CHAPTER 3

Kenneth

With my father gone and my eyes closed, my thoughts drift quickly to Mateo who'd been running behind me when I got shot. If I didn't make it out of there with my life, maybe he hadn't either.

I can hear the mechanical clank and then whoosh of automatic doors sliding open. I open my eyes and find myself inside an unfamiliar hospital. Nurses and doctors are walking about, and there is a baby crying somewhere in the distance. No one seems to have noticed my sudden appearance so I clear my throat and wait for someone to hear. Nothing.

"Excuse me," I say to a nurse rushing past me. She passes right by, her eyes never looking directly at me. How am I supposed to accomplish anything if I can't be seen? I don't even know how I got here and what I'm supposed to be doing.

"Patient was moved upstairs. He needed IV antibiotics and will be staying for a few days until we can get the infection under control. If he had gone to the VA hospital he'd be dead. I've heard they are making veterans wait up to three months to be seen. It's a fucking shame. Should be criminal." An older doctor shuts a file and hands it over to the woman in scrubs behind the counter.

I move behind her and watch as she inputs Mateo's name and updates his records with a room number. I'm so relieved I want to cry. He made it. Thank God. I memorize the room number and head in the direction of the large elevators just beyond the emergency room.

Being in the elevator only confirms that I can't be seen at all, one woman even steps so close to me I feel her brush against my arm. She turns quickly and stares through me and I wonder if she had felt it. She rubs her hand absently along her arm where we had touched and when the doors open on the second floor she leaves the small area quickly, glancing back over her shoulder in my direction and then shaking her head in disbelief as she disappears down the hall.

I step out on the third floor assuming his room will be here somewhere since the number starts with three. I move down the empty hall and past the double doors that lead to the children's wing. That's when I see her. I can't help but freeze in place as I watched her trying to choose a snack from the vending machine. I'm not sure how this middle world works and I'm a little surprised that my heart rate picks up just from the sight of her in those dark blue scrubs. I can feel something in my chest and it's much more powerful than anything I've ever experienced. I'm drawn to her.

She moves her long braid to her back and rolls her neck, her hand moving to massage the muscles at the base of her skull. She turns her head slightly my way, and I can see that her eyes look tired and a little red as if she's been crying. It guts me and I don't even know this girl. She can't be any older than I was when I passed, yet she looks like she has seen so much life it shows in her features and the wear of her sneakers.

I move to stand behind her and I swear for a moment our eyes lock in the reflection on the glass of the vending machine. She turns around as if she's looking for me and I want her to see me so badly I step forward. Only she must not be able to because she turns back around quickly, grabbing her snack from the drawer and heading down the hall.

I know I'm here to see Mateo, but I don't want to let this girl out of my sight just yet. I don't know why I feel so strongly about her, but I do. She pushes through the door of a small family waiting room and takes a seat in an empty chair. I sit down across from her and watch as she opens her candy and starts to eat them. Her name badge lets me know she's a nurse and that her name is Quinn. It feels familiar, but that's impossible. I'm sure I've never seen her before and yet it almost feels like we've already met once.

The only other person in the room gets a phone call and packs up his bags, stepping out of the space to take the call and maybe visit his loved one. As soon as he is gone, Quinn sinks down lower in the uncomfortable chair and puts her feet up on the table in front of her. Something is clearly weighing heavy on her shoulders. She stares for a long time up at the ceiling light, slowly eating one M&M at a time.

I notice she's wearing pins along the lanyard her badge is attached to. There are tons of them, some Disney characters, some funny little sayings or movie quotes. It's an interesting chaotic collection and I'd like to explore it, but I can't keep my eyes on it when her face is so beautiful. She has green eyes and long dark lashes, but she isn't wearing a speck of make-up. Her hair is braided, but thin little strands have escaped during her shift and she seems in no hurry to tuck them back.

I lean forward, wanting to reach out and run my finger along the crease in her forehead. She looks stressed out and exhausted. I wonder what she's been through today and if she's close to getting to go home yet. I hear a child's voice in the hallway just outside the now open door of the waiting room. A little boy who can't be much older than six or seven peeks his head inside and then continues his playing as he comes in. He's trying not to step on the lines in the floor and it makes me smile to watch him so happy.

"Are you her friend?" He asks me and I'm taken aback that he can see me. Quinn doesn't hear him. She just pops another M&M into her mouth and continues to stare up at the light as if it will eventually answer all her questions.

"No. We don't know each other," I answer. The boy moves over and sits in the chair beside her. His little body is perched at the very edge of the seat so his feet can reach the ground. He sets his hand on top of hers for a second and then looks back at me.

"She's a cool lady."

"Yeah?" I'm puzzled that she didn't feel his touch or hear him speaking. It can't be that he's dead too. "You know her?"

"She was my nurse. She's really good at Uno, but I can beat her at Connect Four." He seems proud of that and I laugh.

"You're all better now?" I ask him because I can't see anything that would indicate he's still sick.

"No, silly," he says with a cute little giggle. "We're dead." He motions between us as he swings his little legs out and falls back into the seat all the way. "I just come see her sometimes and my friend Joseph is still here. It's almost his time so I come to play with him while he sleeps."

Quinn closes her eyes and lets out a big sigh. The little boy copies her and then giggles again, this time jumping out of the chair and back into the middle of a square of tile as if his game never ended.

"Why are you still here?" He asks me curiously.

"I don't really know." And I don't. I have no idea how any of this works. "Why are you still here?"

"I promised Joseph I'd come back for him. We're going to play in the light together when he's ready to go. He says his dad isn't ready for him to leave yet." He hops to the next tile and wiggles a little as he tries to balance on one foot. "See you around. What's your name anyway?"

"Kenneth, but people call me Pines." I point to my nameplate on the pocket of my uniform. "What's your name?"

"William, but Quinn used to call me Thor." He pretends to use his large hammer. "Take care of her. Joseph is getting pretty sick so I won't be coming back much longer." Then he turns around and hops out of the waiting room, stopping for a second to set something from his pocket on the floor.

Quinn is still resting peacefully in her chair, her breathing slow but I know she's still awake. A phone in her scrub pocket rings and she sits up to answer it. I listen to her sweet voice as she tells the person on the other end of the line she'll be right there. Then she laughs and says, "I snuck you a pudding last night! You eat so much of it you're going to turn into pudding."

She's still smiling as she listens and then she pulls her bottom lip between her teeth and rests her head on her hand as she chuckles softly. "Okay, you win. I'll bring you a pudding, but if we get in trouble we're blaming Nurse Betty." She hangs up the phone and stands up. Just like that she's back to work, and I know I won't be able to leave here until I can see her again.

When she steps into the hallway, she bends down and picks something up from off the floor. I move so that I can see what it is. She holds the tiny pin between her fingers and her face is a complete mix of emotions. Her eyes tear up, but her lips form a smile as she spins the tiny Thor hammer between her fingers. She takes it into her palm and squeezes it tight, holding it to her heart for a minute before pinning it back onto her lanyard. I still have no idea why I'm here, but I know I'm going to want to spend every free moment watching her.

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