Song: Die For You- The Weeknd 

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 We continued what we're doing for another week.

Nagpunta rin kami sa critical area kahapon. That is our last day of going in that place. Ang mga susunod na linggo, puro sa headquarters na lang.

Buti na lang din at walang masamang nangyari kahapon doon. We spent the whole day treating the civilians. Hindi ko rin nakita si Jaxon ng isang linggo. Balita ko kasi may pinuntahan silang lugar ng ibang mga sundalo. They need him there so it took them a while before they came back in the headquarters.

I miss him. Tuwing may dadating na truck, inaasahan kong sila na iyon. Pero gano'n pa man, nagpatuloy pa rin ako sa pagtatrabaho habang sinusulit ang nalalabing araw namin dito.

Habang bitbit ang isang box na puno ng gamot ay nagtungo ako papunta sa medical room. Habang naglalakad ay nakasalubong ko naman si Kiel. Nagulat siya nang makita ako kaya agad siyang lumapit.

"Let me help you with that, doktora." Kinuha niya sa akin ang box at siya na mismo ang nagbitbit.

"Thanks," I mumbled.

Inipit ko naman ang takas na buhok sa likod ng aking tainga at nagsimula nang maglakad patungo doon sa medical room.

"A busy week, huh?" aniya habang sinasabayan niya akong maglakad.

"Yeah, and a very tiring week, too."

"Gano'n talaga rito. Kapag alam nilang malapit na kayong umalis, saka nila kayo sasagarin ng trabaho." nilingon ko siya at pinanliitan ng mata.

"How long have you been here?"

Matagal na kaming magkakilala pero ni minsan hindi ko naitanong sa kanya kung ilang taon na ba siyang namamalagi rito.

"More or so...three years." Proud niyang pagkakabanggit.

"Three years?!" I was shocked. He's twenty-seven. So, it means twenty-four years old pa lang siya ay nandito na siya? Gosh!

"Umuuwi ka pa ba?" I asked him.

Ang hirap naman ata ng three years na nasa gyera ka lang lagi. Nagkikita pa ba sila ng magulang niya?

"Of course! Tuwing uuwi ako may dalawang buwan akong bakasyon."

"How about Jaxon? Ilang taon na siya rito?"

There are a lot of things that I still don't know about his brother. Unang una, hindi naman siya masyadong nagkukwento. Madalas niya lang na sinasabi sa akin ay 'yung mga karanasan niya bilang isang sundalo. Bukod doon, wala na.

Hindi rin naman kasi kami dumaan sa getting to know stage. Ang sungit-sungit niya kasi noong una naming pagkikita kaya sino ba naman ang gustong kumilala sa taong alam mong susungitan ka lang?

"Oh, just like you almost ten months pa lang din siya rito."

My forehead creased. So, this was also his first time here.

"But he was serving the military for eight years now." sabi ko habang sinusubukan ipag-add ang mga taon.

"Yeah. But this is not really his destination. He's here because of the mission your Dad gave him. Sa Syria talaga siya nakadestino."

See? Kahit 'yon ay hindi ko alam.

"So, after this mission...he'll come back with us?" kuryoso kong tanong. Bahagya siyang natawa.

"Yes. Why? Are you worried you won't see him again?" pang-aasar niya.

Isa pa siya! Akala ko kay Ethan lang ako makakatikim ng pang-aasar! Pinandilatan ko siya ng mata.

"Of course not! I was just asking." I denied.

Hindi naman siya nagkakamali. Yes, I am worried I might not see him again after this. Kasi paano na lang ang mayroon kami? We still haven't talked about it yet. I have plans for us already. I hope he does have one, too.

"He'll come back to Syria after this mission, though."

My mouth parted in surprise. I should have expected that. After all, he's a soldier. Aalis at aalis talaga siya at hindi mo alam kung kailan siya makakabalik.

"Oh..."

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot. Hindi ko rin kasi inaasahan. I thought after this, he's just going to stay at the headquarters while waiting for my dad to give him another mission. Hindi ko alam na may nagaabang nang trabaho sa kanya sa Syria.

Nang marating na namin ang medical rooms ay ako na ang nagbukas ng pinto para maipasok niya ang kahon na bitbit ko kanina. Nilapag niya iyon sa lamesa.

"Thanks," sabi ko. He nodded and smiled. Binuksan ko naman ang box para simulan nang ayusin iyon.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" Tanong niya. Nilingon ko siya habang tinitingnan ang mga bagong dalang gamot.

"Sure," walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot.

"Don't worry. My brother and I already talked about this."

Okay? Hindi ko alam kung anong pinaparating niya kaya nagtanong ako.

"And that has something to do with what?"

"I'm trying to distance myself from you," he admitted.

"Why? You don't need to."

"I do."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Nanatili siyang tahimik hanggang sa inayos niya ang kanyang sarili at nagpaalam na.

"We'll talk about it later." ngumiti siya at lumabas na pagtapos.

Hindi ko na lang inisip masyado ang sinabi niya. Why does he need to? He's my friend. Hindi naman niya kailangang gawin 'yon dahil lang nagkaroon sila ng hindi pagkakaunawaan ng kapatid niya.

Umiling na lang ako at inabala ang sarili sa mga dapat gawin. I have a lot of things to do. I don't need my thoughts to distract me from working. I need to set it all aside. We only have a month left here; I need to do a good job.

Gabi na nang matapos ako sa lahat ng kailangan kong gawin. Tinulungan ako ni Ethan na ayusin ang iba.

"Are you joining us for dinner?" tanong niya. Nilingon ko siya at umiling.

"Oh, I'll be joining Kiel for dinner."

"What's the score between you and Jaxon, by the way?" napatigil ako sa tanong niya. I heard him chuckle. Sa tuwing itatanong niya kasi 'yon, bigla na lang akong napapatigil.

And I don't know... I don't know the score between us. We kissed. But we still haven't talked about our relationship. Wala naman siyang sinasabi sa akin. At isa pa, I haven't seen him for a week. Kaya hindi rin namin napapagusapan pa kahit na gusto ko nang buksan ang usapan tungkol doon.

We didn't have any form of communication while he's away. Wala rin akong nasasagap na balita tungkol sa kanila.

Yes, it makes me worried. But I need to understand that this is his job. He's exposed to danger. Swerte na lang siya kung hindi siya masusugatan.

"There's...nothing going on between us." sabi ko, nagkukunwaring wala ngang namamagitan sa amin ni Jaxon.

Hindi ko rin alam kung kagaya ba ng nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman niya. Siguro ako lang itong nag-i-imagine na parehas kami ng nararamdaman.

But he wouldn't kiss me if he didn't feel the same! Damn it! Hindi ako tanga para hindi ko malaman iyon.

"But I caught you two almost kissing!" he hissed.

Oh. Actually, we already kissed. Late ka na sa balita. Umiling na lang ako at pinagtakpan ang muntikan na niyang makita.

"Wala lang 'yon. Baka namalikmata ka lang."

He laughed. "So, kung hindi pala ako dumating...baka nga natuloy na 'yon?"

I laughed mockingly at him. "Wala namang matutuloy kung walang nasisimulan."

"Oh, you're lying, Margaux! I know you!"

Ugh! Ethan is so annoying! Bakit ba patuloy siya sa pagtatanong? Nagde-deny na nga ako oh! Can't he read the room?

"Okay, fine! Almost. Pero hindi natuloy."

"Pero gusto mo?"

"Ang alin?"

"Siya?" inirapan ko siya. "Dang! What a lucky guy. And also...what a lucky girl."

Ethan pats me on the head like I'm a kid. Pinalo ko ang kamay niya at halos sakalin na siya mabuti na lang at nakaiwas siya.

"You know what? Kung inggit ka lang, tell me. Irereto ko sa 'yo si Erin."

His eyes widened. Ako naman ang tumawa ngayon. Ay! Parang may something ah?

"What?! Are you out of your mind?" He hissed. I saw him blush. Mas tumawa ako ng malakas ngayon.

"Oh my god! You're blushing!" I pointed at him and continued laughing. "You're so cute!" I pinched his cheek.

Tinampal niya naman ang kamay ko. "I'm not."

Ethan held his cheek to check if he's blushing. Napakurap siya at nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin nang maramdaman ang nag-iinit niyang pisngi. I smiled teasingly at him. He glared at me.

"Erin!" I called.

His eyes widened. He moved closer to me and covered my mouth to stop me from calling Erin again.

"Don't you dare!" banta niya.

Buong lakas kong inalis ang kamay niya sa aking bibig. Mapang-asar ko siyang nginisian.

"Erin, come here!" Sigaw kong muli.

"Margaux!"

Nakita ko naman ang pagpasok ni Erin sa cubicle ko. Umayos si Ethan nang makita siya. Sinulyapan siya ni Erin at binaling na muli ang tingin sa akin.

"Yes, doktora?" tanong niya.

"So, Dr. Ethan needs help," I pointed at him. Pinandilatan niya naman ako ng mata at nang mapansin na lumingon sa kanya si Erin ay inayos niyang muli ang sarili niya. "Can you come with him?"

Agad namang tumango si Erin. Still oblivious about what's happening. Tumingin siya kay Ethan.

"Sure, doc. Para saan po ba?" tanong nito kay Ethan.

Hindi agad nakasagot si Ethan. This time, he's as red as a tomato now. Kinikilig ang loko!

"Uh..." Ethan stuttered and struggled to think of an answer. "U-uh... Just come with me."

Nagugulohan pa si Erin pero sumunod din naman siya. Bago pa tuluyang makalabas ng cubicle ko si Ethan at nilingon niya akong muli at dinuro.

"You're dead." he mouthed. I waved him goodbye to tease him more.

Nang magpunta ako sa dining area, nandoon na si Kiel. Kanina pa siguro siya nagaabang para sa akin. Tumagal lang naman ako dahil doon sa asaran kanina. He only raised his gaze when he saw me coming. I smiled a little.

"Kanina ka pa?" I asked.

"Nope. Medyo kakarating ko lang."

I sat in front of him. Siya na ang kumuha ng pagkain ko at agad din naman kaming nag-umpisa.

"So..." I started to break the silence. "You left me hanging a while ago."

"Oh! About that...my brother and I already talked about it. We already cleared things up."

"About?"

"You." Napatigil ako sa pagkain at inangat ang tingin sa kanya.

"Me?" I asked.

"Yes. You."

My forehead creased a bit. "What about it?"

"You know what happened between us and Jessica, right?" he asked. I slowly nodded. "Well, it happened again. Now...it's with you."

My mouth parted. Me?!

"I gave you up for him." pagpapatuloy niya.

"You...what?"

"I gave you up because I know you like him."

Ganoon na ba kahalata ang nararamdaman ko para kay Jaxon?! First, Ethan pryed. Now, Kiel. Goodness! Minsan kailangan ko na rin siguro umattend ng acting workshop. Maybe they teach people how to conceal their feelings.

Inilapit ko ang sarili ko para makabulong sa kanya.

"Am I that obvious?" I asked. Bahagya siyang tumawa.

"No," he answered. I sighed in relief. "But I felt it. You like him more than me."

I gulped and smiled awkwardly at him.

"Now I know the feeling. The feeling of giving someone up because you know they will never like you back."

"I like you as a friend!" I assured him.

"As a friend, Margaux." ulit niya. "I want you to like me more than that."

Bumagsak ang balikat ko. But...I can't.

I just wish his brother was like him. He's not afraid to admit his feelings. Not afraid to talk about what's going on so none of us would be left confused.

If only Jaxon and I were brave enough to talk about our relationship...

"You only see me as a friend. But you see my brother as more than that." He continued and smiled. "I'm not hurt, you know. Actually, I'm happy. For you...but especially for him..."

Nakalimutan ko nang may pagkain pa nga pala akong hindi nauubos. But I can't seem to eat again, especially when we're talking about this. My full attention is now so focused on our conversation that I didn't want to stop talking about it.

"He finally fought for what he wants and it's you. You made him fight for you. He did not give you up. That's when I know it's serious. Madalas kasi, pinapabayaan niyang makuha ko ang lahat. Even though it was really meant for him. But this time...he did not let me." Kiel chuckled as he remembered.

"I got so mad at him because I thought he's also going to give you up, just like he always does whenever I ask something of him. I was already expecting it. But he didn't." Isinandal niya ang sarili sa upuan at ngumisi sa akin. "Aren't you going to ask me something? Maybe...about his feelings for you?"

I was actually thinking about it. Maybe he knows. Baka nasabi sa kanya ni Jaxon. After all, they're brothers. At isa pa, matagal nang bumabagabag sa isipan ko ang tungkol dito. I just don't have the guts to ask him.

Baka kasi...umaasa lang ako.

"Does he..." I gulped before continuing. "Feel the same? I mean...does he like me back?"

I gave him a questioning look. I suddenly felt nervous. What if he doesn't? I'm going to get hurt because at some point he did get my hopes up. Kung hindi rin naman pala niya ako gusto, bakit siya pumapayag na makipaghalikan sa akin!?

I saw him smirk at me. He opened his mouth to say something, but he was stopped when we heard a truck stop behind us. I turned to look at it. My mouth immediately parted when I saw who went out of the truck.

Napatayo ako. Hindi ko inaasahan na ngayon pala ang dating nila. I felt Kiel did the same, too. Tumabi siya sa akin at hinintay makababa ang kapatid.

"I guess it's better to ask him now." bulong niya sa akin.

Jaxon hasn't seen me yet. He's busy fixing something while talking to Axel.

It's only been a week, but I missed him so much! Kung puwede ko lang takbuhin ang pagitan namin para yakapin siya, talagang ginawa ko na.

Busy pa ako sa pagtanaw at paghihintay sa kanya nang biglang bumungad sa harap ko ang mukha ni Zia.

"Hi. I'm second lieutenant Asphazia Ysabel Verano. Captain Ventura ordered me to bring you to his office." She informed. I was surprised.

To his office? Anong gagawin namin doon?

"O-Oh..."

"Come with me," utos niya at hindi na ako hinintay pang makasunod sa kanya.

Nagmamadali tuloy akong umikot para makahabol sa kanya. Nagugulohan ko pang tiningnan si Kiel.

"Go. Good night, doktora." aniya at saka tinapik ang braso ko. I smiled and waved at him.

"Hey! Wait up!" sigaw ko kay Zia pero nagpatuloy lang siya sa paglalakad nang mabilis. I ran so I could keep up with her.

Hingal pa ako nang masabayan ko siya. Habang naglalakad ay hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na tanungin siya. She's interesting and I find her very mysterious.

"Grabe ka naman! 'Di mo man lang ako hinintay." reklamo ko.

Nilingon niya ako at kinunotan ng noo.

"Are you really this cold hearted?" hindi pa rin siya nagsalita. "Okay...if you don't want to answer that then...I'm going to ask a different one. So, how many years have you been serving the military?"

Hindi parin siya sumagot at patuloy na binabalewala ang prisensya ko.

"Hello? Don't you want to talk to me?" I tried to catch her attention pero mukhang magiging imposible. It seems like she doesn't want to talk to people.

Weird.

"Gosh. You're really cold hearted. I wonder if you ever had a boyfriend." Umirap ako kahit hindi niya nakita iyon. "Have you ever had a boyfriend, Zia?"

Still no answer.

"Well, how old are you na lang?" Still no answer. Gosh! She's hard.

"Are you hopeless roman–"" napatigil ako sa pagtatanong nang bigla siyang huminto sa paglalakad. Muntikan pa akong tumama sa likuran niya. Mabuti na lang at napigilan ko ang sarili ko.

"We're here." Aniya.

I sighed. "Sorry I didn't notice."

"And to answer your questions, Ms...?" Nanlaki ang mga mata ko nang hindi niya alam ang pangalan ko. Wow! I thought I'm famous here. I thought everyone already knows me here. Pero hindi pa pala.

Ang tagal na namin dito tapos 'di niya pa pala ako kilala! This girl!

"Margaux. Margaux Donovan." pakilala ko sa sarili ko. I stretched my hand but she ignored it.

Napahawak tuloy ako sa dibdib ko. I am offended!

"Margaux," tinaasan niya ako ng kilay at tamad na tumingin sa akin. My forehead creased. "Yes. I am cold hearted. I've been serving the military for three years now. Yes, I don't want to talk to you. No, I never had a boyfriend. I'm twenty-six years old and I'm not hopeless romantic." My jaw dropped habang sinasagot niya ang lahat ng tanong ko kanina.

I can't believe she remembered all that!

"If that answers all your questions then..." Malamig niya akong tinignan. "Have a good night, Ms. Margaux Donovan."

Without any ado, she just left me standing there with my mouth open in surprise. Para akong nahimasmasan nang makalayo siya.

"Why don't you want to talk to me?! I'm a nice person!" I shouted while she walked away. Pero as expected, inignora niya lang ako.

Umiling ako at pumasok na sa opisina ni Jaxon. I roamed my eyes around. I'm surprised with how big it is. I think his room is here, too. I ran my fingers through his table.

Nakita ko naman ang family picture nila sa kanyang lamesa. I smiled and looked at it closely. He looks just like his father. And his mother...wow! She's so beautiful.

Kahit pang family picture na hindi parin talaga siya marunong ngumiti. I mean, he's smiling here. But only a little. Hindi katulad nitong si Kiel. He's smiling wide.

Mabilis kong ibinaba ang family picture nila nang bumukas ang pinto at iniluwa nito si Jaxon. He immediately turned to me.

Goddamn. I missed him so much.

"H-Hi." Ang tangi kong nasabi.

He closed the door and walked towards me. I tried to fight the urge to reach for him.

"Hi." He greeted back.

We only stared at each other for a minute. I was waiting for him to come back, noong isang araw pa. That's why I did not expect that they'd be coming back now. But I'm glad that he's back now. I'm glad because I'm going to see him again. Everyday.

"Where have you been?" I asked, not breaking my gaze with him. "It took you so long."

"Some parts of Afghanistan. Had some things to do."

I breathed. "I missed you."

I couldn't hold myself anymore. Sa tingin ko hindi ko kakayanin na hindi ko ito masabi sa kanya. I reached for him, and he let me. His arm immediately snaked around my waist.

"I'm glad you did," he whispered in my ear.

I reached for his cheek and looked at him adoringly. It's only been a week, but it felt like I haven't seen him forever. I tiptoed and tried to reach for his lips for a kiss, but then I held myself back.

His forehead creased. It seems like he's looking forward to it, but I stopped myself. Humigpit tuloy ang pagkakakapit niya sa akin.

I shake my head. Minsan lang naman.

"Fuck it! I missed you so much, Jaxon," I said before crashing my lips into him.

He quickly caught me and immediately equaled the intensity of my kiss.

"Next time you're leaving... please tell me. So I won't miss you this much. Okay?" I scolded him. Bahagya siyang tumawa bago tumango.

"Okay, baby." I blushed and smiled before I continued kissing him passionately again.

Naramdaman ko namang tumama na ako sa kanyang lamesa. He kissed me harder until he made me sit on his table. I squealed when I felt his big hands on my buttocks.

He held my jaw to keep me in place so he could kiss me harder. I moaned when his lips reached my neck. He placed himself in between my legs that I could already feel his hard on. My hands made their way to his uniform and started to remove it from him.

"Don't you think this is too hot right now?" I asked sensually.

He smirked and helped me remove his uniform. We continued kissing again. He lowered himself so he could continue giving me sweet and tender kisses on my neck.

Gosh! His kisses are just so fucking addictive.

Bahagya ko siyang tinulak para patigilin siya sa ginagawa. He looks disappointed with what I did.

"Give me a reason to stop." sabi ko dahil natatakot ako na humantong ito sa bagay na pagsisisihan naming dalawa.

His forehead creased in confusion. "Why would I?"

Sa halip na bigyan ako ng rason ay inabot niya lang muli ang labi ko. I chuckled and gave him a kiss before pushing him away again.

"That's not a reason."

"I don't want to stop," he said simply. I smirked.

I bit my lip before attacking him with hot and sensual kisses on his lips. He held both of my thigh and started carrying me towards... what I suppose was his room?

"You must feel really special. You have a room in your office." Sabi ko nang marating na namin ang kuwarto niya.

I roamed my eyes around the room. It's plain gray. His sheets are white, and he has a Philippine flag on the side of his bed. Hindi ko na naipagpatuloy pa ang paglibot ng tingin sa kuwarto niya dahil agad niya ring inagaw ang atensyon ko nang halikan niya akong muli.

"I missed you, too, Margaux."

"I know."

Hindi na niya kailangan pang sabihin sa akin dahil ramdam ko. Jaxon started walking towards his head so he could lay me down. Tiningala ko siya. He removed his shirt in front of me. I bit my lip.

Is this really happening now? Napaatras ako nang magsimula siyang gumapang patungo sa akin. I slid my arms around his waist as I let him position himself in between my legs.

"Strip," he instructed.

I couldn't do anything but follow, especially now that I am aching so much for him.