Song: Set In Stone- Guy Sebastian

Instinct

 The next months consist of us going to the critical area, risking our lives, saving lives, attending some patients, and helping badly injured soldiers

Basically, just what most medical doctors are supposed to do.

Sa ilang buwan din na iyon ay saka ko na lang ulit nakausap nang maayos si Kiel tungkol sa nangyari noon. He told me he's okay with it. That he's doing fine and he's moved on. Hindi ko man maintindihan hanggang ngayon, feeling ko naman wala nang namamagitan na away sa kanila ni Jaxon.

He also told me about Jessica; kahit hindi naman kailangan. He told me that she was the girl they fought over before.

So, tama nga ako.

He ended up with Kiel because she likes him more. She never liked Jaxon. But according to Kiel, Jaxon really did fight for her. Pero sa huli, siya rin ang unang sumuko. Dahil para saan pa nga ba?

Hindi na niya idinetalye pa ang kwento. He just told me everything I needed to know so I could understand.

Naging madalas din ang pagbisita ko sa lagoon. Minsan kasama ko si Jaxon, pero ngayon madalas ay mag-isa. He didn't know about it. I wasn't planning on telling him.

The lagoon's safe. Ilang beses na akong nagpunta roon nang mag-isa, pero wala namang nangyari sa akin. Sometimes I'll just go and take a dip—which makes everything feel relaxing. It helps me calm my intricate mind.

Sa ilang buwan din na iyon, masaya ako na walang nangyaring masama kay Jaxon. Every time he goes to war, he comes back wound-free. I'm glad. Hindi ko ata kakayanin na makita na naman siyang duguan.

At sa loob din ng ilang buwan, kahit na pilit kong kinakalaban ang sarili ko sa nadarama. Kahit ilang beses kong itanggi sa sarili ko ang totoo, at kahit ilang beses kong sabihin na hindi.

Puso ko pa rin ang nanaig. What I feel isn't just an adoration anymore. This is something more. I kept it to myself, dahil ayaw kong malaman nila. Ayaw kong may makaalam. Kahit sa kanya, wala rin akong balak ipaalam. Hindi ko alam kung bakit.

Siguro dahil pakiramdam ko ay mali? Hindi dapat ako mahulog sa kanya. He's always there to protect me because my dad asked him to. He's just helping me out. It was my fault that I did put some meaning into it.

If only I wasn't the general's daughter...maybe we could happen.

Hindi sana ganito. I am his responsibility because I'm the daughter of General Ferdinand Donovan. He's treating me like this because he's just following what my dad asked him to.

I have no choice but to distance myself from him because I don't want these feelings to grow knowing that he can't reciprocate them.

So, what if I'm in love with him? Normal lang naman 'yun at lilipas din ito. I can just ignore it until it fades away. Maybe I'm just telling myself that I'm in love with him even when I'm not.

Ugh! I don't know!

Naglalakad ako patungo sa medical rooms nang makasalubong ko si Ethan. He's smiling on his phone. I pouted because he seems not to notice me because he's so focused on his phone.

"Wow! Ang ganda naman ng ngiti mo ngayon. Anong meron diyan ha?" Lumapit ako sa kanya at sinilip ang tinitingnan niya.

Namilog ang mga mata ko nang makita ko iyon. I immediately grabbed the phone away from him.

"Where did you find these?!" tanong ko habang dinedelete ang mga pictures ko na meron siya.

Saan niya nakita 'yung mga baby at teenager pictures ko!?

I cringed looking at the pictures. Lalo na noong nakita ko pa ang suot kong mala Britney Spears noon. I disgustingly looked at

Ethan cannot stop laughing. "Ang cute 'di ba? I was just about to show it to Erin and the others, pero naunahan mo ako, e."

"At may balak ka pa talagang ipakita 'yan sa kanila?! How dare you, Ethan?!" Sabi ko at pinagpatuloy ang pagde-delete ng pictures sa kanyang phone.

"You should've deleted your old photos on your old laptop. 'Yan tuloy, sinend sa akin ni Dominic."

I panicked. On my old laptop?! No way! Hindi pwedeng magalaw 'yun. There are so many things that I hide from that laptop. Ugh! Dominic! Kahit kailan talaga sobrang epal niya.

"How many did he send?" I asked.

"Just enough to embarrass you."

I glared at him. "This is not the time for jokes, Ethan. I'm serious. I need you to delete all that." Banta ko sa kanya at itinulak ang phone sa dibdib niya.

Nag-iba rin ang ekspresyon niya nang makitang seryoso ako. It's not funny! Dominic is invading my privacy!

Nakatago ang laptop na iyon sa kwarto ko kaya paano niya nakita iyon? Pumasok siguro siya roon nang walang pahintulot at kinalkal ang mga gamit ko!

Ugh! I'm so mad at Dominic right now! Sumasabay pa talaga siya!

"Come on, Margaux! Dominic just misses you! Don't be mad at him." Ethan pleaded at sinundan ako papasok ng medical rooms.

"Oh! I didn't know na gano'n niya ipakita na miss niya ako. He could've told me. Hindi 'yung maglalabas siya ng ganyan. That is an invasion of privacy!"

"If those pictures are not deleted in one minute," pagpapatuloy ko at nag-isip ng puwedeng kundisyon. "P-pagpapalitin ko kayo ng mga sundalo at ikaw ang ipapadala ko sa gyera!"

Ethan gasp. "No thanks! Fine! I'll delete them."

I rolled my eyes and began working.

I immediately called Dominic when I finished. He answered the call after its second ring.

"Hi, At—"

"Why the hell did you open my old laptop?" Bungad ko agad sa kanya

"Woah! Chill! I just saw it inside your closet and-"

"And you think it's funny to invade my files? You coming into my room is one thing, but going through my old laptop is another! What the hell were you thinking, Dominic Stefan?!"

Alam kong mababaw lang ang ikinakagalit ko sa kanya pero ang ikinakabahala ko lang naman ay makita niya ang mga nakalagay doon.

I was in despair at that time, and I found my safe haven in reading older people's poems. I found my sense of security through them. They're just good at explaining my feelings. I'm afraid he might have seen those.

I'm afraid he will see how broken I was at that time. I don't want anyone to know about it. I kept it to myself because that's the only thing to do. No one out there is willing to help me get over it, so what I have with me is my mind full of thoughts, and I needed to let it all out.

"I just missed you, ate, kaya-"

"Missed?! You could've texted me that you missed me. Magre-reply naman ako! Hindi 'yung ganito!" My voice rose because I'm getting so frustrated now!

"Ate, I'm sorry..." aniya. Napapikit ako at napahilot ng sentido.

Maliit na bagay ang ikinakagalit ko sa kanya kung tutuosin, and some will think I'm overreacting, but I have reasons to get mad!

"Did you see anything besides those pictures?" I asked calmly now.

"N-Nothing. I saw some of your... uh-" kumunot ang noo ko. Did he...

"What?"

"Medical researches. Bukod doon, wala na. I promise." He sounded so terrified.

"Dominic, the next time you come into my room... please. Do not touch anything. Especially that laptop," I warned him. He immediately agreed, then I hung up.

Nagpakawala ako ng malalim na hininga at nagtungo na sa kung nasaan sila Andrew. They're playing as usual, kaya hindi ko na sila inistorbo.

Nang sumapit ang gabi ay wala ako sa mood kahit na nagkaayaan sila na mag-inuman.

"I think I'll pass." Sabi ko sa kanila.

Sinundan naman ako ng tingin ni Ethan. Tumayo siya upang daluhan ako but I raised my hand to dismiss him.

"I'm okay." I mouthed and went straight to my room.

I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling until I decided to open my laptop to check out my account, where I used to put everything. I opened the folder.

For you, Margaux. Stop hurting.

I stopped reading. I can't go on. It was a hard read seeing all those. Bumabalik ang ang masasakit na alaala. Reading it now, gusto ko na lang tawanan.

This is my way of asking for help. Pero wala. Wala pa ring tumulong. I sought help, especially from my parents, but they seem unfazed about it because they thought I could handle it just because I am the firstborn.

The next morning, I packed my bag. Inilagay ko roon ang extra kong damit pati na rin ang mga kakailanganin ko mamaya para sa trabaho.

I decided to go for a dip at the lagoon. It will help me freshen up my mind. My thoughts last night were non-stop.

Ala sais ng umaga ay gumising na agad ako. It's not my usual waking up time, but since I have plans for today, sinadya kong agahan talaga ang gising.

Dahan-dahan akong naglakad patungo sa direksyon ng bundok. Binati ako ng iilang sundalo, medyo natakot pa ako dahil baka kung anong inisipin nila na gagawin ko, pero siguro naman ay iniisip na pupunta lang ako sa medical rooms. Ngumiti ako. Habang bitbit ang aking bag ay dali-dali kong pinasok at inakyat ang daan patungo sa bundok.

Thank God no one noticed me. I reached the lagoon in less than twenty minutes. Malamig ang hangin ngayon dahil maaga pa. Napapikit na lamang ako sa sarap ng hangin.

I stayed there for a few hours until I finally decided to take a dip. Hinubad ko ang suot kong damit, revealing the one-piece bikini I had prepared.

I jumped into the water and once I reached the top, I immediately shivered. The water is cold but it's just enough to calm my nerves. Iyon lang ang pinagkaabalahan ko ng ilang oras.

I bet my team are inside the medical rooms by now. May oras lang na maaga sila pero madalas ay ganitong oras ay naroon na sila. Malamang ay hinahanap na nila ako ngayon.

Nang mapagod ay nagpalutang na lang ako sa ibabaw ng tubig habang tinatanaw ang langit. Pinikit ko ang aking mga mata at dinama ang sinag ng araw na tumatama na sa aking mukha.

"So, this is you've been going all these time huh?" I heard a familiar voice spoke.

Napamulat ako ng mata at napaayos bigla ng sarili. Hinanap ko kung saan galing ang boses na iyon. Kung hindi pa siya gumalaw, hindi ko siya mapapansin dahil sa uniporme niya.

His arms are crossed while he's looking so pissed at me. My mouth parted. How did he find me here? Did he see me sneaking out?

Kanina pa ba siya riyan?

"Everyone is worried sick about you while you're here...taking a dip...alone." He shakes his head unbelievably.

"Jaxon, I..."

"Answer me," simple niyang sinabi pero agad na dumapo sa akin ang takot. "Were you always here...alone?"

I gulped. I suddenly struggled to speak that all I could do to answer his question is to nod my head.

He scoffed sarcastically. "Wow! Just wow, Margaux. You were coming here all these time without telling me. What do you think that makes me feel huh?"

Lumapit siya sa may lagoon. Doon ko lang mas napansin ang inis sa itsura niya. Kulang na lang ay tumalon na rin siya rito at hilain ako paalis.

"Paano kung may masamang nangyari sa 'yo rito? At wala ni isa sa amin ang may alam na nandito ka? Ano sa tingin mo ang mangyayari huh?" Tinaasan niya ako ng kilay.

"Jaxon, I understand your anger. But can you please—" I was just about to plead him to control his anger but then he spoke again.

"Damn you, woman." aniya. Kumunot naman ang noo ko. "Stop giving me that look."

"What?" hindi ko na maduktungan ang sinasabi.

"You are the only one who makes me feel worried sick like this. When will you stop doing that?"

"Jaxon, I-"

"Kung gusto mo lang din pala sa mga delikadong lugar, sana nagpalit na lang tayo ng trabaho."

Bumuka ang bibig ko. Nanatili akong nakatingin sa kanya. I know he's fuming mad right now but I couldn't help but noticed how worried sick he really was for me. He's angry but I can see the fear in his eyes.

Madiing pinikit ni Jaxon ang mga mata niya, mukhang nagpipigil. Nagtiim ang bagang niya at saka ilang beses na napailing.

"Get out of the water now. Bago ako pa mismo ang mag-alis sa 'yo riyan."

Tumango ako at walang ibang nagawa kung hindi ang sumunod na lang. But before I could come out of the water, my legs cramped.

"Aww!"

I heard the water splashed behind me. Hudyat na lumusong si Jaxon sa tubig para tulungan ako. Once he reaches me, he stretched out my legs for me. Matagal bago nawala 'yong sakit. Unti-unting bumabalik sa normal ang naramdaman ko. Nahihiya akong tumingin sa kanya. Agad akong nag-iwas ng tingin nang makita kong titig na titig siya sa akin.

I breathed. "I'm sorry..."

Napapikit na lamang ako. Naramdaman ko naman ang paglapit niya.

"Don't ever do that again." He whispered.

I feel like we're only centimeters apart. Nanlamig ako dahil nanatili kami sa ibabaw ng tubig. He was quick enough to envelope me into a hug to give me enough warmth.

Nagulat naman ako roon kaya ako napaangat ng tingin sa kanya. Malamig niya akong tinitigan. Nilapit niya naman ang mukha sa akin hanggang sa maabot na nito ang tainga ko.

"You hear me, Margaux?" He whispered right below my ear. "Don't ever. Do that. Again."

I gulped because his warning sent shivers down my spine. Nilingon ko siya at ganoon din ang ginawa niya. Sobrang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa't isa kaya hindi ko napigilan ang sarili kong ipababa ang tingin sa labi niya.

This is bad, Margaux. You should control yourself.

Hindi ba't ayaw mo nang lumago ba kung ano itong nararamdaman mo para sa kanya? Hindi ba't gusto mo nang ibalewala iyon hanggang sa mawala na?

That's why you need to control yourself! You're not as fragile as you think, Margaux! You're not!

Pero kahit gaano ko man pigilan ang sarili ko, mas nananaig pa rin talaga ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

I will only do this because for once, I want to know what happiness feels like. Maybe it is found here...

It was too late to back out now. Especially when it's my instinct that made me move closer and press my lips to him.