hoped that Waverly was there, but she wasn't. She was nowhere in sight.

Thankfully, Jude hadn't been able to spot Lincoln yet, and that made his life a lot easier. They started with their usual warm-up, then into their plays. This time, Jude wasn't on the sideline and that made him smile to himself as Bergamot began running a new play with the set of people that would be in the future game. Jude caught sight of Seth, who took his helmet off, running his calloused fingers through his light hair. If Bergamot wasn't there Jude would rub the position in Seth's face because he finally had something Seth didn't. And through all of the conflict that had recently happened, the feeling that he had now was enough to ebb the pain he started to feel.

Every so often Bergamot would blow his whistle and they would have to trade out positions, during this time when he blew the whistle Jude decided to take a water break. That was when he was forced to face Lincoln again. Lincoln had spoken to him as if the situation hadn't occurred at all, moments before. Lincoln chugged the water. He was just as tired and sweaty as the other players, but Lincoln never let it show. He wanted to seem tough and Jude had learned that about him since they first started becoming friends. The tougher you were the better.

Jude listened to Lincoln talk about the end of practice and how it couldn't go by any slower, but Jude still felt like there were some unanswered questions lingering between those awkward, untouched spaces that made it what it was. And just as Jude was pondering over this, someone had interrupted their conversation. When Jude turned around he looked at Seth, who barely gave Jude any form of eye contact. They were silent for a while, until Jude found it in himself to walk away and rejoin his other teammates.

Finally, after minutes of sprints, drills, and plays they were able to go home. Jude left the field, hoping that Bergamot wouldn't detect anything off just as Lincoln did. Jude made his way in the locker room, taking a quick shower. When he reappeared outside Beverly was waiting near the door with her frame pressed against the wall. Her hair had been propped up in a messy bun now and her eyes were making Jude's heartbeat increase all over again in a different way though.

She adjusted herself at the sight of him and gave a smile. Her hands made their way around one of his arms—fragile and soft against his skin. She had a gentle look in her eye, and she didn't break contact, despite the looks they got from the guys exiting the locker room. Seth didn't leave yet.

"Are you okay?" she asked, but Jude could hardly focus when she was touching him like that. How was he going to be okay? Why was she touching him like that?

"Are you okay?" he asked, putting emphasis on you.

"I'm getting by," she responded, then let her hands fall. Jude's arm suddenly felt cold when her touch was no longer present. He gripped the used towel in his hand harder, issuing out a low nod. He tried to look anywhere else but at her. He couldn't look at her without seeing Seth too. "I just...I'm glad I got this off my chest."

Then, she gave him a smile and left. Jude stared after her as she returned to her friends who were waiting nearby. Jude caught sight of Bridget who had been glaring at him as if he grew a sixth head somewhere. Jude sat there a moment longer and when he made his way to his car, his stomach did that odd thing it did when he saw Waverly. She was leaning against the car with her hands in the pocket of her hoodie. Her head had been lowered, gazing at her phone, then she looked up and gave a bittersweet grin.

"Took you long enough," she said. Jude raised an eyebrow. "You're my ride to and from school now. I don't want to ride the bus," she informed him.

"That's not how it works," Jude retorted.

"Fine, can you drive me from now on? You'll be my personal, free Uber."

"I don't think it works like that either," Jude assumed jokingly.

"That's the nicest it'll get," she informed him.

"I'll think about it," he teased. Then,"how long have you been waiting out here?"

"Well, I watched some of your practice," she responded. "I would say not long."

Eventually, Jude settled his gear in the trunk of the car, and claimed the driver's seat moments after. When he made himself comfortable Waverly had looked at him questionably. Jude wasn't sure if he wanted to start the car then and there, because all of a sudden everything that occurred was rushing past him like a reoccurring tide, thrusting continuously until Jude was drowning in the waves of his life. This time, though, it seemed that Waverly hadn't been able to sense the uneasiness, or she was trying to avoid it. Maybe, she had her own problems to worry about.

"Are we just going to sit here?" she asked and Jude attempted to tune the radio, trying to make it seem like he had been waiting on her to say something else. That odd look never left Waverly's face, then Jude finally started up the engine. He wasn't ready to go home, so he decided to take a detour and drive the long way toward Waverly's house. They drove in silence for most of the way. Waverly had her head against the window, eyes shut and her breathing even. She seemed exhausted, so Jude didn't bother her until they pulled up next to her house. He reached over the console and shook Waverly softly. She stirred a bit.

"Hey, we're here," he told her. Her eyes skimmed the area, then she blinked a few times before she was actually awake. It all happened in slow motion and the words were at the tip of his tongue, begging to come alive. He started tapping his finger against the wheel as she let her hand settle on the door handle. Jude was thinking about how bad it would be if he went home. How bad it would be if he entered and no one would be there, or if they were too busy to pay him any attention. They weren't even aware that he and Seth were no longer friends. Jude wondered if his mother would ever confess to her wrongdoings, and Jude wasn't ready for any of it. He feared his family's collapse. Finally, after one heavy sigh and a few breaths he spoke.

"Mind if I spend the night here?" he asked and Waverly stopped, looking at him with those charred eyes. She didn't ask why, neither did she ask what happened, or if he had been okay. She just looked at him long and hard, and simply nodded. There was a prolonged stare exchanged between them, and Jude couldn't quite put his finger on what it was. Something different, foreign to an extent.

"Don't try anything, Lockhart. I won't hesitate to knee you in the balls," she replied as she exited and made her way to the front door. And just like that things were back to normal.

Despite the reason he had been there, a small grin danced on his face. He released the key from its ignition, exiting and jogging to the entrance. Waverly had an impatient look on her face as she swung the screen door open, then the actual door leading Jude into the house he was familiar with. This time, however, Jude was met with a woman who resembled Waverly in several ways. Her skin had been a similar shade, slightly darker, with eyes the color of Earth and hair as curly as Waverly's. Her cheekbones had been high, but the wrinkles were prominent in her skin. As well as the speckled moles that covered parts of her face. Jude instantly realized that she hadn't fully inherited that trait from her mom. She only had one and it had been under her nose and near her lip.

"Who are you?" she asked and Jude's face almost paled at her tone. It was something he wasn't used to.

"Jude Lockhart. I go to school with your daughter," he replied, attempting to use his manners. She had been less intimidating than Waverly, but that didn't make Jude less petrified.

"Can he spend the night?" Waverly asked from the doorway with her arms crossed, admiring the scene as if it had been a game in her head. There was some sort of unexplainable eye contact Waverly and her mom were making that Jude couldn't explain. It went on for a couple of seconds more before Waverly's mom agreed to let Jude spend the night and he let out an internal breath.

"Thank you, Ms. Clarke—"

"I go by Sials. Ms. Sials."

"Thank you, Ms. Sials," he thanked again after correcting himself. She nodded.

"Glad to have you here, Jude. I'll be starting dinner in a few minutes," she informed him. "Waverly, if you go to the room with him, leave the door open."

"Got it," she said, pushing herself from her spot and down the hallway toward her room. Jude's face paled once again at Ms. Sials words. As if he would try anything with Waverly? She already made that clear moments before they entered. Jude followed Waverly down the hallway in that familiar room that belonged to her. When he entered she had been lying on her mattress, looking up at the ceiling with her hair all sprawled out. Her lips were slightly parted, and she looked as though she had been whirring away from the universe. Her eyes held fantasies in them. She looked beautiful. And Jude continued to stand there lingering awkwardly, watching as Waverly's eyes shifted to the map she showed him the last time they were there.

"You didn't want to go home. What's that about?" she pitched out and Jude looked at her hands settled across her stomach. He swallowed and averted his gaze to the many accessories that scattered the space. She looked over at him, then changed her position.

"I don't really want to talk about it right now," he admitted.

"Guess that's fair," she agreed. Silence drowned the room, but it was the right kind— the kind that seemed right. Jude collected a spot next to Waverly and he could feel her hair on his shoulder, warm and tickling.

"I don't think I ever told you how I found out about Beverly and Seth," he started and Waverly looked over at him, but she didn't speak. She let him continue.

"It was after football practice," he grumbled out. The memory was enough to trigger him. "I heard them talking about how I would find out. Seth kept trying to reassure her that I was too transparent to figure it out."

He stopped, looking at his hands.

"Guess they were right," he laughed at that part. "I just didn't believe it. My best friend would never say something like that about me, and my girlfriend wouldn't just abandon what we had. I had to wait longer to know for sure."

He leaned back on Waverly's mattress, putting his hands over his face. He felt like an idiot. Everything in his life was collapsing inwards, swallowing the very purpose that affected him. What Jude had to realize was there were no promises left unbroken. He ran his hands over his face, then sat back up.

"The rest is history," he said. "I was going to cut them off for good, but when Beverly told me about—"

He had to stop himself because he wasn't at home.

Waverly stood up and sighed.

"You think too much, Lockhart. Don't think. Just do," she suggested. "If you want to beat Seth's ass, do it. Life's too short to think about everyone else sometimes. Maybe, if you put yourself first for once you wouldn't be so miserable."

"I'm not miserable," he defended.

"If you weren't miserable you wouldn't talk to me about your problems like I'm your therapist."

"You're the only one who listens," he added.

Without judging me, he wanted to say.

"Wow, I'm touched. Truly," she said sarcastically. "You're trying to make that a habit of yours?"

"What?"

"Talking to me."

"It already is," he responded and she rolled her eyes, but Jude didn't miss that rare smile she hid away from the world.

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TO BE CONTINUED

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