Chapter 9

I didn't want it to happen, but unfortunately I became the victim of it. I took off my top and stood in front of the mirror with a small tube of balm that is supposed to relieve me of muscle cramp. Last night, Omkara and I ended up talking for couple of hours on the couch and I fell asleep. My generous husband shifted me to the bed with our daughters, nevertheless, I pulled a muscle and now have difficulty moving my head.

The door to the bedroom opened and my half dressed state alarmed me until I discovered it was my husband. Omkara frowned looking at me standing in an awkward position trying to apply the balm.

"Your okay?" he asked even as he walked towards me and took the tube from me.

I didn't have to explain anything as he figured what could have happened. I only sat simply in the small stood in front of the dressing table as my husband began to massage my shoulder.

Through mirror's reflection I observed my husband tend to my cramp with absolute sincerity meticulously. His knack for precision is unmatchable. Some people are just designed with an instinct to know what the right thing to do and say is. I recollected how last night Omkara enquired about my new project, let me boost about it before he realized what I really want to do is rant and so he tactfully helped me get my disdain for the double standards of the project out of my system. Omkara claims to be an introvert, but when it comes to handling people, there is no one better than him to understand and act well.

"Why didn't your pursue psychology?" I asked out of the blue.

Omkara caught my eyed through mirror and chuckled at the untimely question.

"Because I wanted to study English."

"But, you are good at understanding people. Being a psychiatrist or something similar would have made your career luminous."

Omkara shook his head, his smile sill unaltered. "Because I wanted to study English." He repeated.

There was nothing different between his answers, neither the words nor the tone. However, I felt so insensitive to have framed the latter one bluntly.

I pulled away and turned around in the stool to look up at his face. "I didn't mean to offend you. I didn't say it because I think you don't have a good career now." I apologized with urgency.

My husband's face didn't twitch a muscle. He kept looking at me with the same expression for a couple of minutes before he turned me around and started to massage once again.

"None taken, Gauri." He whispered.

How is that possible? He can't be not taking offence. If it was me, I would have taken a hell of offense. God! I will be taking offence for non-implied sentences more than implied because the former leaves the gates open for my own imaginations to spread while the latter is as straight as a stick. How can Omkara be cool?

"You are lying." I argued

"Why would I?"

This time I pushed my heel firmly on the ground and stood up. "You tell me."

"Gauri, there is nothing to tell." Omkara reached for my shoulder. "Sit back I will massage your cramp and then you can have a hot bath."

I took a step away from his touch. "Why are you not reacting to anything, Omkara? Why are you not arguing with me? Even the day before you left for Ooty, you didn't fight with me for joining you. Why is that? Have you given up on me already?"

"What?" Omkara's forehead scrunched and he looked at me startled. "Where is this even coming from?"

"I know you don't think I am an ideal wife...

"I don't think that..."

"And you think I am a bad mother."

"I don't Gaur...

"But, why don't you understand that I am trying." I want every argument to be a non teary one, but I never manage to achieve it. Even now, I could feel begins of tear forming in my eyes. "Can't you and everyone around give me a break!"

I saw Omkara's lips twitch. His brows narrowed and I saw him clench his fist. "You are unbelievable!" I heard him mutter as he wiped his face with both his hands. "You bought this argument out of nowhere and accusing me...." he bit his tongue as if he was not ready to add anything more even if he was thinking it. He pressed his lips together and with a final shake of his head, walked out of the room.

I stood back clenching my fingers together still unsure why I had said what I did nevertheless wanting to win the argument.

***

When I walked down to the living room much later after everyone had finished breakfast, kids and Omkara were already putting on their jackets and shoes to go out. Spotting me near the stairs, Misha ran to me with a smile that brightened her whole face.

"We are going to 7th mile, mumma. Will you come with us?"

I was about to look at Omkara, access his expression before I decide. I wanted to know if it was going to be awkward between us. But then, Nidhi joined her sister, looking at me with mirroring expression of expectation and I know that irrespective of what my husband or I feel, I had to go. So, pulling a hoodie over my worn out tank top and faded cargos, I left with my husband and kids for a day out.

***

When you have been married for a few years to a man you loved, you can only have two emotions while looking at any young couple in love. One, adoration and two, repulsion. After everything that happened between me and Omkara in the morning, I could only warrant repulsion seeing a young couple lost in their own world. However, a single glance at my husband proved that he was only looking at them with adoration. Omkara's eyes caught mine and he kept his smile in place as he walked towards me. The problem with optimistic people is that they make us feel worse about ourselves that at some point there is nothing more toxic about a place than their presence. Before Omkara could reach my side, I left from there on the pretext of buying barbecued corn for everyone.

I tried my best to avoid Omkara and concentrate on spending as much time with Misha and Nidhi who were on cloud nine to get undivided attention from both their parents.

"Mumma, can I go on that ride?" Misha asked pointing at a 19th centaury version of ferry wheel that was manually operated. 'No ways. It isn't safe.' I wanted to say, but at the same time I didn't know if I was right. Is it truly unsafe? I looked around for Omkara who was in farther end buying something for Nidhi. He would know what the right thing to do is. "Mumma, please." I looked between Misha's expectant face and the game. How dangerous can it be if so many kids her age were playing?

As Misha settled in a box and the man began spin, Omkara and Nidhi joined us.

"Is Mish in there alone?" Omkara asked eyeing the game carefully. "Is it safe? I thought..."

"I gave her permission to go. Why don't you think I shouldn't have?" I eyed him sternly. "Well, know what, I did and I can, because I am her mother. No matter if you think I can make the right decision or not."

I am sure none else could have heard me, not even Nidhi who was jumping waving at her sister. It was for Omkara's ears and based on his expression I know that he heard and understood. If he was going to accuse me of being careless, I am not going to take it whatsoever.

Omkara's gaze narrowed and an unreadable expression appeared on his face. "I just wanted to say that I thought we could send the kids together as Nidhi will be too scared to go alone."

No, he didn't, did he?

"You have a knack of twisting people's words."

That is what my mother has been telling me for many years now, but that is not her own words. Those are words of my teacher who told me that 'she has scope for improvement' didn't mean 'she is bad'. For many years, I tried to live remembering that difference. Very soon, my natural instincts kicked in and I forgot that not everyone is trying to judge me or put me down or criticizing me. Maybe Omkara is not giving up on me. He is only turning wary of me fearing my short temper and sharp tongue.

After I spent the rest of the day in personal hell of my mind thinking about everything I shouldn't be thinking. Sometimes playing a victim and sometimes playing the wise, I eventually settled in the living room couch not wanting to go back to room to sleep. I was not yet ready to face my husband.

It must have been very late night when I felt myself being lifted off the couch. I have always been a light sleeper, so I woke up the minute my husband touched my hand, but I didn't bother to open my eyes. He walked into the guest room and placed me on the bed slowly. When he was about to walk away, I held his hand. With my eyes still closed, I asked him, "Do you still love me Omkara?"

Before his answer came a kiss on my forehead. "Yes."

"I still love you too." I said

"I know."

My husband didn't stay back or I didn't follow him, but we both loved each other.

----

Everything personally and also in the world we live in has been extremely difficult ever since I started this story. In spite of that, I have always tried to give my best. However, I can't deny that this one could have been a better experience without all the turmoil surrounding me and us in general. Anyhow, this story has reached its end. Next chapter will be the last one.