Song: Thoughts- Michael Schulte

Weak

It's been days since we first arrived here. We've been adjusting quite well. After my usual routine, I went to visit the recovery room, where most of the patients I operated on the last few days are staying. Unang umagaw ng pansin ko ay ang kapatid ni Captain Sungit.

He's already awake. And he's looking at me.

Lumapit ako nang nakangiti upang tanungin kung kumusta na ang pakiramdam niya.

"I'm feeling better now. Thank you." Sagot niya. Tumango naman ako.

"I didn't know you were Jaxon's brother."

"I know. Hindi nga raw kami magkamukha, e."

Agad rin naman akong sumangayon doon. Kiel's face is more innocent than Jaxon's. Mala anghel kasi ang mukha nitong si Kiel habang si Captain Sungit naman ay sumisigaw ng awtoridad. Lagi kasing seryoso, e.

Pero kahit na ganoon, may pagkakapareho pa rin naman sila. They both have a beautiful eyes.

"I'm so glad to finally meet you." Aniya na naging rason kung bakit ako napaangat ng tingin sa kanya. Bahagya namang kumunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. "I always see your pictures in General Donovan's office. I even saw your oath taking picture oncr. He must've been so proud of you."

Kinagat ko naman ang labi ko. I wonder if he's going to be this proud if I follow what I want. I think not. Baka nga ipagtabuyan niya pa ako bilang anak, e.

Tumango na lamang ako at ngumiti. Aalis na sana ako para gawin ang iba ko pang trabaho nang magulat ako dshil bigla niya akong hawakan sa palapulsuan at pinigilang umalis.

"Thank you for saving my life."

Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kamay niyang kahawak sa akin. I smiled a bit.

"It is my job."

I bit my farewell. When I turned my back on him, I was surprised to see Captain Sungit in front of me. Seriously? Ventura brothers sandwich ba 'to?

"Your brother's okay." Tinuro ko ang kanyang katapid. "Puwede na siyang lumabas pero...huwag muna siyang sumama sa critical area."

Hindi siya sumagot at tumango na lamang. Lalagpasan ko na rin sana siya ng biglang niya ring hinawakan ang palapulsuan ko. Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay.

Para lang siyang kapatid niya ah? Ano bang problema nila at parehas nila akong pinipigilan umalis?

"What?" I asked.

Matagal bago siya sumagot, tila nag-iisip pa ng sasabihin. Hinarap niya ako. Nagulat ako sa tingin na binibigay niya sa akin.

Bakit parang galit siya sa akin? Ano bang ginagawa ko?

"Did you tell your dad?"

"About what?"

"You. Drinking."

I gasp. Why is he still bringing that up? Ilang araw na ang nakalipas oh!

"It's not really a big deal."

He scoffed. He probably thinks that I'm lying. Hindi naman kasi talaga big deal sa kanila ang pag-inom ko. At isa pa, I'm already twenty-eight years old! I can do whatever I want.

"It is. You tend to say unnecessary things when you're drunk. What if you accidentally told that to another soldier? What do you think they are going to do, huh?"

Ako naman ang tumawa ngayon. Gosh! He remembers! Bakit niya pa ipapaalala sa akin 'to, e, pilit ko nga 'tong kinakalimutan?

"What? I didn't say anything." Pagmamaang-maangan ko.

"Do you want me to make you remember it?" hamon niya. I shrugged and acted like I didn't know anything.

Sige lang, Margaux! Tingnan natin kung hanggang saan aabot 'yang pag-aacting mo.

"Para saan pa? E, wala naman akong sinabi?" umirap ako.

"You asked me to have se—"

"I'm not that kind of girl."

"Oh really?"

I felt insulted. Akala niya ba gano'n ako? Duh? Hindi niya ba nakikita na sobrang busy ko sa trabaho na wala na akong oras para makipaglandian tapos ngayon...wow! I really felt insulted!

Babawian ko 'to mamaya, makita niya.

I scoffed and confidently crossed my arms over my chest. I smirked at him.

"Maybe you were just daydreaming about me."

He raised a brow. "I don't."

"Oh, come on! Hindi mo na siguro mapigilan 'yang wild thoughts mo about sa akin kaya pati 'yun naiisip mo 'no? Grabe, Captain ha?"

Tiningnan niya lang ako at hindi na nag-salita. Wow! Hindi niya dine-ny! So, totoo nga? Grabe! I knew my charms worked on him after all.

"Crush mo 'ko?" pang-aasar ko sa kanya. He smirked.

"You flatter yourself too much."

"Nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo, Captain."

"But that is a lie."

"Oh, come on! You can deny it all you want, pero alam ko naman talaga na cru—" I was cut off by Kiel speaking. I almost forgot that he was here.

"Kuya." Tawag niya. Lumingon naman sa kanya si Captain Sungit.

Nakalimutan ko na nandito kami sa kuwarto ng mga pasyente. Bwisit kasi 'tong si Captain Sungit na 'to, e. I should've controlled myself and acted professional!

Wala na! Sira na image ko! Thanks to this guy!

Iniwan ko na silang magkapatid doon. I felt annoyed. Bakit niya pa kasi pinapaalala? 'Di niya ba makalimutan? Baka kasi nagsisi siya na ni-reject niya ako? Pakipot pa kasi, e.

Pagkalabas ko sa kuwartong iyon ay nakasalubong ko naman si Ethan. Agad siyang nag-iwas ng tingin sa akin at mas binilasan ang paglalakad nang mapansin ako.

Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay at sinundan ng tingin. Kung makapag-react kala mo talaga...

Kung iiwasan niya lang din ako 'wag naman sana 'yung sobrang halata 'di ba? Hindi 'yung nakita niya lang akong dadaan sa parehas na direksyon, liliko pa siya para lang hindi kami magkasalubong!

Ang OA! Pinaka-OA sa lahat!

"Ethan!" I called.

Napatigil siya sa paglalakad dahil sa pagtawag ko ngunit hindi niya naman ako nilingon.

Ah! So, ako pa pala ang dapat mag-adjust para lumingon siya? Naglakad ako palapit sa kanya. He stayed still, kala mo isa na rin siya sa mga sundalo rito.

"Yes, dok?" He acknowledged me formally. I sighed in frustration.

"Let's stop this act, Ethan."

"What act? May mali po ba sa ginagawa ko?" He chuckled.

I laughed along sarcastically with him. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"What act!? Ethan, we're friends and you're acting like you don't know me. What's up?"

How dare he act innocent in front of me? Alam na alam ko iyang ginagawa niya. Just because he got rejected doesn't mean he has the right to ignore me while we're working.

Hindi na lang siya magpasalamat na sinabi ko pa sa kanya ang totoo kaysa magpatuloy siyang umasa na may gusto rin ako sa kanya! He needs to accept the fact that not all people will like him.

"Margaux, I got rejected by the person I love. Hindi mo alam kung gaano kasakit 'yon para sa akin. You bruised my ego big time! Hindi mo alam kung gaano ako nahiya sa sarili ko nang sabihin mo sa akin na hindi mo naman talaga ako." He raised his voice.

I was taken aback. Ang ibang doctors and nurses dito ay napapatingin na rin sa amin. Tinagilid ko ang ulo ko, handa na para makipagsagutan sa kanya pero naunahan niya akong magsalita.

"You're just too harsh on people that you don't know you're already hurting their feelings. I understand that you don't give a fuck about anyone. But please...be sensitive for once, Margaux! Tao lang din naman ako. Nasasaktan din. Don't ever think that what I told you is just a joke. I meant every single thing that I've said and you don't know how long I have waited to finally say it. Only for you to end up rejecting me in front of our co-workers. How do you expect me to be okay with that, huh?!"

My mouth parted. Hindi ko akalain na ganoon siya nasaktan sa sinabi ko. Yes, I may be too harsh on people. Yes, I may not give a fuck about anyone. Pero may rason ako para doon!

Pinapakita ko sa mga tao na wala akong pakealam pero ang totoo ay meron! I wouldn't approach him like this kung wala akong pakealam sa kanya. He's a dear friend that I don't want to lose!

Siguro nga hindi siya yung OA. Siguro nga ako 'yun. I have to act like this because I don't want people to look down on me. Dahil pag masyado akong mabait sa tao, they will take advantage of me, and I don't want that!

I have to act like a brave woman because that's what my dad told me to do! But the truth is... deep inside I'm a very weak person who thinks she still needs to prove herself to her father! A weak woman na hindi alam ang gagawin niya kapag may problema siya.

I can't even be there for myself. How does he expect me to be there for someone else?

Mag papatuloy pa sana siya pero pinigilan ko na siya. I've had enough. I understand his anger towards me. At tanggap ko lahat ng sinabi niya sa akin.

I accepted it wholeheartedly because I respect his opinions about me so much. If that's what they think about me, then fine! Alam ko rin namang wala akong magagawa tungkol doon, e.

"Okay. I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I couldn't give you the love that you want from me. I'm sorry because I've been too hard on you. And I'm sorry because I didn't think about your feelings."

I'm surprised that my voice broke. Kung hindi lang siguro dahil sa pagpipigil ko, kanina pa ako naiyak dito.

"Sorry, Ethan ha? Kasi lagi na lang 'yung sarili ko iniisip ko. But if you're really my friend, you should know that I don't know how to love! I can't even love myself for who I am! Kaya kung iniisip mo na madali lang para sa akin ang lahat ng ito, then you're wrong. I also have my struggles, Ethan. It's just that your struggles are far from mine."

Natigilan siya at hindi na nakapagsalita pa.

"Sige. I'll take note of everything that you've said. Next time, hindi na lang puro sarili ang iisipin ko. Iisipin ko na rin kayo. Kasi baka mamaya, mas nasasaktan pa pala kayo kaysa sa akin. Thank you for the advice, Ethan. That means a lot."

Sa pagtalikod ko ay agad na tumulo ang luha na kanina ko pa pinipigilan. I clenched my jaw and wiped my tears away quickly.

Oh, did I mention that I hate crying so much?

Nang mag-angat naman ako ng tingin ay nakita ko si Jaxon na parang kanina pa nakatayo roon. Narinig niya ba ang lahat?

He coldly stares back at me then back at Ethan. Parang may gusto siyang sabihin pero hindi niya alam kung paano. Does he need anything from me?

May nangyari ba sa kapatid niya? Do I need to go back inside and check on him?

"Margaux..." he started. His voice sounded like a whisper to me.

"Does your brother need anything? I can call the nurse." Malamig kong tinanong sa kanya.

"No."

I nod my head. Iniwas ko na lamang ang tingin ko sa kanya at saka siya nilagpasan.

Why is he looking at me like he's pitying me? I don't want anyone's pity. I don't need anyone's pity. Parang ang hina-hina naman ng tingin nila sa akin.