Song: Die For You- The Weeknd 

Stop

We continued what we're doing for a week.

Nagpunta rin kami sa critical area kahapon. That is our last day of going in that place. Ang mga susunod na linggo, puro sa headquarters nalang.

Buti nalang rin at walang masamang nangyari kahapon doon. We spent the whole day treating the civilians. Hindi ko rin nakita si Jaxon ng isang linggo. Balita ko kasi may pinuntahan silang lugar ng ibang mga sundalo. They need him there kaya nandoon rin siya.

I gotta say that I miss him. Tuwing may dadating na truck, iniisip ko sakanila iyon. Pero ganun pa man, sinusulit ko naman ang natitira kong oras sa lugar na ito.

Bitbit ang isang box na puno ng gamot ay nagtungo ako papunta sa medical room. Habang naglalakad ay nakasalubong ko naman si Kiel. Nagulat siya nang makita ako kaya agad siyang lumapit.

"Let me help you with that, doctora." Kinuha niya naman ang box sa akin at siya na mismo ang nagbitbit.

"Thanks," I mumbled. Inipit ko naman ang takas na buhok sa likod ng aking tainga at nagsimula nang maglakad patungo doon sa medical room.

"A busy week, huh?" Sabi niya habang naglalakad kami.

"Yeah. And a very tiring week, too." We both chuckled with that.

"Ganun talaga dito. Kapag alam nilang malapit na kayong umalis, tsaka nila kayo sasagarin ng trabaho." nilingon ko siya at niliitan ng mata.

"How many years have you been here?" Matagal na kaming magkakilala pero ni minsan hindi ko naitanong sakanya kung ilang taon na ba siyang namamalagi dito.

"More or so five years." Proud niyang pagkakabanggit.

"Five years?!" I was shocked. He's twenty-five. So, it means twenty years old palang siya, nandito na siya? Oh my gosh!

"Umuuwi ka pa ba?" I asked him. 

Ang hirap naman ata ng five years na nasa gyera ka lang lagi. Nagkikita pa ba sila ng magulang niya?

"Of course. Tuwing uuwi ako may dalawang buwan akong bakasyon." tumango naman ako.

"How about Jaxon? Ilang taon na siya dito?"

There are a lot of things that I still don't know about his brother. Unang una, hindi naman siya masyadong nagkukwento. Madalas niya lang na sinasabi sa akin ay 'yung mga karanasan niya bilang isang sundalo. Bukod doon, wala na.

Hindi rin naman kasi kami dumaan sa getting to know stage. Ang sungit sungit niya kasi nung una naming pagkikita kaya sino ba naman ang gustong kumilala sa taong alam mong susungitan ka lang?

"Oh, just like you almost ten months lang rin siya dito." My forehead creased. So, this was also his first time here.

"But he was serving the military for eight years now."

"Yeah. But this is not really his destination. He's here because of the mission your Dad gave him. Sa Syria talaga siya nakadestino."

See? Kahit 'yun ay hindi ko alam. Kaya importante talaga na dumadaan muna ang lahat sa getting to know stage para naman hindi ka napapagiwanan sa mga important details na kailangan mong malaman tungkol sa isang tao.

"So, after this mission... He'll come back with us?" I heard him chuckled.

"Yeah... Are you worried you won't see him again?" Nilakihan ko siya ng mata. Oh my god!

"Of course not! I was just asking." I denied even when I know the truth. Kinakabahala ko rin iyon. Kinakabahala kong hindi ko na siya makikita pa ulit pagkatapos nito.

"He'll come back to Syria after this mission though." My mouth parted.

I should've expected that. After all, he's a soldier. Aalis at aalis talaga siya at hindi mo alam kung kailan siya babalik.

"Oh..." 

Hindi ko alam ang isasagot. Hindi ko rin kasi inaasahan. I thought after this, he's just going to stay at the headquarters while waiting for my Dad to give him another mission. Hindi ko alam na may nagaabang sakanyang trabaho sa Syria.

Nang marating na namin ang medical rooms ay ako na ang nagbukas ng pinto para maipasok niya ang kahon na bitbit ko kanina. Nilapag niya iyon sa lamesa.

"Thanks," sabi ko. He nodded and smiled.

Binuksan ko naman ang box para ayusin na iyon.

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" Tanong niya. Nilingon ko siya habang tinitingnan ang mga bagong dalang gamot.

"Sure," walang pag-aalinlangan kong sagot.

"Don't worry. My brother and I already talked about this." Kunot noo ko siyang nilingon.

Okay? Hindi ko alam kung anong pinaparating niya kaya nag-tanong ako.

"And that has something to do with what?"

"I'm trying to distance myself from you." he admitted.

"Why? You don't need to."

"I do."

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. Nanatili siyang tahimik hanggang sa inayos niya ang kanyang sarili at nagpaalam na.

"We'll talk about it later." He smiled at tsaka lumabas na.

Hindi ko nalang inisip masyado ang sinabi niya. Why does he need to? He's my friend. Hindi naman niya kailangang gawin 'yon dahil lang nagkaroon sila ng hindi pagkakaunawaan ng kapatid niya.

Umiling nalang ako at inabala ang sarili sa mga dapat gawin. I have a lot of things to do. And thinking about it isn't one. I don't need my thoughts to distract me from working. I need to set it all aside. After all, we're going to talk about it later. Kaya lahat ng mga unanswered questions sa aking isipan ay masasagot rin mamaya.

Gabi na nang matapos ako sa lahat ng kailangan kong gawin. Tinulungan ako ni Ethan na ayusin ang iba.

"Are you joining us for dinner?" tanong niya. Nilingon ko siya sabay umiling.

"Oh, I'll be joining Kiel for dinner." tumango naman siya.

"What's the score between you and Jaxon, by the way?" napatigil ako sa tanong niya. I heard him chuckled. Sa tuwing itatanong niya kasi 'yon, bigla nalang akong napapatigil.

And I don't know... I don't know the score between us. We kissed at hindi ko na alam ang susunod pa doon. Wala naman siyang sinasabi sa akin. At isa pa, I haven't seen him for a week. Kaya hindi rin namin napapagusapan.

We don't have any form of communication habang nandoon siya sa lugar na iyon. Wala rin akong nasasagap na balita tungkol sakanila.

Yes, it makes me worried all the time. But I need to understand that this is his job. He's exposed to danger. Swerte nalang siya kung hindi siya masusugatan.

"There's... nothing going on between us." sabi ko. Nagkukunwaring wala ngang namamagitan sa amin. 

Except for the fact that I love him. So, so bad. And that's what's happening.

At hindi ko rin alam kung kagaya ba ng nararamdaman ko ang nararamdaman niya. Siguro ako lang itong nag iimagine na parehas kami ng nararamdaman.

But he wouldn't kiss me if he doesn't feel the same! Damn it. Hindi ako tanga para hindi ko malaman iyon.

"But I caught you two almost kissing!" he hissed. 

Oh. Actually, we already kissed. Late ka na sa balita. Umiling nalang ako at pinagtakpan ang muntikan na niyang makita. 

"It's our hormones, okay? Hormones cannot be controlled sometimes."

He laughed. "So, kung hindi pala ako dumating... You're not really going to control your hormones?"

I laughed mockingly at him. 

"They're unstoppable that time." I hissed which causes him to laugh more.

"Now you admit it. You like him." I love him.

"I never denied it." sabi ko. He patted my head.

"Tsk. Tsk." Umiling-iling siya sa akin.

"You know what? Kung inggit ka lang, tell me at irereto ko sa'yo si Erin." His eyes widened. Ako naman ang tumawa ngayon.

"What?! Are you out of your mind?" He hissed. Then I saw him blushed. Mas tumawa ako ng malakas ngayon.

"Oh my god! You're blushing!" I pointed at him at nagpatuloy sa pag-tawa. "You're so cute!" I pinched his cheek. Tinampal niya naman ang kamay ko.

"I'm not." hinawakan niya ang pisngi niya ngunit napahiya lang nang napagtantong nag-iinit nga ang kanyang pisngi.

I smiled teasingly at him. He glared at me. 

"Erin!" I called.

Mas lumaki ang mata niya ngayon. He covered my mouth to stop me from calling Erin again.

"Don't you dare!" He warned. Inalis ko naman ang kamay niya sa aking bibig. Ngumisi ako. 

"Erin, come here!" Sigaw kong muli.

"Margaux!"

Nakita ko naman ang pagpasok ni Erin sa cubicle ko. Umayos si Ethan nang makita siya. Sinulyapan siya ni Erin at binaling na muli ang tingin sa akin.

"Yes, doctora?" tanong niya.

"Uhm... Dr. Ethan needs help," I pointed at him. Nilakihan niya naman ako ng mata at nang mapansin na lumingon sakanya si Erin ay inayos niyang muli ang sarili niya. "Can you come with him?"

Agad namang tumango si Erin. Still oblivious about what's happening. Tumingin siya kay Ethan.

"Sure, doc. Saan po ba?" tanong nito kay Ethan.

Hindi agad siya nakasagot. He keeps on stuttering while thinking of an answer.

"U-uh... Just come with me." anito. Erin nodded slightly at lumabas na.

"You're dead." Ethan mouthed. I waved at him para mas maasar siya lalo.

Nang magpunta ako sa dining area, nandoon na si Kiel. Kanina pa siguro siya naghihintay. Tumagal lang naman ako dahil doon sa asaran kanina.

He only raised his gaze when he sees me coming. I smiled a little and he did the same.

"Kanina ka pa?" I asked.

"Nope. Medyo kadadating ko lang." He replied. I nodded at tsaka umupo na.

Kumuha kami ng pagkain at tsaka nagsimula nang kainin ito.

"So..." I started to break the silence. "You left me hanging a while ago." Sinulyapan ko siya at binalik na muli ang tingin sa pagkain.

"Oh. About that..." I waited for his answer. "My brother and I already talked about it."

"About?"

"You." Napatigil ako sa pagkain at inangat ang tingin sakanya.

"Me?" I asked.

"Yes. You." I shrugged at tumawa nalang para alisin ang awkwardness.

I didn't know that knowing someone talked about you would feel this awkward. Mas ayos pa atang malaman kong pinag-uusapan ako ng ibang tao behind my back. Wala naman kasi akong pakialam sa sasabihin nila.

But this... Gustong-gusto kong malaman kung ano ba ang pinagusapan nila. Anong pinagusapan nila tungkol sa akin?

Are they good things or bad things? Gosh! 'Yun pa talaga ang iniisip ko!

"You know what happened with us and Jessica, right?" He asked. I slowly nodded. "Well, it happened again. And now... It's you."

My mouth parted. Me?!

"I... I..." I stuttered.

"I gave you up for him." Pagputol niya sa dapat kong sasabihin.

"You what?"

"I gave you up because I know you like him." Hindi ako nagpahalatang nagulat ako sa sinabi niya. 

Ganun na ba kahalata yung nararamdaman ko para kay Jaxon?! Goodness! Minsan kailangan ko na rin siguro umattend ng acting workshop. Maybe they teach people how to conceal their feelings.

Inilapit ko ang sarili ko para makabulong sakanya. 

"Am I that obvious?" I asked. Bahagya siyang tumawa.

"No," He answered. I sighed in relief. "But I feel it. You like him more than me."

I gulped at tumango nalang.

"Now I know the feeling. The feeling of giving someone up because you know they will never like you."

"I like you as a friend!" I assured him. Nilagay ko ang aking kamay sa kanyang balikat. Like I was assuring a friend.

"As a friend, Margaux." Ulit niya. "But I want you to like me more than that." Napabitaw ako sa kanya.

I can't.

"You only see me as a friend. But you see my brother as more than that." He smiled at me. "I'm not hurt, you know. Actually, I'm happy... for you... but especially for him..."

Nakalimutan ko nang may pagkain pa nga pala akong hindi nauubos. But I can't seem to eat again especially when we're talking about this. I feel so engrossed with the conversation that I didn't want to stop talking about it.

"He finally fought for what he wants. And that's you. You made him fight for you to me. Madalas kasi, pinapabayaan niyang makuha ko nalang ang lahat. Even though it was really meant for him. But this... he did not let me.

"I got so mad at him you know? Because I thought he's also going to give you up. I was already expecting it. But he didn't." Isinandal niya ang sarili sa upuan at ngumisi sa akin. "Aren't you going to ask me something? Maybe... about his feelings for you?"

I was actually thinking about it. Maybe he knows. Baka nasabi sakanya ni Jaxon. After all, they're brothers. At isa pa, matagal nang bumabagabag sa isipan ko ang tungkol dito. I just don't have the guts to ask him.

Baka kasi... umaasa lang ako.

"Does he..." I gulped before continuing. "Feel the same? I mean... Does he like me back?" I gave him a questioning look.

Siguro naman walang masamang itanong kung gusto ka rin pabalik nung isang tao? Sometimes we only need assurance. Because assurance is hard to find now a days.

People can't seem to keep a promise, too. You think they did but eventually you will find out they don't. And that sucks.

We shouldn't keep a promise lalo na kung hindi naman natin tutuparin.

I saw him smirked at me. He opened his mouth to say something but he was stopped nang marinig namin ang pagtigil ng isang truck sa likuran namin. I turned to look at it. And my mouth immediately parted when I saw who it is.

I stood up. Hindi ko inaasahan na ngayon pala ang dating nila. I felt Kiel did the same, too. Tumabi siya sa akin at hinintay makababa ang kapatid.

He hasn't seen me yet. He's still fixing something at kinakausap pa siya ni Axel.

Oh god! I missed him!

Nawala lang tingin ko sakanya nang bumungad sa harap ko ang mukha ni Zia.

"Hi. I'm second lieutenant Asphazia Ysabel Verano. Captain Ventura ordered me to bring you to his office." She said. Nagulat naman ako doon.

"O-Oh..."

"Come with me," utos niya. He turned to Kiel and she saluted at him. Kiel did the same.

"Good night, doctora." He smiled and patted my shoulder. I smiled back at him.

"Good night." I replied.

"Let's go," Zia ordered coldly.

Habang naglalakad ay hindi ko napigilan ang sarili ko na tanungin siya. She's interesting and I find her very mysterious.

"Are you really this cold hearted?" She did not answer me at nagpatuloy lang sa paglalakad.

"Okay... If you don't want to answer that then..." I gave up asking her that question. So, I asked her a different one. "How many years have you been serving the military?"

Hindi parin siya sumagot at patuloy na binabalewala ang prisensya ko.

"Hello? Don't you want to talk to me?" I tried to catch her attention pero mukhang magiging imposible. It seems like she doesn't want to talk to people.

Weird.

"Gosh. You're really cold hearted. I wonder if you ever had a boyfriend." Umirap ako kahit hindi niya nakita iyon. Then, something came inside my mind.

Kaya siguro ganito 'to kasi hindi pa siya nagkakaboyfriend ever since. How old is she? It looks like we're on the same age lang naman.

Is she hopeless romantic?

"Have you ever had a boyfriend, Zia?" Still no answer.

"Well, how old are you nalang?" Still no answer. Gosh! She's hard.

"Are you hopeless roman-" napatigil ako sa pagtatanong nang bigla siyang huminto sa paglalakad. Muntikan pa akong tumama sakanya. Buti nalang at napigilan ko ang sarili ko.

"We're here." Aniya. Tumango naman ako.

"O-Oh..."

"And to answer your questions, Ms?" My eyes widened nang hindi niya alam ang pangalan ko. Wow! I thought I'm famous here. I thought everyone already knows me here. Pero hindi pa pala.

"Margaux. Margaux Donovan." pakilala ko sa sarili ko.

"Margaux," she only raised her brows at tamad na tumingin sa akin. My forehead creased.

Okay. Whoa. What's up with this girl?

"Yes. I am cold hearted. I've been serving the military for three years now. Yes. I don't want to talk to you. No. I never had a boyfriend. I'm twenty-six years old. And I'm not hopeless romantic." My jaw dropped habang sinasagot niya ang lahat ng tanong ko kanina.

I can't believe she remembered all that!

"If that answers all your questions then..." Malamig niya akong tinignan. "Have a good night, Ms... Margaux Donovan." Then she left me standing there.

"Why don't you want to talk to me?! I'm a nice person!" I shouted nang hindi pa siya ganon nakakalayo. Pero as expected, she ignored me.

Umiling nalang ako at pumasok na sa opisina ni Jaxon. I roamed my eyes around. I'm surprised with how big it is. I think his room is here, too. I ran my fingers through his table.

Nakita ko naman ang family picture nila sa kanyang lamesa. I smiled at kinuha ito. He looks just like his father. And her mother... Wow. She's so beautiful.

Kahit pang family picture na hindi parin talaga siya marunong ngumiti. I mean, he's smiling here. But only a little. Hindi katulad nitong si Kiel. He's smiling with teeth.

Mabilis kong ibinaba ang family picture nila nang makita kong magbukas ang pintuan at iniluwa nito si Jaxon. He immediately turned to me. And for a while, I didn't know how to speak. I missed him so freaking much.

"H-Hi." Ang tangi kong nasabi.

He closed the door and walked towards me pero nagbigay siya ng distansya sa pagitan namin.

"Hi." He replied.

We stared at each other for a minute. I was waiting for him to come back nung isang araw pa. And I wasn't expecting that he will come back now. But I'm really glad that he's here again.

I'm glad because I'm going to see him again. Everyday.

"Where have you been?" I asked. Not breaking gaze with him.

"Some parts of Afghanistan. Had some things to do." He said. I nodded.

I breathed. "I missed you."

I couldn't hold myself anymore. Sa tingin ko hindi ko kakayanin na hindi masabi ito sakanya ngayon. He did not reply but instead he moved closer until we're inches apart.

"I'm glad you did."

I opened my mouth to say something pero mukhang naubusan na ako ng sasabihin. I saw his jaw clenched.

I clenched my fist to stop myself from doing something. But sometimes, you cannot stop yourself especially when you really want to do it.

"Fuck it! I missed you so much!" I shouted and crashed my lips into his.

He quickly caught me at mabilis na nakabawi sa mga halik ko. I break away from the kiss to say something to him.

"Next time you're leaving... Please tell me. So that I won't miss you this much. Okay?" I scolded him. I heard him chuckled and it made me blushed.

"Okay, Margaux." I smiled and kissed him tenderly again.

Naramdaman ko namang tumama na ako sa kanyang lamesa. He kissed me harder and made me sit on his table.

I tore away from the kiss. "This only means you missed me too." I breathed hard bago binalik muli ang labi sakanya.

Hinawakan niya ako sa aking panga para mas mahalikan ng mas malalim. I moaned. Oh my god.

My hands made its way to his uniform and started to remove it from him.

"Don't you think this is too hot right now?"

He smirked and helped me remove his uniform. Then we continued kissing again. He lowered himself so he could kiss me on my neck. I bit my lip and moaned silently.

Gosh! His kisses are so... fucking addictive.

Bahagya ko siyang tinulak para patigilin siya sa ginagawa. He looks disappointed with what I did.

"Give me a reason to stop." I said. Hindi siya sumagot at binalik lang muli ang labi sa akin. I kissed him and pushed him away again.

"That's not a reason. Okay then, I won't stop." I smiled and he smirked. I grabbed his jaw and kissed him harder this time.

He held both of my thigh and started carrying me towards... what I suppose was his room?

"You must really feel special. You have a room in your office." Sabi ko nang marating na namin ang kwarto niya.

I roamed my eyes around the room. It's plain gray. His sheets are white and he has a Philippine flag on the side of his bed.

"I missed you, too, Margaux." Aniya habang inililibot ko ang tingin sa buong paligid. He's still carrying me by the way.

I turned to him and smiled. 

"I know." I whispered and then pressed my lips again to him.

He started walking towards his bed. Without a second I felt him trying to lay me down.

Oh, I don't think I can stop these hormones right now. They're aching so much for him.

I am aching so much for him.