THE GLACIAL SILENCE was broken by two sighs of relief the moment the taxi came into sight; two headlights coming towards them to the rescue. Saifah peeked at his date, awkwardly amused. Neither of them was even trying to cover up their reactions, knowing full well how disastrous the evening had been. There was no need to pretend either. The situation had been crystal clear for both of them for hours.

Saifah opened the car's door and scratched his neck.

"Well then..."

"Yeah..." The girl tried to crack up a smile. Without success.

"It was..."

"Definitely..."

Awkward silence chilled the night air yet again. No chance for a decent goodbye then, huh?

Saifah cleared his throat and tried one last time. "It was nice to meet you."

"Yeah, you too?" The tone of her voice went up, making it sound like a question. Shooting one last look at him, she hopped into the taxi and shut the door. Well, at least he had tried...

He heaved another long sigh of relief, watching the car disappear. Now that she was gone, he felt all the tension escape from his body. It really had been a nightmare. No "See you" or "We should do this again", not even one empty word that would have made it any less uncomfortable from either of them.

Actually, he wouldn't be surprised if the girl unmatched him on the app as soon as she had settled down on the backseat. That really was the worst date he had got in a while.

He took his phone out and without a second thought, he texted Zon. "Bad date. Can I come over?"

The reply came almost immediately. "Sure, cum."

Saifah snickered under his breath and entered a convenience store. A light smile returned to his lips right away. Over the last few weeks, Zon and he saw each other so many times, that any remaining traces of discomfort between them disappeared and they felt no reluctance to contact each other anymore. In fact, it became a routine to meet after each bad date or whenever Neo's sleazy behaviour hurt Zon; meeting up had slowly become the natural and obvious thing to do. At this point, Saifah was not even sure how many times they had slept with each other and did not much care. With his dates losing streak, the arrangement between them was not going to change any time soon.

The chilly breeze of the air conditioner brushed over his skin, as he strolled around the shelves. Every time one of them brought beer they had drank no more than half of the bottle, so this time, he tried to look for something different. Not always they had drinks, of course, but he didn't like coming empty-handed. In any case, they could always use leftovers another time.

Finally, he settled on a bottle of rum and moved toward the register.

He had to admit, he had grown to actually like that pact between them. Not only did he have a lot of fun in bed with Zon, but he also truly liked having someone to talk to freely and with no fear of being judged. Every so often, when he talked with his friends, he could catch that condemning undertone in their voices suggesting that his decision of waiting for a relationship was nothing but plain stupid and, on top of that, he was genuinely tired of them saying that maybe it was commitment issues after all or that he was just too fussy.

But he heard none of it from Zon, which was more than he could have ever asked for.

"I brought booze," he said, entering the condo.

As always, Zon was wearing his glasses, which-as Saifah had learned one day-he had to use for reading. Despite the fact that Zon hated them and wore them only around his home, Saifah had gotten used to that sight so much that they became like an attribute of Zon in his head. After all, they mostly met in the other's condo.

And it would be a lie if Saifah said he didn't find it sexy at all.

"You really are trying to make me an alcoholic, huh?" Zon joked and took the rum, shaking his head.

"We don't have to finish the whole bottle today, y'know?"

Saifah took his short Doc shoes off and followed his host to the kitchen. Cheap juice and rum filled up two mugs, one of which landed in his hands. He grabbed the cup with a smile and leaned against the counter, next to Zon. Their arms pressed against each other as he took the first sip.

"Did you know," he started, the bitter-sweet drink tickling as it went down his throat, "that some girls have a problem dating a bi man?"

"What?" Zon gasped in fake surprise, matching his own exaggerated voice. "That's news to me! Since when?!"

"I know! It was a shock to me, too! As if my handsome face wasn't good enough!"

He downed his drink and refilled the cup, smirking at Zon's laughter. Jokes really were their thing to deal with the bitterness, weren't they?

"Ha, she must've been blind," exclaimed Zon between spasms, almost splashing the alcohol around. "Rejecting such a snack? Whack!"

"I mean...obviously..." Saifah put his mug down and leaned until their noses almost touched, a playful smirk on his lips. "Blind as a bat," he whispered in a hoarse voice.

Zon gulped what he had left and threw his arms around the taller man's neck to pull him closer. "Her loss then," he murmured, his mouth only inches from Saifah's. "She doesn't know what she's missing."

Their kiss lasted longer than Saifah intended, but he was not surprised much. Zon kept massaging the back of his neck as long as their lips were locked, running his fingers up and down his hair. As Saifah had noticed at some point, Zon seemed to be particularly fond of this part of his body and whenever they kissed one hand was almost always caressing his nape. Not that he minded, though.

When they finally broke away, Saifah wrapped his arms around Zon and nestled against his shoulder. Weariness swept over him like a dark cloud; he was frustrated with his dating life, with that whole crappy evening. Was he ever going to find someone? Was he ever going to be so happy with his date that he would call Zon to tell him the deal was off?

He huffed heavily, feeling hands on his back, and hugged Zon tighter.

"One day it will all go smoothly," promised Zon softly.

Usually, it was not as bad. Usually, the dates were just plain and dull, and he forgot about them in a split second. Usually, he couldn't even say what went wrong, and all he knew for sure was that he didn't feel the thrill. But was there even a thrill to be looked for? Were the butterflies in the stomach even a real thing?

An unfamiliar smell caught Saifah's attention, distracting him from his gloomy thoughts. He nuzzled Zon's neck, sniffing his skin.

"New cologne?" he asked, still brushing Zon's jaw with his nose.

Zon shook his head, laughing. "I just took a shower before you came."

Saifah chuckled and cupped Zon's face in his hands. "Mm, it smells nice. I like it." He still felt a knot in his stomach, but set it aside as he brushed Zon's lips with his own.

This time they held the kiss way longer.

Sometimes Saifah was losing confidence in his dating plan. Almost as if he was mistaken from the start, hoping it might be the way. At such times a swarm of questions flew through his mind and he pondered for hours why he did not feel about the date as he had wanted to.

But whenever he crossed out someone without knowing why, the words of his friends came back to his head and messed with his confidence. Was it really a good way to find someone? Was it ever gonna work out? After all, even when he had decided to meet with someone again, it never lasted longer than three more dates. After that, he kept losing interest and he just couldn't care anymore. And once in a while, he was tired of all that; of that endless stream of new people, opening up to them, answering the same questions over and over again and asking the same things back. It was tiring and pointless; like a game with no prize at the end. After six months of such meetings, all of the past dates were becoming a fuzzy memory without faces nor details, and he tended to ask himself then: was it all just a waste of time?

With a new wave of passion, he pressed his body against Zon's harder and pulled him to the bed with a playful smirk.

Sometimes he wished for things to go as smoothly as Zon had said. Sometimes he wished to feel as easy on a date as with Zon, but with that special flavour; to feel all that comfort and lust that he felt around his fuck buddy, but also feel loved and feel love.

And he wasn't sure if his dates were a way to find that.

Sometimes he was losing confidence in his dating plan and today was the day.

"One day you will drill a hole in my back for real," sneered Zon, snapping Saifah out of his daydream.

He blinked. They lay in their favourite positions-Zon on his stomach and Saifah on his side-and for the past five minutes he had kept drawing circles on Zon's lower back, just above the hip.

"Sorry, I spaced out," he mumbled, trying not to laugh. It was not the first time he had mindlessly rubbed his finger over Zon's moles. He just couldn't help it. "And they really do look like Ursa Minor."

"Yeah, only if you take a marker and add five more dots." Zon quirked an eyebrow at him. "Is that the only constellation you know?"

Saifah snorted, a bit embarrassed. "It is."

He took a deep breath and made himself more comfortable in bed. Sometimes after sex they had parted ways right away, sometimes they had played games or watched stupid reality shows for hours and sometimes they just lay trying to catch their breaths first. This time they needed a break. A long one.

"So, what were you thinking about?" asked Zon, propping his head up.

Saifah closed his eyes, trying to gather his thoughts into a coherent mass. "That I'm tired of it...I'm not sure if that dating thing was a good idea," he admitted. "No, fuck it. It's not even that. I mean..." He rubbed his face and groaned. "Maybe there's something wrong with me? People fall in love all the time, my cousin has married for the third time again while I go on date after date and can't even find one person that would make me feel differently." He stared at the ceiling, all his doubts stirring in his brain. "...Maybe I should give up then? Maybe love is not for me and I should just bite the bullet, be with whomever and pretend that I'm madly in love with them...?" He winced. Would that even be fair to that other person? "Or maybe I should just lead a hedonistic life, and fuck it all? Literally?"

Zon snickered, hiding his face in the pillow. "Dramatic today, aren't we?" As if he wasn't just the same. "Y'know, I think there's somebody out there for everyone," he said with resoluteness. "And...you're not even that ugly."

"Thanks," drawled Saifah, grinning.

"What do they say?" continued Zon, ignoring his remark. "'Every Jack has his Jill.' Or James, if you're gay." He smiled at his own joke. "Anyhow, I just think you shouldn't just give up. Not yet."

Saifah let out a deep breath and nodded. Maybe Zon was right? He had been in this for so long already, there was no point in dropping this plan. Maybe he just needed to change his tactic? His approach maybe?

"But maybe there is something wrong with you..."

Saifah shot a glare at Zon, who pouted out his bottom lip.

"I mean-" He chuckled after Saifah gave him a nudge. "-do you even know what kind of person you are looking for? Or are you matching with everyone, hoping one will finally be the one?"

Their eyes met. The question caught Saifah off guard, even though he was sure nothing could surprise him. He wet his lips and rubbed his chin, suddenly feeling uncomfortable. What kind of question was that? Of course he knew! But...did he? Did he actually know? At the beginning perhaps he did. At the time, he was still full of hope and eagerness and he was careful with his choices. He checked all the pics and descriptions, trying to actually look for a person with similar interests, someone he could feel easy talking to, and with whom a date would be something more than just a dry exchange of facts about each other.

But now? Did he actually bother with it anymore? Deep down, he knew he did not.

After so many failures and dates without "a thrill", after so many bland meetings blending into one, he had lost sight of his actual goal. He had stopped checking the profiles so warily and made most of his half-a-second decisions based on the first picture, mindlessly swiping left and right until he had run out of matches. He didn't know what his type was anymore, he didn't know what traits he wanted to find in his partner. He kept going on dates with just anyone, hoping that one day some unexpected person would turn out to be exactly what he was looking for.

He just wanted to actually feel something. Anything.

He just wanted to find someone, that one person he would actually want to be with.

"What about you?" he turned to Zon. "Do you know what you want?"

"Yeah, Neo. I mean," Zon quickly corrected himself, laughing, "I want to get over him."

Saifah smirked at his slipup, too. "Sure, honey."

"I mean it!" He covered his red face in hands, his shoulders and chest shaking in convulsions. "Okay, listen, I admit; either would work just fine. But I get crushes all the time. That's not a problem." Zon looked at him, his dimples playing at the corner of his mouth. "The problem is, they never last and I always end up thinking about Neo."

His smile became a bit sad when he said that, but he quickly brushed it off. It did not escape Saifah's notice, however. They were both fucked up, weren't they? He laughed under his breath. They were. Just in a different way.

"Shit!" Zon bolted upright, his eyes wide. "I forgot I bought us takeout before you arrived."

"Is that why you had your jeans on?" mocked Saifah, getting out of the bed. "Where?"

"Next to the fridge. But it's all cold right now." He fell back on the bed and reached for the remote control. Netflix lit up the television, as Saifah moved towards the kitchen, picking their shirts from the floor on his way. "What do you want to watch?" asked Zon.

"Whatever is fine." Saifah put one portion inside the microwave. "We can finish that dumb show if you want. What was it again?"

"Wait, they've added that movie we were talking about last time. Whaddya think?"

"Sure, why not?"

After everything was set, Zon joined him in the kitchen and refilled the mugs with alcohol. The juice was gone, but they found one forgotten ginger ale and a can of coke. That was going to have to do for now. With the reheated food, drinks and bottle of rum under an arm, they settled back in the bed, ready to watch the movie. It wasn't long before they got interrupted, however. The first half was still on, when Saifah's phone started vibrating with messages, one after another.

"Not this again!" he moaned, looking at his phone. It was getting ridiculous at this point. "Apparently Day's cooking went so well, that he asked me to not come back tonight," Saifah explained to Zon. "Again."

"He cooks?"

"That's a little bit of a stretch."

He groaned. The frustration hit him again, this time aimed at his roommate. Of course he did not mind Day having someone over or even asking him not to come back at all, that was totally fine, but all he wished for was at least to get warned of such possibility beforehand.

"Well...You can stay here." Zon shrugged, finishing his drink. "And I don't mean the couch. I know it's way too short for you."

Saifah frowned. "I thought you hated sleeping with people in one bed."

"Yeaaah, but I was going to work overnight anyway. I'll just put my headphones on and pretend you're not even here." Zon seemed so serious that he started to consider the offer for real. What other choice did he have anyway?

"But won't you feel tired later...?"

"Nah. I've slept until 4 PM. I'm gonna be fine."

"Fuck, Zon!" Saifah chuckled. "Your sleeping schedule is a mess!"

But after a quick consideration staying in Zon's did not seem like a bad idea, not even a bit. First of all, he was already there, and quite comfortable on top of that. Second of all, it was Zon who suggested it and, not to mention, was offering for the second time during their acquaintance (although the first time Saifah coerced him into it a bit, but that was just a minor detail). And third of all, which was probably the most important, Zon looked casual about this, as if he was just offering a glass of water.

"Okay," Saifah said finally. "I'll stay tonight if you really don't mind."

He did not.

After the movie, Zon gave him a fresh towel and a spare toothbrush that he had found in a cabinet. "You can use it," he said with a shrug. "It's new."

Once again, Saifah had to admit that it was a bit weird for him. Not the shower at Zon's place, not even the stay-over at his sex partner's, but the complete nonchalance of the whole situation, like this was the most normal thing ever. And probably it was.

Just not with Zon typing on his computer the whole night long.

When he got out of the bathroom, Zon was already getting ready to work. He was sitting at his computer, glasses back on his nose. Although Saifah had seen him like this several times already, it always brought him back to that first night he had spent at Zon's place. From waking up to the keyboard clatter and the screen light, to that awkward but amused feeling he had felt then. In some way, because he had yet never slept there, he was now having the same mix of emotions. This time, however, the owner and the room itself were familiar enough to make him also feel relaxed.

Saifah stood behind the chair and rested his chin on the other man's head. His eyes swept over a cup of hot steaming coffee, sticky notes all over the desk and a completely white page on the screen, screaming for help. That did not look promising.

"How's your book going?" he asked softly, putting a hand on Zon's shoulder.

"Umm...So-so. But I'm getting there." He tilted his head back and smiled at Saifah. His eyes, enormous behind the lenses, were inscrutable. Fortunately, Saifah's difficulty to interpret them was rarely a problem since they had always been honest with each other. Sometimes quite brutally so.

"And what's it about?" Saifah asked, moving to the bed.

He asked because of pure curiosity, but he had not expected to hear such a bubbly stream of words.

Zon's eyes lit up immediately as he adjusted his glasses.

"Well, it's kinda dark academia aesthetics, but also futuristic, like magic and dreams but mixed with technology, like I'm still coming up with some details, but there's this academia, people are dying, student's dreams are recorded, it feels like a cult, some weird shenanigans, weird technology, obviously some romance, very old school, vintage vibe and then BAM! There are also androids and it all makes sense. Hopefully."

With every word, Saifah's lips stretched into an even wider grin. He covered them with his hand, trying not to laugh. The last thing he wanted was to have Zon interpret it in the wrong way. Sometimes Zon was really intense, especially when talking about things that interested him and that was one of those moments. To be honest, Saifah had troubles imagining the plot, heavens know how much, but seeing Zon's pure passion, he really wanted to read it. Very much so.

"Sounds interesting," he mumbled, still holding his laugh.

"No need to lie," warned Zon, smiling as well. "I know my description sucks balls, but like I said, I'm still trying to work out some plot points and characters; it's all a mess now. But it will get better. I think."

"No, I mean it." Saifah propped his head. "You need to give it to me to read one day."

"You don't have to..."

"But I want to. If you don't mind, that is. Seriously, I liked your first book and this sounds actually cool. That recording of dreams thingy? I'm already hooked."

Zon pressed his lips together and hesitated for a moment, but soon a sudden smile brightened up his face. "Okay, I'll show it to you once I'll have more."

"Cool."

"Cool."

Saifah turned his back to Zon, content, and closed his eyes. The room was dark and the screen light behind him was the only source of light, enveloping him like a cocoon. At first, he didn't think he would fall asleep any time soon, but surprisingly, he felt more than comfortable. The warm bed, the smell of coffee and the steady clatter of the keys actually put him to sleep, and the quiet tap-tap-tap accompanied him into the land of Nod.

It was not awkward after all. Not even a bit.

***

Zon put his headphones on and looked at the screen, the blank page as intimidating as ever. When he had woken up, he had hoped that today he would solve at least one of his problems, but the odds for that were dropping with every second. He leafed through his notes quickly, trying to find the most burning issue. Should he work on characters or the twist? Maybe it would be better to revise his timeline again?

He looked through his arm at Saifah, now sleeping with his legs across the bed. When he asked about Zon's book, Zon felt elated about it. Obviously, even if his description was not the best, he was excited to share his ideas and, to be frank, the question boosted his ego too. But he was not sure how he felt about sharing his writing, yet unfinished, with anyone else than Zen. No, he actually did know. He actually was excited about it.

But also equally anxious.

Never before had any of his friends-except Zen-seen his works in progress. Hell, none of them, not even Neo, had ever asked him to show it; not until he was done. They just cheered him on, plying with empty words to keep him motivated. It had never even crossed his mind to bother them with it, not even once. With Zen it was obviously different; he knew the process from his own experience and they had both worked at the same publishing house too. It was more like seeking professional advice than anything else. But Saifah? Saifah was just a casual reader and Zon knew his writing wouldn't be perfect until the very end, or-what was more likely-ever.

But, he had to admit, even if they were just empty words as well, it had made Zon happy as a clam to be asked, and he could not stop smiling. Now, he had found a new motivation to make his story even more exciting and give his best in the first draft. Fueled by that prospect, he got lost in his notes and plans for hours until he heard his stomach growl.

When he grabbed some food and settled on a couch, his iPad in one hand and some bread in the other, it was already 6 am. Saifah was still soundly asleep when the first rays of sunshine cast shadows over his body. Zon arched his eyebrow and shamelessly let his eyes linger on Saifah's stomach for a tiny bit too long.

It was unusual for Zon to let someone sleepover, moreover in his bed, but as the line between them was drawn so clearly and he did not have to lie next to his guest, he was okay with that. Besides, Saifah seemed to sleep so deeply that he did not even blink when Zon had dropped his phone on the floor, making an enormous noise in the process. For Zon, he could stay over even more often. As long as things were clear.

He did not notice the flying time, sucked in a TV show so badly that three hours later he was still lying on the couch, one earphone in. And he would probably have kept watching if he hadn't heard a sudden voice coming from the bed.

"Is that how you work? No wonder you're stuck."

"Shut up." Zon chuckled, looking in Saifah's direction. He was sitting on the bed and smiled at Zon mockingly, sleepiness still in his eyes. "You up already?"

"I'm not gonna sleep until 4 pm."

Zon threw a cushion at him with all his strength, but it fell right in Saifah's hands. Not exactly what he had planned. "Are you hungry?" he asked after he stood up and stretched. A wide yawn escaped his mouth. "I thought we could grab a bite somewhere before you go."

"Sure. Why not." He smiled and got up to get ready.

It did not take them long to leave Zon's place and an hour later they were already sitting in the food court in the nearest mall. Although yawns kept breaking out of Zon's mouth, he tried his best not to surrender, blabbing probably more than he usually would have.

He dipped a fry in ketchup and started: "So, I was thinking-"

"Oh boy."

"Oi!" Zon kicked him under the table. "Can you give me a break today? You've done nothing but tease me since you got up. My cheeks hurt already."

"Be happy I keep some things to myself." Saifah grinned and packed his mouth with chicken, turning a blind eye to the middle finger in front of his face.

In Zon's opinion, Saifah should be happy he found his jokes funny instead.

"Anyhow..." he started again, dragging the vowels, "I was thinking that you only find dates through the app, right? You don't ask normal people out, yeah?"

Saifah looked at him like he was crazy. "Yeah, 'cause I'm normal. Who does that these days?" He shook his head, amused. "What, am I supposed to pick a random on the street? Ask for a number?" He shivered. "That's like harassment."

"I was actually thinking of flirting in a bar or something, but okay." Zon rolled his eyes. Not that he had ever done it himself, as he had usually been in relationships with friends or had been flirted with instead. Not that it changed anything at all. "Maybe you just match the wrong people, then."

"Could be." Saifah took his phone out. "Wanna take a look?"

"Yeah, why not."

"Okay, but which app?" asked Saifah, his eyes on the screen.

"Which app?" Zon blinked, awestruck. "Saifah, how many dating apps do you have?!"

Seeing the sudden embarrassment bloom on his friend's face, a deep noise akin to a pig snorting came out of Zon's throat. He was having too much fun with it and was finally seeing a chance to tease him back.

Saifah answered haltingly: "Three..."

"What, one was not enough?" Zon cackled, taking the phone in his hands. "You looked at them and thought, 'oh yes, this one is for normies, this one for gays only and let's download that one too, just to be sure'?"

Saifah hid his face in his hands, probably regretting all his life decisions. "Just don't look at the messages, okay?" he murmured, half-smiling behind his palms.

Zon, still grinning like the Cheshire cat, scrolled through some profiles and made sure to laugh at every cheesy description and bad selfie, to make fun of Saifah. But, to his surprise, he did not find anything weird in most of those profiles and he would probably swipe right on most of the guys and some girls himself.

"Okay, I give up." He passed the phone back and dug into his food. "Maybe you're broken after all."

"Gee, thanks."

More to kill the time rather than to actually find love, Saifah started swiping right and left, and every now and then he asked Zon about his opinion, which turned out to be great entertainment. Although Zon himself used those apps only once, he found it quite amusing with Saifah next to him. For some reason, it felt like a casting part of the talent shows where among masses of plain people one could find either real pearls or total weirdos and, for Zon, laughing at the second type was much better.

"Oh, this one is cute!" said suddenly Saifah. "Hah, actually she looks like you."

"What! Show me!" Zon wiped his hands in a napkin and extended his hand, smiling. When he looked at the screen, he almost choked on his own saliva. "Shit, that's my sister!" He quickly swiped left after a quick glance over her profile.

"Oi! Don't mess with my account!" Saifah snapped his phone back and put it into his pocket, laughing. "I didn't know you have a sister."

"Well, now you do-" Zon ostentatiously slurped on his coke, "-but you won't ever meet her anyway, so you can forget about it," he added with his tongue sticking out.

"What if she was the one?" Saifah exclaimed, giggling breathily. "Maybe you've just denied me my only chance for love! What if I won't have any other?"

"Sucks to be you then."

Zon leaned back on the chair, his soda in hand and a smile brightening his face. He had to admit he enjoyed spending time with Saifah, and not just in bed. They had a similar sense of humour, taste in movies and, simply speaking, he was just easy to talk to, no matter the subject. Even though Zon knew Saifah was alright from the start, when he suggested being friends with benefits, he did not actually expect they would end up being actual friends. Hell, he did not suspect they would ever do anything else than have sex. But now, sitting in a mall. eating junk food and joking back and forth felt like the most natural thing, and Zon could not be more proud of himself and his stupid idea. The odds that it would help him get over Neo were close to zero, but at least he had gained a friend.

"Hey, Saifah," he said when they were about to part ways.

"Hm?"

"We should do this more often."

"This? Oh, you mean hanging out with clothes on?" He chuckled, a smug look on his face. "Yeah, why not. Sounds good to me."

~ · ~

AUTHOR'S NOTE
Okay, this chapter is a bit more lighthearted, than the previous one, I guess :)
I was thinking, that if you feel like my characters behave a bit OOC compared to WHYRU, or if you just don't like some of their behaviours or the plot is going in a direction you don't like, always feel free to tell me that. It's not that I will change my plan to suit tastes as I have the whole story outlined, but I think such feedback is always important to rethink some choices. (I read a book where I was disappointed with some of the author's choices as they seemed a bit anti-climatic, so that's why I say that xD I'm always open to critique and discussing things, even when I won't agree at the end xD)

Anyhow, I'm gonna add some songs of my choice I was listening to when writing this chapter because I was asked to do that last time. :) They absolutely have no vibe of the chapter, I think, they just were there.PREP: "On and On", "The Stream", "Years don't lie", "Who's got you singing again" etc.Phum Viphurit: "Sweet Hurricane", "Long Gone", "Adore", "Lover Boy" etc.

PS: To those who read both of my stories, should I work on chapter 5 or would you rather read "Past Present Future" now?